善地

The Good Place S01E09

Part 4 Dec. 11, 2019, 8:32 p.m.

我知道太不正常了
I know. It's weird.
如果这是你真实的想法
If this is how you really feel,
我就得解雇你了
I... I think I have to fire you.
遣散费太爽了
Severance pay. Love it.
谢了老板
Good looking out, boss.
姐撤了
Peace!
你想让我欺骗老人
You need me to lie to old people
吓唬他们买♥♥假药
and scare them into buying fake allergy medicine.
懂了我坐哪里
I get it, man. Which one's my desk?
那边那个
That one, over there.
你只要达到每周最低销♥售♥额就行了
All you gotta do is hit your minimal sales target every week.
了解你们没有那种无聊的
Cool. And you guys don't have any lame,
强制性的聚餐活动吧
mandatory office hangouts, right?
绝壁没有
Hell no.
有些人下班后会去喝一杯
Some people go out for a drink after work,
我喜欢偶尔组织一下小组演习
and I like to run the occasional group drill
看大家能多快毁灭证据仅此而已
to see how fast we can shred evidence, but that's it.
基本上你在这里都不用跟人交流
Most days, you'll be able to avoid even talking to another person here.
太棒了很高兴加入「没人情味」团队
Perfect. Happy to be a part of the not-team.
不用跟你交流我也很高兴
It'll be a pleasure not hanging out with you.
好了我们开始谈条件吧
All right, let's begin negotiations.
我们想商讨一下多种交易...
Now, we would like to discuss various trades that we could...
我们不是来谈条件的
Yeah, we're not negotiating.
我和「冒牌埃莉诺」昨晚干柴烈火了
See, Fake Eleanor and I, we bro-ed down pretty hard last night.
我们打炮了
We hooked up.
我们才没有
No, we didn't.
但大家会信谁啊是我还是一介女流
Yeah, but who are they gonna believe...me or a woman?
重点是她清楚自己不属于「善地」
Point is she knows that she doesn't belong here,
她也放弃挣扎了
and she's giving up.
真是这样吗
Is this true?
「冒牌埃莉诺」你放弃了吗
Fake Eleanor, are you giving up?
当然了
Yeah, of course she is.
她知道自己并非「善地」之人
She knows this place isn't for her.
走吧「傻妹」
Let's go, Dingdong.
走吧
Come on.
不要我不走
No, I'm not leaving.
别闹了亲爱的我们都讲明白了
Come on, sweetheart, we've been through this.
你知道你不属于「善地」
You know you don't belong here.
你说得对确实是...
You're right. I don't...
但我想要留下
But I want to.
我以前不想加入任何一个团体
I used to never want to be a part of any group,
但我已经洗心革面了
but I'm a different person now
因为受帮我之人的影响
because of the person who helped me,
我想成为他那样的人
and I want to be like him.
我想成为所有「善地」的人
I want to be like all the people who are here.
你能做到埃莉诺
You can, Eleanor.
谢谢你「正牌埃莉诺」
Thanks, Real Eleanor.
如果你俩不是要搞百合就别这么亲昵了
Hey, if you two aren't gonna make out, just shut up.
听着如果你不跟我们走
Look, if you don't come with us,
我们就要把这件事上报给肖恩
we're gonna have to turn this matter over to Shawn.
别肖恩不是吧
No, Shawn, really?
什... 肖恩是谁
Wha... who's... Who's Shawn?
他是凌驾众生之上的智者大♥法♥官
He's the wise, eternal Judge who sits on high,
对善恶之地的一切争端有最终决断权
has the final say on all disputes between our two realms.
而他的名字就是平凡的「肖恩」吗
And his name is... "Shawn"?
听着我也不想把肖恩牵扯进来
Okay, look, I don't want Shawn involved either,
不如你开个不错的条件
so how about you blow us away with an offer
我们内部化解
so we can end this.
好吧
Okay...
条件如下
Here's my offer.
老子什么都不会给
You... get... nothing.
我们不会交出「冒牌埃莉诺」
We're not letting Fake Eleanor go,
也什么都不会给你
and we're not giving you anything.
暴虐他迈克尔
Get him, Michael!
你可以找来你所有的邪恶魔怪
You can summon every evil creature you have,
使用所有武器
every weapon in your arsenal,
召唤出每一只「四头飞熊」
every four... headed flying bear...
他们真有这玩意儿
they have them down there...
但我们不会就此罢手
but we are not giving up.
我笃信埃莉诺属于「善地」
I believe that Eleanor belongs in the Good Place.
如果我错了你可以带她去「恶地」
If I'm wrong, you can take her to the Bad Place
随你处置
and punish her all you want,
往死里整
just really go to town on her.
别太激动
Easy, buddy, easy.
总之她留定了
But she's staying here.
你们这群人
Now, all of you...
他喵的滚出我的地盘
Get the fork out of my neighborhood.
你的好日子也没几天了「冒牌埃莉诺」
You're on borrowed time, Fake Eleanor.
能享受时尽量享受吧我们走
Enjoy it while it lasts. Let's roll, dummies.
走前再喝一杯
Let's get one drink for the road.
再见你们听到了吗
Bye. Did you guys hear any of that?
天
My...
干得漂亮迈克尔真棒
Bravo, Michael, really.
你好建宇
Hello, Jianyu.
你大意了
You got sloppy.
我在房♥子里找到了你的垃圾食品
I found your junk food all over the house,
而昨晚你竟然知道怎么开桶酒
and then, last night, you knew how to tap a keg.
所以我就想进来看看
So I thought I would come in here
到你里的「冥想之地」一探究竟
and investigate your little "meditation" den.
而我发现竟是这样
What I found was this.
我不知你究竟是谁
Now, I don't know who you are,
但绝对不是什么佛教弟♥子♥
but I do know that you're not a Buddhist monk.
我们来谈谈吧
So let's chat, shall we?