定制伴郎

我在四个不同的国家住过
I lived on four different continents.
然后过了一阵我就明白了
And after a while I just figured,
"为什么还要交朋友呢"
"Why even make friends anymore?
"不管怎么样 我还是要搬走的 意义何在"
"I'm just going to have to move, anyway. What's the point?"
然后当我爸爸去世以后 我接管了生意
And then, when my dad died, I took over the business.
我非常努力的工作 太努力工作了
I was just working so much. I was working too much.
我是一个失败者吗
Am I a loser?
不
No.
这是你要明白的 道格
This is what you have to understand, Doug.
一些人只是有些孤独
Some people are just loners.
就是这么简单 老兄
It's that simple, man.
也许我不想这样
Maybe I don't want to be.
也许我只是想找个人一起喝个啤酒
Maybe I just want someone to grab a beer with,
．．跟好哥们一起去旅行
to go on a cool guy trip with.
你从来没跟哥们一起旅行过 道格
You've never been on a guy trip, Doug?
卡布 坎昆 春假 你从来没有做过类似的事情
Cabo, Cancun, spring break? You've never done anything like that?
我从来找不到人一起去
I never really had anyone to go with.
晚安 印第安人
Good night, Tonto.
我要说 有人在意我的感觉真是不错
I gotta say, it feels really good to have somebody looking out for me.
我会照顾你的 老兄
I got your back, man.
我喜欢这样 我也会照顾你的
I like that. And I got your back, too.
嘿 道格
Hey, Doug.
我喜欢你 老兄 我觉得你是个不错的家伙
I like you, man. I think you're a great guy.
我只是想提醒你 这只是生意上的关系
I just want you to remember that this is a business relationship.
这不意味着我们会成为好朋友
It doesn't mean that we're going to be best friends.
故事的结局不是这样的
That's not how this story ends.
-我只是一个有工作要做的雇员 -我明白了
-I'm just an employee with a job to do. -I get it.
你不是我的好朋友 你只是我的伴郎
You're not my best friend. You're just my best man.
一周以后 比克就会坐飞机回中东了
In one week, Bic will be on a plane headed back to the Middle East.
三个月以后 他被手榴弹意外炸死了
Three months from now, he'll get killed in a tragic grenade accident
当他在悍马车上给人布道的时候
while giving an impromptu sermon on the back of a Humvee.
这不意味着我们不会有一段愉快的时光 道格
It doesn't mean that we're not going to have a good time, Doug.
我说过我明白了
I said I got it.
你为了钱可以成为任何人的好朋友
You're anybody's best friend for a price,
但是付钱之后就不是了
but nobody's when it counts.
一切都还好吧 你怎么了
Is everything okay? What's the matter with you?
我不知道
I don't know.
好吧 现在
Well, now.
我从来没指望过"吉米·卡拉汉"
I never expected the "Jimmy Callahan"
会对客户有那种柔情的眼神
to get all soft-eyed over a client.
不 不 不是那样的
No, no, it's not like that.
我这么做就是为了工作 拯救这些没有朋友的失败者
All I do is go from job to job, saving these losers with no friends.
失败者
Losers?
拜托 吉米
Come on, Jimmy.
他们不是失败者 他们也是人
They're not losers. They're just guys.
他们不像其他女人那样子 分享她们的隐私
They don't share their private, deep emotional feelings
她们内心的感情
with each other like women do.
女人是养育者
Women are nurturers.
我们坐在一起 倾听别人的烦恼
We sit and listen to each other's problems.
这就为什么我们总是很痛苦 都是因为该死的倾听
Which is why we're always so miserable, from all that goddamn listening.
你应该常怀感恩
You should count your blessings.
我还是觉得他们是失败者
I still think they're losers.
好吧 也许你是对的 但是让我问问你 吉米
Well, maybe you're right. But let me ask you this, Jimmy.
如果你找到了一个让你为之疯狂 想要娶的女人
If you ever found a woman crazy enough to marry you,
谁会是你的伴郎呢
who would be your best man?
你看 这一切的起因 就是因为你想让一个人感觉不错
See, this all started because you wanted to make a guy feel good.
你还记得你第一次这么做的时候 感觉有多好吗
Do you remember how good you felt the first time you did this?
你已经把它丢了
Well, you've lost that.
你被你的规矩弄得精疲力竭
You've become jaded with all your rules.
你忘了是什么让你开始这份生意的
You forgot what got you into this business in the first place.
你有成为别人朋友的能力
Your ability to be a friend,
去改变别人的生活
to change someone's life.
现在 吉米 我们只有不到一周的时间
Now, Jimmy, we have less than a week
来完成黄金燕尾服的服务
to pull off the first ever Golden Tux.
所以 我要你别像个小姑娘一样苦了
So, I'm going to need you to stop crying like a little girl,
穿上裤子
strap on a pair,
别浪费时间在为自己感到抱歉上
stop wasting time feeling sorry for yourself,
让我们把这一票干完
and let's bring this shit home.
-道格·哈里斯对吧 -是的
-Doug Harris, right? -Yeah.
-过来 你个小杂种 -等一下
-Come here, you little shit. -Wait!
你被带上过头罩吗 我们走
Have you ever been to the 'hood? Here you go.
来人帮帮我 我不是道格·哈里斯
Somebody help me! I'm not Doug Harris!
-为什么你要踢我的蛋蛋 -帮帮我 不要
-Why did you kick me in my balls? -Help me! No!
把他扔进卡车里
Throw his ass in the truck!
赶紧回来 出发 出发
Get back there! Go, go, go!
我还没系安全带
I'm not strapped in!
-什么声音 -该死
-What was that? -Shit!
老天 那边是去人行道的
God, which way is the sidewalk?
道格 别动
Doug, don't move!
来人帮帮我 拜托 老天 拜托
Someone help me! Please, God! Please!
我求你们了
I'm begging you!
救命啊
Help!
来人啊
Anybody!
把他的裤子脱下来
Take his pants off!
你付钱要黄金燕尾服的服务
You pay for the Golden Tux,
你就可以得到一个单身派对 你这个混♥蛋♥
you get a bachelor party, you son of a bitch!
弄到屋里去别让他出来
To the house! Don't pop that shit!
-嘿 你好 -我叫纳迪亚
-Hey. Hi. -Nadia.
嗨 我是道格 道格·哈里斯
Hi. I'm Doug. Doug Harris.
你讲英语吗
Do you speak English?
你玩过躲猫猫吗 你喜欢躲起来吗
Have you ever been to a Dodger game? Do you like the Dodgers?
真的要发生了
This is happening.
好吧 事情是这样的
Okay, so, here's the deal.
我马上就要娶这个非常棒的女孩 格雷琴
I'm about to get married to this great girl, Gretchen.
老天
Boy!
稍微思考了一下 我有个更好的主意
On second thought, I've got a better idea.
这比亲我的小♥弟♥弟♥有意思多了吧
Isn't this so much more fun than sucking my dick?
敬道格
To Dougie!
这是为了道格
This is for Dougie!
我不会游泳
I can't swim!
呦 女孩们都去哪了
Yo, where are the women at?
-你刚才碰我的小鸡鸡了 -好吧 对不起
-Did you touch my dick? -Okay, I'm sorry.
好了 各位 这是为了道格 这是跟球的比赛
All right, guys. This is for Dougie! This is the running of the balls!
开动机器 准备
Start the machine! Ready!
不 不
No! No!
好吧 发生什么了
All right. What is happening here?
-我不喜欢被 -嘿 闭嘴
-I don't like being... -Hey, hey. Shut up.
这是让你享受的时刻 老兄
It's about you having a good goddamn time, man.
-纳迪亚 -不
-Nadia. -No!
-纳迪亚 纳迪亚 -我们已经商量过了
-Nadia! Nadia! -We got through this already.
你闻起来真甜
You smell so sweet.
-舔掉那些坚果酱 -纳迪亚 你不需要这么做
-Lick that nutty butter! -Nadia, you don't have to do this.
什么 等一下
What? Wait.
用嘴 用嘴 用嘴
Fletcher! Fletcher! Fletcher!
纳迪亚 别用嘴给我
Nadia, do not give me a fletcher.
好了 这就够了
Okay, this shit's gone far enough!
纳迪亚 不
Nadia, no!
老天 感觉真不错 但是我不想你这样
God, it feels so good, but I don't want you to.
-跟我讲讲感受 道格 -这感觉好脏 而且好湿
-Talk me through it, Doug! -It feels so scruffy and wet.
为什么你舔的这么快
Why are you licking so rapidly?
我爱我的未婚妻 我爱我的未婚妻
I love my fiancée, I love my fiancée.
感觉怎么样
How does that feel?
老天 好吧 好吧
God! Okay! Okay!
该死
Shit!
当你拉的时候 很疼的
When you pull, it hurts!
-把手指插到他的屁♥眼♥里 -不是我的屁♥眼♥ 是狗的
-Stick a finger in his ass! -Not my ass, the dog's ass!
-这不管用 -把它弄下来
-It's not working! -Get it off!
-你在干什么 普伦基特 -该死
-What the fuck, Plunkett? -Shit.
-我没有冲他开枪 我冲上开的枪 -狗死了
-I didn't shoot him. I shot up. -That dog is dead.
-我只是想把他吓跑 -该死 这条狗有牙关紧闭症
-I just tried to scare him off. -Shit, the fucking dog has lockjaw.