消消气（2000）

你知道吗 这个看起来挺像那个
You know this one? This one looks verv similar to the.
你知道吗 这个看起来挺像那个
You know this one? This one looks verv similar to the.
黑色那个的
The Black one.
我再问一个问题 你们卖♥♥黑色油漆吗
Let me ask vou this guestion. Do you sell black paint?
我们不卖♥♥黑色油漆
No, we don't have black paint here,
那鞋油呢
Shoe polish?
没有鞋油 没有焦油 也没那种东西
No, we don't have anv shoe polish. We don't have any tar,
行 你知道吗
Okav. You know what?
那我就买♥♥这个吧 然后再改造改造
I think I'm gonna qet that one, and I think I can work with that.
你怎么买♥♥了个白人 -我知道
It's WhiteYeah, I know.
他看着有点不对劲 但我说不出是什么
Something about him, too. I can't put my finger on it.
你怎么没买♥♥点油漆
Why didn't you go to a paint store?
我找过 找不到还开门的油漆店
I looked. I couldn't find a paint store that was open.
苏茜随时可能回来 我们该怎么办
Susie will be here any minute. What are we gonna do?
你有鞋油吗
Got anv shoe polish?
没有鞋油
I don't have shoe polish.
你看啥呢
What are you looking at?
非常好
Pretty good.
太棒了 好主意 苏茜来了 我们走
This is great. Great idea. Susie's here. Let's go!
我♥草♥
Fuck!
哦 嘿 你好啊
Oh, hevl Hev hey
我验验货啊
Let's see
跟之前的一样吗 -当然 我带着摔坏的头去买♥♥的
Okav. It's the same? I brought the head with me. Yeah.
你带着头去买♥♥的
You brought the head with you?
好吧 你逃过一劫 -我们逃过一劫了
AlI right, vou're off the hook. - We are off the hook.
你们仨不许再犯傻了
Don't do any more stupid shit, the three of you.
也不许再胡闹
No more stupid shit.
我的保证金一分也不能少
Wasn't eating that securitv deposit.
好吧
Okav.
怎么样 瞧咱这事儿办得怎么样 真不错
How about that? How about them apples? Great!
咱们把这儿收拾一下
et's clean this shit up.
几千年来 人类在穿鞋的时候
So for thousands of vears, humans have been putting on their shoes
一直在用食指当鞋拔
using their index finger as a shoehorn.
随着时间的推移 我们的食指
And in time, our index fingers have been,
生日快乐 -送给我的吗
Happv birthdavl For me?
哦 亲爱的 哦 宝贝
Oh, baby doll. Oh, baby
是一副太阳镜 -多美啊
Sunglasses. Fantastic
你喜欢吗
You like'em?
喜欢啊 让我照一下 -她喜欢
I like em. Let me look. - She likes them.
我确实喜欢 -让我看看
I do like'em. Let me see.
这算是很多长岛女人的梦中情镜了吧
As many women from Long Island would say, to die for.
说得不错 也是我们这次亚特兰大之旅的一个纪念
That's true. And you know what? It's a nice memento of our trip to Atlanta.
我超爱 你选得很好 宝贝
I love them. You did good, babe.
我选得很好
I did good.
我手♥机♥里好热闹 大家都在祝我生臼快乐
The texts just keep coming in. The birthdav wishes.
天 天哪 -怎么了
Oh, boy. Oh, ieez. - What's the matter?
我不想坏了气氛 但我得去见律师了
I hate to bring this up, but I got this meeting with my lawyer now.
那你去吧 一会儿见
Well, qo. We'll see you later.
问题是我没法一个人去
I mean, the problem is I can't really go alone
这些事我也不懂 不如杰夫跟我一起去
cause I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and if I could bring Jeff.
我知道今天是你生日 很抱歉打扰你 但这事非同小可
I know it's your birthdav. I'm sorrv to ask, but this is important,
我需要他的支持
and I just need him there for support.
你知道今天是她生日吧 -我知道
You do realize it's her birthdav? Well, I know it's her birthday.
我想改期的
I tried to chanqe it to another day,
但他说文件必须在今天之前提交
but he said the papers had to be filed by today.
行吧 行吧 这样吧
AJJright. You know what?
我们是活在现实 这事很重要 你可以去 但要马上回来
This is real life. This is important. You go. Come right back.
你都意识不到我走了 -一到一个半小时就回来了
Back before vou know it. An hour, hour and a half?
不会花很久的 我保证
It's not gonna take long at all, I promise.
萨米刚给我打了电♥话♥
Sammy just called.
顺便说下 那篇文章最后提出
By the way, the upshot of the article?
几千年后 我们的食指会变成鞋拔子
That in thousands of years our index fingers are qonna resemble shoehorns,
你自己看看食指的形状 扁扁的
Check it out. You can see it. You see the shape of it? ook. Flat.
太神奇了 是吧 -怎么样
Unbelievable, right? ·Look at this.
这个也很贵的吧 -是的
This is expensive too, huh? - Yeah.
还是你有远见 谢谢
Hev, vou were right. Thank you.
我们去把它退掉
Let's go return it.
还准备了一份礼物 这俩鬼鬼祟祟的混♥蛋♥
Another fucking gift? You two sneaky cock suckers.
他们要把这个礼物送谁 狗崽子
What are thev doing with that? Fucking idiots.
抱歉 我想退货
Excuse me, I'd like to return this.
要退货是吗 -是的 麻烦了
You wanna return it? - Yes, please. Here.
你这样良心不会痛吗 -你在说什么
You feel comfortable with this? - What are you talking about?
在你做出那种事之后 -我做了什么 我啥都没做
After what vou did. - What did I do? I didn't do anything.
我只是用了下洗手间 我是犯了什么大罪吗
I used the bathroom. What a crime I committed.
我用了他家宝贵的洗手间
I used the precious bathroom.
又不是我要退货 我连顾客都不是
Hey, this isn't even mine. I'm not even the customer.
顾客是他 这包又不是我买♥♥的
He's the customer. I didn't buy it.
没错 你不是顾客
Yeah, exactlv. You weren't a customer
你也根本没想来我这儿消费
and you had no intention of ever being a customer.
你只想随便走进一家店 把人家当你的公共厕所
You just qo into random stores and use them as your public restroom.
好 行 够了
AlI right. Okay. It's enough!
我买♥♥点东西行了吧 你就开心了吧
Okav, I'll buy something. Will that make you happy?
是的 -这家店有适合我的东西吗
Yes. - What? What can I buy in this store?
我有件好东西
I have iust the thing.
我认为这件可以衬托出你的眼睛
I think this would bring out your eves.
确实眼睛亮了不少 -真的吗
·Does bring out your eves. - Reallv?
绝了 -太神奇了
Fabulous. - This is amazing.
我一般不会穿这种衣服 不过
It's not the kind of thing I would generally wear, but.
挺见效的 -我帮你结账
No, it works. - I'll ring it up.
一位南方绅士 -要了
A Southern gentleman. I'll take it.
能衬托出我的眼睛 -一共650
Brings out my eves. - That'll be 650.
好 不会很久的 我完了给你发短♥信♥
All right. This won't be long. I'll text you when I'm done.
好 不会很久的 我完了给你发短♥信♥
All right. This won't be long. I'll text you when I'm done.
祝你好运 代我向律师问好
All right. Well, qood luck to you. Tell the lawyer I said hey.
我以为自己要晕过去了 我跟他说我很渴
I thought Iwas gon'faint, vou know? And when I told him how thirsty I was
他就去车里给我拿了一瓶水
heiust went to the car and got me a bottle of water
让我感觉好多了
and it really made me feel so much better.
看到了吗 -谢谢 宝贝
See? Thank vou, baby.
你说你在线上呆了多久
And how long would vou say you were on line?
你说你在线上呆了多久
And how long would you sav vou were on line?
就是投票的时候 -整整两个半小时
At the voting? It was over two and a half hours.
真是丢人
What a disgrace.
作为你的律师 我想先把话说清楚
Okay so look, as your attornev, I iust wanna be above board.
到了法官面前时 你会认罪的对吗
When we get in front of the judge, you're going to plead guilty, correct?
是的 -等等
Yeah. Wait!
拉里 我以为你会帮我们挑战这条霸道律法
Larrv. I thought that vou was qonna help us fight this evil law.
你会认罪
You qon'plead guiltv?
什么叫你会认罪啊 拉里
What you mean you're gon'plead guilty, Larry?
他必须认罪
He has to plead quiltv.
拉里是来领导我们抗争的
Larrv is here to help us fight for our cause.
我会抗争的 但要用我自己的方式
I am gonna fight. I'll fight it in my own way.
也就是说你根本不会抗争
So what you mean is you re gonna do it no wav. Larrv.
我不想进监狱
I don't wanna go to jail!
拉里 你现在是大家心目中的英雄 我之前把你想的很伟岸
Larry, people are thinking you a hero. I thought vou were better than that.
真的 里昂 我闻到糊味了
I really did. Leon I smell something burning,
你最好别把我厨房♥弄得一团糟
You better not be throwing no spaghetti up in my ceiling.
意大利面酱用完了 我只能用番茄酱了
We ran out of spaghetti sauce, so I had to use ketchup.
天呐 看看你做啥呢
Boy, what are you cooking over here?
你这只有亨氏番茄酱和意面 我真的尽力了
I'm doing the best I can with just Heinz Ketchup and spaghetti.
你还是会认罪的 对吧 -是
You're stil pleading guiltv, right? - Oh, yeah.
很好
Good,
天 这咖啡 你喝过这位女士做的咖啡吗
Man. This woman's coffee. Have you had this woman's coffee?
太好喝了 真想问问她从哪儿搞来的咖啡豆
It's amazing. You know, I wanted to ask her where she qot the beans.
豆子太重要了 你知道吗
It's got to be the beans, you know?
我老爸常说 豆子太重要了
It's the beans, like my old man used to sav.
关键就在豆子 没有好豆子 就没有好咖啡
All about the beans. You don't have the beans, vou don't have the coffee.
你喜欢咖啡吗 拉里
You like coffee, Larrv?
来尝尝这杯咖啡 喝一口 拉里
Try this coffee. Have a sip of this coffee, Larrv.
好咖啡的关键在于咖啡豆
Good coffee is all about the beans.
我必须问问这是哪里的豆子
I'm qonna ask her where she get these beans.