新贵（2016）

I plan to appeal to the municipal authorities to ban bear-baiting.
为什么你想禁止它 那很好笑啊
Why would you want to ban bear-baiting? It's a laugh.
抓一只熊 背上绑一只暴怒痛苦的猴子
Get a bear, you tie an enraged and distressed ape to its back,
把它拴上链子 关进圆形斗兽场
tether it in an arena and
然后放出一群饿得半死的狗
then set a pack of half-starved dogs on it.
我想问 这有什么不好的
I mean, what's not to like?
这务必残忍♥ 野蛮得令人作呕
That it's sickeningly cruel and disgustingly savage!
我就问了 这有什么不对的
As I say, what's not to like?
拜托了 凯特 多好玩
Come on, Kate, it's funny.
看着一头老熊朝狗拍击挥爪
Watching the big old bear swatting and clawing at the dogs
而狗把熊撕得血肉模糊
as they tear lumps out of its flesh.
生活就是如此野蛮而艰辛 凯特
Life's brutal and hard, Kate.
男人们需要这种运动
Man needs his sport.
我非常理解
Yes, I do understand that,
这就是为什么我尽力推广无肉的替代方案
which is why I'm trying to promote a meat-free alternative.
没有肉的逗熊游戏
Meat-free bear-baiting?
逗梨游戏
Pear-baiting!
拿一个成熟的梨子
Take a ripe pear,
在它的茎上串一个多汁的覆盆子
impale a juicy raspberry upon its stalk
然后在旁边放上一群饥饿的沙鼠
and set a pack of reasonably hungry gerbils on it.
这群毛茸茸的生物会啃食多汁的水果
All will be merry as the furry
看上去就很令人愉悦
creatures nibble ferociously at the juicy fruit.
梨子多久会被吃掉呢
How long till the pear be eaten?
哪只又能得到最大那块呢
Who will get the biggest chunk?
这不可能 凯特
It ain't gonna happen, Kate.
男人就是残忍♥的 这是事实
Man is cruel. It's a fact of life.
但人们可以慢慢提升
But slowly he improves.
罗马时代的人类
Why, in Roman times, 'twas not animals
而不是动物也这样作为娱乐项目斗兽至死
but humans who were savaged to death for entertainment,
所以总会有进步
so there has been progress.
这提醒我了
Which reminds me.
他们今天下午
They're disembowelling
要在伦敦刑场把一群天主教♥徒♥开膛破肚
Catholics at Tyburn this afternoon, Bottom.
我觉得到时候可以去溜达溜达
Thought I might mooch along.
我喜欢
Love it!
那些天主教♥徒♥能活很久 真令人惊叹
Amazing how long them Catholics stay alive.
我是说 即使他们被开膛破肚
I mean, even after they've been disembowelled
隐私部位被从身体上扯下
and had their privy parts struck
堵住他们尖叫的嘴巴
from their bodies and placed within their screaming mouths.
我简直想说 你们就快死吧 我都快无聊死了
I'm like, "Come on, just die, it's getting boring!"
我们可以去那边野餐
We could take a picnic.
不过... 该死
Oh, except... Damn,
我都忘了 我得藏起来
I keep forgetting! I'm in hiding.
呸 我真希望自己能预先计划好
Zounds! I really wish I'd thought this plan through.
死了以后社交真难
Being dead really limits your social life.
宝特姆 上酒 上派 你主人回来啦
Bottom! Bring ale, bring pie! Your master is returned.
说一声请花不了你几个钱的
"Please" Might be nice. Manners cost nothing.
但你是个例外 我雇你每周要花一分钱
You, on the other hand, cost a penny a week,
赶紧去拿我的酒和点心吧
so get my bloomin' ale and pie.
旅行愉快吗 莎士比亚先生
Did you have a good journey, Mr Shakespeare?
并没有 凯特 自然法则一成不变
No, Kate. The natural order remains intact.
日夜不停 王权稳固
Night follows day, the Queen sits upon the throne,
我的旅途无比惨淡
and I had a truly crapsome journey.
拥挤不堪 恶臭弥漫
Jam-packed and reeking!
我以为你会花半分钱升级
I thought you'd decided to pay the ha'penny weekend upgrade
去坐头等车厢
to sit on the posh bench,
那么即使座位拥挤
so, despite the coach being packed,
你还是有一定空间 比较舒服
you'd still have space and comfort.
我升了 宝特姆 但是记住
I did, Bottom, but mark this.
座位比较满的情况下
When the coach was packed,
那些没花钱升级的人
those who had not paid the ha'penny upgrade
也会冲破脑袋挤进去的
to sit on the posh bench simply thrust themselves upon it anyway.
难道检票员
But did not the coach guard
没有严格检票吗
inspect each ticket with stern, unflinching gaze
没有要求持普通票的旅客
and order those with standard
立刻离席
tickets to vacate the posh bench at once
否则要罚款吗
or suffer a heavy fine?
没错 凯特 他是这么做了
Yes, Kate, he absolutely did.
但 等等 不 他没有
Except, hang on... No, he didn't.
他远远地坐着
He sat atop his distant perch
咕咕囔囔了一段听不太懂的话
muttering a series of semi-comprehensible remarks
大概就是沃特福德不会停车
about not stopping at Watford,
可他的话根本没人在乎 一片混乱
whilst beneath him all order was forsaken and chaos ruled.
好笑的是
Funny how when the coach
车上只有一半的乘客时
be but half-filled with blameless gentlefolk,
检票员这时候认真了
the guard is ever-diligent,
非要奶奶年纪的女士们从包里掏出票来
forcing sweet old ladies to fossick deep in their satchels
让带着孩子的妈妈把吃奶的孩子
and nursing mothers to lay aside their suckling infants
抱到一边 才能伸出手找票
that they may reach the pockets of their gowns.
可是当车里都是小混混
But when the coach is ram-packed with strutting hooligans
带着他们狂傲的小女友
and their gobbly, over-entitled tarting-slaps,
这位骑士倒是没影儿了
this same knight of the road be nowhere to be seen.
到头来我付了头等车厢的钱
Thus did I end up paying
却不得不被三个
an upgrade to be forced flat against a window
小毛孩子挤在窗户角
by three snotsome teenage grotlings
我知道他们肯定没花钱升级
who I knew had not paid the upgrade,
但是整整二十七小时我都没敢啃声
but for 27 hours I had not the gutlings to challenge them!
真是悲惨的故事 主人
Harrowing story, master.
有机会讲给麻风患者听听
You should tell it to a leper or a plaguey some time.
也许他们会忘记身体上的疼痛
Might help them take their minds off their running sores.
你该知足了
You need to count your blessings.
是的 宝特姆 例如我的仆人
Yes, Bottom, like having a
都能全面看待我的问题
servant to put my problems into perspective.
比会做饭仆人方便多了呢
So much handier than having one that can cook an edible pie.
但是 今天任何事情
However, I shan't allow
都不能掩盖我的激动心情 因为
anything to dent my mood today because, guess what,
我有一个超级好的消息
I am returned with amazing news.
要举办戏剧颁奖晚会了
There's to be a theatre awards night!
考虑到目前只有我的剧在上映
And since my plays are currently the only ones running,
我肯定能拿奖
I'm bound to scoop the lot!
天哪 恭喜你 莎士比亚先生
Goodness! Congratulations, Mr Shakespeare!
不过有一个奖项 实际上
All but one award, actually, because, believe it or not,
是颁给你的 基特 为了向你致敬
they're going to honour you, Kit, posthumously,
但还是算我获奖 因为你的作品都是我写的
which, ironically, I also win because I wrote all your plays.
所向披靡了我 惊为天人
Clean sweep for me. Amazing!
我吗 在戏剧典礼上获得提名了
Me? Nominated at an awards ceremony!
太开心了
Such larks!
可我没法去 因为我死了
Yet I can't go, cos I'm dead.
我出的什么馊主意
Curse this ruse of mine.
我想知道他们会找谁去领奖
I wonder who they'll get to collect it.
我猜会找
Oh, they'll try and get in
你的家人吧
touch with some member of your family, I suppose.
不可能了 早就死光光了
No luck there. All gone to Hell years ago.
除非
Unless...
除非
Unless...
不得了了 我想到一个办法
Gadzungles! I begin to see a way out of my current fix
能让我摆脱当下的困境 重新融入社会
and enter society once more!
莎士比亚太太会和您
Will Mrs Shakespeare be
共同参加典礼吗 莎士比亚先生
accompanying you to the ceremony, Mr Shakespeare?
我想她一定高兴坏了
I'm sure she'd be thrilled.
其实 我知道我应该问她的 但是...
Well, I... I know I should ask her, but...
这个典礼
Well, these awards will
会是伦敦多年来最瞩目的夜晚
be London's most glamorous night in years.
上流社会的男人带着美丽的女伴
Sophisticated men, beautiful women...
你的意思是你觉得你的妻子
Are you saying you don't think your wife would be fitting company
不配和你共同出席这个场合吗
for such an occasion?
当然不配 她是个挤奶工
Duh! She's a milkmaid.
莎士比亚先生 她可是爱你敬你的妻子
Mr Shakespeare, she is your loyal and loving wife!
我不敢相信在你最辉煌的时刻
I cannot believe that you would
你不愿让她挽着你的手臂
not want her on your arm at your moment of triumph
而是想带个年轻的小婊♥子♥