善地

The Good Place S01E04

Part 3 Dec. 11, 2019, 8:32 p.m.

but now it's going to be even perfect-er.
显然比完美更完美
Obviously, it's impossible for something to be
是不太可能啦
more perfect than perfect...
事实上不是的
Well, it isn't, actually.
宇宙上的任何事物
Any place or thing in the universe
都可以达到104%的完美
can be up to 104% perfect.
碧昂斯就是超完美
That's how you got Beyonce.
「秘穴」懂了
Bud-hole. Okay.
详细解释一下吧
Now, tell me everything.
剑宇是个冒牌货
Okay, Jianyu is a fraud,
就跟我一样
just like me.
他真名叫杰森
His real name is Jason.
来自弗罗里达是个DJ毒贩子
He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida.
不会有事啦想个对策就行
It's gonna be fine. We just need a plan.
我想到了
I got a plan.
咱们黑进迈克尔的手♥机♥
We hack into Michael's phone,
把他的裸照都存下来
download all his nudes,
然后以此要挟他
and then blackmail him.
不你什么脑回路... 不
No. What are you t... no.
你该听我啊
Yo, you should listen to me.
哥这辈子想了上百个点子
I came up with hundreds of plans in my life,
其中只有一个把我害死了
and only one of them got me killed.
哥们儿闭嘴吧
Dude, be quiet.
你不是杰森你是佛僧剑宇
You are not Jason. You are a monk named Jianyu.
懂了吗
Got it?
又是超燃的一曲杰森
Another great set, Jason.
他们都爱死你了兄弟
They love you, dude.
他们不爱我
They don't love me, man.
他们爱的是「加酸猫」
They love acidcat.
欢呼声都是假的
These cheers are fake.
如同可悲化作拳击重重掌掴着耳膜
They hit my ears like boxing gloves of sadness.
太有文采了兄弟
That's some poetic thoughts, B.
我要做我自己
I got to be myself.
听好了杰克逊维尔市
Attention, Jacksonville.
我不是「加酸猫」
I'm not acidcat.
我是「音乐先生」你们的DJ
I'm Mr. Music, the DJ.
下面是「音乐先生」的原创
And this is a mr. Music, the DJ original.
餐地
欢迎来到「餐地」的开业仪式
Welcome to the opening of the good plates.
我才明白这个梗
I just got that.
太有才了
That's hilarious!
总之多多少少吧
Anyway, at some point or another,
这里的每一位居民
every resident in this neighborhood
都会达成其灵魂的真正目标
will fulfill his or her soul's true purpose.
帕特里夏大厨通过今晚餐厅开业
Chef Patricia has done that tonight
就实现了其目标
by opening this restaurant.
现在请大家看一下今晚的菜单
Now if you'd all like to take a look at tonight's menus...
你最爱的食物
是的在迈克尔的帮助下
That's right. With Michael's help,
帕特里夏大厨准备了
Chef Patricia has recreated
每个人生前最爱的食物
each person's favorite meal on earth.
棒
Fun!
我奶奶做的花生酱烩鱼
It's my grandmother's maafe.
新鲜鲈鱼在浓郁的花生酱中慢慢烘烤
Fresh perch, slow-roasted in a peanut sauce.
几乎就能让我忘却现在的糟心事了呢
Almost makes me forget how miserable I am right now.
你想尝一口吗
You want to try a bite?
鱼配花生酱还是不了谢谢
Fish and peanut butter? No, I'm good. Thanks.
豆腐不是吧
Tofu? Man.
我要点一炸墨西哥胡椒卷
I'm order some JalapeLo Poppers.
别说话吃你的「白海绵」
Be quiet and eat your white sponge.
-珍妮特 -你好
- Janet? - Hi, there.
我这啥也没有
Hi. I didn't get a meal.
根据我们的资料显示
According to our files,
你最爱的食物是绝食
your favorite meal was the hunger strike you went on
来抗♥议♥玻利维亚的性贩卖♥♥
to protest Bolivian sex trafficking.
对啊我当然这么做过
Right. Of course I did that.
塔哈妮晚宴很棒你看
Tahani, great party. Check it out.
吊带裤
Suspenders!
太二了
So dumb.
比腰带还二啊
So much dumber than belts.
恭喜迈克尔
Congratulations, Michael.
剑宇怎么样开口了吗
How's Jianyu doing? Is he opening up?
还没
Not yet.
但我看得出来他想说话
But I can tell he wants to.
别担心我有个点子
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
请各位安静一下
May I have your attention, please?
晚些时候
Later this evening,
我们将品尝到帕特里夏大厨的美味甜点
we will be enjoying chef Patricia's delicious dessert,
美妙绝伦的三层蛋糕
a stunning three-tiered cake
花了整整一周才完成
that took her a full week to complete.
但首先我想玩个好玩的
But first, I'd like to try something fun.
每个人都对你们现在的食物
Each one of you has a very special memory
有着特别的美好回忆
attached to the meal you're eating.
不如我们轮流分享一下吧
Why don't we go around the room and share our stories?
谁先来
Who'd like to begin?
我来吧迈克尔
I'll start, Michael.
一天我感觉不太好
One day, I wasn't feeling so great,
然后自己做了一碗鸡汤...
so I made myself a bowl of this chicken soup...
轮到你时
When it gets to you,
就简单说点关于豆腐的无聊故事
say something short and boring about tofu.
不我厌倦了假装是「豆腐男」剑宇
No. I'm sick of pretending to be Jianyu, the tofu man.
我要说我真正喜欢的菜
I'm gonna tell the story about my real favorite meal.
是什么
Which is?
盖恩斯维尔市「傻尼克烤翅店」的辣翅
The buffalo wings at Stupid Nick's Wing Dump in Gainesville.
如果有妹子半裸还能免费
Wings were free for ladies if they took their top off.
妈妈咪呀
Boy.
奇迪说句话
Chidi, a word?
总之这就是这碗鸡汤
Anyway, that's how this simple soup
拯救一万多条生命的故事
saved over 10,000 lives.
如果剑宇开始说
If Jianyu starts talking
辣翅半裸餐厅
about topless buffalo wing restaurants,
咱们就全完了
we're all screwed.
李剑宇
Jianyu Li,
守缄默法则的中国台♥湾♥佛僧
a Taiwanese monk who took a vow of silence
自八岁起就没再开口说话
at the age of eight and hasn't spoken since,
准备跟我们分享他的故事了
is ready to share with us.
让我来说说「傻尼克」吧
Let me tell you about Stupid Nick.
他喵的得赶紧转移注意力啊
We need a distraction right the fork now.
不不不不要埃莉诺
No, no, no, no, no. Eleanor,
帕特里夏大厨倾尽心血才做出来的
chef Patricia poured her heart and soul into this.
如果毁掉就太太太残忍♥了
Destroying it would be a truly cruel act.
这还用说
Yeah, no durr.
不不要
No, no, no...
裂洞大家快出去
Sinkhole! Everyone out!
出现裂洞了啊
There's a sinkhole!
格伦
Glenn!
你把「世界」给玩儿坏了
You broke the world.
我可不是在夸你
That's not a compliment.
格伦冷静
Glenn, stay calm.
我们会救你上来的
We're gonna get you out of there.
你的汤我们会放到冰箱里不会浪费
And we'll put your soup in the fridge so it won't go to waste.
这可能不是
I know that may not be
你现在最担心的事但...
your number one concern right now, but...
汤还有的确好喝
It was up there. It's real good soup.
走吧
Let's go.
哥们儿你没事吧
Hey, buddy. You okay?
有事我刚要讲一个惊天地泣鬼神的故事
No. I was just about to tell an awesome story
是关于我输了的一场吃鸡翅比赛
about a wing eating contest that I lost
和我赢了的一场呕吐大赛
and a barfing contest that I won,
结果地上突然出现了裂洞
but then a hole opened up in the ground.
这我知道那个洞是我为了救你搞出来的
I know. I made the hole to save you from yourself.
你不能让大家知道你真实的身份