英村脑残故事（2017）

He had to write a letter to Cadbury's
他还给吉百利公♥司♥写了一封信
asking what happened to the Fuse bar.
问他们芙斯巧克力棒怎么了
And they wrote back saying, "The sales weren't great"
然后他们回信说"巧克力棒的销量不太好"
"But thank you so much for taking the time to write in."
"不过感谢您抽出时间写信给我们"
Thanks again so much for this, Mand,
再次感谢 Mand
honestly, I can't believe it.
讲真的 我都不敢相信
So, do you know what you want, then?
你想好要纹个什么样的图案了吗
I just can't decide at the moment.
我现在还没想好
Why don't you have a look through one of these books, then?
要不你就翻翻这个本子里看吧
Choose something from there. Cheers, Mand.
从这里面选一个 谢谢 Mand
So, what's that one?
这个是什么
That's a pig.
这是只猪
All right.
好吧
Sorry, who's that?
抱歉 这几个是谁
That's Friends.
这是<老友记>
And that one? Harry Styles.
那这个呢 哈里斯泰尔斯
Tasmanian.
袋獾
That's Justin Bieber.
这是贾斯汀·比伯
Fred Flintstone. Spock.
摩登原始人 史波克
Stig of the Dump.
"垃圾大王"
All right. Who did these?
好吧 这些都是谁画的
Me. Oh, right.
我 噢 好的
They're really good.
画得真好
I know.
我知道
Who's that one?
这是谁
That's Grant from EastEnders
这是<东区人>里的Grant
but also it could be that bloke off MasterChef.
不过也可以是<厨艺大♥师♥>里的那个家伙
Oh, right. If you put glasses on it.
哦 好吧 如果你给他加副眼镜的话
Do you know what? I think I'm going to have to just
是这样 我觉得我还是要
go home and just have a think about it.
回家好好想一下
Why?
为什么
Cos...well, they're just so good, I can't choose which one.
因为 呃 这些图案都太棒了 我不知道该选哪一个
So, you're wasting my time?
这么说你是一直在浪费我时间吗
Cos I've booked the whole afternoon off for this.
我专门腾出整个下午的事件来给你弄这个
And I'm giving you one for free.
而且我还是免费给你纹身
No, I... You're taking the piss, aren't you?
不是 我 你在耍我 对吧
I do really want one, it's just, I...
我是真的很想纹一个 只是 我
I do, yeah, I do really want one, yeah. What?
我想纹 真的 我真的想纹一个 真的 怎么
I just don't know which one to have yet, that's the only thing.
我只是不知道选哪一个 就是这个问题
Do you do, like, really small ones?
你能不能 就是 纹那种很小的图案
Like I literally just want, like, a K.
我真的只需要 那种 一个字母"K"
I don't do small ones, I only do massive ones.
我不纹小的图案 我只纹大型图案
Right.
好吧
You wanted one? Nah.
你想纹一个吗 不要
Do you know what? I am going to go home and think about it, Mand.
是这样子的 我要回家好好想一下 Mand
Mand...
Mand
Mandy?
Mandy
Mandy?
Mandy
Brilliant, she's dead.
太好了 她死了
No, she's sleeping.
没有 她只是睡着了
Oh, what the fuck... What, with her eyes open?
噢 搞什么鬼 睁着眼睛也能睡着吗
Yeah, my nan does it, it's like a weird condition or something.
对啊 我奶奶以前就这样 反正就是很奇怪的症状之类的
Look, watch this. Mandy?
来 试试这样 Mandy
Your tattoos are shit.
你设计的纹身图案丑死了
Oi.
嘿
That's the whole day away.
还有一整天的时间
She's sleep talking.
她在说梦话
Oh.
噢
Fuck this, I'm getting out of here.
妈的 我要走了
Go, let's get out.
走吧 我们走吧
Oh, my God.
噢 天哪
She's going to be so livid that we just, like, legged it.
我们这样跑掉她肯定气炸了
Well, yeah, but... Oh...
呃 是啊 但是 哦
You'd rather get a punch in the face, yeah,
你宁可脸上被打一拳
than a giant tattoo for the rest of your life, so, just...
也好过带着一个巨大的纹身 过一辈子 所以
Oh, my God.
哦我的天哪
Oh, for fuck's sake.
妈的不是吧
Oh, well, don't stop, let's keep walking.
别停 我们继续走我们的
All right. Pretend we haven't seen him.
好吧 假装我们没看见他
Kerr, wait!
Kerr 等等
What is it?
怎么了
God!
天哪
Look at him, he's waddling like he's shat himself.
你看他个样子 摇摇摆摆的好像屎拉在身上了一样
What is it, mate?
怎么了 哥们儿
Well, what is it?
喂 怎么了
Kerr, come on, let's just go.
Kerr 拜托 我们走吧
What? What?
怎么了 怎么了
Rob Robinson? Well, what about him?
Rob Robinson 他怎么了
What? What is it?
怎么 什么事
No, what about him? What is it? Rob Robinson?
没有 他怎么了 什么事 Rob Robinson吗
What is it?
怎么了
He's alive? How do you know?
他还活着吗 你怎么知道的
Yeah?
是吗
Oh, yeah!
太好了
Seriously?
真的吗
Seriously?
真的吗
Kerr, this is...this is... This is serious now.
Kerr 这 这 这事是真的严肃起来了
That is amazing.
真是太棒了
Thanks for that, mate.
谢谢你 哥们儿
Thank the Lord for Slugs.
太感谢你了 Slugs
That's brilliant, that.
干得漂亮
Come on. I can't believe it, that is...
拜托 我都不敢相信 这真是
That's great news. The plot thickens, Kerr.
绝好的消息啊 事情变得复杂又有趣了 Kerr
Mum, what's for tea?
妈 下午茶吃什么
What?
什么
Can I have a word, Kerr?
能跟你简单聊几句吗 Kerr
She's going to fucking kill us.
她会把我们都他妈杀了的
Not me, I'm going home.
不关我的事 我要回家了
You're coming in with me.
你得跟我一起进去
She'll fucking....
她绝逼会
Don't you fucking dare.
你♥他♥妈♥敢走
All right, Mand?
你好啊 Mand
Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
听着 早些时候的事我很抱歉
I don't want you to think I sleep on the job or nothing.
我不希望你认为我会在工作的时候睡觉之类的
I'm a professional. No, honestly, you're fine,
我是很专业的 不 说实话 你很好
It's just I reckon what we should do
我觉得我们干脆就
is just forget about the whole thing, to be honest.
把这整件事都忘了吧 真的
No, I brought all my tattooing stuff round now.
不行 我把我所有纹身的工具都带过来了
Yeah, but you're really tired, though, aren't you?
是吗 但是你应该很累吧 对吧
No.
不累
Erm...
呃
But I don't really know...what I want to have done yet,
但是我真的不知道 我该纹个什么样的图案
that's the thing.
这是个问题
That's all right, I'll make it up as I go along.
没关系 我帮你纹的时候即兴设计一个吧
Sit down.
坐下
Yeah, I could have said "No" To Mandy, but...
是啊 我本可以对Mandy说"不"的 但是
I want to support a local business, don't I?
但是我得支持本地商业 是吧
Because that's who I am.
因为我就是这样的人
And when a tattoo removal company starts up round here,
然后等这里成立了洗纹身的公♥司♥
I'll be supporting that, as well.
我也同样会去支持的
Take your top off. Yeah.
把你上衣脱掉 好吧
So, we're just outside the village.
我们刚从村庄里出来
It's been years since I've come up here.
距我上次来这里已经有好多年了
Like, it's a long walk from my house,
从我家走来确实是很长的一段路
but I think it's all going to be worth it
但是我觉得这一切都会是值得的
because I'm seeing Robert Robinson.
因为我就要见到Robert Robinson了
Slugs found out that he works in this garage just outside the village.
Slugs发现他在村外的这个汽修厂工作
I don't know what's going to happen. Like, anything could happen.
我不知道会发生什么 任何事情都有可能发生
He might not want to see me.
他可能不想见我
He might just punch me in the face, and if he does,
他也可能给我脸上来一拳 但如果他真这么做了