消消气（2000）

嘿 让我问你一个问题 这是怎么回事
Hey, let me ask you a question. What's going on here?
什么 -这是 这是新的
What? - This is a- - This is new.
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
你决定染头发了
Uh, you decided to just dye your hair?
什么 -你不知道
Wha Yeah. What? - You don't- -
你不知道它现在是棕色的 上周还是灰色的
you don't know that it's brown and it was gray last week?
你这么做是为了什么 -我 我喜欢
What are you doing that for? - I- - I like it.
哦 是的 你喜欢吗
Oh, yeah, you like it?
我知道 -你确定麦克白夫人
I do. - You sure Lady Macbeth
与那件事无关吗
didn't have anything to do with that?
你巴不得你有一个关心你的妻子
You wish you had a wife that cared about you.
你巴不得你有个妻子 -我差点做了一个
You wish you had a wife. - I almost did a
我差点吐口水了
I almost did a spit take.
杰夫 你是自愿做出这个选择的
Jeff, you made this choice by your own free will.
对吗 你告诉他 告诉他
Is that right? You tell him. Tell him!
终于来了 这是我们的食物
Finally! There's our food.
哦 本尼 -是的
Oh, Benny. Yeah.
我听说了你母亲的事
I heard about your mother.
我很抱歉 -哦 天哪
I'm so sorry. Oh, gosh.
非常感谢你这么说
Thank you so much for saying that,
他在干什么 -这可能要花很长时间了
What's he doing? This could take forever now.
我是说 你只有一个母亲 我崩溃了
I mean, you only get one mother. I'm devastated,
老实说 我不想 哦 谢谢
to be honest. I don't wanna- Oh, thank you.
他说的是他妈妈
He's talking about his mother.
非常感谢你 -是的
Thank you so much. - Yeah.
这太不可思议了 这是我的汤
This is unbelievable. And there's my soup!
它放在那里 都变冷了
It's sitting there, getting cold.
嘿 我点了金枪鱼三明治 那也没救了
Hey! I ordered a tuna melt. That's fucked.
但最终导致她死亡的是败血症
But it was the sepsis that ultimately killed her.
我好饿
I am so fucking hungry.
我也饿了 -呃 对不起
I'm starving, too. Uh, sorry.
只是有很多事情要处理 你知道吗
It's just a lot to process, you know?
节哀顺变
I'm so sorry for your loss.
你告诉瑞伊阿姨了吗
Did you tell Auntie Rae
你要来 还是要给她一个惊喜
that you're coming, or are you gonna surprise her?
哦 不 不 她不擅长惊喜
Oh, no, no. She's not good with surprises.
你不能对老人做这种事 伙计
You can't do that shit to old people, man.
我差点就那样害死了一个叔叔
I mean, I almost killed a uncle like that.
是的 -那老混♥蛋♥在浴缸里洗澡
Yeah. - This motherfucker was in the tub taking a fucking bath.
对吗 -他说 搞什么鬼
Right? He's like, "What the fuck? "
就是这样 这混♥蛋♥就这样死了
That was it. Motherfucker died like this.
就像 明白我的意思吗
Just like You know what I mean?
是啊 你不能给一个老人惊喜
Yeah, you can't surprise an old person.
不 你不能这么做 明白我的意思吗
No, you can't do that. Know what I mean?
我明白你的意思 你干嘛老是问我懂不懂你的意思
I know what you mean. Why do you keep asking me if I know what you mean?
没那么难 这不是科学
It wasn't that difficult. It's not science.
你举了一个非常简单的例子
You made a very simple statement.
是啊 我明白你的意思
Yeah, I know what you mean.
是的
Yeah. -
看看这个 又是你
Look at this. Fucking you again.
今天是第三次或第四次了
Third or fourth time today.
呀 又是误拨
Jeez! Another butt dial.
哦 伙计 对不起
Oh, man. I'm sorry.
这让我处境艰难
It puts me in a bad spot.
让你陷入 让我陷入最糟糕的境地
Puts you in a Puts me in the worst spot.
因为我上周给一个人打了电♥话♥
Because I called a guy last week.
是的 -我14年没跟他说过话
Yeah. I hadn't spoken to him
所以我假装
in 14 years, and so I got to pretend
我有意给他打电♥话♥ -对
that I was calling him. Right.
接下来 我就和他吃晚饭了
And the next thing you know, you're having dinner.
看 我 我把手♥机♥放在前面的口袋里
See, me, I carry my phone in my front pocket.
但有时 我还是会误拨电♥话♥给别人
But sometimes, I dick dial people by mistake.
哦 你老二会拨号♥
Oh, you make a dick dial?
有一次 我误点了一份披萨
One time, I ordered a pizza by mistake.
这个混♥蛋♥出现了 我说 这他妈的是什么
This motherfucker shows up, I said, "The fuck is this? "
你之前点了一份披萨 哇 我的老二
"You ordered a pizza earlier. "Wow, my fucking dick.
有时候 我能听到我的老二
And sometimes, I can hear my dick
拨一个号♥码
dialing a number.
明白我的意思吗
Know what I mean?
我就想 你♥他♥妈♥的在干什么
I'm like, "What the fuck are you doing? "
你知道我在说什么吗
You know what I'm saying?
我知道你在说什么
I do know what you're saying.
没错 伙计 -你知道我的意思吗
Exactly, man. - Do you know what I mean?
明白我的意思吗 -你知道我的意思吗
Know what I mean? - You know what I mean?
你明白我的意思吗
Do you know what I mean?
不 不 你明白我的意思吗 -哦 哇 她来了
No, no. Do you know what I mean? - Oh, wow. Here she is.
他们叫那叫DTM
They call that shit DTM.
是的 -过犹不及
Yeah. "Doing too much. "
哦 你好
Ooh! Hi.
不忍♥直视 不是吗
It's hard to watch, isn't it?
哦 好吧 看看谁来了
Oh, well, look who's here.
公主来了 -啊
· The princess has arrived. Ah!
有点迟了 不是吗
Cutting it kind of close, no?
哦 没有我飞机是不会起飞的
Oh, the plane won't take off without me.
这是什么 -这是我的情绪安抚狗 佩丘卡
What is this? This is my emotional support dog, Pechuca.
哇 -情绪安抚狗
Wow. Emotional support dog?
真是瞎搞
What a scam.
如果你精神不稳定
They shouldn't even let you on the plane
他们甚至不应该让你上飞机
if you're that mentally unstable.
这不是骗局 -这只狗超重了
It is not a scam, This dog is overweight.
他们会在飞机上多收你200美元的
They're gonna charge you 200 dollars extra on the flight.
狗就像金鱼
Dogs are like goldfish.
是有喂食过量这一说的
You can overfeed this motherfucker.
你能不羞辱我的狗胖吗
Can you not fat shame my dog?
你侮辱不了狗他们不懂
You can't insult a dog. They don't know.
是的 -她有 -你需要自我意识
Yes, she does. - You need self- awareness
才能明白有人在羞辱你
to understand someone's shaming you.
这只狗不会转身来问
This dog is not gonna turn around and go,
你♥他♥妈♥的说什么
"What the fuck you say? "
看 看我的 嘿 胖子
Look, watch this. Hey, fat fuck.
你这个肥仔 你胖死了
You a fat ass. You fucking fat.
你这个矮胖墩
You a short, fat ass dog.
看 看到了吗 狗不知道
Look at that. See? The dog don't know.
来吧 佩丘卡 我不想迟到
Come on, Pechuca. I don't wanna be late.
佩丘卡 他们在飞机上吃了顿饭
And, Pechuca, they got a meal on the flight.
不要这样做 别再吃别的了
Don't do it. Don't you eat nothing else.
看到了吗
See that?
我打赌他听到那部分了 -是的 你告诉他了
· I bet he heard that part. - Yeah, you told him.
客房♥服务
Housekeeping.
哦 进来
Oh, come in.
嘿 早上好
Hey. Good morning.
有问题吗
There's a problem?
翻白眼是怎么回事
What's with the eye roll?
我一会儿再来
I come back.
你是什么意思 等一下
What do you mean? Wait a second.
我不懂 我做错什么了吗
I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?
这 这是个典型的房♥间
This- - this is a typical room.
到处都是衣服
There's clothes strewn about.
是的 我看到有内衣和袜子
Yes, I see there's underwear and socks.
我一会儿再来 -什么 我做了什么
I come back. - What? What did I- -
这是人们在酒店里都会做的事 是啊
That's what people do when they're in a hotel. Yeah.
袜子 内衣在地板上 你不在乎
Socks, underwear on the floor. You don't care.
你不 你不在家
You're not- - you're not home.
我 我完全被这整件事弄糊涂了
I'm- - I'm completely bewildered by this whole thing.
我真的不明白 我的意思是 这是一个典型的房♥间
I really don't understand. I mean, this was a typical room.
顺便说一句 我很体贴服务人员
By the way, I'm very considerate of housekeeping.
你应该知道这一点
You should know this.
我保证这房♥间里会有小费给你
I guarantee you there'll be a tip for you in this room.
保证 -我一会儿再来
Guaranteed. - I come back.
我觉得我让你失望了
I feel like somehow I've disappointed you.