计划外

艾比
Abby.
艾比 你知道他们是干堕胎的吧
Abby, you do know that they perform abortions here, right?
你知道吗 事实是我堕胎过
You know, actually, I've had an abortion myself.
所以我对跟我做同样的决定的女人
So I don't have any problem with another woman
没什么异议
making the same decision.
很你经抱歉听到你所经历的这些
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
不 这没什么 真的
No, it's okay. Really.
这是我的决定 没人强迫我那么做
It was my decision. No one forced me to do it.
嗯 如果你想和任何人谈论任何事情
Well, if you ever want to talk to anyone about anything...
天啊 你们这些人能不能消停些
God, do you people ever stop?
这些女人很伤心
These women are hurting.
为什么你们要这样对她们
Why are you doing this to them?
我们聚在这不是为了伤害或者谴责她们
We're not here to hurt them or condemn them.
我们聚在这是为了帮她们
We're here to help them.
通过穿这些衣服还有给她们看恐怖的图片
By dressing up in costumes and showing them
来吓唬她们的方式吗
horrible pictures to scare them?
这世界上怎么会有女人跟一个
In what world would a woman run to someone dressed like
穿得像死神的人求助怀孕问题
the Grim Reaper for help with her crisis pregnancy?
我跟生命联盟是一块的 他们不是
I am with the Coalition for Life, and they're not.
所以我们可以劝阻他们
So we can ask them to stop
我们也这样做了
and we do.
但我们不能强迫他们做任何事
But we can't force them to do anything.
所以不管怎么说 艾比 你是对的
So for what it's worth, I think you're right, Abby.
于事无补
Doesn't help.
玛丽里莎 别骚扰她
Marilisa, leave her alone.
艾比 上车
Abby, get in your car.
回头想 我很惊讶
Looking back, I'm surprised
我对玛丽里莎坦诚了我的堕胎经历
I admitted my having had an abortion to Marilisa.
我从没告诉过其他人
I'd never told that to anyone.
不然这意味着我得花点时间解释一下
Meaning I probably ought to take a moment to explain.
在大学 我迅速从鸡窝里飞出的土凤♥凰♥
In college, I'd gone from small-town super achiever
两年前
变成了洋气派对女孩
to party girl in no time.
确切来说是从我父母把我送走的那一刻起
Literally, from the moment my parents dropped me off.
马克跟我住同一栋楼
Mark lived in my building,
比我大10岁
and was ten years older than me.
我们开始约会
We started dating...
没什么大事发生
nothing serious,
直到那天我发现验孕棒上出现两条红杠
until the day I saw two lines on my pregnancy test kit.
嗨 没事的 没事的
Hey. It's all right. It's all right.
我们带你去一间诊所解决掉它
We'll take you to a clinic and take care of it.
什么意思
What do you mean?
我知道在休斯顿那有个诊所
I know a place, in Houston.
你是怎么知道休斯顿有这种诊所
How do you know a place in Houston?
当然 马克没有500美元
Naturally, Mark didn't have the $500
500美元能“搞定它”
it would take to "get it done."
我也没有
Neither did I.
所以我申请了我人生的第一张信♥用♥卡♥
So I applied for my very first credit card.
我不停地想
I kept thinking,
我不能告诉我父母
"I can't tell my parents about this.
不可以让他们知道我发生了性行为
"They can't know I'm having sex.
不可以让他们知道我怀孕了
They can't know I'm pregnant."
我记得诊所外没人
I remember there was no one outside,
但是候诊室里挤满了人
but the waiting room was packed.
我昏迷前只记得自己
My next clear memory was of finding myself
躺在病床 脚被固定住
lying on a table, feet in stirrups,
有一股压力往腹部钻 很痛
with a painful pressure building in my abdomen.
我能听到自己的呻♥吟♥声
I could hear myself groaning,
但像从很远的地方传来
but it sounded distant.
没事的 亲爱的 放松
You're fine, honey. Just relax.
要向前扑到时 我顿然醒来
I remember waking up slumped forward,
坐在一张硬塑料椅子上
sitting in a hard plastic chair.
坐在我那排的都是
My chair was one in a line
曾和我一块去过候诊室的女孩们
filled by the girls who'd been in the waiting room with me.
有的盯着地板
Some were staring at the floor.
有的抱着肚子晃来晃去
Some were rocking with their arms wrapped around their bellies.
有的在轻声哭泣
Some were softly crying.
有人给了我一些饼干
I was handed a few crackers.
我把这段经历放进一个盒子 将它封死
I slammed the experience into a box, nailed it shut,
藏在我灵魂深处
stashed it in a dark corner of my soul,
假装没发生过
and pretended it never happened.
但我竟然还一直错了下去
But I wasn't finished making bad decisions yet.
艾比 现在收手还来得及
Abby, it's not too late to stop this.
我去取车 你从那个门溜走
I'll go grab the car, you slip out that door,
然后我们一同离开
and we will drive away.
我不能这样对我父母
I can't do that to my parents.
艾比 你的父母会很赞成的
Abby, your parents would be thrilled.
微笑 爹地
Smile, Daddy.
我已经很努力了
I'm trying.
把我们的婚姻称为惨败
To call our marriage a fiasco
那是对惨败的一种侮辱
would be an insult to fiascoes.
压倒我的最后一根稻草是一年后的情人节
The last straw was a year later on Valentine's Day.
马克决定做三文治庆祝
Mark decided we'd celebrate by making sandwiches.
但那天晚上晚些时候 我们上♥床♥睡觉后
But later that night, after we'd gone to bed,
他溜出公♥寓♥去见了另一个女人
he slipped out of the apartment to be with another woman.
第二天我签字离婚
I filed for divorce the next day,
我渴望摆脱这个男人 我感觉我摆脱了
anxious to be free of this man, feeling like I already was,
然而 几周后
until a few weeks later...
怎么又会这样
Not again.
恐慌和悲痛再次向我袭来
Panic and grief overwhelmed me.
我不想再和这个男人有任何联♥系♥
I didn't want to be connected to this man in any way.
但是如果生了他的孩子
And if I were to have his child,
我下半生都要跟他纠缠在一块
I'd be connected to him for the rest of my life.
所以我再一次去了那间诊所
So my next visit to the clinic
以客户的身份 而不是志愿者
wasn't as a volunteer escort but as a client.
我没去看超声波图像
I never saw the ultrasound image.
但护士告诉我 胎儿已经八周大了
But the nurse practitioner told me I was eight weeks along,
所以我有资格进行化学诱导流产
which made me eligible for a chemically induced abortion,
也就是众所周知的RU-486人工流产药
better known as the RU-486 abortion pill.
胎儿满九周就不能用了
The cutoff was nine weeks.
药物流产似乎更为私密
It seemed more private,
侵入感更低 更为自然
less invasive, more natural.
我付了400美金 服下了第一粒药
So I handed over $400 and took the first pill.
明天 无论你有没准备好
Tomorrow, whenever you're ready,
你都要吞下棕色小纸袋里剩余的四颗药
you're gonna take the four pills in this little brown bag.
那是米索前列醇
That's misoprostol.
它会温和地清空你的子♥宫♥
It's gonna just gently empty out your uterus.
会流点血
And there's gonna be a little bleeding,
但比月经最多那天要少
but nothing more than like a heavy period.
如果有抽痛现象
And, uh, if there's any cramping,
你可以吃些布洛芬
you can take some ibuprofen.
好的 你可以走了
Okay, you're all set.
祝你今天愉快
Have a nice day.
第二天 我按护士说的做了
The next day, I did as I was told.
我中午吃得很少
I ate a light lunch
吞下棕色袋子里的药
and took the pills inside my brown bag.
她说可能会在一个小时后流血
I was told I would probably start bleeding in about an hour.
在此期间 我舒服地躺在床上
In the meantime, I made myself comfortable in my bed.
稍晚一点
A little bit later...
在痛苦的12小时后
After 12 hours in agony,
我在浴室的地板上睡着了
I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.
我想到 我就要这样死去了
It occurred to me that this was the way I was going to die.
谁会发现我
I wondered who would find me.
我祈祷别是我妈妈
I prayed it wouldn't be my mother.
这是正常的
It's not abnormal.
正常
Not abnormal?
这些出血 血块 疼痛
The bleeding, the clotting, the pain?
这正常吗
That is normal?
用点暖宝宝 泡个热水澡
Use heating pads, soak in a warm tub,
吃点布洛芬
take ibuprofen.
你怎么没告诉我这些