定制伴郎

她曾经是我的女人
She was my woman
她在我的注视下欺骗了 然后走出我的脑海
As she deceived me I watched and went out of my mind
-然后我说"这叫做忠诚" -我可没有教你那个
-And I said, "it's called loyalty." -I didn't teach you that.
不 那可教不会 你是与生俱来的
No, that can't be taught. You're born with that.
你看起来不错 老兄
You look good, man.
谢谢 我希望我也可以对你说相同的话
Thank you. I wish I could say the same for you.
你知道 在我打扮好以后
So, you know, as I'm getting dressed,
．．我在想我们这么做是多么的疯狂
I'm thinking to myself how insane what we're doing is.
你才开始这么想
You just started thinking that?
我的意思是 她会成为我的妻子
Well, I mean, she's going to be my wife.
难道我不应该告诉她事实么
Shouldn't I be able to tell her the truth?
两个人关系中 最重要的就是诚实 你知道吧
I mean, the key to relationships is being honest, you know?
在一定程度上
Up to a point.
这都是为了让她开心 道格 好吧
It's all about making her happy, Doug. All right?
走吧 我们去参加你的婚礼
Come on. Let's go get you married.
你看起来很不错老兄
You look good, man.
我的 我的 我的 不忠实的女人
My, my, my, Delilah
为什么 为什么
Why, why...
嘿 伙计们
Hey, fellows.
过来 集中了
Gather around.
嘿 嘿 伙计们 伙计们
Hey, hey. Guys, Guys-
这是少有的几次 你们要真正地听我说说实话
This is one of the few times that you're actually going to hear me be honest.
九天以前 我不觉得黄金燕尾服般的服务是可以做到的
Nine days ago, I didn't think a Golden Tux was possible.
但是在接下来不到一个小时的时间
But in less than an hour,
我们就要来两百位 毫无疑心的客人
we're going to have 200 unsuspecting guests
把这些座位填满 来庆祝一个奇怪的婚姻
filling those pews to celebrate some holy matrimony.
从这一刻起就意味着 我们要完美无瑕先生们
Which means that from this moment on, we are flawless, gentlemen.
-照顾着彼此 -支持着彼此
-Have each other's backs out there. -Support each other.
记住你们的基本信息 你们转移话题的方法
Remember your HW2's, your boomerangs,
还有你们派对的分心把戏
and your Party Trick Distractions.
-德赖斯代尔 开始吧 -现在是什么时候
-Drysdale, set it off. -What time is it?
游戏开始了
It's game time!
-我说了 现在是什么时候 -是游戏开始的时候
-I said, what time is it? -It's game time!
伙计们 伙计们 我在下面 伙计们
Guys, guys, I'm down here. Guys.
道格拉斯 嗨 真是完美的时间
Douglas! Hi! Perfect timing.
我刚在这里跟爸爸讲
I was just telling Papa Bear here
我们确实有一些关于神父奥布赖恩的绯闻
that we did have a little bit of a "scandal" with Father O'Brien.
他不能够来主持婚礼了
He will not be able to officiate the wedding.
但是没事的 请放心 所有事情都在掌握之中
But it's okay. Rest assured, I have everything under control
因为麦克纳尔蒂神父在这里 他同意
because Father McNulty here, he has agreed to step
代替神父奥布赖恩 来主持婚礼
as a replacement of the shoes of Father O'Brien.
-你好 道格 -嗨 很高兴见到你
-Hello, Doug. -Hi. Great to meet you.
麦克纳尔蒂神父是一位非常棒的教士
Father McNulty is a wonderful priest.
我很高兴这一天终于来了 实话跟你说
I'm just happy the big day's finally here, to be honest with you.
我想让你见见我所有的朋友 这是我的伴郎 比克
I would love for you to meet all my friends. This is my best man, Bic.
比克一定是走别的路了
Bic must have gone a different way.
你们太伙介意去找一下比克么
Would you guys mind going to look for Bic?
我希望他知道这一切
I'd love for him to be caught up on all this.
我要去看看他是否在祷告
I'm going to go see if he's praying.
-发生什么了 -麦克纳尔蒂神父在这里做什么
-What is going on? -What the hell is Father McNulty doing here?
你怎么认识麦克纳尔蒂神父
How do you know Father McNulty?
因为他是我在本哲明时候的校长
Because he was my principal at Benjamin Rush.
我中学生涯里一半的时间里 都待在他的办公室里
I spent half my damn middle school years in his principal's office.
拜托 拜托告诉我你是在开我玩笑
Please, please tell me that you are kidding me.
现在可不能发生这种事啊 我需要你把这事搞定
This cannot be happening right now. I need you to fix this.
你想让我做什么 如果我出去了
What you want me to do? If I go out there,
他就知道我不是比克·米彻姆
he knows I'm not Bic Mitchum.
等一下 等一下 我觉得我有个主意了
Wait. Wait. I think I have an idea.
-麦克纳尔蒂神父 -是的
-Father McNulty? -Yes.
走 走
Go, go!
该死
Shit!
我已经花了20万美元 我希望
200 grand out the door, I expect...
不 我需要的是完美
No, I demand perfection.
是的 帕尔默先生 我向你保证
Yes, Mr. Palmer, I assure you...
听着 蒙多 首先你告诉我我的家庭牧师堕落了
Listen, Menudo, first you tell me my family priest is a goddamn pervert.
现在你又告诉我麦克纳尔蒂神父消失了
Now you tell me Father McNulty has disappeared.
帕尔默先生 我会处理好这件事的
Mr. Palmer, I'll take care of this.
你最好可以 要不然我就弄死你
You better or I will fuck you up.
我们可以开始了么
Shall we do this?
你 格雷琴·帕尔默
Do you, Gretchen Palmer,
愿意让道格拉斯·以法莲·本·拉扎尔·梅纳赫姆·哈里斯
take Douglas Ephraim Ben Lazar Menahem Harris
做你的合法丈夫
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
永远在一起
to have and to hold,
无论疾病或健康 直至生死将你们分开吗
through sickness and health, till death do you part?
我愿意
I do.
你 道格拉斯·以法莲·本·拉扎尔·梅纳赫姆·哈里斯
Do you, Douglas Ephraim Ben Lazar Menahem Harris,
愿意让格雷琴·帕尔默 做你的合法妻子
take Gretchen Palmer to be your lawfully wedded wife,
永远在一起
to have and to hold,
无论疾病或健康 直至生死将你们分开吗
through sickness and health, till death do you part?
我愿意
I do.
我现在宣布你们结为夫妻
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
你现在可以亲吻新娘了
You may now kiss the bride.
女士们 先生们 我向你们介绍 哈里斯先生和太太
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Harris.
你现在可以把后背鼓起来了
You are about to blow that back out.
别在这那么做 别那么做
Don't do this here. Don't do that.
-什么 -没什么
-What? -Nothing.
我在加拿大是一个酒吧歌♥手
I'm a lounge singer myself up there in Canada.
你一般唱哪种类型的歌♥
What kind of stuff do you sing?
当我知道我生来就是要为脚工作的
That's when I knew I was born to work on feet.
你是一个足病医生 我是一个足病医生
You're a podiatrist? I'm a podiatrist.
真不赖
Big deal.
你在哪里上的血
Where did you go to school?
你不记得了么
You don't remember?
-哈佛 -我也去的哈佛
-Harvard. -I went to Harvard.
我真的受到了美国黑人灵魂歌♥手的启发
I'm really inspired by black, American soul singers.
-不错 -比如说汤姆·琼斯
-Nice. -Like Tom Jones.
-你去了哈佛足部医疗学校了吗 -是的
-You went to Harvard Podiatry School? -Yeah.
-多大的时候 -20岁
-What years? -20.
20?
哇你经常锻炼吧嗯
Wow. You work out, huh?
汤姆·琼斯难道不是白人么
Isn't Tom Jones white?
是的 他不是来自威尔士么
Yeah, isn't he from Wales?
-我的天啊 -妈妈
-My God! -Mom!
-我没事我没事 -我的老天
-I'm fine. I'm fine. -My God.
好吧 你们想看嘛 隆隆
Well, do you want to see? Boom.
是的 三个蛋蛋 数一数
Yeah, three balls. Count them.
我以为你说你是一个素食主义者
I thought you said you was a vegan.
好的 真酷
Okay, that's cool.
-我也可以做 -停下来
-I can do it, too. -Stop.
那是我专属的
That's mine.
我为你感到骄傲 道格 我真的这么觉得
I'm proud of you, Doug. I really am.
好吧 谢谢 先生
Well, thank you, sir.
我必须要说 我从大♥师♥那里学到了很多
I have to say, I learned from the master.
现在还不是庆祝的时候
Well, don't celebrate yet.
我们还有很多工作要做 好的 我在外面等你
We still have more work to do. All right, I'm going to wait for you outside.
-你能相信这个拉链坏了吗 -好吧 我这就来
-Can you believe this zipper already broke? -Okay, I'm coming.
哈里斯太太 我能跟你说两句吗
Mrs. Harris, can I talk to you for a second?
我还有重要的事情
I'll get the thing.
听着 我也许只是外来客
Listen, I may be partial here,
但是我只是想说 你有一个完美的婚礼 真的
but I just want to say that you have put on the perfect wedding. Really.
完美的婚礼吗
Perfect wedding?
我8000块婚纱上面的拉链都坏了
The zipper on my $8, 000 dress is broken,
伴郎们都在勾引我的伴娘
the groomsmen are accosting my bridesmaids,
我的奶奶从头烧到了脚 我爸爸的膝盖也变成了碎片
my grandmother's burned from head to toe, my dad's knee is shredded.
而且甚至都不让我选沙拉酱
And don't even get me started on the salad dressing.
但至少你还有道格 真爱战胜一切
But at least you have Doug. True love conquers all.
真爱 拜托 我只是厌倦了跟混♥蛋♥约会了
True love? Please. I'm just sick of dating assholes.
道格是个好人 他很适合成家
Doug is a good guy, he's good family material.
我能说什么 我是个女孩已经习惯了某种生活习惯
What can I say? I'm a girl that's used to a certain kind of lifestyle,
而道格可以给我提供那样的生活
and Doug can give me that kind of lifestyle.
所以 我要走了