善地

The Good Place S01E10

Part 1 Dec. 11, 2019, 8:32 p.m.

五是第一七是第二
Number five is number one. Number seven is number two.
三和四是并列第三
Number three and number four are tied for number three.
你在说什么啊
What are you talking about?
按喜爱程度给《速度与激♥情♥》系列排序
I'm ranking my favorite "Fast and the Furious" movies.
你说你想知道我究竟是谁
You said you wanted to know who I am,
这就是最好的方式
and this is the best way to get to know me.
并不是
No, it isn't.
你应该先说自己的真名
You could tell me your real name, for starters.
我真名叫杰森·门多萨
My name is Jason Mendoza.
来自佛罗里达
I'm from Florida.
我是全职型业余DJ
And I'm a professional amateur DJ.
她是你的家人吗
And is, that a family member?
是就好了她是爱莉安娜·格兰德
I wish. That's Ariana Grande,
世上最性感火♥辣♥的女子
the sexiest woman alive.
你希望你跟你想上♥床♥的女人是亲戚
You wish that you were related to a woman you want to have sex with.
你不是佛教弟♥子♥ 我就不说什么了
You know what? It'd be one thing if you just weren't a Buddhist monk,
结果你智商还不在线
but you're barely even a regular, functioning person.
你怎么能进入「善地」呢
How did you get here?
不清楚但求你大妹子
I don't know, but, please, dawg,
你不能跟迈克尔说
you can't tell Michael about me.
你还有脸让我帮忙
You have some nerve asking me for favors
你都骗了我好几周了
when you have spent weeks deceiving me,
把我耍得团团转
making a fool out of me,
还把零食带到我家了
and bringing snack food into my house.
不要脸
Disgusting.
爱莉安娜我们摊上事了
Ariana, we're really in it now.
「善地」
第十集
肖恩法官大人马上就来了
Shawn, the judge, could show up at any moment,
所以我们要提出强有力的论据
so we need to have a rock-solid argument for why
支持「冒牌埃莉诺」不该去「恶地」的论点
fake Eleanor should not be sent to the bad place.
-肯定很有趣 -这样想就对了
- Should be fun. - That's the spirit!
谁都别去想
Don't even think about the fact that
任何小失误都可能会害「冒牌埃莉诺」
our slightest misstep could cause fake Eleanor
永受折磨
to suffer for eternity.
满脑子都是这事了
That's all I'm thinking about now.
也是我不该说张口就后悔了
Yep, shouldn't have said that. Regretted it immediately.
巴姆酱生前是人♥权♥辩护律师
Bambadjan was a human rights advocate,
所以他和「正牌埃莉诺」会立据
so he and real Eleanor will build a sort of legal argument.
不能就只叫「埃莉诺」吗
Could you please just say "Eleanor,"
想说谁时就指一下呗
and maybe point to whichever one of us you're addressing?
事实上用「正牌」和「冒牌」让我更容易区分
Well, actually, the fake/real distinction helps me.
是吗巴姆酱
Does it, Bambadjan?
我已经了解你生前的种种了
Now, I know a fair amount about your time on earth.
不如聊聊你在「善地」的生活吧
Why don't you tell me about your time here?
说些有利本案之事
Anything that might help your case.
第一天来时
Well, in the first 24 hours,
我给「善地」带来了混乱
I caused the world to erupt into chaos,
然后又招致了一场垃圾风暴
and then I caused a garbage storm.
开端不是很美好
It was kind of a rough start,
但奇迪教我学伦理学以后风波就平息了
but things calmed down after Chidi started helping me learn about ethics.
那就说说这事吧
Okay, tell me about that.
奇迪每天都教我
Well, I studied with Chidi every day,
然后奇迪受不了我了
and then Chidi got sick of me,
所以为了哄他开心我做了些暖心的事
so I did some nice stuff to make him feel better.
奇迪因良心难安而备受折磨于是我说出了真♥相♥
And later, I confessed because Chidi was being tortured by guilt,
因为见他一副受摧残的样子我很心疼
and I just felt awful seeing his little, nerdy face all contorted.
埃莉诺你的所为让我胃疼
Eleanor, I have a stomachache because of what you did.
他呆萌死了
He is such a dork.
很多死囚犯都会后悔
You know, a lot of death row inmates feel regret
自己当初没说出口的话
about things they never said...
比如认罪表达出愤怒或是爱意
admissions of guilt or anger... or love.
你这是泡我吗
Are you making a move on me?
没事我就是没预料到
It's fine... I just didn't see it coming.
不过跟一个同名同姓的妹子搞百合
Well, hooking up with someone with the exact same name,
是既好玩儿又自恋的性幻想
it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy...
-不埃莉诺我说的是... -有点小心动呢
- No, no, Eleanor, I... I'm talking... - I could be into it.
不我说的是你和奇迪
No, I'm talking about you and Chidi.
一般来说你喜欢我的灵魂伴侣
Now, ordinarily, you having feelings for my soul mate would be
我们属于利益冲突
a conflict of interest...
你觉得我喜欢奇迪吗
You think I'm into Chidi?
是埃莉诺没错
Yes, Eleanor, I do.
因为你确实喜欢
Because you are.
过去十分钟内你提了他九次
You mentioned his name nine times in the last ten minutes.
我有问你意见吗巴姆酱
Nobody asked you, Bambadjan.
我不知道怎么应付肖恩
I'm not sure what will work with Shawn,
但我们必须面面俱到
but we should have all our bases covered.
我们是从希腊哲学开始
Shall we start with the Greeks
还是从英国当代大♥师♥开始
or would you prefer the modern British masters?
奇迪
Chidi?
抱歉压力之下我做不出选择
I'm sorry, choices are hard for me when I'm under pressure.
我了解但我们现在没时间了
I know that, buddy, but we're short of time here,
这件事对埃莉诺很重要
and it's kind of important for Eleanor.
对所以我要慎重对待啊
Right, which is why I can't take this lightly.
万一我搞砸了呢
What if I screw up?
现在不需要玩剪刀石头布
Listen, I don't need the Chidi who once had a panic attack
就恐慌发作的奇迪你当时怎么说来着
during Rock-Paper-Scissors because there were, and I quote,
「这个游戏变数太多」
"Just too many variables."
现在需要的那个是不顾后果冲进我办公室
I need the Chidi who stormed in here and told me
让我拦下埃莉诺火车的奇迪
to stop Eleanor's train without thinking of consequences.
天呐现在我对那个决定也焦虑不安了
Boy, now I'm nervous about that decision.
才想起来不安这怎么...
Retroactively? I mean, h... how do you even... ?
不知道
I don't know.
好了我要做出太多抉择了
Okay, we have so many big choices to make.
先从小事开始吧
Let's... let's start small.
你是想用白板笔
Do you want to use a dry erase board
还是普通纸笔
or the regular pen and paper?
就选一个吧
Just pick.
奇迪就选一个吧
Chidi, just pick!
快啊奇迪选一个人
Come on, Chidi, pick someone.
别催我乌左
Don't pressure me, Uzo.
我得考虑一下所有因素
I have to consider all the factors.
体育策略
Athletic strategies,
同学们的玻璃心
the fragile egos of my classmates,
以及性别政♥治♥
and gender politics.
为表示男女平等我是不是该选个女生
Should I pick a girl as a gesture towards women's equality,
还是说这是迎合大众
or... or is that pandering?
抑或我觉得是迎合大众
Or do I think it's pandering
仅由于我局限的男性视角呢
because of my limited male point of view?
太伤脑筋了乌左太伤了
I'm vexed, Uzo, vexed.
你总是爱伤脑筋就选一个吧
You're always vexed. Just pick.
好好我选特康伯
Okay, fine, I choose Tokunbo.
你不可以选老师选个学生
You can't draft the teacher. Pick a kid.
快选吧奇迪就选一个吧
Come on, Chidi. Just pick someone.
「真是好样的」奇迪
Congratulations, Chidi.
课间休息都泡汤了
You filibustered recess.
不不不你错了
No, no, no, you're wrong.
我对奇迪讨厌要大于喜欢
There are way more things I hate about Chidi than like about him.
举个例子
Like what?
文质彬彬的眼镜
His stupid Clark Kent glasses,
全是高领的衣服
his extensive turtleneck collection,
还钟情于伦理学
and he loves ethics so much.
他有次谈了俩小时的约翰·罗尔斯「伦理学家」我计时了
He once talked about John Rawls for two hours... I timed it.
他看见我计时才停下来
And he only stopped because he saw me timing him.
当然他大笑了笑自己
Granted, he laughed, and kind of made fun of himself,
还挺温馨呢但你懂我意思
it was a nice moment, but still.
他每次说「绝对论」眉毛就会跳一下
He always twitches his eyebrows when he says "absolutism".
我每次表现没文化时他就会侧头
And he tilts his head whenever I say anything ignorant,
但他从没瞧不起我这挺暖心
but he never makes fun of me, which is nice.
他还特别有耐心心地善良
He's also incredibly patient, and kind,
身材还很好还有我喵
and surprisingly jacked, and, fork,