穷友记（2019）

we need all the help we can get.
我们就得想尽一切办法
Which is why I'm doing this.
所以我现在要这么做
Do you need that blue badge?
你需要那个蓝牌吗
No, I've got last year's.
不 我有去年的
In case you need remindin',
有件事你可别忘了
stealin' a small animal that landed us in the shit we're in now.
我们现在这样是因为偷了个小动物
This is different.
这次不一样
How is it different?
怎么就不一样了
Because we know Bishop.
因为我们了解比肖普
Well, Tommo knows Bishop.
其实 托莫了解比肖普
I mean, essentially he's a knob head.
他根本就是个榆木脑袋
He's a fish enthusiast who likes getting spanked.
他是个喜欢被打屁♥股♥的鲤鱼发烧友
Yeah, right, well, I'll catch you later.
是啊 对 我回头再找你
We'll talk logistics.
我们研究下行动路线
Can I just use your bog for a quick pee?
我能借用下厕所尿个尿吗
You all right?
你还好吗
Just doing some revision.
只是在做复习
Stick t'kettle on.
把水烧上
I thought you just needed a pee.
我以为你就尿个尿
While I'm here, you know what I mean...
来都来了 你懂我意思
No wonder you're always pissin'.
我说你怎么总尿尿呢
All right, babe.
好吧 亲爱的
Right, this has to stop. What?
你不能再这样了 我怎么了
You appearin'. Well, stop ignoring me, then.
你总是出现 那你别无视我啊
I'm not ignoring you. You're like a fuckin' stalker.
我没有无视你 是你♥他♥妈♥像个跟踪狂
Because I wanna see him. You can't.
我就是想见他 你不能
Erin. No. Look,
艾琳 你就当做
things go on as there were no-one knows and no-one will.
不知道这件事 以后也没人会知道
Honestly, for a second, just imagine how he'd feel.
你就想想他会怎么想
He doesn't have to know. I'm after one day.
他不用知道 我就想跟他待一天
One day as Uncle Vinnie.
作为小文叔叔
Fuck's sake. I wish I'd never told you now.
服了 我就不该告诉你
You should have told me six fuckin' year ago.
你♥他♥妈♥六年前就应该告诉我
I'm after one day.
就一天
No. You'll end up telling him,
不行 你肯定会告诉他的
Vin, and it'll screw with his head.
小文 他会疯掉的
I'm not gonna tell It will screw with his head.
我不会告诉他 他会疯掉的
He doesn't know who his dad is.
他不知道他爸是谁
The only man he needs in his life is your best mate.
他唯一需要的男人是你最好的朋友
What about the one that grows in your belly?
那你肚子里那个呢
The one he doesn't even know about?
他根本不知道的那个
That's none of your fuckin' business.
跟你没半点关系
yeah, I know,but he has a right to know, Erin.
我知道 但是你应该告诉他 艾琳
Why has he?
凭什么
Why? Has he ever once expressed his desire to have a child with me?
为什么 他说过想和我生个孩子吗
To be a father? To be responsible? No.
他想过负起当爸的责任吗 没有
Erin?
艾琳
Brew's ready.
咖啡煮好了
Ok.
来了
One day.
就一天
I'll think about it.
让我想想
So, who's this bloody buyer, then?
这个买♥♥家是个什么人
Just a bloke online. He does a podcast. Oh, man, I love it.
就是网上做播客的 我可喜欢他的节目了
You listen to a fishing podcast do you?
你是不是听钓鱼的播客来着
Yeah. It's not just fishing, You know?
不只是钓鱼
There's golf, there's TT's, Taekwondo as well.
还有高尔夫 自行车 跆拳道
Do they do one for S&M?
有SM播客吗
How much is he paying?
他出价多少
Well, it depends.
看情况
On what?
怎么说
Bloodline.
血统
Bloodline?
血统
Yeah. Well, you know, pedigree.
对啊 就是纯种
It's like dogs, bruv. Top quality koi carp.
和狗一样 老弟 最好的鲤鱼
They've got a desirable bloodline.
血统都很好
All right, nuts and bolts.
这些细节不重要
How we gonna steal 'em?
我们要怎么偷
Main thing, and I know it might sound obvious,
我知道听起来很傻 但重点是
but gotta keep them alive, yeah?
我们不能让它们死了 对吧
Transporting fish from a fish shed to here is fraught with problems.
把鱼从鱼棚转移到这里问题很多
Lesson No.1, boys: Fish hate volatility.
首先 鱼特别讨厌变动
Don't we all?
我们不都是吗
Well, count me out, I'm playing poker and I need to prepare.
我不去了 我还要打牌 得准备
Typical.
你不说我都知道
I'm in. What do we need?
我来 我们需要什么
We need tanks, filters, pumps.
鱼缸 过滤器 水泵
And it needs setting up in that van before we lift the carp.
先要在车里布置好 然后再去偷鲤鱼
How much is that gonna cost?
这要花多少钱
Well, a lot.
很多
There's no point doing the job if it's that much outlay, is there?
如果成本这么高 这活儿不值吧
Why don't we just kill 'em? Yeah.
要不直接弄死得了 是啊
Why don't we just kill 'em? No, no, listen,listen.
为什么不直接弄死呢 不是 你听我说
There will be profit.All right? There'll be profit.
我们肯定能赚回来
If they're good fish, a grand a piece.
如果这鱼很好 一条一千块
A grand a...? A grand a piece? A grand?
一 一千一条 一千
My spanking bench was only 600 and that's stainless steel.
打屁♥股♥专用凳才六百 还是不锈钢的呢
I still don't fancy shelling out for all that gear.
我还是觉得不该花钱买♥♥那么多装备
Shit. I've had an idea. Does Jim still have Pinky and Perky?
我♥操♥ 我知道了 吉姆的"神奇小粉猪"还在吗
Certainly not Pinky and Perky.
别吧 别用"神奇小粉猪"
Yeah. Definitely can, yeah.
可以 我看行
Mate, you're insane. They fractured Cardi's shoulder.
你疯了吧 它们把卡尔迪的肩膀弄折了
Where is the fat chuff anyway?
说起来那小胖子去哪了
Guess who?
猜猜我是谁
Er, soft hands.
手很软
Faint whiff of hummus. Jake.
有淡淡的鹰嘴豆泥味道 是杰克
You all right? Yeah.
最近还好吗 挺好
So, proposition for you. Er, go on.
有个问题 你说
How do you fancy being my girlfriend?
做我女朋友怎么样
Just for the day, fake girlfriend.
就一天 假扮我女朋友
No sex necessary, unless you absolutely insist.
不用发生肉体关系 除非你很想
Why do you need a fake girlfriend? For a wedding.
你为什么要假女友 我要参加婚礼
My cousin. They asked months ago if I was bringing someone
我表弟的 几个月前就问我带不带人
and I said I was seeing a girl called Meghan.
我说我和一个叫梅根的姑娘在谈恋爱
Meghan? Yeah.
梅根 对
How very royal. Mmhm.
真贵气 可不是吗
So, you're seriously asking me to be Meghan for the day?
你认真的 要我做一天梅根
Yeah. Free food, free booze.
是的 白吃白喝
You get to wear a nice dress
还能穿漂亮裙子
and hang out in a posh hotel in Wilmslow.
去维尔姆洛斯的高级酒店玩一玩
When is it? Saturday.
什么时候 周六
Can't. Come on, it'll be fun.
不行 来吧 很有趣的
My cousin's fiance's Scottish. All the men are wearing kilts.
我表弟的未婚妻是苏格兰人 男人都要穿苏格兰裙
Are you gonna miss seeing me in a kilt?
你真想错过看到我穿苏格兰裙吗
Sorry. Saturday's out.
不好意思 周六有约了
Send me a photo.
发我张照片吧
Bye. Bye.
再见 再见
I'm bringing these back.
我要退货
They're geese.
这是鹅
There's a trolley.
有个手推车
I want my money back.
把钱还给我
But we don't sell geese. I've got the receipts.
我们不卖♥♥鹅 我有发♥票♥
I mean, not on me but, you know, somewhere.
不在我身上 但是我有
Think about going and getting your manager.
不退 我就去找你经理
You can have these back.
把这些鹅带走
Mental. Crazy.
鹅脑子有问题 疯了
Yeah. Get out of here! Get 'em! Hey!
给我出去 抓住它们
Sir, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to
先生 对不起
get those geese out of the store.
请您把这些鹅带出去
You sold 'em to me, sunshine.
是你卖♥♥给我的啊
You neglected to mention at the time, they're vicious.
你当时可没说它们这么凶