定制伴郎

他在天上能让那些坏天使开怀大笑
He's up there making sad angels laugh
他给那些绝望的天使以希望
and he's giving hopeless angels hope.
而且他在给那个小巧的 可爱的
And he's giving small, little,
黑色的 一张满是玉米的脸犹太天使
black, Jewish angels with a face full of corn
一把纸巾还有一个微笑
a handful of napkins and a smile
好像在说 一切都会没事的
that says everything is going to be okay.
我很 我很抱歉 我是说 我什么都不知道
I am so, so sorry. I mean, I had no idea.
-这可能很容易等 -老兄 别担心
-This could have easily waited. -Man, don't worry about it.
那些你说的 关于他的事情那些难以置信的事情
All those things that you said about him, those incredible things.
-他真的听起来是个不错的家伙 -谁 瑞斯通
-He really sounds like a great guy. -Who, Reinsdorf?
瑞斯通就是一个混♥蛋♥
Reinsdorf was a piece of shit.
如果我给你提供了黄金燕尾服的服务
If I end up doing a Golden Tux for you,
我在你的葬礼上也会说好话的
I'll say nice things at your funeral, too.
该死 为了额外的100块
Shit, for another 100 bucks,
我要寄明信片 生日的祝福电♥话♥
I'll throw in holiday cards, birthday calls,
而且如果你在七年内对婚礼发任何牢骚
and if you croak within seven years of said wedding...
-你是认真的吗 -非常认真
-You're serious? -Serious as paint.
如果我做这个 你需要明白
If I do this, you need to understand
我们之间是严格的生意关系
this is strictly a business relationship.
-好的 -你是不会买♥♥到一个新朋友的
-Right. -You're not buying a new friend.
-你是在雇一个伴郎 -明白了
-You're hiring a best man. -Got it.
有些顾客有时候会搞混分界线
Clients sometimes blur that line.
我不是在找一个朋友 我在找一个伴郎
I'm not looking for a friend. I am looking for a best man.
-5万美金 -成交
-50 grand. -Done.
-附加话费 -没问题
-Plus expenses. -You got it.
-谁是主持 -奥布赖恩神父
-Who's officiating? -Father O'Brien.
-我从来没听过他 -他一家子都是教士
-I never heard of him. -Her family's priest.
-我的名字是什么 -吉米
-What's my name? -Jimmy.
不 我的名字 我假设你给我起过一个名字
No, my name. I'm assuming you made up a name for me.
那个名字是什么
What is it?
我以为我们偏题了 是比克比克·米彻姆
I thought it was a trick question. It's Bic. Bic Mitchum.
我穿着什么披风吗 比克·米彻姆
Do I wear a fucking cape? Bic Mitchum?
是绝望之地里的一幕
It was an act of desperation.
比克 嘿 女士们 发生什么了
Bic. Hey, ladies, what's going on?
我的名字是比克我有小鸡鸡
My name is Bic and I got the dick.
-现在这是怎么了 -我是比克·米彻姆
-What's happening right now? -I'm Bic Mitchum.
嘿 你把那个放下 如果有人问你是谁说的
Hey, you put that down and if someone asks you who said it,
你告诉他们是比克·米彻姆说的
you tell them Bic Mitchum said it.
你说这里没有糖果了是什么意思
What do you mean that there's no more candy?
我是比克·米彻姆 我喜欢糖果
I'm Bic Mitchum and I love candy.
-我是比克 阴♥道♥在哪里 -什么
-I'm Bic. Where's the pussy at? -What?
去你的 去你的 老兄
Fuck you! Fuck you, man!
等一下 不 比克不能有这些
Wait. No, Bic can't have these...
比克·米彻姆可以有任何他想有的
Bic Mitchum can have whatever the fuck he wants!
比克 比克 比克 好了 我喜欢它
Bic, Bic, Bic. All right. I like it.
道格·哈里斯 恭喜你 请允许我介绍我自己
Doug Harris, congratulations. Allow me to introduce myself.
我的名字是比克·米彻姆 你的新伴郎
My name is Bic Mitchum. I'm your new best man.
最终能见到你 真是太好了
It's great to finally meet you.
不 不能那样说 道格
No, that's bullshit, Doug.
"真高兴再次见到你 老兄"
"It's great to see you again, man."
-谢谢你 非常感谢 -呦 你在做什么老兄
-Thank you. Thank you so much. -Yo, what are you doing, man?
呦 你到底在做些什么 你在干嘛
Yo, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing?
对不起 我只是有一些兴奋
I'm sorry. I just got really excited.
该死的 伙计
God damn it, man.
-我们现在该怎么做 -你去休息一下
-What do we do now? -You go get some rest.
把你眼下的事情处理好 别在跟陌生人拥抱了
Take care of them bags under your eyes. Stop hugging strangers.
上帝在七天内创造了世界
God created the world in seven days.
我要在更短的时间里 做更多的事情
I got to do a whole lot more in a lot less time.
我要给你去找一些朋友们
I got to go find you some damn friends.
你要盯着球 你这个小混♥蛋♥
Just keep your eye on the ball, you little fucker.
-你确定我会跟别人上♥床♥吗 -是的
-And you're sure I'll get laid? -Yes.
因为自以我退出以后 我就再也没得到过了
Because I haven't gotten any since I got out.
你会爽的 七个伴娘 千禧酒店
You'll crush ass. Seven bridesmaids. Biltmore.
七个 我想要七个人的阴♥部♥都在我的脸上
Seven? I want seven vaginae up on my face.
你能保证那个吗
Do you guarantee that?
我不能保证那个 但是我敢肯定他们会想要你的
I can't guarantee that, but I'm quite sure that they will want you.
是你啊 看看你自己 来吧
It's you! Look at you. Come on.
我妈妈可没付钱给你 让你跟你的渣朋友聊天
My mom isn't paying you to talk to your loser friends.
渣朋友
Loser?
-别那样说吉米 -你在做什么 菲茨
-Don't talk to Jimmy like that. -What are you doing, Fitz?
我在谋杀你的家人把它关掉
I'll murder your family! Turn it off.
-布伦特伍德 -千禧酒店 还有哈尔巷乐队演奏
-Brentwood? -Biltmore. Hal Lane Orchestra.
-老兄 哈尔巷是最好的 -我知道
-Man. Hal Lane is the best. -I know.
-快点把车弄完 我饿了 -好的 我马上就来了
-Hurry up and finish the van. I'm hungry. -Okay, I'll be right there.
你看 吉米 我非常想帮你
Look, Jimmy, I'd love to help you out,
但是我跟马尔奇保证过我不再干了
but I promised Marci I'd get out of the game.
她的父亲给我提供了这份工作
Her old man hooked me up with this job.
工作 什么工作 清洗这该死的货车吗
Job? What job? Washing the damn van?
我还是一个学徒
I'm an apprentice.
我只是在我学会当管子工之前 先照看货车
I just take care of the van while I learn to plumb.
停下 你看着我 然后告诉我说你不想回来
Stop. You look at me now and tell me that you don't want back in.
你把该死的沙拉酱放到哪里去了 你这个死胖子
Where the heck did you put the salad dressing, you fat idiot?
是的 胳膊抬起来 好了 转过身 姑娘
Yeah, arms up. All right, turn around, girl.
该死 你打算把这个大屁♥股♥走私上飞机
Damn. You're trying to smuggle some extra ass on the flight,
难道不是吗
aren't you?
那不是你要做的事情吧 走吧 姑娘
Isn't that what you're doing? Go on, girl.
你没事了 飞行愉快
You're good. Have a nice flight.
拜托 老兄 你可以比这个更好的 雷吉
Come on, man. You're better than this, Reggie.
-谁准备这次工作 -普克
-Who's catering this gig? -Puck.
沃尔夫冈
Wolfgang?
不霍基·普克 白♥痴♥ 是的 沃尔夫冈
No, Hockey Puck, idiot. Yes, Wolfgang.
他们这里唯一有的东西就是肉桂
The only thing they've got in this place is Cinnabon.
我在过去的六个月里面 早饭
I've been eating Cinnabon for breakfast,
午饭和晚饭都在吃肉桂
lunch, and dinner for the past six months.
-雷吉 我不需要 -好的 我当然要加入了
-Reggie, I don't need... -Okay? Of course I'm in.
这就是我要知道的事情 来吧 我们还有很多工作要做
That's all I needed to know. Come on. We've a lot of work to do.
-现在吗 -是的 现在
-Now? -Yes, now.
嘿 我打卡下班了 我重回游戏了 宝贝
Hey, I'm clocking out. I'm back in the game, baby.
至少埃德蒙多
At least Edmundo
明天可以重新安排沙拉酱的味道
was able to reschedule the new salad dressing tasting to tomorrow.
我们现在就剩下一周了 而且我们还有很多事情要做
There's only a week left and we still have so much to do.
道格 你在做什么
Doug, what are you doing?
我觉得我们可以来一点冰激凌
I thought maybe we'd have a little ice cream
然后或许来一点甜点
and then perhaps some dessert.
这不公平
That is so not fair.
你知道我在婚礼前要剪掉4 2磅重
You know I'm trying to lose 4.2 pounds before the wedding.
这个 我觉得你的样子就是最美的
Well, I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
-而且我有一些别的事情 -什么
-And I got you something else. -What?
-嗒哒 -我的天啊
-Ta-da. -My God.
我记得当我们看 戴珍珠耳环的少女的时候
I remember when we watched Girl with a Pearl Earring,
你说过你觉 得那个女孩的珍珠耳环特别漂亮
and you said how pretty you thought the girl's pearl earring was.
所以 我就出去找地方重新打造了一对
So, I went out and had it remade. You know, as a pair.
我的天啊 你真是太好了 这真的没必要的
My God. You are so sweet. That was so unnecessary.
那是从男孩到男人吗
Is that Boyz ll Men?
你知道吗 我一直在想一种方法
You know, I was thinking of a way to alleviate
能缓和你最近受到的压力
all that stress you've been feeling.
这不公平 记得吗 我们说过不挑逗对方
That is not fair. Remember, we said no teasing each other.
我知道我们同意"在最后一个月不做♥爱♥"的规定
I know we agreed to the whole "no making love for the last month" rule.
太多的引用了
That's a lot of quotes.
是的 但是也许我可以要求 暂时废除这个禁令
Yeah, but maybe I could request a temporary stay of the ban.
不 亲爱的 你看 我很愿意做 好吗
No. Honey, look, I would love to, okay?
但是据文章所说 这会使我们的感情得以增强
But the article says this will enhance our emotional reunification.
我知道 也许我们就一晚就行
I know. Maybe we could take one night off.
我们可以做吗 也许的话 就一个晚上
Can we do that, maybe? Just for one night.
只是做♥爱♥而已
To just have sex?
亲爱的 你知道这对我来也很难 好吗
Honey, you know this is difficult for me, too, okay?
但是我愿意做出必要的牺牲
But I am willing to make the necessary sacrifice
来确保我们的新婚之夜是完美的
to make sure that our wedding night is perfect.
道格和我是在旺帕奇皮露营认识的
Doug and I met at Camp Wampacheempi.
我们当时都12岁 我们半夜经常偷偷溜走
We were both 12, and we used to sneak out together at night