新贵（2016）

来看这个小蛋蛋耳环
Look at these tiny testicle earrings.
我说是拽下了男人的蛋蛋
I say that I tore them
再将其缩小 但其实是唬人的
from a man and shrunk them, but it is a lie.
实际 我只是阉了一只大蛋蛋的沙鼠
In fact, I just castrated a well-endowed gerbil.
你要借吗
Would you like to borrow them?
非常感谢
Thanks awfully,
但我吓唬人可能没人信
but I don't think I'd be very convincing trying to be scary.
但如果你想独自生活 必须学会变得可怕
But you must learn to be scary if you want to live alone.
但我不想独自生活
But I don't want to live alone.
我就想找一个不自私的男人
I just want to find a man who isn't a selfish, entitled bastable.
如我所说 如果你想独自生活
So, as I said, you must
必须学会变得可怕
learn to be scary if you want to live alone.
"... 分派今天的胜利的光荣吧"
"...Glories of this happy day."
结束
Finished!
《裘力斯·凯撒》
Julius Caesar.
我最好的下午之作
Best afternoon's work I ever did.
一如既往地出彩
And it won't surprise you to learn that it's brilliant.
我确信
I'm sure it is.
凯撒之死 这是惊天动地的大事情
Such an earth-shattering event. The death of Caesar.
是的 你竟然让我写他
Yes. Hard to believe that you thought I should set the play
公元前五十五年他入侵英国失败
around his abortive British invasion of 55 BC.
感谢老天 我没有听你的
Thank goodness I didn't listen to you!
宝特姆 把稿件送去格林家
Botsky, get this manuscript round to Greene's.
我希望他不要想方设法地退稿
I hope he doesn't try and find a way to deny it licence.
会过审的 我确定
Oh, he'll license it, all right. I've made sure of that.
我得去剧院了
And I must to the theatre.
该去讨要伯比奇欠下的恩情了
Time to use the favour Burbage owes me
并摆脱这个年老无趣 满腹牢骚的自恋鬼
to be rid of the ageing dragsome queenie-preenie
他还坚信
who thinks the key to
扮演少女的关键是阴毛做的假眉毛
playing teenage girls is having pubic eyebrows.
好看吗
Well?
你觉得如何
What do you think?
迷人吗
Pretty saucy?
性感吗
Pretty sexy?
我自己用火♥药♥和柠檬汁染的
Did it myself using gunpowder and lemon juice.
为什么
But why?
不明显吗 过去的我已死
Isn't it obvious? I'm dead,
我要开始崭新的人生
remember. I'm going to start life anew!
大家都知道 基特·马洛
Kit Marlowe was known as
有一头超迷人的棕色秀发
an utterly ravishing strawberry brunette,
与你眼前华丽无比的人型水仙花不同
not the drop-dead gorgeous human daffodil you see before you.
一个全新的我
This is the new me.
拥有一头金发 我就能更多地展现出
Being blond, I'll be able to show
自己富有感知力 体贴 不拜金的一面
my more sensitive, caring, non-gold-digging side.
我不会嫁给你的 马洛先生
I'm not going to marry you, Mr Marlowe.
得了吧 凯特
Oh, come on, Kate!
我们很搭
It's perfect!
你需要丈夫 而我需要新生活和新身份
You need a husband, I need a new life and identity.
你有一笔可观的遗产 一份瞩目的财产
You have a decent inheritance, an impressive property portfolio.
我有...
I've got...
- 一根家伙而已 - 没错
- A cod-dangle. - Exactly!
这世界上一半人都有
You and half the people on the planet!
没错 但都不像我的
Yes, but not like mine.
"马"洛的可是重量级
We're talking a Marlowe massive here.
如果我要结婚 马洛先生
If I marry, Mr Marlowe, it will
不是要性♥伴♥侣♥ 而是要安全感
not be for rumpy-pumpington, but for security,
而你会是我最后才会考虑的对象
and you are the last man on Earth I would go to for that!
抱歉 康戴尔先生 但你不能再演少女了
I am sorry, Mr Condell, but you can't play the totty any more.
终于不用男扮女装了
Time to hang up your coconuts.
背叛
Betrayed!
背叛
Betrayed!
你也有份吗 莎士比亚先生
Et tu, Mr Shakespeare!
你也是吗 伯比奇先生
Et tu, Mr Burbage!
听着 我们没有让你彻底放弃舞台
Look, we're not saying you have to give up the boards completely.
不会的 我是名演员 舞台是我的生命
Never. I am an actor. The boards are in my blood!
所以你的表演才那么呆板吗
Oh, is that why your performances are so wooden?
谁说的 是我...
Who said that? I did, so...
只是你不能再演天真无邪的少女了
It's just that you will no longer play the ingenue.
你将会扮演男二
You shall now take the male second leads.
嘿
Er, hello?
我是男二 因为我在意大利很出名
I take the second leads, cos I'm big in Italy.
那样的话 我建议你去那儿表演
In which case, I suggest you go and perform there.
背叛 背叛 大背叛
Betrayed. So betrayed. Like, mad betrayed.
有许多重要角色 人人有份
There are loads of great parts. Enough for all.
康戴尔先生 我认为布鲁图斯一角适合你
For you, I thought Brutus, Mr Condell.
而坎普适合演马克·安东尼
And Mark Antony for Kempe.
两个都是核心角色 读了剧本你们就知道了
Both are pivotal. Wait till you read them.
威廉 要读剧本的人不是我们
It's not us that must needs read the play,
而是罗伯特·格林
though, Will, but Robert Greene.
老实说 我有些担心他怎么看
And I must confess, I'm slightly worried on that score.
包含了刺杀 弑君和背叛的剧本
A play that includes assassination, regicide and betrayal
一定会使人议论 担心女王陛下的性命受到威胁
must prove contentious, with Her Majesty's life ever threatened.
格林可以用这样的借口让我们禁演
Greene could use just such an excuse to ban us.
我很早很早前就想到了 伯比奇先生
Way ahead of you, Mr Burbage, way ahead of you.
莎士比亚终于栽在我手里了
The Crow is in my clutches at last!
这超短篇的罗马戏剧显然有煽动性
This extremely short Roman play be clearly seditious.
赞颂了对统治者的谋杀
It celebrates the murder of a ruler.
我会批准他的申请
Well, I will grant his application.
等到演出的时候...
And when the play is performed...
"让战争的猛犬四出蹂躏吧"
then cry, "Havoc," And let slip the dogs of war.
出自《裘力斯·凯撒》第三幕第一场
要知道 我只给了他一半的剧本
You see, I've only sent him half the play.
他以为这剧以凯撒的死亡告终
He thinks it ends with the death of Caesar,
但实际上 凯撒在第三幕开场就死了
but, in fact, Caesar dies at the beginning of Act III.
原来如此
Oh, I see.
十分机智...
Oh, yes, that is rather...
慢着
What?!
演到一半凯撒就死了
Caesar dies halfway through the play?!
不到一半 实际上 大概演到百分之四十吧
Well, a bit less than half, in fact. About 40%.
但他是剧名里的角色
But it's the title role!
在后半部分
Well, you know, they talk
其他角色会经常提起他
about him quite a lot in the second half.
提起他
Talk about him?!
你创造了个剧名角色
You write a title role and
然后在第三幕开场就把他写死了吗
kill him off at the beginning of Act III?
背叛
Betrayed!
背叛
Betrayed!
这是再度背叛
A second time betrayed!
你也背叛我吗 莎士比亚先生
Et tu, Mr Shakespeare!
我不会出演这部戏
I shall not present this play!
我们该去演格林的《僧人培根和僧人班格》
We shall give Greene's Bungay And Bacon instead.
别别别 伯比奇先生...
No, no, wait. Mr Burbage...
我在第四幕把凯撒再写回来怎么样...
What about if I brought Caesar back in Act IV...
以鬼魂的形式
as a ghost?
鬼魂 你会这么写吗 不是在骗我吧
A ghost? You'd do that? No tricks?
如果我一定得这么写的话
Well, you know, if I have to.
我猜这能行
I suppose it might work. I...
我可以表演一下... 死灵哀嚎
could use my... deathly howl...
当然 或者...
Yes, absolutely. Or...
还是别了吧
Or else not.
好吧 我勉强同意了
Very well. Reluctantly, I agree.
如果格林试图以结局弑君为理由
And when Greene tries to close us
让我们停演时
down for presenting a play that ends with regicide,
我们就演
we will disgrace him by showing
阴谋家如何终食恶果来羞辱他
how the conspirators all get their just deserts.
没错 每一场 他们都被
Yes, by being haunted and tormented
凯撒无所不知 无时不在
by Caesar's omniscient, ever-present,
复仇心切
avenging,
不停哀嚎的鬼魂
constantly ho-o-o-o-owling ghost
纠缠和折磨
in every single scene!
没错