后半生

你在拍化疗病人吗 -没 只拍你
You filming people having chemo now? - No, just you.
行吗
All right?
好
Yeah.
我不好看吧
I'm not looking my best, am I?
很好看
You're fine.
你把信投到狗粪桶里多久了
How long have you been posting your mail in a dog waste bin?
大概一年了吧
About a year now, I'd say.
可上面写着"狗粪"
Right. I mean, it says "dog waste" on it.
可我视力很差
Yeah, but my eyes are shot to shit.
哦 -和瞎子差不多
Right. - I'm blind as a bat.
我的眼镜丢了 这是我在公车上捡的
These aren't mine. I lost mine. I found these on a bus.
不太合适 -好
They're no good. - Right.
不能离家太远 我每十分钟就得解个手
Gotta be near the house, need a piss every ten minutes.
前列腺就和椰子一样
I got a prostate like a coconut.
说实话 这反而是我最不用担心的问题
This is the least of my worries, to be honest with you, with all that.
刚说到哪儿了
Anyway, where was I?
那... 我妹妹 住在澳大利亚
So... Right, my sister, yeah? She lives in Australia.
我心想 "她为什么不理我"
I'm thinking, "Why's she ignoring me?"
你给她写信 但她没回... -对
You were writing to her, and she wasn't... - Yeah.
你是用这寄的信 -对 我不用电子邮件
But you were putting them in there? - Well, yeah. I'm not on email, see.
我不停收到煤气和电力公♥司♥寄来的威胁信
I keep getting threatening letters from the gas and the electricity.
我说 "我缴费了" "我能证明"
I said, "I've paid," I said, "and I'll prove it to you."
又给他们寄了封信
So, I sent them another letter.
和别的信件一起放在屎堆里
And I put it in here, with all my letters, in all that shit!
你不觉得很臭吗 这味道没提醒你吗
What did you think the smell was? Wasn't that a clue?
我以为是我的味道 -你以为是你
I thought that was me. - You thought it was you?
老实说 屋里的味道和这差不多
There's a similar smell in the house, to be honest.
我不需要为了谁保持卫生 -是吗
I've got nobody to be hygienic for. - No?
没意义 不用为了谁洗澡
Nah. No point, is there? No one to wash for.
为你自己呢 -没意义
Yourself, maybe? - No, no point, is there?
什么事都没意义嘛 我不知道他们会把信送到哪儿
No point to anything, is there, really? I don't know where they took the letters.
狗粪怎么处理呢 是埋了吧
Where do they take dog shit? They probably bury it, do they?
我们最终也都会被埋下地嘛
That's where we're all gonna end up, though, innit?
我们都是未来的粪便 我没什么自尊心
You know, we're all just future shit, you know? I've got no self-esteem, I have.
是
No. No.
所以我从没谈过恋爱
That's why I never had a relationship.
你没谈过恋爱
You've never had a relationship?
因为如果我谈了...
'Cause I knew that if I did...
她肯定会找到比我更优秀的人
that she's going to find somebody, see, better than me.
在那方面比我优秀 她就会抛弃我
Better than me, at that. And then leave me, wouldn't she?
那说说吧 你们准备从什么角度写
Right, come on, then. What's your angle on this? What's it gonna be?
没什么角度 你把信件投到...
I don't think there is an angle. You've been posting your letters in a...
粪箱里寄 一年多了 就这样
a box of shit for a year. That is pretty much it.
你们的报道应该会有寓意吧
There's a moral to the story, though, ain't there? Gotta be.
要谨慎 谨慎挑选寄信的地方
You know, be careful. Careful now where you post your letters.
拍张照吧 -好
Take a picture. - Yeah.
快点儿 我得去解手 -好
Hurry up. I need a piss. - All right.
拍吧
Get on with it.
等等 拍好了吗 -很好
Hang on. Got it? - Great.
好了
All right.
他走了 -是
There he goes. - Yep.
真压抑 -对
That's depressing. - Yeah.
因为怕分开 所以从没谈过恋爱
Imagine never having a relationship in case it ends.
感情就是生活
A relationship is life.
没错
Exactly.
我这辈子活得挺好
I've had a good life.
还活着呢 -我知道
Well, it's still going! - No, I know. I know.
他就站在那儿撒尿 像条狗
Look, he's pissing where he stands. Like a dog.
那泡尿是他今天最好的感受了
That's the best he's felt all day, that piss.
好了 我去看我爸了
Right, I'm off to see my dad.
好 我要...
Right. I'm just gonna...
再见 -再见
See you later. - See ya.
你还好吗 -好
You all right? - Yeah.
他没事吧 感觉有点...
Is he okay? He seems a bit...
他时好时坏的
Yeah. Well, he's been a bit up and down.
今早精神挺好
Perky this morning, though?
说西蒙是王八蛋
Called Simon a cunt.
是吗
Did he?
对 你听到应该会很高兴吧
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
好样的
That's my boy!
我得继续工作了 我要...
Anyway, I'd better get on. I've got to...
我今晚要去看场表演 你想不想...
I'm going to that revue thing tonight, if you wanna...
我得上班 对不起 -对哦
I'm working, sorry. - Right. Yeah.
也没什么大不了
Well, it's no big deal.
想聊天就打给我... 发短♥信♥也行
If you want to chat, give me a call... or text.
好 -行
Okay. - All right.
再见
See you later.
爸 你想躺下吗
Do you want to lie down, Dad?
好 -好吗 那来吧
Yeah. - Yeah? Come on, then.
来吧 -好
Come on. - Yeah.
我知道现在还说不准 但...
And I know that nothing's, you know, certain or anything, but...
吉尔会跟我一起去看演出
Jill's gonna come with me to the revue.
什么演出 -本地剧团演的
What revue? - It's a local theater thing.
是吗
Yeah?
会有很多女戏子吧
Plenty of thespussy knocking about, then?
应该没有
No, I don't think so.
偏向于...
It's more like...
本地人唱几首歌♥...
local people doing some songs, and...
有一位女士会朗诵女权诗歌♥
I mean, there's one woman who does feminist poetry.
女权
Feminists!
我觉得女同性恋很可笑 她们也会用假阳♥具♥吧
Lesbians make me laugh, you know. They use dildos and stuff, don't they?
对吧 -对
Yeah? - Yeah.
那她们到底喜不喜欢鸡♥巴♥ 我都糊涂了
Sorry, do you like cock or don't you? You're confusing me here, darling.
痛快做个决定 懂我的意思吧
Make your fucking mind up. D'you know what I mean?
懂
Yeah!
真的 -懂 这...
Do you? - Yeah. No, it's...
挺有道理
a good point.
所以我只能拒绝公♥司♥那女的
I actually had to let down that chick at work.
她逼得有点紧 我只能... "不了
She was coming on a bit strong. I was like... "Nah.
走... 走开吧"
Back... Back off, baby."
明智 -对
Wise. - Yeah.
不要自找麻烦 -我就是这么想的
Don't shit on your own doorstep, brother. - That's what I thought, yeah.
反正你想偷偷腥的时候也能去找她
Anyway, she's in the bank if you need a nosh.
好吧
Okay.
见到你真好啊
Fancy seeing you here.
你好吗 -不错
You okay? - Yeah.
还在报道没人在乎的本地故事
Still covering awful local stories that no one cares about,
让我喜欢的人难过
upsetting people I like,
努力保住工作
trying to keep my job,
忍♥住不杀人 你呢
and not kill anyone. You?
真好 听到你抱怨工作...
It's nice to hear you moan about work, and...
感情 就和常人一样
relationships, just like a normal person.
对 这应该能算进步吧
Yeah, I suppose this is progress.
我真该花钱请你陪我聊天
I should pay you for these chats.
心理医生就是浪费钱 跟你聊要好得多
All that money I waste on the shrink, this is much better.
对我来说 你的友谊比钱更重要
Your friendship means more to me than money.
你孤独吗
Are you lonely?
我只想念一个人
I only miss one person.
对 我也一样
Yep. Me too.
怎么了
What?
你今晚想不想去看表演
Do you want to go to the revue tonight?
还是不了 我现在不怎么出门
I don't think so. I don't get out much these days.
算不上出门 比这儿还近呢
It's hardly out. It's less out than this!
一样是坐着 看着东西
And it's still just sitting down looking at something.
会很有趣
It'll be funny.
来嘛
Come on.
好吧
Okay.
行吗 -我去看看
Yeah? - I'll pop in.
太好了
Brilliant.
感谢你们让我跟你们共度这一天
I'd very much like to thank you all for letting me share your day.