消消气（2000）

拉里·路见不平拔刀相助·大卫
Larrv"Involvement"David.
你敢信吗
Can you believe that?
他们嘴下这个拉里·大卫感觉是个好人呐
This Larrv David thev're talking about seems like quite a fellow.
那当然 -我们能不知道吗
He is. But we know better.
你一定累坏了 想喝杯咖啡吗 我煮了咖啡
You must be exhausted. Do you want a cup of coffee? I got coffee made.
那就太好了 非常感谢
That would be great. Thank you verv much.
嘿 葫芦台那边咋样了
Hev, what's going on with Hulu?
明早11点 我们有场视频会议
11: 00 tomorrow morning, we got a Zoom call.
你明天还要开视频会 绝对不行 杰夫
Tomorrow you have a Zoom call? I don't think so, Jeff.
你还是改期吧 你脑子坏掉了吧
You're gonna have to change that. What the hell's the matter with you?
哦糟了 明天是你生日
Shit. It's your birthdav.
没错 我生日时候不准视频开会
Yes, exactly. No Zooming on mv birthdav.
不准你在我生日当天工作 -怎么 你生日是法定节假日么
No work on mv birthday. - What is that, a national holidav?
那天对于我和杰夫相当神圣
It's a sacred dav for Jeff and me.
那他可以上洗手间吗
Is he allowed to qo to the bathroom?
他可以上洗手间 拉里
Yes, he can go to the bathroom, Larry.
你也想做啥都行 但杰夫整天都得陪着我
And you could do whatever the fuck vou want, but Jeff is mine all day.
怎么 你才十岁吗 拜托
What are vou, ten years old? Come on.
想想这个世界没有我的出生 会多么的操蛋
You know, if I wasn't born, think the whole world would be shit.
你以为这是吉米·斯图尔特的那部电影么
If this was that movie with the Jimmy Stewart.
《生活多美好》
It's a Wonderful Life.
你以为还有天使陪你巡游么 谁鸟你啊
Yeah, and the angel was taking you around. Nobody would give a fuck.
觉得自己挺幽默哈 我弄你的咖啡去了
Very funny. Getting you coffee.
疯了吧她 而且你知道吗
This is just insanity. And you know what?
我还得给她买♥♥礼物 我都不知道去哪儿买♥♥ 买♥♥什么
I got to get her a gift. I don't know where to go, what to get her.
而她还总是不满意
It's always a disappointment
可我不想倾家荡产地买♥♥礼物啊 太悲催了
and I don't wanna break the bank. It's so frustrating.
总要想着另一个人 这也太痛苦了
What a thing to go through. You have to think about another person.
简直痛苦
It's iust terrible.
我可能有个主意
This is a possibility for you,
你不想花太多钱 是吧
You don't wanna spend too much money, right?
又想哄她开心
And vet you wanna make her happy,
那你就买♥♥两份礼物 但你只送她一份
You get two gifts, but you only give her one
先看看她的反应
and see how she reacts to the one.
她要是因为你只送了一个不开心
If vou see she's a little disappointed'cause it's iust one,
你就把第二个拿出来
then you bring out the second,
她要是对第一个满意 你就把第二个退掉
And if she's happy with the one, then you return the second.
我怎么就没想到呢 瞧瞧这多简单
How did I not think of that? So simple. Look at that,
谢啦 -什么鬼
Thanks. - What the fuck?
外面那是啥玩意儿 哥们 -我知道 太不像话了
What is that, man? - Yeah, I know. It's terrible.
你还知道 你看见了还径直走进来
You know? You guys have to walk by him when you came in?
我不知道 我两分钟前才看见的
I don't know. I just saw it for the first time two minutes ago.
你俩是不是还碰了个拳啊 -我们不碰拳的
You fist bumped this motherfucker? - No, we don't fist bump,
嘿 你好
Hey, what's up?
这样吧 咱把它放车♥库♥里 越来越离谱了
You know what? Let's put it in the garage. This is crazy
你觉得呢 -好的
You want to? - Yeah, veah.
天 赶紧把他弄出去
Jeez. Get him the fuck out of here.
好沉呐 你们究竟有没有在抬
This is heavv man. What the fuck? Are you guvs doing anvthing?
我抬着呢 -你没事吧
Yeah, I'm holding it. - Are you okav?
妈呀
Shit!
天 -不会吧
Oh man! Come on!
瞧瞧你干得好事
Look what vou did.
我♥干♥得好事 我就知道你会这么说
What I did? I knew you would say that shit.
我抬的那部分最沉了
I had the heaviest part.
最沉了 是你自愿要抬那里的
You got the heaviest part? You volunteered for the heaviest part.
你说你想抬着后面的
You said you wanted to stav in the back.
发生了什么啊 你们干啥好事了
What the hell happened? What did you guys do?
我们出了点小意外
We had an accident.
你说你们搬这玩意干啥 这又不是我们家
Why did you even move the fucking thing? This is not our house.
你们得再去找个一样的
Well, vou're gonna have to iust find another one.
我才不要损失保证金 都听到了吗
Cause I am not eating the security deposit. You hear me?
现在就去给我买♥♥个一模一样的
Go buy a new one right now. The exact same onel
能等你生日那天再买♥♥吗
Can we do it on your birthdav?
服了
Jesus.
我得去洗个澡 然后我们
I'm gonna take a shower and then we'll...
这玩意儿哪里有卖♥♥呀
How am I gonna find one of these things?
别忘了我们也得给苏西买♥♥礼物
Don't forqet we got to get Susie's gift. All right?
我压力都爆表了 实在不知道送她什么
This is so damn overwhelming. I don't know what to get her.
我一点都不羡慕你呢 -不可能
I don't envy you. This is impossible.
嘿 你就是那个给女士递水的人
Hey, you're the guy that gave that ladv the water.
没错 就是我
Right! I'm the guy.
你就是那个把毛衣
And you're the guy that's wearing a sweater
系在脖子上穿的人 这句咋样
tied around his motherfucking neck. How about that?
嘿 来看看这家
Hev, right there. Look at this place.
进去逛逛吧
Let's do it.
这个店符合苏茜的风格 你看这件农服
This really looks like a Susie store. Look at this stuff.
不太行 -那这件呢
It's pretty horrible. What about this thing?
这件就很完美
That looks fucking perfect.
我先去墨镜小屋 把1号♥礼物买♥♥下
I'm going over to Sunglass Hut. I'm getting gift number one.
你俩忙我逛逛2号♥礼物 -好一会儿见
You two scout for gift number two. All right. Ill see you in a minute.
真荒唐 我竟在给苏西买♥♥东西 离谱
This is so stupid. I'm looking to shop for Susie? This is insane.
已经有这么多丑衣服的人 还要给他买♥♥点啥呢
What do you buy a person who alreadv has bullshit like this bullshit?
呃 不妙 我有大事要办
Hev, you know what? I got a big iob.
好吧
Okay.
我想上大号♥ 你觉得这儿有洗手间吗
I gotta drop the kids off at the pool. You think they have a bathroom here?
有是有 但你不买♥♥东西
Thev have a bathroom. But you can't use the bathroom
就不能用他们的洗手间 这是规矩
unless vou buy something. That's how they do it.
先生好 需要我帮你找衣服吗
Hello, qentlemen. May I help you find something?
呃 我们只是随便看看
No. You know we're iust browsing.
我们刚上货了几款宽边帽
We just got some gorqeous wide brimmed hats in.
软呢帽 我喜欢软呢帽 -带你们去看看吧
Fedoras? I love a Fedora. - Would you like to see anv?
我想问问 你们有洗手间吗
I'm wondering, do you have a restroom I could use?
你要用洗手间啊 -是的
You have to use the restroom? - Yeah.
现在吗 -是的
Right now? - Kinda, veah.
好吧 在那里
Yeah. Right this way.
瞧瞧这是谁 苏茜 -走吧
Look who showed up. Susie. Let's go.
打扰下 还有什么需要我帮忙的吗
Excuse me. Is there anvthing else I can help you with?
我知道您喜欢软呢帽 带您看几顶吧
I know you were interested in the fedoras. I can show you those.
我想了想 先不买♥♥了
You know on second thought, I don't think so.
但洗手间只供付费顾客使用
Well, the restroom is for paying customers onlv.
我进店时确实带着购物意愿
Well, I browsed with intent to buy,
但很遗憾 没看到特别想买♥♥的东西
but unfortunatelv, I didn't reallv see anything that was of interest to me.
那么在一般情况下
In your previous condition,
你得花多少钱 才能用洗手间
how much would you have paid to use the restroom?
500 -500刀呢
500. - 500?
居然真被我找到了 我找到一副最适合她的墨镜
I cannot believe I found a pair, but I found the perfect pair for her.
太棒了
Fantastic.
我负责的礼物选好了 你们这边呢
I got mine. What'd you guys come up with?
我们这边呢
What did we come up
我们选了好久
Well, we've been browsing
我们打算送那个手袋
and we've come up with that purse.
这个手袋 太完美了 感谢两位 选的太好了
That purse. That's perfect. Thank you both. Great call.
瞧 我选了你店里的东西 我也是顾客
Yes, we found that in the store. See, I'm a customer.
不 他才是顾客 你只是他拉屎的朋友
No, he's a customer. You're just his friend who pooped in our toilet.
请问有什么需要
Can I help you find anvthing?
你好啊 -你好
Hev there. How vou doing?
我想买♥♥一个 那个东西应该叫草坪马夫吧
Good. Interested in buving...A lawn iockev they're called, right?
没错 就是这么叫的 -对 草坪马夫
Yeah, that's exactlv what thev are. Yeah. A lawn iockev.
我发现这里的马夫都是同一个肤色的
I noticed that they're all pretty much the same, you know, ethnicity.
想问问你们有没有深色的
Wondering if perhaps you had any darker ones.
多深
Darker how?
黑色的
Black?
你想买♥♥黑色的吗
You want a Black one?
不是你想的那样 这故事说来话长
It's not what you think. It's a long storv.
对 有400年之久呢 始于尼日利亚
Yeah, it's like 400 years long. Starts in Nigjeria.
相信我 我和你一样 对这种行为深恶痛绝
Believe me, I have the same aversion to them as you do.
可你现在却要买♥♥一个
But you're looking for one.
再次重申 说来话长
Again, it's a long story.
这根本不是我的主意 我只想把它换掉
I have nothing to do with it. I iust have to replace it, really.
所以 你已经有一个了
So you alreadv had one.