定制伴郎

-它一定是心脏病犯了 -有一条死狗在我的小鸡鸡上
-It must have had a heart attack. -There's a dead dog on my dick.
-我们必须去医院 伙计们 -他的小鸡鸡在流血
-I've got to get to a hospital, guys. -His dick is bleeding!
医院就在拐角附近 好吗 你要挺住
The hospital's right around the corner, okay? You have to hold on.
-快点 卢 -每次它一动 就很疼
-Hurry up, Lou. -Every time it moves, it hurts!
酒在哪里 谁给他点酒
Where's the alcohol? Somebody give me the alcohol!
-深呼吸道格 -那样烧得慌
-Just breathe, Dougie! -That just burns!
红灯 红灯
Red light, red light!
-刚才那是什么 -那是警♥察♥吗
-What the fuck was that? -Was that a cop?
不 只不过是一辆出租车
No, it was just a cab.
-该死 -我们这里有打开的酒
-Shit! -We have open bottles in here.
我不想回到监狱了 我厌倦跟男人搞了
I can't go back to jail! I'm tired of fucking dudes!
-你曾经是强♥奸♥犯 -赶紧喝完你的酒
-You were the rapist? -Finish your bottles!
所有人 冷静下来 把瓶子都放下
Everybody, chill out! Put the bottles down,
把你们的药都扔掉 听到我说的了吗
put your drugs away. Do you hear me?
-这是马尔奇父亲的车 -我才15岁
-This is Marci's father's van. -I'm only 15!
-靠边停车 -卢 你需要把车靠边停
-Pull over. -Lou, you have to pull the fucking car over.
-赶紧把车停下来 -老天 马尔奇会杀了我的
-Pull the fucking car over. -God, Marci's going to kill me.
你会没事的 老兄 这不会很久的
You're going to get through this, man. This isn't going to be long.
让我下车
Get me out of the car.
他们会觉得我绑♥架♥了这个白人女孩
They're going to think I kidnapped this white girl.
-拿着它 把枪拿着 -我不想要这个老兄
-Take it. Take the gun. -I don't want this motherfucker, man.
-你 你拿回去 -闭嘴 你们话太多了
-No! You take it back. -Shut up. You talk too much.
-我不想要 -拿着它
-I don't want it. -Take it.
放在你的奶奶里 我可不想因为这个去坐牢
Put it in your titties. I'm not going to jail for this.
我还是能看到它
I can still see it.
闭嘴 来真的了 所有人正常一点好吗
Shut up! This is real! Everybody look normal. Okay?
-你们今晚喝酒了吗 -没有先生
-Have you guys been drinking tonight? -No, sir.
-一点都没喝吗 -没有
-Not even a little bit? -No.
你还好吗 先生
Are you all right, sir?
那是一条狗吗
Is that a dog?
-是的 -为什么他的嘴在你的小鸡鸡上面
-Yeah. -Why is his mouth on your genitals?
老天
God.
-卢 你在干什么 -你在想什么卢
-Lou, what the fuck are you doing? -What in the fuck, Lou?
把车停下来 你这个老混♥蛋♥
Stop the car, you old dick!
卢 注意你右侧的别克
Lou, watch the Buick on your right!
你必须要把历有的收费仪都撞了吗 卢
Do you have to hit every single meter, Lou?
拜托 你在做什么 卢
Come on, what are you doing, Lou?
没有勇气 就没有辉煌
No guts, no glory!
-这是单行道 -我知道 这就是我要去的路
-It's a one-way street! -I know! It's the way I'm going!
-小心 -把车停下来
-Look out! -Stop the car!
-我恨你 卢 -去你的 卢
-I hate you, Lou! -Fuck, Lou, stop!
-卢 这条路不通 -你走错路了卢
-Lou, this is a closed road! -You're going the wrong way, Lou!
我根本就没系上安全带卢
I don't have a fucking seat belt on, Lou!
该死桥中间少了一段
Holy shit! There's a gap in the bridge!
-我们要死了 -我的天啊
-We're all going to die! -My God!
不
No!
-我的老天 -我们做到了
-My God! -We made it!
是的 吃屎去吧 警♥察♥
Yeah! Suck on this, copper.
纳迪亚
Nadia.
嘿 你等了我一个晚上
Hey. You waited all night for me?
你知道昨晚
You know, last night,
那是我这辈子最棒的一晚了
that was the greatest night of my entire life.
我觉得我曾经 跟谁都没有过那样的感觉
I don't think I've ever felt a connection to anybody like that before.
我知道你不明白我说的话
I know you can't understand any of this.
-但是我 -印第安人
-But I... -Tonto.
-感觉怎么样 -我觉得有点麻
-How is it hanging? -I'm kind of numb.
他们做了什么
What did they do?
他们在你鸡鸡上面缝了几针
They put some stitches in your penis head.
不过医生说你会没事的
The doctor said you'll be okay, though.
来吧 跟她吻别吧
Come on, kiss her goodbye.
我要走了 认识你真的很高兴
I've gotta go. It was really great getting to know you.
认识你我也很高兴
It was great getting to know you, too.
-等一下 你会说英语 -再次谢谢你的款待 吉米
-Wait. You speak English? -Thanks for having me out again, Jimmy.
道格是个守得住的人
Doug here is a real keeper.
有空就打给我 也许我们可以玩躲猫猫
Call me sometime. Maybe we can catch a Dodger game.
"躲猫猫"的意思就是做♥爱♥
"Dodger game" is code-word for fucking.
伙计们
Fellows.
卢在哪里
Where's Lou?
卢需要消失一段时间 他说过这一切都值得
Lou had to go away for a while. He said it was worth it, though.
烧了这个
Burn this.
我从未感觉这么好过 这么开心
I haven't felt this good, this happy since...
从来没有过
Since ever.
你拿了普伦基特拿着的药了
Did you take one of those pills Plunkett was handing out?
那些看起来像是薄荷糖的东西
The ones that looked like Altoids?
是的 你拿了么
Yes! Did you take one?
-是的我拿了一个 -我告诉过你什么
-Yeah, I took one. -What did I tell you?
你说过别拿任何看起来像是毒品的东西
You said don't take anything that looks like drugs.
-那你为什么拿 -因为那看起来像是薄荷糖
-Then why did you take it? -Because it looked like an Altoid.
-那不是薄荷糖 道格 -我很快就意识到了
-It wasn't an Altoid, Doug. -I realized that soon after.
我说过"离普伦基特远一点 我没告诉过你吗"
I said, "Stay your ass away from Plunkett." Didn't I tell you that?
现在 我这道着一切都不是真的
Now, I know none of this is real,
但是很高兴能成为其中一员
but it's good to be one of the guys.
真的
It really is.
来吧 我们去让你清洗一下 老兄
Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up, man.
那么 让我们去把这件事情弄完吧 伙计
So, let's just go and knock this thing out, man.
我们会让你看起来非常棒 震撼你的婚礼
We'll make you look great, rock your wedding,
把你送去塔希提 那样你就可以上格雷琴了
send you off to Tahiti so you can blow Gretchen's back out.
尽情的狂欢
Knock her back loose.
然后 我们就把神父比克送去坟墓
And then, we ship Father Bic off to his untimely death.
我一直在想 关于你问我关于格雷琴其他的事情
I was thinking about what you asked me the other day about Gretchen.
在我们第三次约会的时候
And on our third date,
她说了一些关于想成立一个家庭的事情
she said something about wanting to start a family,
她是如何准备好要孩子的
how she was ready to have kids.
但我木知道 自从我失去了我的家人
And I don't know, ever since I lost my family,
我一直想有一个我自己的家
I've always wanted to make one of my own.
嘿 帮我一个忙
Hey, do me a favor.
对我的车好一点 我见过你的车．．
Be very gentle with my car. I've seen your car...
-不会有人搞砸这个的 -好吧
-Ain't nobody gonna mess up this shit. -Okay.
为什么你不放一些冰块在你的小♥弟♥弟♥上
Why don't you go put some ice on your dick?
好吧 别开玩笑了 好吗 老天
Yeah. No kidding, right? God.
-你好 -我出问题了
-Hello. -I got a problem.
我周六不能去了
I can't be there on Saturday.
你在说什么 加维
What are you talking about, Garv?
马尔奇的父亲在储物箱里 面发现了一个肛♥门♥插
Marci's dad found a butt plug in the glove compartment.
他知道我又跟你一起工作了
She knows I'm working with you again.
我必须保证修好橱柜 才能让她冷静下来
I had to promise to fix the kitchen cabinets to get her to calm down.
不 你会出现在那的 你听到了么
No. You're going to be there. Do you hear me?
我会亲自给马尔奇打电♥话♥的 那是你想让我做的吗
I'll call Marci myself. Is that what you want me to do?
我会告诉她科科莫的事情
I'll tell her about Kokomo.
卢尔希你在哪里
Lurch, where are you?
-你看 吉米 拜托 -别说"你看 吉米"我
-Look, Jimmy, come on. -No, don't "Look, Jimmy" me.
-我没在跟你玩"你看吉米"游戏 -不我们都有协议的
-I'm not playing the "Look, Jimmy" game. -No, we all made a pact.
你说过橱柜今天就可以修好的
You said the kitchen cabinets would be done by today.
告诉马尔奇你会在周日把橱柜修好的
Just tell Marci that you'll do the kitchen cabinets on Sunday.
吉米 希望你被火烧死 我恨你
Jimmy, go die in a fire! I hate you.
-我希望你的小鸡鸡被砍掉 -收到 三角洲9号♥
-I hope your dick gets chopped off. -Roger Delta Niner.
愿上帝保佑不管这是谁
And may God bless whoever else is on this.
-嘿 -谁是吉米
-Hey. -Who is Jimmy?
吉米实际上是个标签
Jimmy is actually a tag.
-是一个代号♥ 军事代码 -军事代码
-It's a tag name. Military code. -Military code?
所以 我想我不应该刺探有关"橱柜"的任何信息
So, I suppose I shouldn't pry into the meaning of "kitchen cabinets" then,
或者别的
either.
为了你的安全 别了 我希望你别管这件事
For your safety, no. I would kind of leave it alone.
-好吧 在排练晚宴上我们见 -待会见
-All right, I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner. -See you then.
-神父 -好的
-Father. -Okay.
老天
God.
6个小提琴 2个中提琴 2个大提琴
Six violins, two violas, two cellos,
1个低音提琴 1个电贝司2把吉他 1副鼓
one contrabass, one electric bass, two guitars, one drum set,
然后我负责演唱
and I'll be singing.
然后你们第一首舞曲要选什么歌♥
And your first dance will be to what song?