新贵（2016）

...搞大了她要命的肚子
...knocked her proper up the muffly-duffington.
完全是我的错
My fault entirely.
她恳请我在狂乱中要当心
She had begged that I take care in my frenzied haste,
而我也向她保证
and promised had I to ensure that
我那紫色冠头的东西...
the stranger in the purple helm who had...
那个钻进她衬裙的家伙
who had come a-visiting beneath her petticoats
不会让她不快活
would ne'er outstay his welcome
而且我会在爆发前尽快撤出
but would instead withdraw post-haste before,
否则这不幸的爆发
like fiery Mount Vesuvius
将如同可怕的维苏威火山
disgorging hot lava upon Pompeii,
把炙热的岩浆倾倒在庞培城之上
an unfortunate eruption occurred.
但是吧... 怕什么来什么
But cometh the hour... cometh the man.
安妮丰润得如同新播种的牧场
And Anne, being fertile as a new-sown meadow
堆满新鲜 热气腾腾的粪肥
spread thick with fresh and steaming dung,
我还没来得及点一斗事后烟
was pregnant before I'd had so much as a chance to light a pipe
问问她感觉如何 她就怀了孩子
and ask how it had beeneth for her.
因此我们的婚礼就这样确定了
Thus was our wedding day set.
您真的要到处大谈特谈这种细节吗
Are you actually going anywhere with this tsunami of oversharing?
就是 我还以为您要说遇上精灵的故事呢
Yeah. I thought you were about to tell us about meeting a fairy.
我正要说到
I'm getting to that.
我全心全意爱着安妮
You see, I loved Anne with all my heart,
但我也害怕
but I feared that she did
她嫁给我只是因为怀了孩子
only marry me because she was knocked uppeth.
实活实说 面对女孩我总是缺少自信
To be honest, I've always lacked a bit of confidence with girls.
是啊 毕竟秃头
Yeah. Being bald.
我不是秃头
I am not bald!
我只是脸长
I have a tall face.
另外一提 从前我的脸可比现在短得多
Besides which, in those days, my face was much shorter.
那时我的黑发如渡鸦羽毛般华丽
I had gorgeous raven locks
脚踝和南沃里克郡的热血小年轻一样诱人
and as pretty an ankle as any hot-blooded youth in South Warwickshire.
但是 莎士比亚先生
But, Mr Shakespeare, if
如果您的头发乌黑 脚踝诱人
your locks were raven and your ankle pretty,
为什么您还缺少自信呢
why didst thou lack confidence?
我又没说我不是理想的结婚对象
Well, I'm not saying I wasn't a catch.
我可是个抢手的人 好吧
I was hot stuff, all right,
只是不像我的安妮一样热辣
just not as hot stuff as mine Anne.
她可真是优雅的小美人啊
She was just such a classy bird!
先生 我爱莎士比亚夫人至深
Master, I love Mrs S to death,
但优雅... 您真的这么认为吗
but classy...? You think?
我记得您曾告诉我
I remember you telling me
她甚至不放过奶牛的乳♥头♥
she didn't even let go of the cow's teats.
是真的 她是个尽忠职守的女仆
'Tis true, she was a dutiful maid
我从后面骑她的时候
and verily did milk a bucketful
她还老老实实地挤满了一桶奶...
whilst I didst roist around the back...
我得承认
which, I do confess,
她这样让我很冲动
lent a surprisingly erotic frisson to the encounter.
安妮多么性感呀
Anne was just so sexsome.
所有人都爱她 而她也爱所有人
All did love her, and she love them.
很多英俊强壮的男子
And many a lusty-trousered
在我之前也曾对她立下山盟海誓
sap-bursting roister had plighted his troth before me,
但她没有嫁给其中的任何一个
and she didn't marry any of them.
与我立下婚约那年她已二十六岁
She was 26 by the time she gave my troth a plighting.
为什么在如此漫长的等待之后她选择了我呢
Why, having waited so long, did she choose me?
因为她怀上了
Because she was up the duffington.
正是
Exactly.
因此她非嫁我不可
She had to marry me.
但又不一定爱我
But she didn't have to love me.
而一想到她并非心甘情愿 我就心烦意乱
And distraught was I at the prospect of a reluctant bride.
恰好那时我遇上那个精灵
And that's when I met the fairy sprite.
哎呀 我都忘记他了
Blimey! I'd forgotten about him.
我可没忘 宝特姆
Not me, Bottom.
遇见的第一个精灵是忘不掉的
You never forget your first Puck.
那晚我独自一人在美丽的绿林中游荡
Wandered had I alone in the merry greenwood.
哎呀
Blimey!
要么是我认错了你的身形
Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
或者你确实是那个精明又狡猾的精灵
or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
罗宾·古德弗洛
call'd Robin Goodfellow.
你不就是那个
Are not you he
把村里的姑娘都吓得够呛的家伙吗
that frights the maidens of the villagery?
你说得对
Thou speak'st aright.
我在晚上到处游荡
I am that merry wanderer of the night.
跟仙王奥伯龙说笑话 逗他发笑
I jest to Oberon and make him smile,
同时哄骗一匹被豆子喂得肥肥的马
when I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile.
但既然我已为你套上雏菊花环 就叫我帕克吧
But since in daisy chains I've got you, just call me Puck.
听起来就像那句 "什么鬼"
That's as in "What the...?"
那么 顽皮的精灵
Why, then, naughty sprite,
你想跟我说什么
what the Puck would you with me?
一笔划算的交易 先生
A clever bargain would I strike with you, sir.
在我看来你在爱情上是个彻头彻尾的失败者
In love methinks thou art a total loser.
但是...
But...
如果把这药剂滴入你心上人的眼中
Put this potion in your sweetheart's eyes,
当她醒来 会收获惊喜
and when she wakes she'll get a big surprise.
她会迷上第一眼见到的人
To him whom first she sees, her heart's enthralled,
即使是像你这样终将秃头的男人
even if, like you, he ends up going bald.
他把药剂给了我
And he gave me the potion.
我的老天 而一切都成真了
Oh, my goodness! And it all came true.
也不是完全成真
Well, not entirely.
我没有变秃
As you can see, I didn't go bald,
差一点点
just a little bit less not bald,
因此性质完全不同
which is a completely different thing.
不管怎样 帕克要了我整整五个先令
Anyway, Puck charged me fully five shillings for the potion.
也就是我的全部家当
Every penny I had, in fact.
但我用小价钱
But a small price to pay for a
换来了一生的家庭幸福 他的药确实管用
lifetime of domestic bliss, because it worked.
我的安妮一直痴情于我
Mine Anne has been besotted with me ever since.
我也痴迷于她
Just as I am with her.
虽然我们的感情总有起落
Well, I mean, we've had our ups and downs.
比如那位 黑女士
The "Dark lady" Episode, for instance?
可爱的爱米利亚·拉尼尔
Sweet Emelia Lanier,
威尼斯宫廷乐师之女
daughter of the Venetian court musician,
你饥渴地仰慕她的肉体
whom you did lust after most hornsomely.
是 确实有过这么一段短暂而不幸的恋情
Yes, I do admit a brief and unfortunate infatuation there.
还有那位 俊美青年
And the "Fair youth," Whom also
你也想要跟他把酒言欢
did you want to roister most rigidly.
我说最后一次 宝特姆
For the final time, Bottom,
我不是想跟南安普顿伯爵把酒言欢
I did not want to rigidly roister the Earl of Southampton!
老实说 我不明白这些谣言是怎么来的
Honestly, I just don't know how these rumours get about!
嗯... 你确实好不羞涩地写
Well... You did write most gushsomely
希望和他"羞耻地放纵"
about wanting to expend your spirit in his waste of shame.
我的意思是 我们交谈甚欢
By which I meant, "Have a nice chat." obviously.
不管那些了
But never mind all that.
我的重点是
The point I'm making is that
《仲夏夜之梦》并非我一时异想天开
my midsummer's play be not fey whimsy,
而是活生生的现实
but gritty realism.
您不觉得这个帕克是个骗子吗
You don't think this Puck bloke might have been a conman?
当然不 他的药水起作用了
Absolutely not. The potion worked.
安妮那颗不变的心就是证明
Anne's constant heart is proof of that.
既然我们已经确认
And now that we have established
我的《仲夏夜之梦》
beyond any doubt that A Midsummer Night's Dream
绝不是什么瞎逼逼
is definitely not mimsy-whimsy soppy-grotty doodah,
接下来得考虑如何在结尾处加入笑料
I must return to the question of gagging up the big reveal scene.
我向伯比奇保证
I've promised Burbage that
会给那个下等织布工取一个搞笑的名字
I'll give the lowly weaver a hilarious name,
但该叫什么呢 宝特姆
but what could that name be, Bottom?
我问你 宝特姆 该叫什么
I ask you... Bottom, what could it be?
我不知道啊 主人
I've no idea, master.
伯比奇还希望有个特别的视觉效果
Also, Burbage is expecting a big visual gag
而我也完全没有灵感
and I'm equally at a loss for the inspiration there.
我进来献丑啦
In come I to make an ass of myself!
这又是什么把戏
What merry trick is this?