旅行癖（2018）

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这条信息献给我女友克莱尔·帕斯卡
Claire Pascal from your boyfriend Adam Cooper.
他开始发表一系列俗气的言论
He starts rattling off all this corny as fuck shit
我暗自祈祷 "千万别是来真的"
and I'm just thinking, "Please, please let this be a hoax."
别这么做 我求你了
Please don't do this, I'm begging you.
克莱尔·帕斯卡
Claire Pascal...
你愿意嫁给我吗
Will you marry me?
那是我生命中最难堪的一刻了
It was the worst hour and a bit of my life.
他还哭了
He wept,
在剩下的航段中哭个不停
fucking uninterrupted for the rest of that flight.
真抱歉听到这些 克莱尔
Well, I'm...I'm...I'm sorry, Claire.
敬不求婚 或不在公共场所撸管
Here's to not proposing, OR wanking in public.
或是 叫什么来着
Or truculent Harry... What was it?
-巨屎阵 -对 不憋巨屎阵
- Ploppers? - Truculent Harry Ploppers.
等等 我不懂了
Wait a minute, I don't understand.
我们是在敬不寻常的屎吗
Are we toasting complicated shits?
-现在是什么时候了 -什么
- What time do you call this? - What?
坐下
Sit down.
为什么 怎么了
Why, what's wrong?
-说说你这天过得怎样吧 -遇上点小麻烦
- Tell me about your day. - There was actually a bit of an issue.
-是吗 -是啊
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
有人不乖吗
Was somebody misbehaving?
是的
Yeah.
-是你吗 -我
- Was it you? - Me?
不
No.
不是
No.
得了吧 你总是很调皮
Oh, come on. You're always misbehaving.
你今天一定干坏事了
I bet you've been really naughty.
乔伊 我...我很累了
Joy, I'm...I'm...I'm quite tired.
正好 因为我要...
Well, good. Because I am going...
让你激动起来
To wake...you...up.
胳膊抬起来
Arms up.
我能 我能先问个问题吗
Can I just... Can I just ask a question before...?
不许说话了 好了 起来
No more talking. OK, get up.
你不是说不许说话了
I thought you said no more talking?
不准不听话 起来
Disobedience will not be tolerated. Up.
乔伊 乔伊
Joy. Joy...
-艾伦 -乔伊 克莱尔撞见尼尔手♥淫♥了
- Alan! - Joy. Claire walked in on Neil masturbating.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
我知道 抱歉 我真的很感激...
I know. I'm sorry. I really... I appreciate the...
你的尝试
..The...the attempt.
但我心烦意乱 心情复杂
But there's an awful lot on my... Playing on my...
-尝试 -你懂我意思的 你懂的
- The attempt? - You know what I mean. You know what I mean.
要好好消化一下
It's...it's a lot to take in.
我就想说 你费了很多心思
It's...it's elaborate, is all I'm saying.
真抱歉
Well, I'm sorry
我努力想恢复
my effort to try and resuscitate
我们一蹶不振的性生活
our flat-lining sex life...
你这是强行把话塞到我嘴里
Well, you... No, you're just putting words into my mouth.
我倒是想往我嘴里塞点别的
Well, I was planning on putting something else in my mouth,
但你可没这运气
but you should be so fucking lucky.
我不明白这是怎么回事
I don't understand what's happening.
你生我气
So, what, you're annoyed at me
就因为我累了吗
because what I'm...I'm...I'm tired?
不 我很失望 因为你都没打算...
No! I'm disappointed because you're not prepared to...
什么
What?
你说你不信我希望我们俩做♥爱♥
You said you didn't believe I wanted the two of us to have sex.
-所以呢 -所以我想证明
- So? - So I want it on record
你才是不想做♥爱♥的人
that you are the one actively resisting intercourse.
可这不是做♥爱♥
But this isn't sex.
如果我回来时你已经上♥床♥了
If you, if you'd been in bed and I'd come home
然后你躺在床上说
and you'd been in bed and...and you said,
"艾伦 我们今晚来做♥爱♥吧"
"Er, hello, Alan, shall, shall we have sex this evening?"
那我很可能会说
I probably would've said
"好啊 乔伊 来吧 真是太棒了"
"Yes, Joy, let's. How lovely."
可我今天经历了这么多 回家后...
But when I come home, after the kind of day I've had...
天啊 你太无趣了
God, you're so boring!
好吧 至少我没有
OK. Well, at least I'm not trying
无端开始吵架
to start a brawl for no other reason...
我不想要一成不变的性♥爱♥了 我拒绝
I don't want to have the same old sex. In fact, I refuse.
如果我们做一成不变的性♥爱♥
Well, at least, if we were having the same old sex
至少还真能做个爱
we would, in fact, be having sex.
你为什么就不想尝试下别的呢
Why don't you want to try something different?
-因为 -你怎么就不能把这当成个机会呢
- Because... - Why can't you see this as an opportunity to try...
我很愿意尝试新东西
I'm more than happy to try something new!
我只是不想尝试
I just don't want to try something
荒唐可笑的东西
completely and utterly fucking ridiculous!
踢腿 踢腿 非常好 都很棒
Kick! Kick! Really nice. Looking great, guys.
好的 我们要加大点难度了
OK. We're gonna turn it up a bit.
踢两下
And a double kick.
就这样 真棒 坚持
There we go! Really great. Keep it going!
都做得很棒
Looking fantastic, guys.
踢两下
And double kick.
好
Nice.
非常好
Really good.
现在我们要做一个深蹲
And now we're going to go into a really nice stretch down...
然后起来
..And up.
好的 转向一边
OK. And to the side.
很好 然后转向另一边
Great. And then back to the other side.
做得很棒
Really good, guys.
再做一次
Once more.
大家都很棒
You guys look great and...
好的 大家别惊慌
OK. Er...not to alarm anyone,
不过我们似乎出了点小状况
but it looks as if we might have a little problem.
请大家离开泳池 到边上来
If we can just leave the pool. If we can move to the side, guys.
谢谢 好了 我们休息一下
Thanks, um, yeah, we're going to take a break there.
很好 大家没问题吧
Yeah, great. OK, guys??
很好 谢谢配合
Great. Thank you.
真是次难忘的经历
Well, that was quite an experience.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
我一直想在泳池里撒尿来着
I've always wanted to piss in a pool.
所以罪魁祸首是你
So you're the culprit.
我倒是想
I wish.
我叫马文
I'm Marvin.
我是乔伊 你好
Joy. Hi.
那下周见了
Um, see you next week, then.
再见
You will.
我一定把我的泳镜带来
I'll make sure I bring my goggles
以防你又大尿泳池
in case you end up pissing up a storm again.
你好吗
How are you doing?
你好吗
How are YOU doing?
所以要这么进行 是吧
Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?
我很感兴趣
I'm interested.
-我对你感兴趣 -我对你感兴趣
- I'm interested in you. - I'm interested in you.
你知道吗
Do you know something?
我没想过治疗会是这样的
This is not what I thought therapy was going to be like.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Oh, no? - No.
-我找你做心理咨♥询♥多久了 -很久了
- I mean, how long have we been doing this now? - Long time.
对 我还在等你推出一张
Yeah, I'm still waiting for you to wheel out one of those,
叫什么来着 让人躺下的那种东西
what do you call it, lying down things?
躺椅吗
Chaise longue?
是吗 我不知道 就是那种
Is it? I dunno, the thing with the...with the...
让我躺着的 我抬头就能看到
..Lying down and I'm looking up
你留着一大把胡子
and you got a proper wiry beard going on.
晃着你催眠病人用的怀表
With your fucking pocket watch or whatever,
而我在聊
and I'm telling some story
我爸爸下垂的屌♥和蛋
about my dad's pendulous cock and balls,
以及我如何心怀...
about how I've harboured some...
因为那是我在八岁时看到的
..You know cos I saw it when I was eight,
那个画面到现在还是忘不掉
and I'm still trying to get the image out of my head.
杰森 你想的话