英村脑残故事（2017）

No.
我没有
Mr Phillips, right, gave me 200 quid for no reason.
Phillips先生无缘无故就给了我200磅
Right. Yeah? And the pig just followed him out the gate.
好 嗯 然后那头猪跑出猪圈就跟着他走了
And into his Land Rover? Yes.
然后上了他的路虎车 是的
Plumming someone's house
往别人家里扔李子
is one of the most disrespectful things you can do.
是人能干出来的最没品的事之一
I'm going to get the lads together and sort this out
我要去召集小弟们把这事查清楚
cos I've got my reputation to think about.
因为我要顾全我的威名
I'm so livid. I'm honestly absolutely raging.
我快要气炸了 简直一点就着
I'm going to find out who done that and I'm going to kill them.
我要找出来这事谁干的 然后干掉这些人
End of. No-one messes with Kerry.
最后以"别在Kerry头上动土"结尾
You know what I'm like, Big Mac, don't you? Yeah.
你知道我是啥样的人 是吧 嗯
Kerry has a lot of mates that are in year seven and below
Kerry有很多七年级或者更低年级的小弟
because she likes to think that she can control them
因为她觉得她可以控制这些小孩
and that they do what she asks
让他们对她言听计从
which is a bit sad actually and a bit weird, I think.
其实我觉得这事还挺悲哀的 也有点怪怪的
I think a lot of their parents are a bit worried about it.
我觉得很多孩子的父母都有点担心这事
Tell them what you found out, Levi.
告诉他们你查出来的事 Levi
I found out who... Yeah,
我查出来了谁是 没错
basically Levi found out who plummed my house.
总的来说 Levi查清了往我家扔李子的人
Tell them who it was, Levi. It was...
告诉他们是谁 Levi 是
Yeah, it was some nasty thugs from Crillington who just moved into the area
没错 是一些刚从魁林顿搬到这儿的流氓人♥渣♥
and they found out about my reputation
然后他们听说了我的威名
and they want to challenge me.
就想要挑战我
So I'm telling you now, Levi,
现在我先把话撂这儿 Levi
tell them to meet me in the park at 3:00
告诉他们 3点到公园见我
and they can bring weapons if they want,
如果他们不敢直接跟我对打的话
if they're too scared to fight fist to fist.
想带武器也没问题
You lot know my repetition, don't you?
小的们都知道我的威名 是吧
Yeah.
知道
You're... These lot are scared of me, aren't you?
你们 伙计们都很敬畏我 是吧
Yeah.
是的
I want you to apologise to Mr Jenkins now.
我要你现在就对Jenkins先生道歉
Sorry, Jenkins!
对不起 Jenkins
You're this close to not being in the competition at all.
你离不能参赛就差这么一点
Yeah, and you're this close to me dropping you right now, son.
是的 现在你离我放弃你也就差这么一点 孩子
Right, that's it, you're disqualified. Him or me?
好吧 就这样 你被取消参赛资格了 他还是我
Don't be smart with me, Kurtan. Just fuck off, Vicar.
别跟我耍小聪明 Kurtan 滚一边去吧 牧师
Right, you're disqualified,
好 你被取消参赛资格了
that's the end of it. Come on, George.
这事结了 走吧 George
Well done, Jenkins. Got what you wanted, did you?
干得漂亮啊 Jenkins 得偿所愿了啊 是吧
I'm fine. Why would I not be fine?
我没事 我能有什么事
It's just a dumb scarecrow festival.
不就是个傻乎乎的稻草人节嘛
Who cares?
谁在乎啊
I just thought I'd spend every day for three months crafting it.
我只是想起来我花了整整3个月设计制♥作♥稻草人
Even spent all my savings on getting orchard grass
甚至把所有的积蓄都花在买♥♥果园出的草
so I wouldn't get hay mites, not that anyone cares.
这样我的干草里就不会有干草螨 反正也没人在乎这个
I don't care.
我不在乎
I never even stood a chance
我甚至从来都不曾有过机会
cos the whole village was just waiting to fuck me over.
因为整个村子都只是等着看我笑话
You know what? Let's see who makes front page of the Gazette now,
这样吧 咱们看看谁会上公报的头版
shall we?
看着吧
Guys, simmer down.
哥几个 消停一下
Simmer down.
消停一下
In this village, people respect me because I'm as hard as fuck.
在村里 大家尊重我是因为我非常蛮横
If five nasty thugs from Crillington want to rumble,
如果那5个从魁林顿来的流氓人♥渣♥想搞事
I say bring it on.
我会说 放马过来
Frampton!
胡说八道
Stop it now. Just cos your parents are divorcing,
别说了 别因为你父母闹离婚
don't take it out on everyone else.
就发泄在别人身上
Sorry, Vicar, is something the matter?
抱歉 牧师 出什么事了吗
Er...there's been a bit of an incident and I couldn't...
呃 有一个小插曲 我不能
Sorry, excuse me. June, have you seen Kurtan anywhere?
抱歉 打扰一下 June 你在哪见过Kurtan吗
Ooh, not since lunchtime.
哦 从午餐的时候就没见着他了
Is everything all right?
没出什么事吧
It's just, I spoke to Mrs Wicks
就是 我跟Wicks夫人聊了聊
and he had booked that pitch that David had his Dalek on,
他确实是预定了那个David展示戴立克星人的展位
she jotted it on the back of a list.
她把这事记在了单子的反面
Oh, dear.
哦 天呐
I might just go and check and see if he's down on the farm.
我得去看看他是不是在农场那儿
If you see him, will you send him my way? Mmm.
要是见着他 你能把他送到我这来吗 嗯
It's quarter past three now and they still ain't showed.
现在已经三点过一刻了 他们还是没出现
That's telling, innit? They're obviously bricking it.
很明显 是吧 他们明显认怂了
I'm actually gutted for these kiddies
说真的这些孩子让我很吃惊
cos they was expecting a scrap today, weren't you?
因为他们很期待在今天来一场斗殴 你们说是吗
That little kiddy over there,
那边那个小鬼头
that little fella, you like a scrap,
小伙计 你想要斗殴
don't you, mate?
是吧 伙计
And they're going to miss out on that
但他们都要错过斗殴了
cos someone's too scared to show up but what can I do?
就因为某些人因为害怕而没有赴约 我能有什么办法
Kerry!
Kerry
Fuck's sake, Slugs, I said I'm not going laser quest with you.
饶了我吧 Slugs 都说了我不会跟你去玩激光射击的
What you doing here?
你来这干啥
I know who plummed your house.
我知道往你家扔李子的是谁了
Yeah, so do I, it was some nasty thugs from Crillington apparently.
我也知道啊 就是几个从魁林顿来的小流氓
No, it was Levi.
不 是Levi
No, it wasn't.
不 不会的
Yeah, it was. Lucas Tanner filmed it, put it on Facebook.
没错 就是他 Lucas Tanner把过程拍下来传到脸书上了
Levi, why would you plum my house, you little maggot?
Levi 为啥往我家扔李子 你个小王八蛋
That's bang out of order.
太丧心病狂了
Cos you said it'd make you look dangerous in front of the TV people.
因为你说过那会让你在电视台的人面前看起来很危险
Do you know how small your brain is?
你知道你有多蠢吗
That is the last time I ask you to do anything for me
这是最后一次找你帮我做事了
and that face paint of a tiger,
还有你脸上画的老虎
everybody's saying been behind your back how stupid it looks as well.
所有人都在你背后说它看起来蠢爆了
Everyone.
所有人
Thanks, everyone, for a brilliant day.
谢了 各位 多美好的一天
It's been a really strong year this year
今年真的是个旺年
and we've managed to raise 342 pounds for the William Weston Foundation,
我们为威廉·威斯顿基金会成功筹到了342英镑
so really, well done.
所以大家真的干的不错
Now, before I announce the winners,
现在 在宣布获胜者之前
I'd just like to say
我只是想要说
I've created another category this year for best effort.
今年我又创立了一个奖项叫做最佳努力奖
I know how hard this person has worked
我知道这个人非常用功
and it's been a really testing day for him but despite that,
今天对他来说也相当煎熬 尽管如此
his scarecrow was really excellent.
他的稻草人真的非常出色
So I'd like to award Kurtan for best effort.
所以我要给Kurtan颁发最佳努力奖
Well done, Kurtan.
做得不错 Kurtan
Where is he? Has anyone seen Kurtan?
他人呢 有人见过Kurtan吗
Is he here?
他人在吗
No sign of Kurtan?
都没看见Kurtan吗
Water!
水
Water!
水
For goodness' sake, June, get some more water, now!
帮帮忙好吧 June 快去再弄点水 快
Has anyone called the fire brigade?
有人给消防队打电♥话♥了吗
Good, thank you.
很好 谢谢你
Len, do something.
Len 行动起来
Let someone else do it.
还是让别人行动吧
They're still going with them plums, Kerr.
他们还在扔李子 Kerr
Oh, they'll get bored in a minute. Look at this.
哦 他们一会儿就腻了 看这个
Front-page, that's me.
头版 这是我
What did the police say?
警♥察♥怎么说的
Basically got a caution
基本上就是给了我一个警告
and I've got to attend a fire-safety course at the community college next week.
然后我下周得去社区大学参加一个防火安全课
And I'm banned from making,
还有 我被禁止制♥作♥或持有稻草人
handling and competing with any scarecrows.
也不能再参加任何稻草人赛事
Oh, shit, you all right, mate?
我去 你还好吧 哥们儿
I don't give a fuck, Kerr.
我他妈才不在乎呢 Kerr
Cos there's a vegetable show at the village hall next week
因为下周在村里的娱乐中心会有一个蔬菜秀
and I've got a runner bean that's the size of a scarf laid out on the floor.
而且我又在地里找到一条围巾那么长的红花菜豆