主厨的餐桌（2015）

我们以前会聊很久这些
We used to have these long conversations.
他会切三四种芒果
He would cut open three or four varieties.
问我"你觉得味道怎么样"
"What do you taste?"
他想跟我们解释
He wanted to explain to us
不同的口味 酸度 甜度 口感
the differences of flavors, acidity, sweetness, texture.
每个芒果都是独一无二的
Each mango is individually unique.
我觉得 他是想让我们懂的
I think his thing was that we must understand
这是大地的馈赠
this gift from the soil.
有一天 他带我去祖先的城♥堡♥里
One day, he took me to my family ancestral fortress,
带我上了其中一座塔
and he took me up to one of the towers,
指着下面的贫民窟给我看
and he pointed out the slums that were below.
他说 "这都是命
He said, "It's an accident of birth.
你可能生活在那儿 也可能生活在这儿"
You could have been there, or you could have been here."
然后他告诉我 "用你的人生去努力改变...
And he told me, "Use your life to make a difference...
因为当你过着更好的生活 你就有责任
because being in a position of privilege, you have a duty
去帮助他人过得更好"
to lift others up."
那种教育 深深地影响了我
That kind of education, it left a deep impact on me.
在印度 女儿出生的时候
In India, when a girl is born,
没有人会庆祝 也不会放烟花
there's no celebration and no fireworks.
对家庭来说 那是黑暗的时刻
It's that moment of darkness in a family.
如果你够不幸的话 你可能还会再生个女儿
And when you're unlucky enough to have another girl,
那简直都不像是生命 反而像是死亡
it is not like a life, but almost like a death.
我出生的时候 我妈妈哭了
My mother cried at my birth.
我是家里的第二个女儿
I was born a second daughter.
我们有准备嫁妆的传统
We have an archaic tradition of dowry.
家人们必须办那种非常盛大的印度式婚礼
Families have to have this grand Indian wedding.
需要送珠宝 还要给丈夫买♥♥一套公♥寓♥
They gift jewelry. They buy a flat for the husband.
可能家里就要破产了
It can wipe them out financially.
女孩子是一种负担
A girl is a burden.
在我出生之前 许许多多的人会跟我妈妈说
Before I was born, my mother would constantly be told,
"希望这一胎是个男孩"
"I hope this one is going to be a boy."
但是 不好意思 你看 是我
And no, lo and behold, it was me.
我记得特别清楚 很多人都会指着我说 "就是这个吗"
I remember so well, people pointing to me and saying, "That's it?"
我能从他们眼睛里看到失望
I saw that disappointment in their eyes.
我以前会替我妈妈伤心
I used to feel sad for my mother.
自己也会觉得愤怒
And I used to feel angry.
为什么我就是个"这个"
Why am I just "it"?
我想让她忘记那 别人告诉她我是女儿的时刻
I want to erase that moment when they told her it was a girl.
我不能擦干那些眼泪 不过我能做的
I can't wipe those tears, but what I can do
是让我妈妈为我感到骄傲
is bring pride into my mother's eyes,
成为了不起的人
become this amazing thing,
留下属于自己的印记
leave a mark,
一个印记 深刻到没人会在乎 我是二女儿
a mark so deep that no one cares that I was a second daughter.
-我觉得你放多了 -没有 阿诗玛 我跟你说...
- I think you're putting too much. - No, Asma, I'm telling you...
我保证 你肯定会爱上我做的这个
I promise you, you're gonna love what I'm doing.
-边做边解释给我听 -这世界上我最喜欢的腮红
- Show me and explain everything to me. - My favorite blush-on in the world.
这个非常粉了 我不会用的
Oh, this is very pink. I'm not gonna put it.
不会 阿诗玛 这个会衬托你的肤色
No, Asma, it's gonna blend into your face.
阿米娜 没什么衬托的
Amna, nothing will blend in.
-我保证 你就试一点点 -我肯定会看起来很可笑
- I promise you, two dots. - I'll look like a joker.
-就两下 行嘛 -就一边两下
- One, two, okay? - Two dots on both sides.
你还记得小的时候 我们一起打扮吗
You remember getting dressed up when we were little?
-记得 我特别讨厌 -我知道
- Yeah, I hated it. - I know.
-那你还折磨我 -我懂 但是出发点都是好的
- And you tortured me. - I know, but it was all for a good reason.
-别让我紧张了 好吗 -我...如果你紧张了 那我自己来
- Don't make me nervous, okay? - I'm... If you're nervous, I'll do it.
-好的 来吧 -好了 你确定 不好吗
- Okay, then, do it. - Okay, tell me, no?
-不好 -我自己来
- Yeah. - I'll do myself.
小时候 我就是个假小子
As a child, I was a real tomboy,
到处疯跑 爬树 然后摔下来
running wild, climbing trees, falling off.
我爸会发现我在街上玩蟋蟀
My father would find me on the street playing cricket.
然后经常被拖回家
I used to be dragged home.
我觉得我是想要替我妈妈做一个男孩子
I think I was trying to be a boy for my mother.
我是个疯小子简直声名远播
And I had this awesome reputation of being the wild child,
真的 都快失控了
you know, really out of control.
他们找不到愿意娶我的男孩
They couldn't find a boy to marry me,
因为不管谁靠近我 大家都是一副 "不了吧 她就算了"
'cause whoever they approached, they were like, "Oh, no, no, not her."
疼疼疼
Ow, ow, ow.
-我要拿掉 我想... -很好看的 这可是皇室用的
- I'm taking this off. I wanna... - It's beautiful. It's regal.
-我不管 -你这样会看起来像公主一样的
- Doesn't matter. - It makes you look like a princess.
我就是公主 我不需要涂成这样 告诉大家我是个公主
I am a princess. I don't have to wear all this to show I'm a princess.
它卡在我的头发里了
It's stuck in my hair.
所以 我的父母不得不把我送去读大学
So, my parents had to let me go to college.
一切从此改变
That is when everything changed.
我遇到了此生最适合共度一生的男孩
I met the most suitable boy I could have married.
他是名大学老师 牛津大学的金牌得主
An academic, a gold medalist from Oxford University.
一个看不透我的傻男人
An innocent man who walked in having no idea what I was.
我真的喜欢他 我想要嫁给一个
I really liked him, and I wanted to marry someone
因我的才智而尊重我的男人
who respected me for my intellect.
我们结婚后就移居到了伦敦
And we got married and I moved to London.
这是件相当了不起的事情 我的父母自豪得很
It was a big deal. My parents, they were very proud.
我爸爸真的很喜欢穆斯塔克
My father really liked Mushtaq.
每个人觉得 这对我来说很理想
Everyone thought this was just ideal for me.
我已经做好了过美妙生活的准备
I was ready to go and live this beautiful life.
在英国生活 我想要做点有用的事情
Living in England, I wanted to do something useful.
我总是希望可以被认真对待
I always just wanted to be taken seriously.
我一向都会做些让父母骄傲的事情
I have always done things that would make my parents proud of me.
所以我决定去学法律
So I decided to study law.
我拿到了法律学位并直升博士
I did the law degree, and I went straight into the PhD program.
我爸爸喜欢叫我阿诗玛博士
My father loved calling me Dr. Asma.
这一切本该如此
This is how it's supposed to be.
你应该拥有美好的生活
You're supposed to have this great life,
你生活在国外 理应相当令人兴奋
and you're in this foreign land, which is very exciting.
但是 随着时间的推移 我不断地感觉到"有什么不对"
But over time, I had this kind of constant feeling of "something's not right."
我的丈夫总是在教书 我没有什么朋友
My husband was teaching all the time, and I had no friends.
我产生了一种巨大的空虚
There was this kind of vast emptiness in me.
时时刻刻都能感受到
I felt that all the time.
我每周和父母打一次三分钟的电♥话♥
I spoke to my parents once a week on a three-minute call.
大部分的时间我都会告诉他们我过得很好
I spent most of my time telling my parents I'm okay,
挂了电♥话♥以后
and I put the phone down,
我感觉如鲠在喉
and it was a lump so big for all the things I couldn't say.
我感到非常孤独
I was very lonely.
好的 那就煮一份
Okay, so just do one.
我离开了我的家乡 我的家庭
I had left my home, my family.
我看到很多人会对我报以微笑
I saw so many people who would smile at me,
而我却无法和外界产生任何联♥系♥
but I couldn't relate to anything or to anyone.
有一点奇怪 孤立地存在于这里
It was a kind of strange, isolated existence.
有一天 当我在骑车的时候
One day, when I was cycling,
我比平时骑得要远一些
I went a little further than I normally do,
路过了这个房♥子
and I passed this house.
我闻到有人在做印度薄饼
I could smell someone was making paratha.
是一种烙黄油的味道
That smell that you get when you burn butter,
那种美妙的香味
that beautiful smell,
是家的味道
that was the smell from home.
这曾是我的整个童年
It was my entire childhood.
我很想鼓起勇气去摁下门铃
I wanted to have the courage to ring the bell,
但取而代之的 是我的哭泣
but, instead, I cried.
我感到如此无助
I felt so helpless
很气我自己
and so angry with myself.
我不知道要怎么做印度薄饼 我什么都不会做
I didn't know how to make paratha. I didn't know how to make anything.
我知道 我得回家了
I knew I had to go home.
当我回到印度
When I came back to India,
我不得不向我的母亲坦白 我对生活失去了希望
I had to tell my mother that I am just dying.
我极度抑郁
I was deeply unhappy.
我很纠结
I was just drifting.
我妈妈说 "你哭是因为你饿了
My mother said, "You're crying because you're hungry.
你渴望有家的味道的食物"
Hungry for food that tasted like home."
她说"我来教你怎么做饭吧"
She said, "I'm going to teach you how to cook."
在印度的传统中 有些标志性的食物
In the Indian tradition, there are these iconic dishes
是会让人代代传承的
that people have carried through generations.
对于很多南亚的女性来说
For so many South-Asian women,