英村脑残故事（2017）

and we should be arriving 15 minutes ahead of schedule.
比预计时间早到15分钟
Now I'd like to pass you over to my co-pilot Kerry
现在 广播移交给副机长Kerry
for an update on the weather.
来为您播报最新天气
Hello, this is Kerry speaking.
你们好 这里是Kerry
The weather in Frankfurt is 21 degrees Celsius.
法兰克福气温21摄氏度
We wish you a pleasant stay in Frankfurt
我们祝您在法兰克福一切愉快
and we hope to see you all again soon
希望很快能再次与您同行
and on behalf of all of our crew,
我谨代表我们全体工作人员
thank you for choosing Martin Mucklowe Airlines
感谢您选择Martin Mucklowe航♥空♥
as your airline today.
作为您的航行选择
Right, off to bed, you.
好 去睡觉了 你
We've got a return flight from Frankfurt to Los Angeles
我们还有从法兰克福到洛杉矶的返航
in approximately five hours and 42 minutes.
大约5小时42分钟之后起飞
Roger that. I love you, Dad.
收到 我爱你 爸爸
Yeah.
嗯
The key to dating, yeah, is the two Rs and the three Ts.
约会的关键在于二"R"三"T"原则
Respect, rapport, and talking, talking, talking.'
尊重 培养默契和 还有 聊聊聊
Don't ever let that ball hit the ground.
可千万不能冷场
Good relationships are built on great conversation.
良好的关系都是建立在良好的沟通上
Right, time's up, fuck off.
时间到 滚开
On a date, you've got to tell them all the interesting stuff about you,
约会时 你要告诉她所有你身上有趣的事
because that's what they'll be interested in.
因为这是她们的兴趣所在
I don't smoke, I vape.
我不抽烟 我抽电子烟
I said, I don't smoke, I vape.
我说 我不抽烟 我抽电子烟
I went to this vaping exhibition, with my cousin, Kerry.
我跟表姐Kerry去了一个电子烟展览
At the NEC and there was about 10,000 of us just vaping.
在日本电气公♥司♥展柜 万把个人在抽电子烟
Yeah, I was on the bus the other day, yeah, and...
这个 我那天在公交车上 嗯 然后
..I was sitting at the back of the bus
我坐在公交车最后面
and the bus driver suddenly stopped the bus, yeah, and goes...
司机突然停车了 然后
and he walked all the way down, and goes to me,
一路走到我跟前儿
You can't smoke on here.
说 你不能在这抽烟
Guess what I was doing.
猜猜我那会在干嘛
Vaping. Vaping, yeah.
抽电子烟 抽电子烟 嗯
Yeah, that's him.
对 就这样
That's good, good girl, yeah, that's him.
做得好 闺女 就这样
All right, then.
很不错
That's it, back her up, back her up, easy with her.
就是这样 后退 后退 轻一点
That's it, she's biting.
就是这样 她在启动
She's biting, go on. That's it, she's biting.
她在热身 继续 就这样 运行着呢
Keep going, easy on the clutch, though.
继续继续 轻放离合
Easy on the clutch. Get that right, yeah, the timing, Ker.
轻放离合 时机掌握好 Ker
What sort of dog do you reckon that is?
你觉得这狗是什么品种
He said to me, he goes, "You can't smoke on here."
他对我说"你不能在这抽烟"
I said, "I'm not smoking, I'm vaping."
我说"我抽的不是烟 是电子烟"
The look on his face when I said that.
我说话的时候 他脸上的表情
I don't think he knew what vaping... what a vape is.
让我觉得他不知道电子烟是什么
I think it's a Labrador.
我觉得是条拉布拉多犬
That's better. That's it, that's good.
上道了 就这样 做得好
Go on, my son, yeah, that's better.
继续继续 小子 上道了
Yeah, well done.
对 干得漂亮
Well done, my son.
干得漂亮 小子
Oh...
哦
..That's for you as well.
这也是给你的
Look how cute that is.
看这多可爱啊
Yeah, open it up.
嗯 打开看看
Read that.
读那个
You would make me the happiest mouse
我将是这只幸福的老鼠
If you say yes and become my spouse.
如果你答应做我媳妇
Yes, I've only known Kayleigh for one day,
是 我是认识Kayleigh才一天
but things move fast in the village.
但村里进展都很快的
If you don't snap up your girl fast,
如果不趁早搞定妹子
some other fella might come sniffing round it.
其他人就会对妹纸虎视眈眈
If I was a dog, I'd piss on her.
我要是狗的话 我都尿她身上了
Not in a harsh way, but just to mark my territory
不是尿她一身 只是标记下我的地盘
and warn off other fellas.
来吓走其他人
Right, let me show you how to blind someone in a fight.
好 下面来教你打架时怎么戳瞎别人
Ker! Oi, I told you I don't want to see you,
Ker 喂 我告诉你了 不想看见你
I'm spending time with my dad.
我正跟我爸共度好时光呢
Kayleigh, this is my cousin Kerry.
Kayleigh 这是我表亲Kerry
And this is my uncle Martin.
这是我舅舅Martin
Much obliged.
很高兴见到你
Is it all right if Kayleigh has a piss in your caravan?
Kayleigh在你的拖车上尿个尿行吗
Yeah, but use the toilet, though.
行 在厕所尿就行
Go on, then.
去吧
Oi, how's it going? I think I bloody love her, Ker.
哟 怎么样啊 我真是爱死她了Ker
Really? She's so bubbly.
真的假的 她真是元气满满
Got her eating out of the palm of my hand as well.
她也咬了我的钩
She loves the fact I vape.
她喜欢我抽电子烟
But you don't vape. I know, but she don't know that.
但你不抽电子烟 是啊 但她不知道啊
That's it. Where's she off?
说的也是 她要去哪
Kayleigh?
Kayleigh
Kayleigh!
Kayleigh
What the fuck? Well, I didn't do nothing.
怎么回事 呃 我啥也没做啊
Oh, my God.
哦 天
You peeped on her, didn't you?
你偷♥窥♥她了 是不是
No, I never. Kurts...
不 我没有 Kurts
You're a dirty peeper. Oh, Kurts, no, he ain't.
你个偷♥窥♥狂 Kurts 他才不是
Don't say stuff like that. He's a dirty peeping bastard.
别说这种话 他他妈的是个偷♥窥♥狂
Shut your mouth. That's what you are.
闭嘴 你就是
Everyone knows it, even Alan.
所有人都知道 连Alan都知道
I was doing so well, Ker.
我进展得这么好的啊 Ker
Leave it, all right? Byebye, little boy.
别想了 好吧 拜拜咯 小朋友
Now he's pissed on it, you peeper. Oh, please, Kurt.
他一下就给我搞砸了 偷♥窥♥狂 拜托 Kurt
Wait till Alan finds out about this.
等Alan发现吧
Kayleigh! Kayleigh!
Kayleigh Kayleigh
You dirty peeping bastard!
你个天杀的偷♥窥♥狂
Kayleigh!
Kayleigh
So what did happen, then?
那时发生什么了
I was over where you are making a squash.
我就在你现在站的地方 榨果汁
And before I know it she bolts out the door like a feral pig.
我还没反应过来 她就跟个野猪似的冲出去了
So you did nothing at all, Dad?
所以你根本啥都没做
Nothing, Ker. You do believe me, don't you?
什么都没做Ker 你相信我的 对吧
Look, I wasn't going to tell you this
听着 我本来不打算跟你说这个的
but I'll bloody well have to now.
但我现在必须说了
I'm flying to Australia this weekend
我这周要飞澳大利亚了
and I want you to come with me.
我希望你能跟我一起
What, as co-pilot?
真的吗 作为副机长吗
No, as captain, dipstick.
不 你做机长啊 小笨蛋
You're joking!
你开玩笑的吧
Right, let's get the map out and plan the route.
好了 我们把地图拿出来 计划下航线
Start here. Heathrow?
从这开始 希思罗机场
Yeah, that's right. And then we'll stop over at Singapore.
是的 然后我们中途会在新加坡停一下
Right. Stretch our legs.
对 伸伸腿 休息下
And then we'll carry on to Brisbane if the weather holds.
如果天气好的话 我们继续前往布里斯班
How does that sound?
听上去怎么样
It sounds like the best day of my life, to be honest, Dad.
老实说 将是我一生中最棒的一天
Yep.
好
Speaking.
是我
Right.
对
OK. Yeah.
好
Right, OK. Thanks very much.
好 好 非常感谢
Bye now.
再见
They've only gone and bloody dropped the charges, Ker.
他们已经走了 并且放弃了控告 Ker
You're joking me!
你在逗我
Bloody Sandra'll be sorry for kicking me out.
Sandra会后悔赶我出来的
Turning her back on me. Oh, Sandra's an idiot, Dad.
居然背弃我 Sandra就是个二百五啊 爸
I never turn my back on you, do I? Just us two now, yeah, Dad?
我从来没有背弃过你对吧 现在要相依为命
Hey, are you going to get the beers in, then, or what?
嘿 你会给我补充点啤酒的 对吧
Yeah, I was just saying, though, just us two now, yeah, Dad?
对嘛 那我刚说的呢 相依为命呢老爹
Shop'll be shut in half hour.
半小时以后商店就要关门了