麦克斯的专属浪漫

Pick up. Table 10, table 12,
上菜，10号桌，12号桌
table 69.
69号桌
Oleg, there is no table 69.
奥列格，店里没有69号桌
There could be.
一切皆有可能哦
Oleg just sixty-nined me, and now
我又被奥列格用69号调戏了
I don't remember any of the table numbers.
害我把桌号全忘了
Look, he's never gonna stop sixty-nining us.
这69号他是不会玩腻的
Forget the table numbers.
以后别记桌号了
Here's how you remember your orders.
点餐要这样记
You just give people nicknames.
给顾客起个外号
Look, I got thin Cee Lo,
瞧，我这边是瘦版希洛
fat Rihanna, Jon beret Ramsey, and
肥版蕾哈娜，贝雷帽版拉姆齐，以及
and Kristen bad wig.
假发丑版克里斯汀
Seth Rogen
塞斯·罗根
Oh, okay. I got Seth Rogaine, child molester moustache,
好吧，我这边是塞斯·落健，恋童癖小胡子
and lesbian Justin Bieber.
女同版贾斯汀·比伯
Good. Thanks.
很好。多谢啦
Pick up. Table six...ty-nine.
上菜，6..9号桌
So can I get you anything else?
请问还需要点什么吗
Coffee? Dessert? Morning-after pill?
咖啡，点心，事后避孕药
Okay.
好吧
Getting it on in a restaurant.
在餐馆里打得如此火热
I once made love to a young Angela Lansbury
我跟嫩版的安吉拉·兰斯伯瑞
in a booth just like that.
也在这样的卡座里做过爱
Murder, she wrote?
原版主演《她书写谋杀》
more like "harder she begged."
嫩版上演《她跪求猛插》
Earl, why isn't everyone you?
厄尔，大家要像你一样多好呀
Yo, what's up, mama?
你好呀，妈妈桑
Oh, hey, Johnny.
你来啦，强尼
Usual? Two coffees to go?
跟平时一样吗，外带两杯咖啡
Yeah, and can I get two of your cupcakes?
对，能给我来两个你的小蛋糕吗
Which two?
哪"两个"啊
You know which two.
明知故问
The discounted day-olds?
隔夜的打折货吗
Yeah, girl.
是呀，少女
Hey, my bro and friend.
你好呀，我的兄弟兼朋友
Hey, what's up, big guy?
你好，大家伙
Max, your boyfriend is here.
麦克斯，你的男朋友来了
He's not my boyfriend.
他不是我的男朋友
He's just another guy who likes my cupcakes.
他只是喜欢吃我小蛋糕的人
'cause who doesn't?
好东西人人爱嘛
Well, your face gets red when you see him,
你一见到他就脸红
and you suddenly act like nice person.
而且一秒钟变好人
If that's not love, I don't know what is.
如果这都不算爱，那什么才算啊
He doesn't know what love is.
他才不知道什么是爱
The only thing he ever loved was a stepladder.
他这矮冬瓜只爱过垫高梯子吧
Johnny, here's your stale cake and burnt coffee.
强尼，这是你的隔夜蛋糕和焦糊咖啡
Just how I like it. What do I owe you?
正合我意，多少钱
It's on me.
我请你
You wish it was on you.
你是想"请他来上你"吧
There's nothing going on.
我跟他才没什么呢
He just comes in here to get coffee
他来买咖啡是因为要通宵
because he tags billboards all night.
在外头搞喷漆艺术
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
越解释，越让人觉得你口是心非
Listen, renaissance fair,
听好了，文艺复兴女
why don't you be a good wench and clean up your counter?
你何不当个好姑娘，把柜台打扫干净呢
Until the cupcake business takes off,
在蛋糕店上轨道前
I'm just gonna have to find a temp job online.
我打算去网上找一份兼♥职
Can I close this window that says "Mexican painkillers"?
我能关掉这"墨西哥止痛药"的网页吗
Yeah, yeah, but, uh, bookmark it first.
关吧，关吧，不过要先收♥藏哦
Craigslist
美国生活信息门户网站
Here we are. Craigslist. Okay.
那开始吧，信息网，好了
How does this job sound?
这份工作怎么样
Disgusting and depraved.
又恶心又堕落
You didn't even hear it yet.
我都没说话呢
Did I not hear "Craigslist"?
"信息网"上有好货吗
Oh. Here's something easy I could do.
这有份我可以胜任的轻松工作
A professional organizer.
专业整理员
You're not a professional organizer.
你才不是什么专业整理员呢
You're barely a professional waitress.
你连一个专业的服务员都算不上
I am a genius at organizing things
我超擅长整理东西
and getting them out of the way.
与扫除垃圾
I recently lost all my money and the promise of a bright future,
我刚失去了万贯家产与光明的未来
and I've organized that into a file in my head
还能把这些破事整理进脑中一个名为
labeled "do not open until you are stronger."
"等心理素质强大了再打开"的文件夹
If I can handle that for myself,
我自己的惨事都能搞定
I can certainly handle a stranger's light filing.
帮陌生人整理更是易于反掌
If I had known all that craziness was going on in your head,
早知道你脑袋瓜里这么疯狂
I would have ordered you some Mexican pain killers.
我就帮你网上买墨西哥止痛药了
Or the Peruvian. They're stronger,
甚至是买秘鲁货，药效超猛
but sometimes they make you lose control of your hands.
但有时会害你的手不听使唤
Thought that was an ibuprofen.
错把秘鲁货当布洛芬吃了
What is Johnny doing here at 3:00 A.M.?
强尼凌晨三点来这儿干嘛啊
Thought it was a rapist or something.
还以为是强♥奸犯什么的呢
Rapists don't knock and wave.强♥奸犯才不会敲门和挥手呢
And if they looked like that, we wouldn't call them rapists.
而且长成这样，怎么能称呼为强♥奸犯
We'd call them...
应该是叫...
Johnny!
强尼尼
What are you doing here?
大半夜的来干嘛
I'm here to talk to you guys
我是来跟你们谈谈
about The Church of Latter Day Saints.
耶稣基督后期圣徒教会
And I have to pee. Can I use your bathroom?
顺便尿个尿，能借用下你的厕所吗
No problem. Don't forget to tip the bathroom attendant.
没问题，别忘了给厕所服务员小费哟
What's up, caroline?
在干嘛呢，卡洛琳
Just trying to find a day job
在找一份不会
where I won't get handcuffed to a radiator.
被变态拷在暖气管上的兼♥职
On Craigslist?
不是吧，用信息网
This is so romantic.
太浪漫了
Jumping over the back wall
跳过后院的墙
to drop down and see you in the middle of the night?
只为了在半夜见你一面
It's very Romeo and Juliet.
就像罗密欧与茱丽叶
It is very Romeo and Juliet.
我们是如厕欧与厕所叶
He has to pee, and I'm the nearest toilet.
他想尿尿，我只是离他最近的厕所
Please. That's just an excuse.
拜托，那只是个借口
The man defaces buildings.
这男人在建筑物上乱画
And what? He draws the line at peeing on them?
却不愿在建筑物上乱尿，可能吗
He came by here to see you.
他是来见你的
Pull your hair back. It's kind of in your face.
把头发拨到后面，挡住脸了
Pull yourself back. You're kind of in my face.
该被拨到后面的是你，挡我眼了
Thanks, guys.
多谢了，伙计们
I was tagging a building nearby,
刚我在附近的楼喷漆
and while I was on the roof
在屋顶上
I saw that your light was on,
看见你们的灯还亮着
so I thought I'd stop in and say hey.
就决定过来问声好
Hey. So, Johnny,
好啊，强尼
you just saw our light on from the roof nearby?
在附近的屋顶看到我们家灯亮吗
Interesting.
有意思
Do you always look down when you're up that high?
你在高处时总往低处看吗
Not really.
也不是
Interesting.
真有意思
Flying solo tonight. My lookout guy went into rehab.
今晚独自行动，帮我把风的家伙进戒毒中心了
It's kind of a pain.
真烦人
It's really a two-person operation.
这活儿得两个人干
Ugh, such a bummer when people can't handle their heroin.
废柴控制不了自己的毒瘾时最煞风景了
Hey, Max, what are you doing tomorrow night after work?
麦克斯，明晚下班后干嘛
Any desire to be my lookout guy?
有兴趣来当我的把风男吗
I might have some desire to be your lookout guy,
我的确是有这么点兴趣替你把风
but as far as the "guy" part of "lookout guy" goes,
可是把风男这个"男"的部分
full disclosure...
老实说呢...
What, you don't have a penis?
怎么，你没有小鸡鸡吗
Oh, I have one.
我还真有一根
In a drawer in my bedroom.
放在我床旁的抽屉里
If the cops come tomorrow,
如果明天有警察来抓人
I will run like a girl.
恕我无法像个汉子一样豪迈的逃跑
Okay. So pick you up at the diner at 2:00?
没问题，我晚上两点去餐馆接你吧
Cool. Cool.
好，好
Cool.
好极了
And then romeo left. So romantic.
罗密欧转身离去，太浪漫了
All the weeks of flirting and game playing
一直以来的打情骂俏
have finally led to this-
终于守得云开见月明了
You two on a late-night roof rendezvous.
两人夜半于屋顶花前月下
Hey, genius organizer,
天才整理员
why don't you put all that garbage in a file labeled
你何不把你这些垃圾都装到一个名为
"I've seen too many Katherine Heigl movies"?
"我看太多凯瑟琳·海格尔的爱情烂片"文件夹里呢
I'm just saying, he likes you.
我的意思是，他喜欢你
He likes you with his penis.
全"鸡"全意地喜欢你
There. 3F.
就这儿，3F
All right. You're here.
好啦，到了
Goodbye. Go organize.
再见，好好干吧
No, I said you have to wait until I open the door
不，我说过你得等我打开门
and check out if it's safe.
确保安全了之后才能走
It's my day off. You're the one with the job.
今天我不上班，你才是要上班的那个
And you're the one who freaked me out so much
你是讲一堆进陌生公寓惨案
about going into a stranger's apartment.
把我吓得半死的那个
What did I say that was so bad?
我说了什么把你吓成这样
You told me he'd cut off my face
你说他会把我的脸皮割下来
and wear it as a party hat.
当派对锥筒帽戴
I said... "probably."
我是说..."可能"
Probably cut off your face.
可能会割掉你的脸皮
Nothing bad is gonna happen to you, okay?
你不会遭遇不测的，好吗
Okay.
好吧
It's a safe-enough looking building, right?
这大楼看上去挺安全，对吧
Yes.
对
Look, they have those hallway trash chutes.
瞧，他们还有走廊垃圾道
That's probably how he'll get rid of your faceless body!
大概就会从那里丢弃你的无脸尸吧
You're right. I'm fine. Go.
你说得对，我不怕，走吧
Caroline's second job. So proud.
卡洛琳的第二份工作，为你骄傲呀
Call me if you freak out or anything.
如果你害怕或什么的，就喊我
How am I gonna call you without a face?
我脸都被割掉了，怎么喊你啊
I'm fine. I'm not gonna call you.
我没事，才不会喊你回来
Hello, it's Caroline, the professional organizer.
你好，我是卡洛琳，专业整理员
Hello? Someone called for an organizer?
你好，有人打电话叫整理员吗
Hello?
你好
Oh, no. Oh, hell no.
天啊，我的老天爷呀
Max, come back!
麦克斯，快回来
Hurry up. This is so exciting!
快点，太激动人心了
What are you talking about?
你这是什么话
I'm not going back in there.
我才不要回去呢
He's a hoarder. A hoarder.
他是个强迫症囤积狂，囤积狂啊
It's a bad reality show.
难看到不行的真人秀
Hey, that is a great reality show.
拜托，那是一个很棒的真人秀
But it's not good reality reality.
真出现在你眼前就不棒了好吗
The only thing I love more than hoarders are people who are too fat to fit through doors.
唯一能打败我对囤积狂的爱是那种胖得走不过门的人
Tell me the hoarder has to grease his sides to get through the door.
告诉我那囤积狂胖得在身上抹油才能过门
You won't have to get me a birthday present.
你就不用送我生日礼物了
Are you kidding me?
哇靠
Are you kidding me?
开什么玩笑啊
They should charge admission for this.
这里真应该收门票费
It's Hoarders 3D - The experience.
这简直就是电影《囤积狂3D》之真实体验版
It's like going to an iMax.
感觉就像看IMAX一样
It's my Max!
麦克斯专属版本
Save yourself. Go on without me.
别管我了，你先上吧
Oh, God.
天啊
What is that pile over there?
那边那堆是什么玩意儿啊
It's hard to tell what is what.
根本看不出什么是什么
It's either an old shag carpet or a mass grave of dead muppets.
要么是一张老旧的绒布地毯或者是个布偶的万人墓
No way. Let's get out of here.
我才不干，咱们走吧
We still have our faces. Why would we leave?
我们脸皮还在呢，为什么要走
And besides, you need this money.
再说了，你需要这笔钱
Look around.
仔细看看
There might be stuff here they don't want that we can sell on eBay.
说不定有他们不要的值钱东西，咱可以放到易趣上卖
Look. You know someone's gonna want a fish tank full of doll heads.
瞧，没准有人会想要一个装满娃娃头的鱼缸呢
Yeah, someone with a fish tank full of doll bodies.
是啊，拥有装满娃娃身体鱼缸的人吗
Last year I owned a yacht named the Caroliner, and now I'm considering selling doll heads on eBay.
去年我还有一艘以我命名的游艇，而此刻我却考虑在易趣上卖娃娃头
I'll be organizing that thought in a file in my head labeled "don't open ever."
我要把这想法收进我脑里那个名为"死都别打开"的文件夹
Okay.
好吧
There's a heavy clown presence in this room.
这间屋子有好多小丑的存在
It's unsettling, and I'm obsessed with it.
虽然使人不安，但我超喜欢
I want both more and less of the clowns.
少一点小丑心安，又想多一点乐呵
Um, hello? Anyone here?
你好，请问有人吗
Oh, hey, I'm over here.
我在这儿呢
I'm sorry. Where?
抱歉，哪里
By the papers.
报纸这边
Which papers?
哪堆报纸
The papers near the papers.
挨着报纸的那堆报纸
Oh, my god. I love this!
天啊，我爱死这儿了
Um, hi. Caroline? We spoke yesterday.
您好，我是卡洛琳，我们昨天通过电话
There's a lot more to organize here than you led me to believe on the phone,
这里需要整理的东西比您在电话中说的多太多了
so we're gonna have to renegotiate our price.
所以我们得重新谈下价格
It's not that bad.
没那么糟吧
Not that bad?
还不够糟吗
I was hired to organized some papers, not clean up Katrina.
你请我来整理点报纸，没说是来清扫飓风现场的
What's he look like?
他长啥样
Please tell me he needs to be buried in a piano box.
请告诉我他下葬时得用钢琴盒才够装
I don't know. I can't see him through the truck.
不知道，这破卡车挡住我看不见
It's an RV, and it's a collectible.
那是旅游车，还是个收♥藏品呢
It's where I keep my raisins.
那是我放葡萄干的地方
So how much more, then?
那还要加多少钱
Um, a hundred a day. For both of us.
给我们两人每天再多一百
And we get to keep the horse head made out of soda cans.
还有这个汽水罐做成的马头归我们
Why would we want that?
我们要这个干嘛
We don't. It's for chestnut.
我们不要，是给栗宝的
Every horse wants a friend made out of cans.
哪匹马会不想要一个罐子做的朋友啊
You got a deal.
就这么定了
Okay. We'll get to work then.
好，那我们开工啦
Okay. Let's not get overwhelmed.
好，咱们不要被这景象吓倒
We'll take it one step at a time.
我们一步步来
Let's start small.
先从小的开始
Whoo, Max. Well, look at you.
哇，麦克斯，瞧瞧你这身打扮
Starting the night at the end of the night.
黑夜将尽，好戏开场
This is the first time I've seen you out of the prison uniform.
这是我第一次见你把那身囚服脱掉
You look beautiful.
你真漂亮
Oh, Earl, let's get married.
厄尔，那咱俩结婚吧
What are you staring at? It's just clothes.
你们盯着我看干嘛，不就换个衣服吗
Max, you look like a lady.
麦克斯，你看上去像个淑女
Tonight when I dream of having sex with you, as always,
今晚当我跟往常一样，梦到跟你滚床单时
this time I will ask you to stay.
我会请你留下来
Max, you look perfect for your date.
麦克斯，你这身约会装扮太完美了
It's not a date. It is.
这又不是约会。就是
No, it's not.
不，不是
It's booty call.
是约炮
There is a fresh, white billboard.
有个全新的大广告看板
I'm climbing it with my friend, and we're putting up his artwork.
我只是要跟我朋友爬上去作画
Booty call on billboard.
约炮于广告看板下
If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty.
相约两点半后，非打炮即交媾
What's that from?
这句话哪儿来的
Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the places you'll put it in"?
苏斯博士的《你想"放进去"的地方》吗
Okay, boys, break it up.
好了，伙计们，别闹了
Go about your business. Nothing to see.
各回各家，各找各妈
Max.
麦克斯
Max and Johnny's first date. So proud.
麦克斯和强尼的第一次约会，真为你骄傲
It's not a date.
都说了不是约会
Be home at 11:00...
门禁是十一点...
A.M.
明早十一点
Uh, Max, you got protection?
麦克斯，带避孕套了吗
No, I've got it.
不用，我这儿有
Me too.
我也有
No, sorry.
哎呀，抱歉
That is pack of gum.
这包是口香糖
Can we take these masks off now?
可以把面具摘下来了吗
Whoo. It is hot up in that bunny.
哇，这兔子里面好热
Are we wearing these so no one'll be able to pick us out of a lineup?
我们戴着面具是怕被抓之后有人指认出我们吗
Yeah, that.
是的，这是一部分
And I always wanted to see a rat with big boobs.
加上我一直很想看大胸老鼠
Well, here he is.
来，满足你
All right. Now for the most crucial part of the art process, beer break.
好了，现在到了这艺术最重要的一环，喝酒休息时间
That makes sense.
有道理
Been here four minutes.
都忙活四分钟了
Gentleman.
真绅士
Look over there. You can see Manhattan.
看那边，你能看见曼哈顿
Oh, yeah.
对哦
She's a bitch.
她就是个贱♥货
Always shoving her stuff in your face.
总是把她美好的一面展现在你面前
You can never have it.
你却无法企及
Yeah.
对啊
I'd never want to live in Manhattan.
我从来不想在曼哈顿生活
'Cause you can't afford it? Yeah.
因为你活不起吗？是啊
She is beautiful, though.
虽然如此，她还是很美
Yeah, she is.
她真的很美
Well, we should get back to work.
我们该继续干活了
Bunny's gotta hop.
兔哥得开工啦
How many more times do you need to hear it?
还要我说多少次你才信啊
He didn't kiss me.
他没有亲我
Maybe it wasn't the right time.
或许是时机不对
Overlooking the New York skyline, a hundred feet in the air, bathed in moonlight?
俯瞰纽约夜景，在一百英尺的高空沐浴着月光
Yeah, that's a crappy time.
还真不是个好时机啊
Maybe he didn't want to make a move
或许他不想采取行动
because he doesn't know you like him.
是因为他不知道你喜欢他
I leaned in. I leaned for a kiss.
我都靠过去了，我靠过去等他亲
Maybe you had a breath situation.
说不定是你当时有口臭
What did you eat? What had you eaten?
你吃什么了，你昨天吃过啥
Nothing.
什么也没吃
Okay, but sometimes when you don't eat, it's worse,
好吧，有时候什么都没吃，反而更糟呢
because you start to grind up your feelings.
胃里只能消化情绪
Then you get stomach breath.
然后搞得嘴巴净是胃酸味
I wouldn't kiss Ryan Gosling with stomach breath.
有胃酸味，是瑞恩·高斯林我也不亲
Yes, you would. Yes, I would.
还是会亲啦。你肯定会亲
I'm finally making progress on the papers.
我终于把这堆报纸整理得差不多了
Oh, no, FDR died of polio.
天啊，罗斯福总统死于小儿麻痹症
Oh, look. They cured polio.
瞧，他们找出小儿麻痹症的疫苗了
Jackpot. This place is a freakin' cat factory.
中奖啦，这个地方是一个猫咪工厂
And they're alive. How refreshing.
它们居然活着，太不容易了
There's, like, 45 kittens in this box,
这盒子里大概有四十五只小猫吧
and I think one of these kittens just had kittens.
我觉得其中一只刚刚生了小猫
Kittens having kittens.
小猫生小猫，财源滚滚呀
Hey, Douglas, we found some kittens.
道格拉斯，我们发现了些小猫
Those are not my kittens.
那不是我的猫
Okay. What about this mountain of butterfinger wrappers?
好吧，这堆成山的巧克力棒包装纸呢
Those are my wrappers.
那些是我的包装纸
I need those.
那些我还要
I haven't even seen him yet. I love this show.
虽然还没看到主角，但我爱死这场秀了
Douglas, if you're comfortable with me selling all this sort-of-valuable stuff on eBay,
道格拉斯，你都不介意我把这些值点小钱的东西放在易趣上卖了
why do you need to keep a box full of butterfinger wrappers?
为什么还要保留这一箱子巧克力棒包装纸呢
I don't want to think about it!
老子懒得想
See, Max?
瞧，麦克斯
This is what happens when you don't deal with your feelings.
这就是不处理自己感情的后果
You start collecting butterfinger wrappers,
一开始只是收集巧克力棒包装纸
and next thing you know you're an old lady in a rest home,
再回头已身在养老院
and you're thinking "why didn't he kiss me?"
而且还在纠结"当年为什么他不亲我"
Why didn't he kiss me?
为什么他不亲我
I don't know.
我不知道
Why didn't you kiss him?
为什么你不亲他
You obviously like him, right?
很明显，你喜欢他不是吗
Max, stop hoarding your feelings.
麦克斯，别再囤积你的感情了
Just admit that you like him.
承认你喜欢他吧
I like him.
我喜欢他
Okay, good.
好，很好
There's one box of butterfinger wrappers gone.
这箱子巧克力棒包装纸解决了
What?
什么
Douglas, it's a metaphor.
道格拉斯，我这是比喻
So next time you see him, why don't you just kiss him?
下次你见他时，何不直接亲他呢
I don't know if I can kiss him first.
我不知道该不该主动
Just kiss him already!
亲就是了，少废话
Wait, there's another person in here?
等等，这里还有另一个人啊
Butt out, mother.
少管闲事，老妈
Those are my kittens, young lady.
那些是我的小猫，小妞
Hold up. He's hoarding another hoarder in here?
慢着，他居然囤积着另外一个囤积狂
Awesome.
太帅了
I can't believe you put the platypus foot rest in the trash.
真不敢相信你把鸭嘴兽脚踏板当垃圾扔了
On eBay we could get at least three to six dollars for it.
那东西能在易趣上卖三到六块吧
I'm gonna tell you this one more time.
我再重申一遍
It's a possum, and it died at least three to six years ago.
那是只负鼠，它至少死了三到六年了
Oh, my god. There's Johnny.
天啊，居然碰到强尼
This is a Katherine Heigl movie.
你俩就像在演浪漫爱情片
What are you guys doing in this neighborhood?
你们俩在这区干嘛
Oh, hello. Sorry to interrupt you,
你好，抱歉打扰你们一下
but what the hell's going on here?
但你们俩是在搞什么
This is, uh...
这位是...
I'm Cashandra, his girlfriend.
我是卡珊德拉，他的女朋友
Who are you?
你是谁
I'm Max, and, um, that's how I say hi to everyone.
我是麦克斯，这是我打招呼的方式
I'm incredibly friendly.
我和蔼可亲到不可思议
She's so friendly.
她特别和蔼可"亲"
Here's table ten, Earl.
10号桌买单，厄尔
Are you okay, Max?
你还好吧，麦克斯
Rumor has it that you had your heart broken.
有传闻说你心都碎了
I didn't have my heart broken.
我才没有心碎呢
And that's why I don't listen to rumors.
所以我才不听信传闻呢
Max, I want to announce I have ended my bromance with your boyfriend, Johnny.
麦克斯，我宣布我跟你的男朋友强尼断绝兄弟情了
I hate the player as well as the game.
情义和兄弟我都不要了
Never was my boyfriend.
他从来就不是我男朋友
I would like to offer myself for rebound sex.
我自愿牺牲肉体，让你床上蹂躏发泄
Or, if not, I can just beat the crap out of him.
如果不乐意，我也可以帮你暴打他一顿
Caroline, did you have to tell everyone?
卡洛琳，你非要搞得人尽皆知吗
I'm sorry, but I'm not keeping that up in my head.
抱歉，但我可不想自己守秘密
I'm not going butterfingers.
我不想变成情感囤积狂
I can't believe he has a girlfriend.
真不敢相信他有女朋友了
Are you happy now?
你现在高兴了吧
You got me to admit that I like him, and then you got me to kiss him.
你让我承认我喜欢他，还说服了我去亲他
And then I kissed his beautiful girlfriend,
然后我还亲了他那个漂亮女友
who is black and British,
一个英国血统的黑人
the two cool things I can never be.
血统和肤色我都望尘莫及
I'm sorry, but he led you on.
我错了，但他也不该误导你啊
Oh, did he?
他有吗
I think you and Douglas' mother led me on.
都是你和道格拉斯的母亲在推波助澜吧
This is not my fault.
这又不是我的错
He's the one who's hoarding women.
他才是那个囤积女人狂啊
Hi.
好吗
Yeah, you must be to come back in here.
是啊，你非来不可
Can we talk?
我们能谈谈吗
Pick up, Max.
上菜，麦克斯
Table three, table nine. Table 69.
3号桌，9号桌，69号桌
Not a good time.
时机不对
Max, look... Johnny, stop.
麦克斯，听我说。强尼，算了
You don't need to "Max, look" me.
不用说"麦克斯，听我说"这种废话
It's cool. You never led me on.
我没事，你从没误导我
You never put your hands on me.
你从没碰过我
You never even kissed me.
你也从没亲过我
Food!
上菜了
Hey, better make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend who's beautiful, black, and British.
最好先确认他有没有一个英国血统的漂亮黑妞女朋友
Max, look, I wanted to kiss you.
麦克斯，听我说，我是想亲你
I want to kiss you.
我想亲你
I just didn't want to be the guy who did it when he's with someone else.
我只是不想前情未了就另结新欢
Look, Max, I didn't know you were gonna come into my life.
麦克斯，我未曾预料你会闯入我的生命中
I didn't know I was gonna have these feelings for you,
也绝没想到会对你动了心
but all of a sudden it's "Max" all the time in my head.
但突然间，我的脑海中全都是你，挥之不去
Cassandra and I have or-or had something,
卡桑德拉和我之间有感情，或曾经有过一段情
and there is or was love there,
我们二人是相爱的，或曾经爱过
and-and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all my feelings for you.
如今我却对你暗生情愫，实在难以抉择
Johnny, I just spent two days wading through someone else's garbage,
强尼，我刚花了两天，千辛万苦的替别人收拾垃圾
and quite frankly, I don't have the time or the energy
说实话，我没那时间也没那精力
to go through all the clowns and candy wrappers you've got going on up in there.
把你脑子里犹豫的小丑和纠结的糖果纸也都理一遍
And the next time you invite someone to a booty call on a billboard..
还有，下次你要跟别人于广告看板上约炮时
It wasn't a booty call.
我不是约炮
I think everyone knows if it's after 2:30, the call is for the dirty.
大家都知道，相约两点半后，不打炮即交媾
And p.s., we've known each other six months,
顺便说一句，我们都认识六个月了
and you never told me you had a girlfriend.
你从没跟我说过你有女朋友
You should have worn the rat mask.
你才是应该戴鼠辈面具的人
And that's all she wrote.
麦克斯绝笔
Silver lining time?
来说个好消息吧
We didn't have to change Douglas and his mother's diapers?
我们很幸运，不用帮道格拉斯和他妈妈换尿布吗
We made $240 for the cupcake business selling all that crap on eBay.
那堆垃圾在易趣上卖了二百四十块，开店基金又多了不少
Yup. I made some money, and all I lost was my mind.
不错，钱是挣到了，但心却伤了
Want to hear something you don't want to hear?
想听一些你不想听的话吗
I think what Johnny said to you was beautiful.
我觉得强尼说的话很动人
You think a squirrel holding an acorn is beautiful.
你觉得松鼠拿着松子也很动人呢
He didn't touch you or kiss you
他没有碰你或亲你
because he didn't want to start a relationship with you out of a lie.
是因为他不想让你们的感情建立在谎言上
You know what? You're right.
你说得对
You've been right all along.
你一直都是对的
It is like Romeo and Juliet.
我们的确像罗密欧与茱丽叶
And now I'm gonna go home and kill myself.
我现在该是我回家自杀的时刻了
I don't think romance is in the cards for me.
我觉得浪漫爱情故事没我的份
I give guys blue balls, not broken hearts.
男人只会上我到蛋疼，从不会心疼
Oh, my god. Don't kill yourself yet, Juliet.
我的老天，茱丽叶，先别死
I definitely think romance is in your cards.
我觉得你就是浪漫爱情故事的主角
That's not me.
那不是我
That's not his girlfriend.
那也不是他的女朋友
Come on, will you at least admit that that's you
拜托，你至少承认那是你吧
and that he put it up there because he wanted you to see it?
他画在那里就是想让你看见
And that's actually incredibly romantic.
真是浪漫到不行啊
Oh, yeah. That's the most romantic picture of a guy who might be kissing someone
是啊，这副浪漫的画像是一个男的可能在亲
who might look like me,
一个可能像我的人
but he didn't because he has a hot British girlfriend who seems like kind of a bitch,
但实际他没有，因为他有一个英国辣女友，虽然看起来像个泼妇
but is kind of cooler than I will ever be.
但是确实拥有我不可企及的酷
I dare you to organize that thought.
你把这个想法整理给我看看啊
There's no one cooler than you.
没人比你更酷
You're 200 feet tall.
你有二百英尺高呢
Yeah, and a bird just took a crap on me.
是啊，有只鸟刚把屎拉我身上了
Come on.
走吧
Come on.
走呀