后半生

是...
Yeah...
我可能还是本性难移
Yeah, I guess I can't change my nature.
不 你是那只青蛙
No, you're the frog.
青蛙 -对
The frog? - Yes.
真的 为什么
Really? Why?
你早就知道自己不会喜欢冥想课
Well, you knew you wouldn't enjoy that meditation thing
但为了让别人开心 你还是去了
but you went anyway to please someone else.
然后你生了气 还为此感到内疚
And then you got angry, and you even feel bad about that.
你是青蛙
You're the frog.
对
Right.
很敏感
Sensitive.
容易相信别人
And trusting.
跟身材没关系吧
Nothing to do with the shape?
或者喉咙
Or the throat?
青蛙啊
The frog?
我还当我是蝎子呢 -对 我就知道
I was hoping I was the scorpion. - Yeah, I thought you would.
你懂吧 -懂
Know what I mean? - Yes.
因为蝎子比较酷 但我很喜欢青蛙
Only 'cause it's cooler. I love frogs.
可是没人会说 "我想要的人
But what I mean is no one ever says, "I'd like a man.
是个黏糊糊的胖墩"
I'd like him to be sort of podgy and sticky."
有道理
Fair.
"要能挂在树叶上"
"I'd like him to be able to hang onto a leaf."
"希望我爱的人
"I'd like my man to be able
可以用前腿把虫子塞进嘴巴"
to shove a worm into his mouth with his front feet."
各位 这位是琼的儿子詹姆斯
Everyone? Yeah, this is June's son, James.
现在也是你儿子了吧 -不是
Your son now, innit? - No, he's not.
他今天起在这儿实习
He's starting work experience today.
大家好
Everyone.
乖 听话 过来 别惹人生气
Be good. Do what you're told. Come here. Don't be too annoying.
看看
Look at this.
亲一个 -搞什么鬼 妈
Give us a kiss. - Bloody hell, Mum!
再见 -再见
Right, see you later. - See you later.
你过来吧 -好 再见
Come on, you. - Okay. Bye.
他可能会惹到你 但他的心不坏
Probably get on your nerves. Got a good heart, though.
好 -但他心脏不好
Okay. - Well, not literally.
他过度肥胖 内脏都不太好
He's obese, so all his insides are pretty bad.
迟早要发生悲剧 他饮食很不健康
Tragedy waiting to happen. Well, he's got a terrible diet.
他整整一周没有大便了
He's not had a poo for a week.
挺常这样的
It's typical, that, though.
他大便的时候 全屋都能听到他痛苦的惨叫声
When he does go, you can hear him all over the house, in agony, screaming.
我说 "怪你自己 吃点水果吧" 但他就是不吃
I say, "It's your own fault, eat some bloody fruit!" But he won't.
可能他就会这么死
I think that's how he'll die.
在马桶上 身体负担过重 犯心脏病或中风
On the loo. You know, like, straining, heart attack, stroke, or something.
就像猫王一样
Like Elvis.
但不像猫王 死前有那么伟大的成就
But without all the exciting stuff Elvis did beforehand, you know?
再见
See you later.
好 你从读报纸开始吧
All right. You probably should start reading the paper.
为什么 -因为你在这儿上班
Why? - Well, you're working here.
可能吧 -詹姆斯
I guess. - James?
我是主编马特·布雷登
Matt Braden, I'm the editor.
马特 幸会 -我也是
Matt. Nice to meet you. - You too.
他们会告诉你工作流程 有什么问题 就...
This lot'll show you how it all works, but if you've got any questions, just...
好 我们要报道素戏吗 -什么
Yeah, are we covering the am-dram? - The...?
那是什么 -我是素♥人♥戏剧表演社团的成员
What's that? - I'm part of an amateur dramatics society,
我们会在社区会堂彩排
we rehearse at the community hall.
特别精彩 我们有表演课 舞蹈
It's brilliant, you know. We do acting classes, dance.
你会跳舞
You dance, do you?
可以这么说吧
Yeah, big time.
跳舞 唱歌♥ 演戏 耍杂技... 我才艺可多了
Dance, sing, act, juggle... I'm an all-round package, you know?
你要不去给大家泡茶吧
Why don't you go and make some teas for everyone?
从泡茶做起挺好 -好
It's a good place to start, innit? - Okay.
谁想喝茶 -不用了
Who wants tea? - Nah.
不用了 谢谢
I'm all right, thank you very much.
没人想喝茶 -我喝吧
No one wants tea. - I'll have a tea.
好 -在那边
Okay. - Over there.
没问题
Sure.
你有了家挺幸福的 -对
You seem happy having a family. - Yeah.
我也该安顿下来了
It's about time I settled down.
跟一个女人在一起
With one woman!
你以前很有女人缘吗
Was you a bit of a ladies' man?
可以这么说吧
Big time, yeah. Yeah.
是哦 -对
Right. - Yeah.
我起步很晚 所以我得穷追猛赶
See, I was a late starter, so I had a lot of catching up to do.
我二十几岁才开始处处留情
You know, I didn't really start playing the field till my 20s.
好吧
Okay.
对 我十几岁的时候很害羞 那时没这么酷
Yeah, I was quite shy in my teens. I wasn't always this cool, I guess.
是吗 -我...
No? - No. I...
我以前长得挺奇怪的 -大爷的
I used to be sort of odd-looking. - Fuck me!
你以前长什么样 -我也说不清
What did you used to look like? - I dunno,
但我记得"丑小鸭"这故事激励了我
but I remember The Ugly Duckling being quite inspirational.
是不是讲 有只其貌不扬的小鸭
Is that the one where there's a weird little duckling
其他鸭子都嘲笑它
and all the other ducks are taking the piss out of it,
但它长大之后 根本不是鸭子 而是大大的...
but then when it grows up, it's not a duck at all, it's, like, a big...
180多斤的人形大懒虫
200-pound sort of human slug
在一家免费当地报社工作
that works in a local free newspaper?
对 就是那个故事 -对
Yeah, that's the one. - Yeah.
处处留情... 妈的
Play the field... Fuckin' hell!
我想报道素戏 行吗
I'd like to cover the am-dram, if that's all right?
行 我们都该去看看
Yeah. We should all go and have a look.
有饼干 -当然
Bis-quits! - Definitely.
妈的 我累死了
Bloody hell, I'm knackered.
好啊 -好
All right? - All right.
这谁
Who's this?
我是詹姆斯
I'm James.
你去帮布莱恩处理报纸 -我不喜欢
You should help Brian with the papers. - That's not really my thing.
你什么都得干一点儿
Well, you're meant to do a bit of everything.
行吧 爸 -我不是你♥爸♥
Bloody hell, all right, Dad! - No, I'm not.
走吧 我需要人帮忙 我的背疼死了
Come on. I could do with a hand. My back's killing me.
好 但我五点得到彩排现场
All right, but I've got to be at rehearsals by five.
彩排什么 -我的素戏小组
Rehearsals for what? - My am-dram group.
我能加入吗
Can I join?
可以啊 我们欢迎所有有才华的人
Yeah. Anyone can join if they have the talent.
就是我了
Bingo!
你会做什么 -我什么不能做
What do you do? - What don't I do?
我会耍木偶
I'm a puppeteer.
我... 会写笑话
I... I write jokes.
你看好
Check this out.
瓦莱丽 你好吗
All right, Valerie?
挺好
Yep.
什么灰色的东西得论斤称[也有高♥潮♥的意思]
What's gray and comes in pints?
不知道 -大象
Dunno. - Elephant.
你湿身了
You're soaked!
你太恶心了 -是吗
You're disgusting! - Really?
满脸精♥液♥的人不是我 亲爱的
I'm not the one with a face full of jizz, love!
坦布里的演员们 下午好
Right, afternoon, Tambury Players.
下午好 肯 -大家一起
Afternoon, Ken. - Everybody!
下午好 肯 -你们好 怎么样
Afternoon, Ken. - Hello. How are we all doing?
都还好吗 -不错
We all good? - Not bad.
好 布莱恩 欢迎来到坦布里剧团
Right, Brian, welcome to the Tambury Players.
布莱恩 -布莱恩
Brian. - Brian.
玩个快速的名字游戏吧
Let's do a quick name game.
来新演员的时候都会玩
It's what we like to do, don't we, when we get a new Player?
名字 年龄 和一样你不喜欢的东西
So, name, age, and something that you don't like,
一样让你心烦 让你发火的东西
something that gets your goat, something that winds you up.
我叫布莱恩 45岁
My name's Brian, and I'm 45.
我特别不喜欢我的前妻
And I really don't like my ex-wife.
天哪 -非常不喜欢
Dear. - At all.
为什么
Right. Why's that?
臭婆娘 -好吧
Slut. - Okay.
摆出最好的一面
Right, come on. Best faces on.