英村脑残故事（2017）

Oh, what, so you've outgrown the parish church, have you?
所以你已经大到这片教区也容不下了 是吗
Well, yeah. I have.
对 是的
Yeah, but what about the duck race, though?
可是 那鸭速竞赛怎么办啊
Well, I'll just come back for the duck race.
到比赛的时候我再回来呗
You can't just come back for the duck race. Why?
你不能就为了鸭速竞赛回来 为什么
Because you can't just dip in and out.
因为你不能说来就来 说走就走
You either dip in or you dip out.
你要不就留下来 要不就走
You can't dip in and out.
你不能来了 又走
It doesn't work that way.
这样不行的
Ker, aren't you just bored?
Ker 你就不觉得无聊吗
No. I'm not, mate. I'm not bored.
不 不无聊 老兄 一点都不
Like...
就像
We spent all of last week, yeah,
我们上周花了一周时间
trying to get a pound coin
就为了取个一磅的硬币
out of a well with a magnet on a piece of string.
还是从井里 用绳子绑块磁铁吸上来的
So? That's all we did!
那又怎样 一周时间只做了这个
Well, you know that's rubbish,
你胡说八道呢
because we did bury the dead carp, as well, so...
我们还埋葬了一条死鲤鱼 所以
Look, can I just talk to you, like, alone
我能和你好好谈一下吗 就我俩
for, like, two minutes, please?
大概 两分钟 行吗
Just so I can talk, like... I just want to...
这样我能好好说 我能
Yeah? Oh, fine,
好吗 噢 可以 随便
Please? Whatever, yeah.
来吧 行
Two minutes, though.
不过就两分钟啊
Everyone we grew up with, yeah,
我们从小一起玩大的人
all our mates have moved on.
我们的朋友都开启新生活了
Like Darren Lacey and Kirk,
像Darren Lacey和Kirk
they share a flat in Stroud now.
他们现在在斯特劳德合租了一间公♥寓♥
Do you remember that Christmas when they came back, yeah,
你还记得那年圣诞节他们回来的时候吗
and they drove us to McDonald's
他们开车带我们去麦当劳
and we had to sit and watch them eat their McDonald's
我们只能干坐着 看着他们吃麦当劳
because we couldn't afford any
因为我们啥也吃不起
And all they could bang on about
而且他们就一直聊
was how good it was working at Halfords.
在哈福德工作有多爽多爽
So?
所以呢
Like, I was embarrassed, mate.
我当时很尴尬啊 老姐
I honestly went home that night and just bawled my eyes out
我那天晚上回到家 哭得一塌糊涂
because I know that they've moved on and I haven't
因为我知道他们有新生活了 而我没有
and I'm stuck in this life, going nowhere.
我困在现在这个处境中 原地踏步
Like, when I bump into people I know in the street, yeah,
当我在街上碰到熟人时
my heart sinks, because I know what they're going to ask me.
我立马心一沉 因为我知道他们要问什么
"Oh, all right, Kurtan, what are you up to now?"
"你好啊 Kurtan 最近忙什么呢"
Well, I haven't got nothing to say,
我真的不知道该说什么
because I ain't up to anything.
因为我没有在忙任何事情
And I ain't been up to anything since I left school.
自从离开学校 我就什么事都没做过
Do you know what I think?
你知道我是怎么想的吗
I think you don't know how lucky we have it
我觉得你根本不知道我们有多幸运
to be doing nothing with our lives, like.
我们的人生不需要做任何事情
We're all going to die, anyway,
反正我们都要死
so what's the point in doing anything?
所以找事做又有什么意义呢
No...
不是
That's... You don't get it, do you?
这 你没懂 是不是
No, what I don't get is you going behind my back,
没 而且我不懂的是 你为什么要背着我
wanting to leave me here on my own. That's what I don't get.
打算把我留在这一个人走 这是我不明白的
Why can't you just be happy for me?
你怎么就不能为我感到开心呢
Do you know what you're like? You're selfish.
你知道自己怎么回事吗 你就是自私
Me selfish? So selfish.
我自私吗 很自私
I'll tell you what you're like, then. Yeah, go on.
那我来告诉你你怎么回事吧 行 说啊
Actually, no, I won't, because it'll upset you.
算了 不说了 说出来你会不高兴
No, go on. You started now, so you might as well.
说啊 你都提出来了 那就说啊
You're like Tony from Hollyoaks.
你就像<圣橡镇少年>里的Tony
Everyone else has moved on,
所有人都搬出去了
but you're staying where you are, yeah, year in, year out,
但只有你待在原地不动 年复一年
doing the same old shit,
重复着做那些破事
hanging on to the same old shitty memories.
抓住那些老掉牙的记忆不放
Do you know what?
你猜怎么着
Good luck with it all, yeah?
祝你好运了行吧
Yes, they have had a bit of a falling out,
是 他们吵了一架
which is unfortunate.
这很不幸
But when you've been as close
但是当你有过很长一段跟
as Kerry and Kurtan have been for so long
Kerry和Kurtan这样亲密的关系的话
that's understandable.
就很能理解了
And, erm, I think it's my job to...
还有 我认为我的工作是
try and help them see each other's point of view.
尝试帮助他们进行换位思考
But ultimately, I'm confident they're mature enough
但最终 我相信他们足够成熟
to put this behind them.
可以放下争端
Can I play? No!
我能玩吗 不能
Well, right, I'm going to tell the vicar, then,
好吧 那我要去牧师那告状
if you don't let me play! OK, bye!
如果你要不让我玩的话 行啊 再见
OK, right, you're both going to have your say, so let's begin.
好了 你们两个都会有话语权 开始吧
Kerry, would you like to speak first?
Kerry 你可以先开始吗
What would you like to say?
你想要说什么
Firstly, Grand Theft Auto Five.
首先 <侠盗猎车手5>
We bought that together, so who's going to keep that, then?
我们一起买♥♥的 所以要归谁所有
Well, she can have it during the week
她可以在工作日玩
and I'll have it at weekends.
我在周末玩儿
Does that work for everyone? No, not for me.
两位同意这样处理吗 不 我不同意
Because I'm not happy with my half of Grand Theft Auto
我不想要我的那半<侠盗猎车>在城市里乱窜
being passed around some crappy halls
在贫民窟横冲直撞
like some pig on market day,
就像菜市场上的猪
getting scuffed or lost or stolen.
容易被刮 丢失 或者被偷
I'm not happy with that. Just have it, then.
我不愿意看到那种事 那就给你了
No, I can't have it. Because it's not rightfully mine.
不 我不能拿走 因为理论上这不是我的
I believe that maybe we'll have to do some sort of a changeover,
我想或许我们该做个类似交接的程序
through either you or a contact centre.
通过你或者其他第三方
Fuck, fine.
靠 行吧
OK, then. There's another thing, as well, I just want to say.
那好 另外一件事 我想说的是
I've got a Pog that I gave to him ages ago.
我有一个收藏瓶盖 很早以前给他了
I didn't actually give it, I lent it to him,
也不算是给他了 是我借给他了
that I actually need back now.
我现在需要他还回来
What Pog? It's shiny.
什么瓶盖 闪闪发光的那个
I lent it to you ages ago and I really want it returned.
我很早以前借给你的 我现在想要回来
Oh, my God...!
噢 老天啊
This is baffling.
真是搞不懂你
Are you not baffled by this? That was probably at school.
你能搞懂她在干什么吗 那估计是在上学的时候
I've moved house, yeah, three times since then.
我已经搬家了 从那时起搬了三次
I want you two to be on good terms for when Kurtan leaves.
我希望在Kurtan离开时你们俩能够重归于好
Did you see that sort of behaviour
你看到他刚刚的表现了吗
that I'm having to put up with?
我不得不容忍♥他
I'm just asking for my Pog to be returned before he fucks off
我只想要回属于我的瓶盖 在他滚蛋之前
and leaves me all my own with a Grand Theft Auto to look after.
然后留我一个人照顾<侠盗猎车手>
I am being very calm. OK, Kerry.
我已经很冷静了 好了 Kerry
Kurtan, will you be able to look for Kerry's Pog?
Kurtan 你可以去找Kerry的瓶盖吗
I can look, but I won't find it.
我可以找找看 但肯定找不到
That sort of attitude I've had to put up with for 20-odd years.
就这种态度我忍♥了有20多年了
I'm not surprised.
我一点都不惊讶
Yeah, and I've had to put up with
那我还不得不忍♥受
that nagging old bell shaft for 20-odd years.
这傻屌♥喋喋不休长达20多年呢
Come on, what did I just say? That's another thing.
看 我刚才说什么了 还有一件事
I want ownership of the words
我要以下几个词的所有权
bellshaft, wankcoin and arsepirate.
傻屌♥ 淫老和菊花盗
Because I made them up.
因为这是我想出来的词
I don't want them being bandied around a college
我可不想这些词在大学流传的同时
with him taking ownership of them, because that's not right.
他还掌握所有权 那可不行
Fine, then. I want ownership of the words fucknut and dickmilk.
行 那我要蠢驴和淫棍的所有权
OK, right, that's enough. Fine!
行了 够了 行啊
I do want that in writing, though, by the way.
顺便说一下 我需要他白纸黑字写下来
I actually...cannot wait to leave this shithole.
我等不及要离开这个鬼地方了
Yeah, and I actually cannot wait for you to leave this shithole.
行啊 我也等不及要你离开这个鬼地方了
I had this come through the post.
这个是他们给我邮寄过来的