主厨的餐桌（2015）

It felt we were doing something that had meaning.
感觉必须要做这些事
It felt like it needed to be done.
我吃完以后 意犹未尽
And I ate it up. I couldn't get enough of it.
肖恩重新发掘了南方菜肴
There's this rediscovery of Southern food that's pinned to Sean.
推动了复兴
He helped revive.
推动了重构
He helped to re-frame.
帮我们重新看到了这些菜肴的价值
He helped us see again the value of these foods.
肖恩通过他巨大的影响力把这些表达出来
That vote of confidence for the South meant a lot
这对南方的认同意味深远
when Sean shouted it through his megaphone.
查尔斯顿的哈斯克餐厅开业后不久
And not long after we opened Husk in Charleston,
"好胃口"美食杂♥志♥就提名我们为全美最佳新餐厅
Bon Appétit named us the best new restaurant in America.
那是一切腾飞的时刻
That's when everything took off.
生活开始一日千里
Life was moving a thousand miles an hour.
我往返于哈斯克和麦克雷迪两家餐厅
I was running back and forth between Husk and McCrady's,
一天给500名食客做菜
cooking for 500 people a day.
人们开始关注南方菜肴
People were paying attention to Southern food,
对南方菜的兴趣大为改观 这很令人兴奋
becoming interested on a different level. It was exhilarating.
两年里 我开了四家餐厅
In a two-year period, I opened four restaurants.
在那个时候 我的生活就是四处奔波
At that point of my life was a lot of running around.
许多镜头环绕着我 我说的每句话都见诸报端
Cameras in my face and every word printed.
我的南方饮食主厨的身份日益突显
My role as a chef in the South had grown.
我代表着一个菜系 一种文化
I was representing a cuisine and a culture.
这让我感觉到巨大的压力
That's an enormous amount of pressure.
因此我更加努力
And so, I just worked harder.
有一天 我醒来 起身下床
One day, I woke up and stood up out of bed,
感觉天旋地转
and it felt like the room was spinning.
我失去了平衡 只能躺回床上
I'd lost my balance. I had to sit back down.
当我再次睁开眼睛 已经无法聚焦了
And when I opened my eyes again, uh, I couldn't focus my vision.
我看到了重影
I was seeing double.
我什么也做不了
I couldn't do anything.
我整个职业生涯中 第一次没法站起来去上班
The first time in my entire career, I didn't wake up and go straight to work.
我很无助
I was helpless.
但我看过的所有医生都束手无策
But all the doctors I saw were just stumped.
他们也无法理解发生了什么
They couldn't understand what was going on.
于是开始做手术
That's when the surgeries began.
一个勺子在我清醒的时候钻进我的眼球
A spoon popped into my eyeballs while I'm awake,
我听到 闻到 感觉到他们正在我的眼睑上开刀
hearing and smelling and feeling them cutting away at my eyelids,
躺在床上 眼睛上敷着冰袋
lying on the couch with ice pads on my eyes
血从脸上淌下来
and blood dripping down my face.
我一共做了六次手术
I had six surgeries total,
重影和眼睑下垂一直没治好
and the double vision and droopy eyelids just kept coming back.
那就像恐怖电影
It was like a horror movie.
这使得我没法工作
And this is keeping me from working.
而这让我无法忍♥受
And that was making me crazy.
我对世界产生了极大的愤怒
I just became so angry at the world.
我很沮丧 无比害怕
I was so frustrated and scared to death,
想着 "我再也没法下厨了吗"
just thinking, "Am I never gonna be able to cook again?"
只有狂灌波本威士忌 才能让我好受点
And the only coping mechanism I had to equalize or to numb
才能让我自我麻痹
was a garage full of bourbon.
我不知道该怎么办 我要怎么办
I didn't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?
-嘿 肖恩 还好吗 -还好
- Hey, Sean, how are you? - Hey. Great.
到后面去吧
Come on back.
好 好 好 看着我的鼻子
Good, good, good. Take a look at my nose.
有快两年时间 我没法工作
Almost two years passed, not working,
只能痛苦地活着 直到最后去了梅约诊所
just miserable, until I finally flew to the Mayo Clinic.
我们做了大量测试
We did a number of tests,
神经医生说 "这...
and the neurologist says, "This...
听起来像是重症肌无力
sounds and seems like myasthenia gravis,
是一种会影响神经肌肉信息传递的罕见疾病"
the really rare disease that affects neuro-muscular communication."
这种疾病是由压力和疲劳引起的
This disease is exacerbated by stress and fatigue.
无法治愈
There's no cure for this
只有控制压力和焦虑
other than controlling stress, controlling anxiety.
但为了缓解症状 医生给我开了一大堆药
But to treat the symptoms, the doctor gave me a bunch of pills,
我很快就感觉到好起来
and I immediately started feeling better.
我的视力非常好
My vision was perfect.
眼睑不再下垂 我感觉自己像超人
My eyelids were perfect. I felt like Superman.
能再次拿起菜刀 令我欣喜若狂
To be able to use a knife again was such an amazing feeling.
我已经存积了一年半的创意
I had a year and a half of ideas pent up,
这一年半里无数菜肴在我脑海中盘旋
a year and a half of dishes swimming around in my head.
于是 我开始疯狂地做饭
So, I just started cooking like crazy
重回厨房♥的感觉 真是难以言喻
and being back in the kitchen was incredible.
他再次全心投入 甚至比以前更投入
He basically dove back in full force and beyond full force,
拼命想弥补失去的时间
in, just, this desperation to make up for lost time.
但是 他每天服用16毫克强的松[肾上腺皮质激素]
But he was on something like 16 mg of prednisone,
这能让任何人感觉自己拥有超能力
and that can make anyone feel like Superman.
我以为一切尽在自己掌握之中
I thought I had everything under control,
然后 某一天 我开车去餐厅时
and then, one day, I was driving to work,
我的视力突然模糊了 再次出现重影
and my vision just snapped and went straight into double vision.
药失效了
The pills had stopped working,
第二天 医生告诉我
and, the next day, my doctor told me
我的眼外肌无力已发展成全身肌无力
the myasthenia was graduating from my eyes into full-body myasthenia.
这真的是个坏消息
And that was really bad news,
照此发展下去 未来我就只能像植物人一样插喉管维生了
because, when that happens, the future is living with tubes down your throat.
于是...
And, uh...
我陷入了
I, um, just hit a level of depression
前所未有的沮丧
that, uh, I'd never experienced before,
于是 我再次借酒消愁
and I drowned my pain in bourbon.
那时 我陷入了绝望的深渊
I was in the depths of misery at that point.
我什么都不管 彻底放弃了
I stopped caring. I just gave up.
他迷失了自我 眼神空洞无神
He wasn't himself. He had a vacant look in his eye.
心理医生已经拯救不了他了
He was beyond just needing to see a therapist.
他周身笼罩着黑暗
There was a darkness about him.
与我所不能理解的敌人抗争着
He was grappling with stuff I didn't understand.
感觉他少了些什么 就像...他需要帮助
There was something missing there, like... He needed help.
他渴望...渴望得到帮助
That was, uh... He was crying out for help.
我记得当时 我在楼上听到门铃响了
I remember I was upstairs and my doorbell rang.
我打开门 看见三个本不该出现的人
I opened the door and there were three people standing there
站在门口...
that weren't supposed to be standing there...
三位我敬爱的人站在那儿
three people standing there that I respect.
他们在发抖 浑身发抖
They were trembling, full-body trembles.
我立刻明白发生了什么事
I knew exactly what was happening.
于是..,
And I...
老实说 我感觉到了一种无比舒爽的解脱
felt this amazing, uh, relief, to be quite honest.
就像是... 我需要的帮助终于来了
It was almost like... like the, the help had arrived.
于是...
And, uh...
我们坐在桌旁调解
we all sit down at a table to have an intervention,
我记得我说"你们想干嘛就干嘛
and I remember saying, "You can do whatever you want.
想看啥就看啥 可我要走了
You can read whatever you want, but I am going.
我马上就走"
I will go right now."
39岁 我今年39岁
Thirty-nine, I am. Thirty-nine years old.
我父亲去世时 正是这个年纪
The same age my father was when he passed away.
为了拯救南方美食 我几乎毁掉自己
I nearly broke myself, trying to save Southern food,
可是如果你死了 你什么也救不了
but you can't save anything when you're dead.
在康复中心时 没有工作和酒精让我逃避
When I got to rehab, I didn't have work and whisky to hide behind.
我必须面对镜中的自己
I had to face the person in the mirror.
我意识到 我想不停工作的渴望与我父亲如出一辙
I realized that my desire to always be at work is exactly how my father was.
当我明白自己可以放下的那一刻 我感到不可思议
The moment that I knew it didn't have to be that way anymore was unbelievable.
我站在草地上
I was standing in the grass,
仰望天空 感叹青草的鲜嫩
admiring the sky, and how green the grass was,
我又能听见鸟儿吟唱 感觉就像是
and I could hear the birds again, and I was like,
"我活过来了"
"I'm awake."
我明白了照顾好自己会如何影响我的疾病
I saw that connection between taking care of myself,
而这又影响着我的幸福
and how that affects my disease, which affects my happiness.
我的视力恢复了
My vision was fine.
我的肌肉控制正常了
My muscles were fine.
那种感觉真的非常奇妙
It was such an amazing feeling.
可恢复视力又让我
But the new perspective that I have takes...
投入大量日常工作中
an enormous amount of work every day.
慢下来...
To slow down...
对我来说真的很难
That's difficult for me.
达科塔 添料