IT狂人（2006）

The human mind.
但你又不在玩
But you're not playing.
我不是玩家 但我在玩
I'm not a player. But I am playing.
他会告诉你发生了什么
He sort of tells us what's happening.
我是你们的向导
I will be your guide.
在我的引导下 你们将深入精灵的领土
Through my words, you will experience the land of Elfen heart.
上至哥布林荒原边境的崇山峻岭
From the mighty mountains that border the Goblin Wastelands.
下到巨大城池下密如蛛网的下水道
To the sewers that run like a spider web through the city of Jandor.
先生们 我 就是你们的眼睛
I, gentlemen, will be your eyes. I...
我是你们见到的每一个人 遇到的每一种生物
I will be everyone you meet, every creature you encounter,
落入的每一个陷阱
every trap you spring.
他怎么了
What about him?
这个长得这么欠抽的人怎么了
What's this business with the face like a slapped arse?
抱歉 我只是刚结束一段很久的恋情
I'm sorry, I just came out of a long term relationship, so...
没有... 她是我见过的最棒的女人
It doesn't... She was the greatest woman I've ever met
以后再也不会见面了
and I'm never going to see her again.
但没事 她都没有和我道别
But it's fine, I mean, she never said goodbye.
算了 我不想烦你们
So... I'm not going to bore you with it.
其实你已经烦了
See that you bloody don't!
我还是没懂这鬼游戏
I still don't understand what this game is!
好基佬的赶脚啊
It seems gay.
龙是基佬吗 菲尔
Are gragons gay, Phil?
这么说 英勇的战士 挥舞着金色魔杖的祭司
Mighty warrior priests wielding golden staffs.
他们都是基佬咯
I suppose they're gay too?
这些是你们的人物卡
Here are your character sheets.
约翰一号♥ 你是独角兽人
John One, you're a unicorn man.
约翰二号♥ 你是山林之神
John Two, you're a wood fairy.
出自《巴黎圣母院》
还有菲尔 你是吉普赛杀手艾丝美拉达
And Phil, you're the Gypsy assassin, Esmerelda.
我要扮女的
I'm a woman?
我才不要做女的呢
I don't think I want to be a woman.
先玩着吧
Just go with it.
很快就结束的
It will end.
各位男士 准备好打开你们的思绪
So, gentlemen, are you prepared to open the doors to your mind
漫游这个从未触及过的世界吗
and travel to worlds hitherto undreamed of?
看这对胸啊
Look at those fun bags.
大家都还好吧
Everybody doing okay, yeah?
你能喝吗
You good for drinks?
轻松点 这是个RPG派对
Loosen up. It's a role-playing party.
珍 能说句话吗
Jen, can I have a word?
我跟他们呆不下去了
I don't think I want to hang with these guys.
别啊 菲尔
Oh, come on, Phil!
他们是这儿最好的
These guys are the best.
他们会让你们的夜晚心醉神迷
They're going to do things tonight that'll blow your mind.
是吗
Really?
看看他们 青春可爱 活泼动人
Look at them. They're young, they're keen.
他们所做的一切 就是让你们开心
And all they want to do is show you a good time.
所以快坐回去 别伤了他们的心
So get back there before you hurt their feelings.
我能把可爱的罗伊拐走一下吗
Could I steal the lovely Roy for a sec?
张张都只有他自己
It's just him in all of these.
谢谢 珍 那边实在有点...
Oh, thanks, Jen, that was all getting a little bit...
你知道自己在干嘛吗
What do you think you're doing?
什么
What?
讲你那些伤心往事让大家跟着郁闷
Bringing everyone down with your private life.
他们不想知道你有多惨
They don't want to know about your miserable private life.
他们是来找乐子的 看你个苦瓜脸
They're here for a good time. Look at that face.
谁愿意和这样的脸玩RPG啊
Who'd want to role-play with that face?
对不起珍 我只是今晚没什么心情
I'm sorry Jen... I just... I'm not feeling it tonight.
强颜欢笑吧 亲爱的 好不好
Then fake it, sweetheart, yeah?
报酬丰厚 我不会亏待你的
We're getting good money for this.
人们不买♥♥给苦瓜脸的帐
Don't you want to get the deposit for a flat,
让过去的都过去吧
leave those bad memories behind?
好
Yeah.
我再努力一下 珍 -好
I'll try harder, Jen. - Okay.
乖女儿
Good girl.
回去跟约翰们好好玩
Get back there and show those Johns a good time.
这下我们"两清"了
Well, that cleaned the pipes.
我得谢谢你 米兰达
I've got to thank you, Miranda,
谢谢你给我第二次机会
for giving me a second chance.
别客气
Oh, don't mention it.
不过你也知道 我一个人
Although you do know I don't have the authority
无权收回奖项
to take back the award myself?
什么嘛
Oh, what?
不 我们都会犯错 你勾引了我
No, we all make mistakes. And you intrigue me.
直觉告诉我你还有什么不可告人的
Something tells me there's more to you than meets the eye.
你是指关于我杀了我老婆的谣言吗
Do you mean the rumours that I killed my wife?
不是 有这种事
No. Are there rumours?
没有
No.
有个谣言说有这么个谣言
There were rumours that there was a rumour,
但纯属放屁
but that was just bullshit.
我不喜欢
I didn't like the way
由你们公♥司♥内部提名的方式
the came from inside your company.
我公♥司♥内部
Inside my company?
对 IT部的一位女员工详细记录了
Yeah, one of the women from the IT department faxed a dossier
你过去一年的行径
of your behaviour over the last 12 months.
IT部的一位女员工
One of the women in the IT department?
对不住了 菲尔
Oh, sorry, Phil.
群治疗是你能用的最烂的魔咒了
Heal all is probably the worst spell you could have used.
你使用的低等魔法
The sound of your low-level magic
引起了禁卫军的注意
attracts the attention of the palace guards.
他妈的
Damn it!
有一个穿过门来了
One comes through the door.
扔刀子
Throwing knife.
确定吗 伤害值很低的哦
Are you sure? Quite a low damage.
我有+40%的致命率
I have a plus 40% chance of a critical.
记得那个会说话的兔子给我的魔法手环吗
Remember the talking bunny that gave me that magic bracelet?
对 那个啥兔子给了他那个啥
Yeah, that bunny thing gave him that thing.
说得太对了 掷骰子
You're absolutely right. Roll 'em.
哦耶
Yes!
一击即中 刀子把他的脑袋劈成两半
Direct hit. The knife cleaves his head in twain
脑浆飞溅而出 沾到了
and some of his brains runneth down
约翰二号♥的隐形斗篷上
John Two's invisibility cloak.
埃菲尔铁塔
Eiffel Tower!
很不幸 他不是一个人
Unfortunately, he wasn't alone.
我勒个去
Damm it!
那是可怕的帝国禁卫军
'Tis the dreaded Imperial Guard,
伊莉莎女王军队中最残酷的一支
the cruellest of all of Queen Elisa's troops.
他们的队长 你们都认识
At their head...someone you recognise.
好吧好吧
Well, well, well.
除了这群步兵团
If it isn't the adventurers
谁会没事给我找麻烦呢
who have been causing me all this bother.
卢修斯·桑塔纳
Lucius Santana!
正是在下
The very same.
让你的人放下武器 卢修斯
Stand your men down, Lucius!
我们跟你无冤无仇
We have no quarrel with you!
冤仇 我只是想看看
Quarrel? I just came to see
实力相差如此之大的杂牌军
how a mismatched bunch of raggle taggle adventurers
是怎么打败克拉肯森林最猖狂罪犯的
bested some of the deadliest criminals in Crackenwood.
夸咱呢
That's us!
感谢你们 要是你们想加入禁卫军的队伍
You have my thanks. If you ever want to join the Palace Guard,
我随时欢迎
you know where I am.
禁卫军耶
The Palace Guard!
献上我的宝剑
You have my sword.
还有我的魔杖
And my staff.
以及我的兔子手环
And my bunny bracelet.
还有我的随便什么玩意
And whatever it is that I have.
云雾散开
The mist clears.
现出一位女性的孤独身影
You see a lone, female figure.
这真是超诡异
That's ruddy mysterious.
你好 黑暗森林
Hello, Darkharden.
你好
Hello.