儿童医院（2008）

Childrens Hospital S03E01

Part 2 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:21 p.m.

I don't know what's going on.
我也不知道怎么回事
One minute, I was normal sized.
前一分钟我还是正常体型
And then boom, nine months later, I was fat.
嘭的一下九个月过后我就这样了
Do you remember doing anything out of the ordinary,
你是否记得做过不正常的事
like putting fatty foods in your mouth or vagina?
比如用嘴或玉♥穴♥"吃"垃圾食品
No. I can't keep anything down or up.
不我上面和下面都存不住东西
I have been spending weekends at
不过我周末经常
an opium den having sex with a lot of sailors, though.
去贩毒巢穴和一些水手打炮
Well, that's not nothing.
那可不是小事
I mean, opium dens are hotbeds for really toxic materials like
毒穴可是各种有毒物质的温床
rodent droppings, dander, all sorts of DNA...
比如啮齿类粪便毛发各种DNA
And the obvious, of course.
当然还有更明显的
Opium. Karate instructors.
毒品空手道教练
Dori, I'm gonna find out what happened to you, and I bet the
多莉我会查出你到底怎么了
answer is somehow linked to my boner that won't go away.
结果可能与我的"老二龙起"有关
The kitty litter in this couch cushion is pretty urine-soaked.
这个垫子里的猫砂被尿浸透了
Yeah, well, tell me about it.
是的那当然了
It's from my pee couch.
这是我的小便垫
The quicksand is hardening.
流沙变硬了
It's keeping him from sinking.
这样他就不会下沉了
Gentlemen, I think we did it.
先生们我想我们成功了
No. We didn't.
不还没有
The hardening quicksand is compressing his organs.
变硬的流沙正在挤压他的器官
Would have been better off sinking.
不过比流沙好些
Damn it!
我擦
Put some water on there, loosen it up... Stat!
倒点水上去让沙子变松快
Blake, you find anything in those old quicksand files?
布莱克从旧流沙病例里找到什么没
Nothing here... No story, no sense of continuity,
没有没有故事没有相关性
interchangeable characters.
没有与病人相似的病例
Mostly a lot of bathroom jokes.
大部分都是浴室冷笑话
Ugh, this water's making me have to pee.
这水声让我想小便
I'll be on my couch.
我去尿我垫子上
Come on, Lola!
快来萝拉
Where the heck are you? We need you here.
你在哪我们需要你
What are you doing right now?
你到底在干什么
We need you with us... to help us do this thing!
我们需要你一起来解决这个问题
So where are you?
你到底在哪
Do you want to come back to my apartment and read my journal?
你愿意跟我回公♥寓♥读我的日记吗
Okay, okay.
好了好了
Okay, well, I got to go.
好了我必须得走了
Will you tickle my back?
你会帮我挠痒痒吗
Kyah!
哇哒
Seashell seller.
卖♥♥贝壳
Oh, my God! I totally forgot to get gas!
我去我忘了加油
I figured it out! You're pregnant.
我知道了你是怀孕了
Pregnant?
怀孕
Did I stutter?
听不清吗
That explains my mood swings.
难怪我的情绪波动厉害
And that explains my boner.
也能解释我的"龙"起
How did you know?
你怎么想到的
Well, you mentioned you had been having sex with
你提到你曾在贩毒巢穴里
strangers in an opium den.
和陌生人打炮
That could make you pregnant. No kidding.
那会让你怀孕的不是吧
And if I'm right, that would indicate that there
如果我是对的估计一个新生儿
will be a newborn baby coming out of your vagina at any moment.
随时都可能从你的玉♥穴♥里出来
Oh, my God!
我滴妈呀
I hope my baby's not a karate instructor.
我希望我的孩子不是空手道教练
Oh, it didn't say anything about that.
关于这个书上什么都没写
I'm calling it.
我要宣布抢救无效了
Lola!
萝拉
Smash!
砰
Watch out! Don't do anything!
小心你在干什么
Yes! Yes!
太棒了太棒了
I knew you would know what to do.
我就知道你明白该怎么做
But, for reals, where were you, Lola?
说真的你去哪了萝拉
Well, let's just say... I was decapitating my
这么说吧我刚刚斩掉了
ex-boyfriend Greg.
我前男友格里格的头
Oh, snap!
碉堡了
You didn't! Yes, you did!
你没那么做你做了
Same Lola, different day.
同样的萝拉不同的一天
Quicksand?
流沙
Crap!
娘的
I'll be right there.
我马上就到
Next week on "Childrens Hospital"...
《儿童医院》下集预告
I'm not gonna lie to you.
实话告诉你
It doesn't look good for your son. Oh, my God.
你儿子情况不太妙天哪
Ah, I'm just playing with you.
我和你开玩笑呢
What? I was lying.
什么我骗你的
So my son is gonna be okay?
那么我儿子没事是吗
No, no. I was lying about saying I'm not gonna lie to you.
不我骗你说我不会骗你
I don't get it. Is my son gonna be okay or not?
我不太明白我儿子到底有没有事
Well, you never know with me, you know?
你不可能理解我的意思
Attention, hospital staff.
全体医护人员请注意
Follow me on Twitter @attentionstaff.
关注我们的推 @全体医务人员请注意
That is all.
就这些