主厨的餐桌（2015）

有着她们印记的菜肴象征着荣耀和尊重
their signature dishes means honor and respect.
在我的家族里 女人们通过某些菜肴获得声誉
Women in my family built up these reputations for certain dishes.
她们永远不会出♥卖♥♥♥自己的菜谱 哪怕是对自己的女儿
And that recipe, they never part with, not even to their own daughter.
我的妈妈 还有我所有的阿姨祖母们
My mom and all my aunts and my grandmother,
她们肯定看见了我灵魂里巨大的空虚
they must have seen the huge emptiness in my soul.
每一个人都理解我 在我身边赐予我力量
Everybody understood. Everybody rallied around me.
"把勾心斗角的事情都放下 我们一起来教你"
"Let's get the lists out. Let's start teaching you."
我站在她们身旁
I stood next to them.
我看着 听着她们告诉我的一切
I watched. I listened to what they were telling me,
然后一一吸收
and I absorbed everything.
给我那个
Give me that.
那些气味 芳香和动作
The smells and the aromas and the actions,
它们之间是有一定节奏的
there's a rhythm to it.
那节奏引领着你 而你会一遍遍循环听着
It's that beat that hits you here, and you hear it again and again.
到了结尾 这一切就演变成了一首美妙 近乎魔幻的神曲
And then in the end, it all becomes this beautiful, almost magical song.
所以 我继承了这个被谨慎守护着的美好遗产
So, I inherited this fabulous legacy of guarded signature dishes.
它植入了我的灵魂之中
It is embedded in my soul.
回到英国 我已经脱胎换骨
I went back home to the UK a different person.
我开始做饭
I started cooking.
我的神呐 我的丈夫平躺在了地板上 他非常震惊
Oh, my God, my husband was flat on the ground, he was so shocked.
我喜欢这家 你可以品尝不同种类的醋
I love this. You can try every kind of vinegar.
那个时候 我的房♥子对面有一所学校
At that time, there was a school opposite my house.
我见到一些南亚的女性
I saw some South-Asian women.
她们当中很多人都在欧洲家庭里
Many of them were working as nannies, as housekeepers,
做着保姆或者管家的工作
with families that were European.
异国他乡的陌生人
Strangers in a foreign land.
她们正处于和我一样的境地
They were in the same position as me.
干杯 谢谢你
Cheers! Thank you.
我对她们说"过来和我一起喝茶"
I told them, "Come and have tea with me."
我已经学会了怎么制♥作♥正宗好喝的印度奶茶
I had learned how to make seriously good chai.
当她们来到我家以后 我们成为了朋友
When they came to my house, we made friends.
我开始给她们做吃的
I started cooking for them.
这感觉非常棒
It felt so wonderful.
我们仿佛回到了印度
We felt like we were back in India.
然后慢慢地 她们开始经常来我家
And then slowly, they started coming more often.
一切都变了
Everything changed.
过去的生活以我组成了自己的姐妹团而得以告终
I ended up with a group who I would consider now my sisters.
这是我生活中最棒的部分
This was the best part of my life.
学会做饭对于我来说是巨大的转变
Having the ability to cook was, for me, the huge transformation.
我怎么看待我的生活 我居住的地方 我自己...
How I felt about life, where I lived, myself...
如今 它让我找到了家的感觉
Now, this feels like home.
一位邻居告诉我 他去了一个晚餐俱乐部
I had a neighbor who told me that he went to a supper club.
他描述了一家地下餐厅
He described an underground restaurant.
我觉得那很酷
I thought that was so cool.
从小到大 我一直想做点违法的事
My whole life, I've wanted to do something illegal.
他说 "不 这并不违法
So, he was like, "No, it's not illegal.
只不过是你邀请别人去你家
It's just that you call people to your house,
你做饭 他们付钱"
and you feed them, and they pay you."
我就想 "貌似我也能做啊"
And I thought, "This sounds like something I can do."
当我跟朋友们提起晚餐俱乐部的事时
When I talked about my supper club to my friends,
她们说 "我们愿意来帮忙"
they were like, "We'd like to help prepare the meal."
我们三四个人挤在厨房♥里
There were three, four of us in the kitchen.
她们备菜 我负责烹饪
They did all the prep. I cooked the food.
刚开始规模还很小
It was very small in the beginning.
孩子们会溜回他们的房♥间
My children would wander off into their rooms.
幸运的是 我丈夫经常出差
And luckily my husband was traveling a lot.
那时他几乎不知道我在做什么
He was not really aware at that time that I was doing it.
也许我撒了点慌 没告诉他实情
Maybe I lied a bit and didn't tell him.
渐渐地 我感觉到客人带来的压力
I started getting a lot of pressure from people.
他们说"我想带老板来"或"我想带伴侣来"
Like, "I'd really like to bring my boss," and, "I wanna bring my partner."
客人越来越多
And it grew in number.
他们在社交媒体上宣传
People would put stuff up on social media.
发博客点赞 陌生人写邮件给我说
People wrote blogs about it. Strangers would write to me saying,
"我看到那些照片 很想来尝尝"
"I've seen these pictures. I'd really like to come."
慢慢地 我有了一群常客
And slowly, I had a following of people.
那时 我差不多是在开大型派对
I was basically having huge parties.
25到30人的大型宴会
Twenty-five to thirty people, grand banquet.
一群陌生人坐在一起吃饭
Random strangers are sitting around and eating the food,
最后大家都成了朋友
and then in the end everyone was friends.
我一直认为晚餐俱乐部
I always saw supper clubs
是连接我和我的文化与他人的桥梁
as a bridge between my culture and me and someone else.
为他们做饭正是跨越桥梁走近他们的方式
And feeding them was that bridge to get to them.
是的 一定要搓成圆形
Yeah. Make sure that it's round, yeah.
这就行
That will be fine.
-好... -会有很多裂纹
- Okay... - That had too many cracks.
不要勉强去解决 因为你解决不了
Don't try and force those issues, because you can't.
很好 就像... 对的
Very good. Just like... Yeah, yeah.
好 翻过来
Now, turn it.
我继续在家里办晚餐俱乐部
I continued doing supper clubs at my home.
那是我厨艺突飞猛进的时期
Those were brilliant cooking days.
我整日整夜地做饭
I cooked all night, I cooked all day,
我很满意 这就是我的使命
and I loved it. This was my calling.
等孩子们长大了些 晚餐俱乐部就成了问题
The supper clubs became an issue when my children got a little older.
他们没冲我抱怨 而是找到了我爸
They didn't complain to me, they complained to my dad.
我父亲是个很性格温和的人
My father, who's a really mild-tempered person,
他只是说"这让人无法接受"
just said, "This is unacceptable."
我父母对我的新事业并不在意
My parents were not impressed.
我甚至没有考虑孩子们的感受
I had not even considered the kids' feelings.
他说"你得关掉晚餐俱乐部"
He said, "You've gotta shut the supper clubs."
我相当震惊
I was quite stunned.
我询问家人的意见
I asked my family how they felt.
我丈夫忍♥下了 虽然生气 不过没发火
My husband tolerated it. Angry, but silent.
但是 孩子们却很厌恶
But my kids hated it.
他们说 这很糟 家里全是人
They told me this was horrible that there were people in the house,
又很吵 这种生活让他们不舒服
and it was so chaotic, and it was not a nice way to live.
我很羞愧
I was ashamed.
我没从他们的角度看待问题
I had not seen things from their perspective.
我沉浸在做饭的兴奋与喜悦中
In my own excitement and joy of cooking,
却忽略了家里孩子们也有平等的权利
I had forgotten that my children also have equal rights in that house.
这正是当年我所痛恨的
This was something that I felt was so wrong,
发生在我们家女孩子身上的事
that had been done to girls in our families.
女孩子没有发言权
That girls were not asked their opinion.
若孩子们不开心 我得到的快乐也毫无价值
No pleasure I was getting was worth making my kids unhappy.
我答应他们 不会再办下去
And I promised them that I will stop.
于是我没再继续
And I stopped.
明明找到了方向 却无法继续走下去 这很让人心痛
It was painful to stop something that had given me a direction.
当我第一次告诉家人
When I first told my family
这就是我想从事的事业时
that this was what I really wanted to do,
他们都沉默不语
the common response was silence.
沉默说明了一切
The silence says everything.
沉默就是最大的反对
The silence was major disapproval.
我是家族中第一个女博士
I was the first female PhD in my family.
我的多数表亲甚至没上过大学
Most of my cousins never even went to college.
他们想"你住在伦敦 又是法学博士 你却要做厨子"
They thought, "You're in London. You have a law degree. You wanna cook?"
我想 他们都很奇怪 "为什么"
I think that everyone was just like, you know, "Why?"
因为 做饭让我快乐
Because it made me happy.
而现在 我不再觉得孤单
And now, I wasn't alone.
我所在的社区里 南亚女性常常隐没在高墙之后
In my community, South-Asian women, we are hidden behind a wall.
没人知道她们的身份 名字 没人记住她们的脸
It is an anonymous, faceless, nameless existence.
我看到了她们内心里...
I saw in these women...
那股激♥情♥ 那丝渴望...
that fire, the desire...
那种喜悦
the joy.
我们有着相同的感受
We all were on that same journey together.
我知道 我得想个办法
I knew I just had to find a way.
我必须另想办法
I had to find an alternative.
我问过好些人
I ventured at a couple of people
没想到有人对我说"你的厨艺很棒
and I unexpectedly met someone who told me, "Your food is really good.
何不去苏豪区 到我丈夫的酒吧里办晚餐俱乐部呢
Why don't you go to Soho and do a pop-up in my husband's pub?"
我就决定去了
I decided to go.
当时 我们与好些主厨合作办晚餐俱乐部
We were doing a series of food pop-ups with kitchen residencies.