后半生

I felt a bit sorry for myself.
现在也是
I still do.
但...
But...
我发现...
I realized that...
死亡很快就会降临 所以...
death will come soon enough, so...
死没什么可怕的 因为...
And there's nothing to fear about it because...
不需要担心什么感受
you know, no feelings to worry about.
反正不用担心我的感受 只有...
Not mine, anyway. Just...
只有平静和安宁
you know, peace and quiet.
我在想办法 在我死后还能继续烦人
I am trying to work out if there's a way I can still carry on annoying people, after I die,
但我... 还没有想到
after I die, but I haven't... I haven't cracked it yet.
所以只能趁还活着 先把别人烦够
So, I'm just gonna have to make the most of that when I'm alive.
这是个爱好 -对
It's a hobby. - Yeah.
没错
Exactly.
但我只惹混♥蛋♥...
Just to arseholes, though. That's...
我在努力善待那些...
you know, I'm trying to be nice to the people...
对我好的人
who are nice to me, at least.
我发现所有人都有难处
I realized that everyone's struggling,
我觉得我应该帮助那些...
and, I feel that I should help the people...
帮助过我的人
who helped me.
我今晚要去上冥想和瑜伽课
I'm actually going to a meditation yoga thing tonight.
是要帮我小舅子 他...
It's a favor for my brother-in-law, who...
和妻子分开了...
is separated from his wife, and...
需要人陪陪他 所以... 就这样
he could do with the company, so... you know.
很好啊
Lovely.
咖啡 我气喘了
Coffee. I am gasping.
请进 -什么
Come in. - What?
没什么
Nothing.
我直接就闯进来了
What, me just letting myself in?
好歹敲个门吧 万一我光着身子呢
Well, some would've knocked. I could've been naked.
我透过门能看到你穿了衣服
I could see through the door you weren't naked.
你这没有逻辑
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
万一我没穿衣服 你透过门就会看到我没穿衣服
If I had have been naked, you'd look through the door and see me naked.
对 那我就不会进来了
Yeah, and I wouldn't have come in.
但你就看了我的身体
But you'd have seen me naked.
我不介意
Wouldn't have bothered me.
好吧 那你会怎么做呢
That's all right, then. What would you have done?
什么意思 -你走到门边
What do you mean? - You come to the door,
看到我裸着 你不进来
you see me naked, you don't come in,
会做什么
what then?
我会敲门
I'd have knocked.
那我就光着身子坐在这儿
So, now, I'm here naked,
听到有人敲门 抬头一看 看到你透过门看着我
I hear a knock, I look up, I see you looking through at me,
你又怎么做 朝我挥手吗
what do you do, fucking wave?
我不知道
I don't know!
也许我不会敲门 偷偷溜走
Maybe I wouldn't knock, maybe I'd just sneak off.
反正...
Anyway...
你为什么要光着坐在桌边 像巨蟒剧团的小品一样
why are you sat at a table naked like some weird Monty Python sketch?
不关你事
That's my business.
这是我家 我说了算
My house, my rules.
那你会光着坐在桌边吗 -不会
Do you sit at the table naked, then? - No.
我养了条狗 不想让它看我裸体
I've got a dog. I don't want her seeing that.
你想念她什么呢
What do you miss about her, though?
什么都想 我...
Everything. You know, I...
想念她喜欢我
I miss her liking me.
想到自己让她失望就很难过
I hate to think I've upset her in some way.
想到她不爱我了也会难过
Or that she just doesn't love me anymore.
别担心
Don't worry about it.
什么意思
What do you mean?
那是建议吗
Is that advice?
对
Yeah.
别再担心了
Just don't worry about it, mate.
是... 可没那么简单吧
Yeah... Just not that easy, though, is it?
感觉像是"你在流血 但别担心"
You know, it's like saying, "Don't worry that you're bleeding."
说了这话 我也不能好起来
You know, just by saying that, it doesn't go away.
去年 我肛♥门♥出血 整整一个月
I was bleeding from the anus for a month last year
我没去看医生
and I never went to the doctor.
好吧
Right.
自己就好了
It just went away.
但你不是心理医生吗
But, I mean, you're the doctor in this, aren't you?
你是让我别来找你吗
So are you saying I shouldn't go to you?
当然不是 我是说你应该忘记
No, of course not. What I'm saying is you've got to ignore
别再想她 做点别的
worrying about her and start doing stuff.
对
Yeah.
跟我 破烂哥和亵童犯一起出去玩
You should come out with me, Ratty, and the Nonce.
亵童犯 -真名是伊恩·特劳顿
The Nonce? - Real name Ian Trouton,
但我们叫他"亵童犯" 或"恋童伊恩"
but we call him "the Nonce" or "Pedo Ian."
他不是真有恋童癖 是我们之间的梗
I mean, he's not a real kiddy fiddler. It's a, it's an in-joke.
他有次喝醉酒 睡了个侏儒
He fucked a dwarf once when he was off his head.
他说跟和小孩子上♥床♥似的
He said it was like fucking a child.
但是合法的 不过应该算犯法吗
But legal. Although, should it be?
你的肛♥门♥还是找医生检查一下比较好
I would go to the doctor about your anus, by the way.
你好 能用下你的洗手间吗
Hiya. Could I just use your bathroom?
好 在楼上 -谢谢
All right. Upstairs. - Ta.
来 给你看一样东西
All right. Come here, I want to show you something.
托尼 能解释一下这是什么吗
Tony, do you want to explain what this is, please?
这是张彩票 下注赌他们的婚姻会维持多久
I'm holding a sweepstake on how long the marriage will last,
可以按照想法下注
so you can bet on what you think.
选项有"1个月以下" "1到6个月"
Choices are: "under a month," "one to six months,"
"6个月到1年"
"six months to a year,"
"1到2年" "2到4年" "4到10年"
"one to two years," "two to four years," or "four to ten years."
我选"4到10年" -谢谢
I put "four to ten years." - Thanks.
不用谢 -对
You're welcome. - Yeah.
我选"2到4年"
I'll go "two to four" myself.
好 交上五英镑 -我选"1个月以下"
Fivers. Give us your fiver. - "Under a month," that's mine.
好了...
Right...
他干什么呢
What's he doing?
好狗狗
Good girl.
哥们儿 我得出趟门
Mate, I've got to go out.
好 再见 我帮你锁门
All right, see you later. I'll lock up.
不行 出来
No, you won't. Get out.
搞什么鬼
What the fuck?
我去 你不是来上厕所的吗
Fuck me! I thought you were having a piss.
不是 我一会儿有约 所以我想洗一洗
No, I've got to go out after, so I thought I'd have a wash.
不可理喻
Unbelievable!
出去
Get out.
出去
Out!
那你转过去
Well, turn round, then!
该死
Fucking hell!
都弄干净了
All clean!
邮差在上班时间泡澡 你知道这有多疯狂吗
Do you know how fucking mental it is, a postman having a bath on his round?
怎么了 -本来就是
Why? - It just is.
帮助别人没什么奇怪的
There's nothing weird about helping out a mate.
我一会儿要去看可能的合租公♥寓♥ 我一直流浪街头
I need to see a potential flat share later, don't I? I've been homeless.
睡在仓库里
Been sleeping in the depot.
我不希望见人的时候 邋邋遢遢 臭烘烘的
I didn't want to turn up all scruffy, did I, stinking of BO?
太典型了 我努力放轻松
This is typical. I try and be more chilled.
我急着出门 是因为今晚有冥想课
The reason I'm in a hurry is that I've got a meditation class tonight
要让自己佛系起来
to try and be more zen,
但又会遇到这种破事 惹得我很生气
and then shit like this happens to wind me the fuck up again.
达♥赖♥喇♥嘛♥应该不会发火吧
Don't think the Dalai Lama'd be like that, would he?
试试吧
Let's see, shall we?
你明天去他家 用他的浴缸洗洗屁♥股♥
Go to his house tomorrow and start washing your fuckingxa0arse in his sink,
看他什么感觉
see what he does.
那是我的须后水吗 -对 挺好
Is that my aftershave? - Yeah. Nice, innit?
妈的 -很贵
Fuckin' hell. - Expensive.
出去
Out.
再见
See ya, mate.
白♥痴♥
Prat.
甩起来
Just wiggle it.
请大家各就各位