工作狂（2011）

好了伙计们 我知道你们对于
Okay, guys, I know you have been getting
我们正在卖♥♥的产品感到有点无聊
a little bored with the products that we have been selling,
所以 今天让你们激动一番
so today is very exciting,
因为我们要开始卖♥♥新产品了耶
'cause we are going to start selling a new product!
问题是 我不卖♥♥货
Well, that's the thing though, is I don't sell products.
我卖♥♥的是感觉 而现在
I sell, like, vibes, and right now
我唯一的感觉就是 你看起来真美 小妞
the only vibe I'm catching is that you looking good, girl.
真棒 帅哥
Down, boy.
现在 我本可以直接读无聊老旧的产品宣传册
Now, I could read off of some boring, old product info pamphlet,
但是我觉得更有趣的方式
but I thought it would be a lot more fun
就是让产品发明者自己上台展示
if we brought in the inventor of the product himself,
所以掌声有请消防员Ted
so put your hands together for Fireman Ted, huh?
谢谢 谢谢
Thank you, thank you.
谢谢你 Murphy小姐 非常感谢
Thank you, Miss Murphy, very much.
哦 谢谢你 消防员Ted
Oh, well, thank you, Fireman Ted.
占用你们的时间了
I thank all of you for your time.
我们假设一下 有一晚你外出游乐
Let's just say that one night you're out
跟你的好朋友和一大家人
with your best friends and extended family
正享用着几盘烤肠
enjoying a couple of platters of Johnsonville brats
突然之间 你闻到很重很重的烟味
when suddenly, you smell heavy heavy smoke,
你环顾四周
and you turn around
只发现你被蔓延的火舌困住
only to find that you are all trapped by a raging fire.
被烟熏得睁不开眼 你只好呼救同伴
Blinded by the smoke, you call out to your buddies,
"嘿 大伙 你们在哪 你们在哪"
"Hey, buddies, where are ya? Where are ya?"
但是他们听不见你 因为狂暴火焰正在轰鸣
but they can't hear you because of the roar of the raging fire,
由于有毒气体 他们也没办法回应你
and they cannot respond because of the noxious smoke
那气体烧灼着他们的肺
that is searing their lungs.
然后 他们死了
And then they die,
死得焦脆焦脆的
and I'm talking crispy critter dead.
而你花了下半辈子
And you spend the rest of your life
后悔当时没能做些什么
just wishing there was something you could have done
来阻止这场灾难
to prevent that horror.
烟雾终结者
The Smoke Cutter.
一个具有嵌入式过滤器的安全哨子
A safety whistle with a built-in air filter
保护使用者不吸入浓烟 安全呼吸
which allows its user to breathe smoke-free
与此同时可以发出清晰的哨声
while simultaneously emitting a very distinct whistle.
呃 你以为你在上<创智赢家>吗
Um, do you think you're on "Shark Tank" Right now?
请把那东西放进我的嘴里
Oh, put that please in my mou-outh.
我不在乎你们怎么想
I don't care what you people think,
我们就是要卖♥♥这些烟雾终结者
we are selling these Smoke Cutters,
就这么定了
and that is final.
你真的觉得这样有道理吗
You really think there's any good reason
让我们去卖♥♥这个呆子做的东西
we're gonna sell anything made by this dork?
因为 这个呆子是我爸
Because... this dork is my dad!
呀 - 看我的忍♥者镖
Ya! - Ninja star!
你们两个怎么敢抽我藏起来的大♥麻♥
How dare the two of you smoke the rest of my stash!
今天早上我没有"起床抽" 我只是起床了
You know that today I didn't "Wake and bake," I just waked.
嗷 你这孙子
Ow! You son of a gun!
嗷 刚才那一下真疼
Ow! Oh, that one freakin' hurt.
伙计 你受伤了吗 - 是 那东西划破我了
Dude, are you hurting? - Yeah, that one sliced me.
好吧 打扰了各位
Okay, excuse me.
听我说 你们没卖♥♥掉一个哨子
Excuse me. You guys haven't sold one whistle.
好了 你们知道吗 别再胡闹了
Okay, you know what? Stop "Effing" Around
回到电♥话♥边上去 现在就去
and get back on the phones, now!
我无意冒犯
Look, I don't want to offend you or diss you by saying what I'm about to say,
但是 你♥爸♥爸的烟雾终结者烂透了
but... Your dad's Smoke Cutters blow ass.
就算是我拉在罐子里的屎 你也要把它卖♥♥出去
If I shit in a tin cup, you should be able to sell it.
那个可能更容易卖♥♥
We could probably sell that a little easier
还有特殊性癖好网站啥的
because of, like, fetish sites and stuff.
对 - 奇葩多了 Alice
Yeah. - People are freaks, Alice.
其实我会买♥♥一个
Actually, I'll take one.
好了 我很抱歉 但是我需要你们去推销这玩意
Okay, look, I'm sorry, but I need you guys to sell these, okay,
因为我爸爸要把我弄疯了
because my dad has been driving me crazy
他想要抱孙子 所以为了甩掉他
about giving him grandkids, so to get him off my ass,
我说 "你为什么不去上上商业课呢
I said, "Why don't you take a business class?
搞搞发明"
Invent something."
然后他把毕生积蓄都花在了
Then he sunk his life-freaking-savings
这些愚蠢的哨子上 所以我们必须卖♥♥掉它们
into these stupid whistles, so we have to sell them,
否则我就得找一个老公 然后从阴♥道♥里射出一个宝宝
or I gotta find a hubby and shoot a pup out my hoo-hoo.
我听清楚了
I hear you loud and clear.
喔 你在这呢
Oh, there you are.
这个地方是迷宫
This place is a labyrinth.
嘿 你好 让我上前来
Hey, how's it going? Let me sidle up next to you
告诉你我对你女儿的感情
and let you know that my intentions with your daughter
一直且永远纯洁 嗨 我是Adam
have been and always will be pure. Hi, I'm Adam.
你们两个在约会吗
You two are dating?
喔 - 对
Oh. - Yes,
而且非常独特
in a very significant way.
从纯洁的肉体关系开始 之后却倾入了感情
It started off purely physical, but then it got emotional,
然后又变回肉体关系
and then it went back to physical,
但是我的感情一直是纯洁的 我希望你知道这一点
but my intentions are pure. I want you to know that.
确实是 - 喔 确实是
They are. - Ow. They are.
喔 是啊
Ow. They are.
是 Adam和我正在 约会
Yeah, Adam and I are... dating.
无论如何 我想要告诉你
Anyway, but I wanted to tell you,
小伙子们都很兴奋
the boys are, like, super excited
可以去卖♥♥烟雾终结者 对吧 伙计们
to sell your Smoke Cutters, aren't you, guys?
让我们开始工作吧 你们卖♥♥了多少
So, let's get down to it. How many you sold?
一打吗 还是两打
Dozen? Two dozen?
零 - 现在是零
Zero. - Zero for now,
但是我们将调来一个很棒的销♥售♥顾问
but we are gonna call in a very wonderful sales consultant
看看他能不能为我们施点魔法 对吧 伙计们
and just see if he can work some magic for us, right, guys?
对对 - 他会的
Yeah, yeah. - And he will.
我们刚刚还在讨论烟雾终结者
I mean, we were just talking about how fantastic
有多神奇 - 对对对
this Smoke Cutter product is. - Oh, yeah.
这是你创造的第二棒的产品吧
It's the second most fantastic thing you've created, hmm?
对
Yeah, oh.
第一是Alice 你们都懂我的意思 对吧
The first being Alice. You guys got that, right?
我们懂 - 对 不错
We got it. - Yeah, okay, cool.
对 我们完全懂你
No, we totally got it.
这看起来好吗
Does this look good?
这是我的新签名 Adam Murphy
It's my new "Siggy." Adam Murphy.
我们会结婚的
We gon' get "Maweed."
你要改成她的姓吗
And you would take her name?
是
Yeah.
这招太贱了 兄弟
That's a bitch move, man.
很明显 我们都知道这段感情里谁是顺从方
Obviously, we know who the submissive one in that relationship is.
你们怎么样啊 在这个美好的
How are we on this fine, uh,
某天早上 还是 下午
whatever-day-it-is morning or... afternoon?
呃 Karl 闭嘴 然后现在讲话
Uh, Karl, shut up, and then now talk
告诉我究竟为啥你会出现在这
and tell me why exactly you're in my office.
都怪你 好吗 你本来要在午休时带我到他那的
It's your fault, okay? You were supposed to take me to him at lunch
结果现在他来送货了 好吗
so now he's making a delivery, okay?
我告诉他得融入我们 我喜欢你的西装 Karl
And I told him to blend in. I love your suit, Karl.
芝麻开门
Bazinga.
噢 好的
Ooh. Okay, yeah,
你能等我一会儿吗
but can I just have you hold on for a second?
好了 来看看 我有一些"绿毒"
Okay, what do we got here? We got some Green Crack...
一些"上佳麻"
Some Kosher Kush.
我还有浓度超高的的混合品
I got a sativa dominant hybrid.
好 我喜欢那个
Okay, yes, I like that.
我不想要任何烟雾终结者之类的东西
I don't want any of that Smoke Cutter thing,
但是给我来点那种大♥麻♥
but let me get some of that weed.
我的毒贩说南加州已经枯竭了
My dealer says SoCal's drying out,
而我找不到好货来救命
and I can't get good dank to save my life.
啊 等一下 怎么了
Uh... wait, what's up?
你找不到好大♥麻♥吗
You're having trouble finding weed?
那是真的吗 那个旱灾 - 对 旱灾
Is that real, the drought? - Yeah, it's a drought.
旱灾 - 挂电♥话♥
The drought. - Hang up!
我可能可以 帮你
I could probably, like, hook you...