英村脑残故事（2017）

Oh, your mum's shouting.
哦 你妈开始嚎了
Just coming now.
马上就来
Yeah...Cheers, mate. But have a really...I hope you enjoy yourself.
嗯啊 谢了 哥们儿 还是祝你 希望你玩的高兴
Cheers though, mate. Thanks for thinking of us.
还是要谢谢你 哥们儿 谢谢你想着我们
Yeah. See you later.
是的 回头见
So, today's the day of the Scarecrow Festival
那么 今天就是稻草人节
and I've got a bad feeling.
我有种不祥的预感
Mark my words, something bad is going to happen to me today.
记住我的话 今天会有些倒霉事要发生在我身上
Da!
爹
That's my dad, that is.
那是我老爸
Dad!
老爸
You all right, Dad?
你还好吧 老爸
All right?
好着呢
What have you been up to then?
你最近忙什么呢
Just taking the kids out.
就是带孩子们出来逛逛
Right.
好吧
Is it all right if I come over yours later?
我晚会儿去你那坐坐可以吧
Nah.
别了
I ain't seen you in ages, Dad.
我都好几年没见你了 老爸
Yeah, yeah...but I've got to go, Kerr.
是啊 没错 但我得走了 Kerr
All right. Come on, my kiddo. See you.
好吧 跟上 孩子 回见
That's my dad.
那是我老爸
That was my dad, that was.
刚刚这个是我老爸
Did you see my dad, Kurtan? Yeah.
刚你看见我老爸了吗 Kurtan 看见了
He's going to the festival as well.
他也会去稻草人节
What did he say?
他都说什么了
He said, erm,
他说 嗯
I can come over to his later, if I want.
要是我想的话 晚会儿可以去他那坐坐
Did he?
他这么说了
Yeah, but I think I might be busy tonight, so...
是啊 但我觉得今晚可能会有点忙 所以
I might not go.
我可能去不了了
The Scarecrow Festival is just a bit of fun really.
稻草人节其实还挺有趣的
It's a tradition that's been going since I was a boy
这是个从我孩童时期就有的传统
and it's great to see everyone in the village getting involved.
看到乡亲们都参与其中 感觉挺棒的
Hey! This man is an absolute legend, ain't you, Vicar?
嘿 这家伙就是个完完全全的传奇人物 没错吧 牧师
And we're his favourite as well.
我俩也是他的心头爱
Yeah, you absolutely love us, don't you Vicar?
没错 你绝对是爱我俩的 没错吧牧师
Yeah, he's smiling cos he knows it.
没错 他知道他爱我们所以才一直微笑
This guy here taught me how to control my temper.
就是这家伙教我如何控制脾气
Simmer down, you two.
好了别说啦 你们俩
Oi, tell them about when we got para in the park
对了 给他们说说我们俩在公园喝醉
and you had to come pick us up.
然后你不得不来接我们的事儿
Yeah,I had to get my stomach pumped as well, didn't I?
是啊 我还不得不去洗胃 是吧
That wasn't funny, that was very scary.
那并不好笑 有点吓人
He loves Midsomer Murders, don't you, Vicar?
他超爱看<骇人命案事件簿> 是吧 牧师
Yeah, he loves it. He gets so mad if he misses one.
没错 他超爱看的 错过一集他就大抓狂
And if he doesn't record it on Sky planner,
还有 要是他没用天空电视台的录播功能录下来的话
he goes mental, don't you?
他整个人都要疯掉 是吧
I love Midsomer Murders.
我很爱<骇人命案事件簿>
He loves his golf as well.
他还爱打高尔夫球
John Nettles is my favourite. Don't start him on golf.
约翰·纳特尔斯是我的最爱 可别激起他谈高尔夫球的兴致
What a laugh.
太好笑了
You're such a laugh.
你真的很好笑
Your Majesty!
陛下
That's where you get the scarecrow maps from.
那就是大家拿稻草人分布地图的地方
The plant stall, over there.
盆栽小摊 在那儿
Don't buy anything from there, cos they'll die in a week anyway.
可别在那买♥♥植物 因为它们肯定会在一周内死掉
That is the sign of a very lazy scarecrow maker
这是稻草人制♥作♥者非常懒的表现
and I'll tell you why.
我来给你说说原因
Cos he can't be bothered to form the hands,
因为他懒得把手做出来
that's a pet hate of mine.
最讨厌这样的人
Technically, not a scarecrow, cos there's no hay on it.
严格来讲 这都不算一个稻草人 因为上面都没有稻草
Not a drop of hay in sight.
一根稻草都看不到
It's just a rag on a stick.
就是木棍撑着一块破布而已
I mean, I get it, but it's not making me feel nothing.
我看懂这个作品了 但对它完全无感
Look at this.
看看这个
This is a monstrosity.
这就是个丑陋怪物
I mean...I think...I know this is Len's as well.
我是说 我觉得 我知道这是Len的稻草人
He's a good scarecrow maker,
他是做稻草人的一把好手
but he's embarrassed himself this year with that.
但他今年这个作品有点自取其辱了
I mean, I'm laughing, but for all the wrong reasons.
我的意思是 我的确在笑 但是我是在嘲笑
All right, Len? All right
还好吗 Len 还行
What do you reckon? Pretty good, yeah.
你觉得怎么样 相当不错
Take that grin off your face.
把你那笑脸给我收敛起来
You're grinning. Don't grin.
你在咧嘴笑 别咧嘴
I'm not grinning, Len.
我没咧嘴笑 Len
I think it's great, mate, honestly.
我真的觉得很棒啊 老哥
Good. I reckon I've got a chance this year.
很棒 我认为我今年有机会赢
Ok.
好吧
You believe whatever you want to believe, that's fine.
你想相信什么就相信什么呗 挺好的
Well, I do believe, all right?
嗯 我确实相信 怎样
Yeah. All right, whatever.
好吧 挺好 随你
Len, I'm not going to get into a fight with you today, all right?
Len 我今天是不会跟你吵架的 好吗
All right.
那就好
I'll tell you why I'm going to win this year.
我来给你讲讲今年我会赢的原因
Cos I've got the best scarecrow
因为我有最好的稻草人
and I've got the best pitch in the village,
而且我还有村里最好的展位
because my pitch is in the centre of the festival.
因为我的展位在大会的中心
Nathan Daniels had that pitch last year and he won and,
Nathan Daniels去年就是那个展位 而且他赢了
honestly,his scarecrow was the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen.
说实话 他的稻草人是我见过的最狗屎的
It was meant to be Beetlejuice, yeah?
它本来是要被做成阴间大♥法♥师 是吧
But, fuck me, did it look like Kerry.
但是 做出来长得跟他妈的Kerry一样
Exterminate!
消灭目标
Excuse me, sorry.
不好意思 借过一下
What's going on?
这怎么回事
Excuse me, this is my pitch.
不好意思 这是我的展位
Exterminate! Exterminate!
消灭目标 消灭目标
Yeah, very funny.
呵呵 很搞笑
Don't make me move it myself please, mate. Exterminate!
别逼我亲自动手挪 哥们 消灭目标
Mate,can you just be serious?
哥们儿 你能认真点吗
This is my pitch, yeah.
这是我的展位 明白吗
You don't understand, Vicar.
你不明白 牧师
He's on my pitch, yeah.
他在我的展位上
The pitch I booked three months ago with Mrs Wicks.
那展位我可是三个月前就跟Wicks夫人订好的
Well, there must be some kind of mix-up,
那个 一定是有什么地方弄混了
because according to this sheet,
因为照这个表格来看的话
your pitch is on Trowley Bottom Farm.
你的展位在特雷利山脚农场
That's bullshit! Less of the effing and jeffing, please.
放你♥娘♥的♥屁 请不要骂脏话
Sorry for swearing, but that is fucking bullshit.
骂人我道歉 但还是放你他♥娘♥的♥狗臭屁
Why would I choose Trowley Bottom Farm
我怎么会选特雷山脚农场
Well, A, no punters could be walking over there.
首先 没有投票人会走过去那里
B, it stinks of pig shit.
其次 那一股猪屎味儿
cos it's on a fucking pig farm.
因为那儿他妈的是个养猪场
I'm sorry for swearing, but this is fucked up.
骂脏话我很抱歉 但这他妈的没搞头
Kurtan, this is your last warning on the swearing.
Kurtan 这是对你骂脏话的最后一次警告
I'm really sorry, but it's too late to change anything now.
我真的很抱歉 但现在来不及做任何改变了
Your pitch is on Trowley Bottom Farm.
你的展位就是在特雷利山脚农场
No, absolutely not.
不 绝对不要
No way. There's no chance I am going to Trowley Bottom Farm.
没门儿 我绝对不会去特雷利山脚农场的
That's the end of it. I ain't talking about it no more, Vicar.
到此为止 这事没得商量 牧师
How am I going to get any votes being down here?
在这儿我还怎么让人给我投票
It's baffling. I'm baffled by the entire situation, if I'm honest.
真是莫名其妙 老实讲 这个状况难住我了
Badly organised by the vicar.
牧师把活动组织的太烂了
Major fuck-up.
整个乱的一逼
Kurtan can get very competitive.
Kurtan会变得非常好胜
Like, we had to do this sponsored swim at school
比如 我们曾在学校搞过慈善筹款
and he was just obsessed with raising the most money for it,
他就一门心思地想要筹最多的款
so he actually stole our nan's bank card and withdrew 500 quid,
所以他就偷了奶奶的银行卡提了500英镑
which meant that she couldn't get her teeth done.
最后搞得她没钱治牙
Well?
嗯