儿童医院（2008）

Previously on Childrens Hospital...
《儿童医院》前情回顾
Excuse me?
打扰一下
Oh, my God.
天哪
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
我很抱歉通知你个坏消息
OK. Wow, so many questions.
这样子啊 我有好多问题想问哦
Attention, hospital staff:
全体医务人员请注意
Backwards day does not apply to appendectomies.
颠倒节不适宜做阑尾切除术
What do we got?
什么情况
Oh. Newborn.
出生不久的小孩
Has a wound that won't heal --
有个无法愈合的伤口...
left side above the first rib.
在左边第一根肋骨以上的地方
Owen?
欧文
What are you doing here?
你在这里干什么
I work here, Kelly.
我在这工作啊 凯莉
What are you doing here?
你在这里干什么
God, not the whole "I'm a doctor" routine again.
不要再搞"我是医生"这老套路啦
You're just not smart enough to be a doctor.
你还没聪明到可以当医生
I am a doctor, okay?
我真的是医生 好吧
And I said I would fix our baby's wounds at home.
我说过我会在家治好我们孩子的伤口
I'm sorry, did you just say "Our baby"?
打断一下 你刚刚是说"我们孩子"吗
Everyone, this is my secret wife, Kelly.
各位 这位是我秘密妻子 凯莉
We've been married two years,
我们结婚两年了
and she doesn't believe I'm a doctor.
她至今都不相信我是医生
You mean a veterinarian or a massage therapist, right?
你说的是兽医或者按♥摩♥师吧
Those aren't doctors, honey.
他们都不能算医生 亲爱的
Let's not do this in front of my friends, honey.
不要在我朋友面前这样闹 亲爱的
Owen has a secret wife and baby?
欧文竟然私下有了妻子和孩子
How do we not know this?
我们怎么会不知道
I guess it's true what they say:
我觉得有些话说得很对
"Can't live with them,"
"不能和他们一起生活"
"Can't tell anyone about them."
"不能跟任何人提起他们的事"
Okay.
好吧
That -- that's pretty funny,
好搞笑哦
Chet, but I want you to leave the joke around professionals.
切特 我觉得你该把笑话留给专业人士来讲
Clowns.
我指的是小丑
Me, to be specific.
更准确来说 就是我
I should have brought her in a lot sooner, but I just couldn't.
我早就该带她过来了 但我却不能这么做
Because retarded people can't be doctors!
那是因为蠢货当不了医生啊
How long has this been going on?
这伤口有多久了
It came out of nowhere right after she was born.
伤口在她刚出生就不知道从哪冒出来了
It's been getting bigger every day.
日渐变大
You've been getting bigger every day.
你也日渐变重啊
I mean, aren't you supposed to lose weight after you give birth?
你生完小孩不是应该日渐变轻才对吗
I eat very healthily. She's a vegetarian.
我每天都吃得很健康 她是素食者
Meat is murder. Beef: It's what's for dinner.
吃肉等于谋杀 牛肉就是用来吃的
Animals are not ours to eat.
动物不是生来就被吃的
Eat meat, repeat.
你要吃肉 我坚持
God only created a few perfect heads.
上帝只创造了很少很少的聪明人
The rest he covered with hair.
剩下的蠢货 他用头发给他们遮羞
That's how it's done, paramedic.
这才叫笑话 小护工
Kulap, round up my team.
玫瑰 集♥合♥我的团队
Meet me in the conference room.
在会议室等我
I'm gonna prove to you that I'm a doctor.
我要向你证明我是医生
Oh, Kulap!
玫瑰
Hey, I know it's last minute,
我知道事情很突然
but I need a date to a wedding this weekend
但我想约你这周末陪我去参加一个婚礼
because the person I thought I was going with
因为原本要陪我去的人
can't make it all of a sudden,
突然不能去了
because he has a secret wife.
那个混球竟然有个秘密妻子
But, Chief, you know I'm not a lesbian, right?
但是 主任 你知道我不是拉拉吧
Oh, yeah. Me either.
当然 我也不是
No, it's just a friends thing. But we're not friends.
这是朋友间的请求 我们也不是朋友
Hey, Chief!
主任
Chet! Oh, you scared me!
切特 你吓死我了
You know, I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying as
我躲在这推车后面的时候
I was crouching creepily behind this cart,
忍♥不住偷听到你说的话
and I'd like to take this opportunity to invite myself
我想借这个机会毛遂自荐
to the wedding you're going to.
陪你去那个婚礼
Oh, I don't Now, you can't say "No"
我才不... 你可不能说"不"
because I know you've asked everybody,
因为我知道你可是问过所有人了
and you're in a real jam
你心里正偷着乐呢
and you're afraid of offending me...
你怕麻烦到我而不问我...
And I might also be dangerous.
我可是有致命吸引力的哦
Thanks so much for giving me this scan, Cat.
谢谢你帮我做扫描 凯特
This headache just won't go away.
这头痛久久不散
Are you experiencing any other symptoms?
你还有其他别的症状吗
Is this something?
这算吗
Hmm. Let me see.
让我看看
Could be, but let me go check the results of this scan by Cat,
有可能 我还得看看凯特的扫描结果
and you know what?
还有啊
Yeah, keep an eye on that.
注意一下这个伤口
Keep an eye on it. Good.
注意一下这个伤口 很好
I got you.
看到你了
All right, team, I've asked you all to join me here to
全体队员 我让你们集中到这里是为了
help me prove to my a-hole wife that I am a real doctor and,
帮我向我那蠢货老婆证明我是医生
by extension, save the life of my newborn daughter, blah, blah, blah.
另外就是 治好我出生不久的女儿
Go!
开始吧
Could be Bodow Syndrome.
有可能是波陀综合征
Bodow Syndrome: The mysterious condition of having a
波陀综合征 伤口不会愈合的
wound that won't heal -- That's a possibility.
神秘症状...可能性很高
Blake, would you like to join this discussion,
布莱克 你是要加入我们的讨论呢
or are you just gonna sit there and try to think up jokes
还是就坐在那里绞尽脑汁想笑话
because you heard a paramedic make one
就因为你听到有个护工想到个笑话
and you're jealous?
就让你很妒忌
What do you call a wound on a cow that won't heal?
要是牛有不能愈合的伤口 你会怎么说
I don't know. A moooooond.
不知道 哞
Hit me.
击掌吧
This headache just won't go away.
这头痛久久不散
Just keep an eye on it.
注意一下这个伤口
Scan by Cat.
凯特的扫描
Waiting for something?
在等什么东西吗
Yeah, I'm actually waiting for the results of my Cat scan
是啊 我在等凯特给我做的扫描结果
to see if I have a brain tumor.
看看是不是有脑瘤
That's hilarious.
这太搞笑了
What? Oh, I'm sorry.
什么 抱歉
I meant to say, "That's a coincidence."
我是说"这太巧了"
My name is Death. Death?
我叫死神 死神
Oh, crap!
尼玛啊
You're married?!
你竟然结婚了
I had to keep it a secret.
这不能让其他人知道
I did it for you.
我是因为你才这么做的
Now you know why I can't go to that wedding.
现在你知道为什么我不能出席婚礼了
Why didn't you tell me?!
为什么你不跟我说
Why?! You ruined my life!
为什么 你毁了我的生活
I gave you everything, you animal!
我把一切给了你 你个禽兽
Stop it! Stop it!
住手 住手
Oh, you know I can't stay mad at you, baby.
你知道我不会生你气 宝贝
I can't fight the power of that pale,
对雪白无毛 像白化病人的皮肤
pale, hairless, albino skin.
我无法下手
Oh, but, baby, now I'm stuck going to the wedding with Chet.
宝贝 现在我得和切特去那个婚礼了
Chet.
切特
Okay, listen to me. What?
听我说 你说
You get rid of Chet. Okay.
你要甩了切特 好
I'll think of something to tell Kelly,
有些话我得和凯莉说清楚
and we are going to this special...
这样我们就可以去那特别的...
Special wedding together.
一起去那特别的婚礼
Okay. Bye, baby.
好的 拜拜 宝贝
Oh! Oh, my goodness!
我的女神啊
Oh! I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
不好意思 我不是故意要吓你的
Really?!
是吗