善地

The Good Place S01E08

Part 2 Dec. 11, 2019, 8:32 p.m.

Can't we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on?
不行埃莉诺
No, we can't, Eleanor.
死后世界不存在这样的错误
There's no such thing as a mistake in this realm.
而你这里竟然出错了
And yet, you are, somehow, a mistake.
你就像是宇宙牙缝里
I mean, you're a giant chunk of spinach
塞了一个大菠菜叶儿
in the teeth of the universe.
我得搞清楚这次灾难事件的每一个地方
I need to understand every facet of this disaster.
撒一个谎
Tell me a lie about yourself.
-什么谎都行 -我喜欢歌♥剧
- Any lie. - I love the opera.
再说一句真话
And now a truth.
我喜欢女子综合格斗
I love Women's MMA.
我们不太想用这玩意儿
We don't like to use this.
你来之前也没有能用上的地方
We've never really had a call for it before you,
但由于时间关系
but in the interest of time.
埃莉诺
Eleanor,
是不是你杀了珍妮特
did you murder Janet?
我没有
No, I did not.
你知道是谁杀的吗
Do you know who did?
我知道
Yes.
你会跟我说那人是谁吗
Will you tell me who it was?
不会
No.
我猜是你的一个朋友
I assume it was one of your friends,
你护友心切我尊重你的选择
and I admire you for protecting him or her.
但是埃莉诺「善地」之中
But Eleanor, in the Good Place,
容不得坏人与恶行
there's no room for bad people or bad actions,
所以跟珍妮特谋杀案相关的人
so anyone involved in the murder of Janet
都要进行调查与审判
will be reviewed and judged,
此事一定会严惩
and there will be consequences.
塔哈妮进来吧
Tahani, come on in.
奇迪
Chidi.
你这个在净土之上洒下自己邪恶的大骗子
Imposter who soiled our paradise with her moral turpitude.
你好
'Sup?
谢谢你说出真♥相♥
Thank you for confessing,
如果你没有我都不知如何是好...
I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't...
行行行我了不起坏消息是
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm amazing. Bad news.
迈克尔清楚我没杀珍妮特
Michael knows I didn't kill Janet
这表示他迟早
which means it's only a matter of time
都会查出你是凶犯
before he finds out that you did
而你这么做
and that you did it
只是为了阻止这个傻子做蠢事
because you were trying to stop Bonehead Jones over here.
小伙伴们
Hey, homies!
他就会发现剑宇也是冒牌货
Then he'll figure out that Jianyu's also a phony,
而最糟心的事情是
and, here's the real dong-buster,
迈克尔说做了坏事之人
Michael said anybody who did anything bad
可能得下地狱...
might have to go...
也就是说剑宇会离开
Which means Jianyu's gone,
你可能也会离开
you might be gone,
到时候我们三个就真死定了
and all three of us are royally forking forked!
这下坏了
This is terrible.
他要是问我怎么办
What am I supposed to do if he asks me?
谁知道啊康德会说「总之说谎就是错」
I don't know. Kant would say that lying in any scenario is wrong,
所以如果迈克尔问你是不是你杀了珍妮特
so if Michael asks you if you killed Janet,
你该说「是」
you should say yes.
而从另一面说
On the other hand,
告密者死得会很惨
snitches do get stitches.
绝对是
That is true.
我在我兄弟花生的三角肌背面看过这句话
I read that once on the back of my boy Peanut's tricep.
你竟然随口引述了康德的话
You just casually cited Immanuel Kant.
我知道我们正处于悲惨的困境之中
Yeah, I know we're in a miserable bind here,
但这也许会成是我今生最骄傲的一天
but this might be the proudest day of my life.
恕我直言这是人生中最倒霉的事了
No offense, but that's a real bummer of a life.
塔哈妮我就开门见山了
Tahani, I'll get right to the crux of the matter.
是不是你杀了珍妮特
Did you murder Janet?
绝对不是我
Absolutely not.
你和埃莉诺相处了很长时间
Now, you spent a lot of time with Eleanor.
为什么会这样呢
Why do you think that is?
我人见人爱花见花开呗
Well, people are just drawn to me.
我最内向的一个朋友
You know, one of my shyest friends,
为保护他的隐私我就不说名字了
I won't say his name to preserve his privacy,
他觉得跟我在一起太舒服了
but he found my presence so comforting
于是请我跟他主持《安德逊·库伯秀》「即主持人名字」that he asked me to co-host his TV show "Anderson Cooper 360."
以你对埃莉诺的了解
Given what you learned about Eleanor,
你觉得她应该留下来吗
do you think she deserves to be here?
这个
Well...
如果由我来决定
You know, if it were up to me,
我也许会想法回顾一下她的...
I might find a way to look past her...
不足之处
deficiencies,
但这不是由我决定的对吧
but it's not up to me, is it?
很可惜她活在人世时
There are some criteria that she unfortunately
没有达到一些标准
just didn't meet in her time on Earth.
所以依你之见我该把她送到「恶地」去
So you think that I should send her to the Bad Place?
我倒不是这个意思
Well, I didn't say that,
但她留下来对其它好人不太公平吧
but is her staying here unfair to those who earned their place?
我听着感觉你想让她离开
It sounds like you want her to leave.
应该是她想让我们离开她吧
Well, is it not she who wants us to leave her?
谢谢塔哈妮你很有帮助
Thank you, Tahani. You've been a big help.
仔细听着「小子」
Listen up, genius.
他马上就会叫你进去
He's gonna call you in there in a second.
放心吧我挺你
Don't worry, I got you.
我会跟迈克尔说你很牛掰
I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb
灵魂帅炸天道德酷炫拽
and that you got a dope soul and hell ethics.
我的娘咧千万别这么说
Boy. No, don't say any of that.
迈克尔手里有测谎仪
Michael has a lie detector in there.
是个发光立方体
It's a... it's a glowing cube.
就像「能量火种」《变形金刚》吗
Like the AllSpark? From "Transformers"?
对就像《变形金刚》里的「能量火种」
Sure, just like the AllSpark from "Transformers,"
如果你说谎马上就会被识破
and... and he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything
所以你就只点头微笑懂了没
so only smiles and nods, got it?
大智者剑宇
Wise sage, centered Jianyu.
如此时刻急需你的智慧为我解忧
I seek your wisdom in this moment of crisis.
该怎么处理埃莉诺呢
What to do with Eleanor?
是该让她留下来
Should I let her stay?
还是让她离开呢
Should I send her away?
你觉得我该让她离开吗
You think I should send her away?
意思是我该让她留下来
No, I should let her stay?
还是我不该让她留下因为她不属于「善地」
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay because she doesn't belong here?
还是说我不该让她留下
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay
即便她其实属于「善地」
even though she does belong here?
剑宇我有你一半的智慧就好了
Jianyu, I wish I had your wisdom.
你将一切献予圣谛
Your devotion to the noble truths
因为获得了我无法企及之物洞悉之心
has given you something that I don't have: clarity.
佛陀有云
It was Buddha who said,
「以纯净之心行走于世
"The man lives a pure life.
必将坚不可摧」
Nothing can destroy him."
我非凡人未曾活过
I'm not a man, and I've lived no life,
这会摧毁我吗
so will this destroy me?
想到了
Of course.
仙人掌本身不会造成伤害
A cactus on its own intends no harm.
只有我们主动干预时才会变成危险之物
It's only when we interfere that it becomes dangerous.
我要谨记我在这里的职责
I need to remember my own agency here.
谢谢你剑宇
Thank you, Jianyu.
你可以走了
You're free to go.
可以当然拿吧
Yes, of course. Help yourself.
我有太多这玩意儿了
I've got plenty of those.
奇迪进来吧
Chidi, come on in.
你好
Hi there.
我有埃莉诺的档案了
I have Eleanor's file.
珍妮特你再给我一盆仙人掌
Janet, if you hand me a cactus,
我就会崩溃了
I swear I will lose my mind.
太棒了
Yes!
来吧埃莉诺再进来吧
All right, here we go. Eleanor, come back in.