英村脑残故事（2017）

研究表明 如今在英国农村地区的年轻人感到前所未有的边缘化
为了深入了解这个问题 英国广播公♥司♥花了6个月时间在一个典型的科兹沃尔德地区村庄跟拍一些年轻人
'I tell you what, Kerry,
"我跟你说 Kerry
'there are some days I wish you'd never been born, and... '
"有时候 我真希望你从没出生过"
Basically, Kerry's mum
是这样 Kerry她妈
got a massive electricity bill
收到了一大笔电费账单
and she reckons it's cos of Kerry's PlayStation.
她觉得这都是Kerry的PS游戏机害得
So she's threatening to give it away to the Ethiopians.
所以威胁说要把它捐给埃塞俄比亚人♥民♥
Oh, fuck off!
去死吧
What are they going to do with a PlayStation?
他们要PS游戏机做什么
Eat it?!
吃了吗
Yeah, well, why don't you get a job
呵呵 那你怎么不去做
as a Meatloaf tribute act?
"肉块"模仿秀啊
Oh! That's who she looks like!
我就说她长得像谁
Fuck.
妈啊
That's your PlayStation she just smashed.
那是你的游戏机被她给扔了
I saw that can of Tango you dumped on the corner...
我看到你们丢在角落的汽水罐了
Oh, shut up. Shut up, then.
哦 闭嘴 闭嘴吧
Go home, mate. ..Disgusting.
快回家吧 伙计 真恶心
'Yes, sadly, there aren't a lot of job opportunities for young people in the village.'
没错 很不幸 村里没什么就业机会留给年轻人
Kerry and Kurtan, neither of them have worked since leaving school,
Kerry和Kurtan他们俩自从毕业后就没工作过
which means they've got a lot of time on their hands.
这意味着他们有大把的空闲时间
Which is definitely not a good thing.
而且这绝不是件好事
Change your fucking trousers, mate. They stink.
他妈换条裤子吧 伙计 都发臭了
That's charming.
你真会说话
So, basically, there's a talk in the village hall today,
今天村务大厅有个讲座
with this really strong businesswoman called Shaz.
是个超厉害的女商人 叫Shaz
And she's going to teach me how to make an absolute shitload.
她要教我怎么发笔横财
It was wanted by a poltergeist.
妖魔鬼怪都想要这玩意
I'm going to be just so rich.
我要变得超有钱
I'm going to build a helipad on top of my mum's house
我要在我妈房♥顶建个停机坪
and land on it in a little copter.
再在上面停架小直升机
And then I'm going to say to my mum,
然后我会对我妈说
"Oh, hi, Mum. How are you doing?"
"嗨 老妈 过得怎么样啊"
And she'll be like, "Oh, Kerry, I'm so sad.
然后她就 "哦 Kerry 我好难过
"I...I'm so sad what I did to you.
我好难过之前那么对你
"It was so disgusting and I'm such a vile pig."
我太混账了 我真是个大蠢猪"
And I'll be like, "I'm so sorry,
我就 "很抱歉
but I can't have this conversation,
但我不能和你聊了
"Cos I've got to go on Dragons' Den,
我还要赶着上<龙穴>呢
"Cos we're filming it in five minutes."
五分钟后我们就要录影了"
Will I be there?
我也会在吗
Yeah.
会的
What we going to do on it?
我们去那做什么呢
No, we're the, we're the judges.
不 我们 呃 我们是做评委
We'll be sat on a seat, like, with Deborah Meaden and that.
我们会坐在Deborah Meaden之类的旁边
My life did not get off to the best of starts.
我的人生并不是一开始就一帆风顺
I was a single mother with no qualifications,
我曾经是位单身母亲 没有学历
no job and struggling to make ends meet.
没有工作 勉强能维持生活
And then, one day, I caught myself looking at a reflection of myself
然后 有一天 我看到镜子里的自己
and I said, "What is up with you, Shaz?
我跟她说 "你怎么搞的 Shaz
"You used to be so bubbly..."
你过去那么有冲劲"
Oh... Kerr? Yeah?
Kerry 怎么了
She keeps guffing. Who?
她一直在放屁 谁
Her - farty pants.
她 屁精
Shh! ..I had a sachet of that stuff and I never looked back.
嘘 我有一袋这玩意 从此一切都变了
So I said, hang about, let me get this straight
于是我说 等下 让我理理啊
if I become an Eternal Vitality sales rep, I can earn £15,000 a month?
如果我成为依维的销♥售♥代表 我能月赚1万5啊
I can work from home, I can be my own boss... This is just quite boring isn't it, Kerry?
我能在家工作 也能自己当老板 这讲座太无聊了 不是吗 Kerry
Kerr? What?
Kerry 干嘛
Boring, isn't it? No, it's not.
很无聊 对吧 才没有
All of your dreams, guys, can come true.
你们所有的梦想 朋友们 都能实现
Just as long as you've got that £200 start-up fee, OK?
只要你有两百镑的启动金 明白吗
Yes?
请说
What if you don't have the 200 quid, though, Miss?
要是你没有那两百镑 要怎么办呢 女士
Miss!
还女士
Yeah, that's a very, very good question.
嗯 这是个非常好的问题
What's your name, darling?
你叫什么名字 亲爱的
Kerry. Hi, Kerry.
Kerry 好的 Kerry
What if I was to say to you, darling,
我这么跟你说 亲爱的
"You're dying, Kerry, and the tablets you need to stop you from dying
"你快死了 Kerry 而你的救命仙丹
"are going to cost you 200 pounds."
要花费你两百镑"
What would you do then? Hmm?
你会怎么做呢 嗯
You'd beg. You'd steal. You'd borrow.
你会去讨 你会去偷 你会去借
You'd find that money. Next question, please. Yes?
你会找到那笔钱的 下一个问题 请说
I did a similar thing selling Tupperware,
我做过类似的事情 卖♥♥特百惠
and it turned out to be a pyramid scheme.
结果发现就是个传销体系
OK, no, no, no, no, no. Bless you.
好吧 不 不 我的天哪
This is not a pyramid scheme, OK?
这个不是传销体系 好吗
This is a multi-level management scheme -
这是一个多层管理体系
two very different things, as you can see here, in the slide.
两个概念完全不同 正如你们所见 请看幻灯片
Multilevel management... You just got owned.
多层管理 你被完败了
..All coming together to form one legal scheme.
一起形成一个合法的体系
Is that clearer for you?
现在明白了吗
Er, so Kerry's just asking Shaz ways of
Kerry正在问Shaz
how we can raise up the money for the start-up pack.
我们如何才能攒够启动金
Very rude man!
你真没礼貌
Very rude!
太粗鲁了
What?
怎么了
How was I being rude then?
我刚怎么就粗鲁了
I wasn't being rude, was I? Right, come on.
我没有表现得很无礼 对吧 好了 走吧
You would not believe
你不会相信
what June just did to me then, what just happened.
June刚刚对我做了什么 就刚刚
She just came up to me, jabbing her finger in my face, going,
她走过来 拿手戳着我的脸说
"Very rude man", like that.
"你真没礼貌"
So, right, Shaz has given us loads of ideas
好了 Shaz刚刚给了我们许多建议
of what we need to do, so we really need to start cracking on with it now.
我们要做什么 现在我们要赶紧开始了
All I've ever been is nice to her!
我对她一直都挺好啊
Daft cow.
蠢婆
Shaz told me, to raise the start-up fee money,
Shaz告诉我 为了筹集启动金
we should just flog all our old shit, which is exactly what we're doing.
我们应该卖♥♥掉所有的旧东西 我们现在正这么做
I reckon we'll make that 200 quid in about half hour.
我觉得大概半小时我们就能赚到两百镑
Oh, Warhammer.
<战锤>
Go on, rummage through.
随便翻翻看
I wondered...how much...?
我想问问 这个多少钱
Standard-bearer. Er...
旗手啊
Don't know, really.
这个不好说啊
I suppose the Snotlings will all come together.
我觉得鼻涕精应该要一起卖♥♥吧
As you can probably tell,
你可能猜到了
I went through a serious Snotling phase.
我有过一段很严重的鼻涕精情结
And there's a few chaos bugs in there as well.
这也有一些混沌臭虫
So I've got my orcs here, yeah? Yeah.
我的兽人在这 对吧 没错
Wastelands are there. Yeah.
废土在这 嗯
And we're heading straight for them.
我们正面攻占他们
No. See, you can't use orcs to seize the wastelands.
不行 你不能用兽人去占领废土
It's practically suicide.
这简直是自杀啊
Oh, my God, can you lot just shut up?
天哪 你们能闭嘴吗
Honestly, it's embarrassing.
说实话 这很蠢好吗
Kurtan is a fucking nerd.
Kurtan是个他妈的宅男
About three years ago, he started his own Emmerdale blog
大约三年前 他开了个<爱默戴尔>博客
where he picks apart all the production gaffes.
他挑出了所有的穿帮镜头
And he's got a chart on the wall,
还在墙上贴了张表
which he ticks off every time he sees a reflection of a boom.
每看到一次爆♥炸♥闪光 他就在表格上勾一下
And I honestly am ashamed to know him, sometimes.
坦白说 有时候我真为认识他而丢脸
Do you know what? It's been an absolute,
知道吗 今天真的
utter pleasure meeting you two gents today.
非常高兴认识你们两位先生
Well, because Deputy Dickhead over here
因为这个呆子
didn't want to sell his Star Wars...
不想卖♥♥掉他的<星球大战>
Warhammer. ..The yard sale was an utter disaster.
<战锤> 旧货出♥售♥最终一无所获
But Shaz said money trees don't grow on trees.
Shaz说摇钱树不长树上
You've got to buy the money tree.
你得先买♥♥摇钱树