红橡树（2014）

You name it.
基本上就是目前为止我所有的人生抉择
Basically, all of my life choices so far.
同诺亚姘居
"Living in sin" with Noah.
我做着服装助理的工作
I'm working as a wardrobe P.A.
而不是像我姐妹一样当幼儿园老师
instead of a kindergarten teacher like my sister.
我不知道你有姐妹 姐姐还是妹妹
I didn't know you had a sister. Older or younger?
都不是 我们是双胞胎
Neither. We're twins.
同卵双胞胎吗
Ah. Identical?
我们看上去完全不像
We don't look anything alike, either.
她很漂亮
She's really pretty.
难道你长得像怪物
Oh, yeah, you're a real gargoyle.
和她比起来确实是啊 她是前内布拉斯加少女
Compared to her- - she's a former Junior Miss Nebraska.
单身吗
She single?
我是认真的 纽约似乎不适合我
I'm serious. I'm not sure New York is working out for me.
我肯定能在奥马哈找到个漂亮公♥寓♥
I mean, I bet I could get a pretty sweet apartment in Omaha.
-是的 -我可以娶你姐姐
- That you could. - I could marry your sister,
在你的高中找个管理声像俱乐部的工作
get a job running the A/V club at your old high school,
或者开始从事风暴追逐
maybe take up storm chasing.
你真是想要个女朋友啊
Wow, you really are desperate for a girlfriend,
-是吗 -其实并不
- aren't you? - Actually, I'm not, no.
那个太麻烦了 我需要专注于
It's too much work, and... I need to just focus
搞好自己的事
on getting my own shit together.
恋爱非易事
Relationships are hard.
没错
Exactly.
总之
Well, anyway,
你不能去奥马哈
you're not allowed to move to Omaha
当声像老师 因为 首先
and become an A/V teacher because, for one thing,
我就没有能聊天的同事了
then I would have no one to talk to at work.
还因为你会成为一个伟大的电影导演
And because you're gonna be a big-time movie director.
我开始在想这是否还有可能
Hmm. I'm beginning to wonder if that's still in the cards.
别被德里克影响
Don't let Derek bum you out.
他是变♥态♥
He's a creep.
不只是德里克
It's not just Derek.
想知道真♥相♥吗
Want to know the truth?
-再来一遍 -是他这样的人
- One more time, please. - It's guys like him.
他只比我大几岁 可看看他
He's only a couple of years older than me, but look at him.
他多么自信
He's got total confidence in himself.
就像他一辈子
Like he's never experienced
都没经历过自我怀疑一样
an instant of self-doubt in his entire life.
在这插入 你一二三
Plant here. You go one, two, three.
也许你该去找点自信
Well, maybe you need to get yourself some confidence.
我会努力的
Yeah, I'll get working on that.
你醉了吗 再多吹点风进来
Are you drunk, man? Let's get some more wind here.
快
Come on.
这真的很美味
This is really delicious.
Hontoe ni oheeshee des yo.
Hontoe ni oheeshee des yo. Hontoe ni...
-我爱日本 -继续
- I love Japan. - All right. Go ahead.
- Nihon daisuki. - Nihon daiskee.
Nihon... Nihon daiskee.
-我从没见过这么美的地方 -好
- I've never seen a place so beautiful before. - All right.
- Konna ni kireina... - Kohnah ni...
- tokoro wa... - Kohnah ni keeray...
- hajimete mita. - Kohnah ni keeray...
什么 什么
What? What?
Konna ni kireina
- tokoro wa... - Konah ni... Konah ni keeray...
- hajimete mita. - ...na to- ko wa...
hahjee... hahjeemehteh. Hah- hahjeemehteh?
-你在我心里 - Hahjeemehteh
- I think of you... - Hahjeemehteh.
-不只是朋友 -好的
- ...as more than a friend. - All right. Yeah. Okay.
Watashi wa, tomodachi
- anata no koto... - Watashi wa, tomoshi...
Tomo 好了
Tomo... Yes, okay. All right.
Tomodachi
- anata no koto... - Tomo... To...
操 操
Shit. I... Fuck!
中暑
Heatstroke.
道格拉斯·格帝
Douglas Getty.
他就在那
He's right there.
-道格拉斯 -谢谢你过来
- Douglas. - Thank you for coming.
我很感激
I really appreciate it.
但愿你没盼着你老婆来
Ah. I hope you weren't expecting a conjugal visit.
不用担心
Don't worry about that.
那不是我叫你来的原因
That's, uh, that's not why I called you here.
听着
Listen...
我有事相求
I need a favor.
你想要我帮你退还电影录像带吗
You want me to return a movie to the video store?
不是电影
It's not a movie.
这是我给红橡树会员的一条信息
This is a message from me to the members of Red Oaks.
什么样的信息
What kind of message?
别卖♥♥
Don't sell.
为什么找我
Oy vey. Why me?
因为你是董事会的
'Cause you're on the board.
你能确保大家看到
You can make sure people see it.
不会改变太多人的想法的
Not many minds are gonna change.
包括我的
Including mine.
你什么意思
What are you talking about?
我不懂 赫伯 你
I don't get it. Herb, you?
你不是喜欢红橡树吗
I thought you loved Red Oaks.
是啊 我还爱我所有前妻
Yeah, I loved all my ex-wives, too.
但到了一定时候 每个人
But there comes a time when a man has to look
总得去寻找更绿的草原[更好的生活]
for greener pastures.
在伯克莱屯
In Boca.
据我所知那里没多少更绿的草原
Weren't a lot of greener pastures down there last time I checked.
主要是鳄鱼
Mainly alligators.
我受不了低温
I can't stand the cold.
犹太人是沙漠种族
Jews are a desert people.
我们不适合生活在冰天雪地里
We were not meant to shovel snow.
改变也没那么糟
And change is not such a terrible thing.
赫伯 你把我搞疯了
Herb, you're killing me.
我 听着 我为那个俱乐部奉献了很多年
I- - listen, I have given a lot of years to that club,
我觉得他们应该听到我的想法
and I think I deserve to be heard.
把录像带给我
Give me the goddamn tape.
谢谢
Thank you.
你怎么在吃牡蛎
Why are you eating oysters?
就是想吃啊
Had a hankering.
安全吗
Is that even safe?
为什么会不安全
Why wouldn't it be?
因为现在是八月 屋里酷热难耐
'Cause it's August and a thousand degrees in here.
纽约人在夏天吃牡蛎
Dude, New Yorkers have been enjoying oysters
已经很多年了
in the summertime for years.
在纳粹发明热狗前
Before the Nazis invented hot dogs,
城里的每个街角都有牡蛎车
every street corner in the city had an oyster cart.
好吧
Okay.
想吃一个吗
Want one?
不了 谢谢 我要和我爸去吃晚饭
No, thanks. I'm meeting my dad for dinner.
大山姆来城里干什么
What's Big Sam doing in the city?
他和他女友要看《猫》
He and his girlfriend are seeing Cats.
知道什么好笑吗
Know what's funny?
你♥爸♥有女友而你没有
Your dad has a girlfriend and you don't.
嗯 好笑死了
Yeah, that's hilarious.
-这是什么 -没什么
- What is this? - Nothing.
你为什么要冷却你蛋蛋
Why are you icing your balls?
就是想
I just felt like it.
到底怎么了
What the fuck is going on, dude?
骑手内♥裤♥会让你的阴囊过热
Jockey underpants cause your sack to overheat
蒸煮你的精♥子♥
and cook your sperm.
而牡蛎含有大量锌
And oysters have a ton of zinc,
能提高你的精♥子♥数量 让它们游得更快
which boosts your sperm count and makes them swim faster.
-你想让蜜丝缇怀孕吗 -不是
- Are you trying to knock Misty up? - No!
老天 但愿不要
Jesus Christ. God forbid.
当然未来会的 和她
I mean, someday, for sure, it'd be awesome
生六七个小孩会很棒
to have, like, six or seven kids with her, but...
-不过这事不急 -那你为什么
- there's no rush. - Then why are you trying
想要升级你的蛋蛋
to level-up your nuts?
因为我想让我的文学教授怀孕
Because I want to knock up my lit professor.
不是你想的那样
It's not what you think.