定制伴郎

去逮牛蛙 还有
and hunt bullfrogs and...
对不起 我写过信给某人 我知道我被其绊住了
I'm sorry. I dropped a line. I know I keep tripping over it.
你知道吗 你是被钉死了
You know what? You nailed it.
关于分心你都能做什么 你有什么派对上的小把戏吗
What about the distractions? Do you have any party tricks?
派对把戏 是的 好
Party tricks. Yeah, okay.
-该死 -我的天啊
-Shit. -My God.
这个 就是一种把戏 我只是需要一面墙
So, that's kind of it. I just need a wall.
不 不
No, no, no!
不 请不要 拜托
No, don't, please.
我可以的 没事了
I got it. There it goes.
布龙斯坦
Bronstein.
我准备了泰坦尼克号♥里面 杰克准备救露丝的场景
I prepared the scene from Titanic where Jack tries to save Rose...
停下 我们明确地要求过是独白 我们不想要什么场景
Stop. We specifically asked for monologues. We don't want any scenes.
-好的 但是我觉得这个会 -都说了 是独白
-Right, but I thought that this would... -it said monologue.
-这个会展现我的天 -谢谢你
-This would showcase my talent. -Thank you.
我可以读露丝的部分
I could read the part of Rose.
我的名字是基普·洛约拉
My name is Kip Loyola.
我有6英尺4英寸高
I'm 6'4".
-你不需要 -6英尺3英寸
-You don't have to... -6'3".
你们从我的简历里面可以看到 我看了很多的
As you can see by my résumé, I've done tons of
肥皂剧
soap operas.
好吧 你准备什么东西了么
Well, did you prepare anything?
该死 宝贝
Shit, baby!
好吧 你 那是
All right. Did you... Is that...
你有什么跟这个有关的分心办法 或者派对把戏吗
Do you have a distraction or a party trick that ties in with this?
好吧 我猜是的
Okay, I guess.
那是你的
That's your...
嘿 这些都是扯淡 吉米
Hey, this is bullshit, Jimmy.
你答应过我 在队伍里面给我留一个位置的
You promised me a spot on the team.
你看 哦 这不是一个基本的单身伙伴的事情
Look, O, it's not like this is a Single Wing Ringman thing.
我告诉过你 我需要你开车
I told you I need you to drive.
我已经厌倦开车了 我想加入
I'm sick of driving. I want in.
你不行 因为你没有个注意力分散的小把戏 是吧
You can't have in because you don't have a party trick distraction, do you?
我告诉过你 我一直在努力练习倒着讲话
I told you I've been working on the talking backwards thing.
是的 无意冒犯 噢
Well, no offense, O,
但是你 在过去的三个月里面都说着相同的事情
but you've been saying the same thing for three months.
在过去的三个月里面都说着相同的事情
Months three for that saying been
但 噢无意犯冒
you've but O offense no well yeah.
-真是太酷了 -真是太酷了
-That's pretty fucking cool. -Cool fucking pretty that's.
吃葡萄的倒是不吐葡萄皮
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
不吃葡萄的倒是吐葡萄皮
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
不会吧
No.
儿皮葡萄吐到葡萄吃不 儿皮葡萄吐不葡萄吃
Wood chuck could chuck wood a if chuck chuck wood a could wood much how.
-好的 这没问题 -题问没这 的好
-Okay, that'll do. -Do that'll okay.
-闭上嘴 我们没问题 -闭上嘴
-Put a sock in it. We're done. -Sock on put.
试试洛克福羊乳干酪乳
Try the Roquefort Buttermilk.
太刺鼻了么
Is it too tangy?
-也许有一点 -一点吗
-Maybe a little. -A little?
你有什么 也许不这么刺♥激♥的么 因为他好像
Do you have something, maybe, a little less harsh? 'Cause he's like...
我可以给你提供一些 阿尔冈琴族农场的
I can offer you the Algonquin Ranch.
好的 等我一下
Okay, give me one second.
雷 阿尔冈琴旗农场 尽快
Ray. A.R., ASAP.
好的 亲爱的 那我们明天就定下来
Okay, honey, we're all set tomorrow.
早午餐在我父母家吃
Brunch at my parents' house.
噢 这个宝贝 我以为我告诉过你了
Oh, yeah. Sweetie, I thought I told you that
我明天要去办公室 对不起
I got to hit the office tomorrow. I'm sorry.
不 不 埃德蒙多会带一些更开胃的样品来的
No, no. Edmundo's bringing some more appetizer samples.
你知道没有你 我也可以做决定的
You know I can't make a decision without you.
该死 我本来想把这个当做一个惊喜的 但是
Damn it. I was going to keep this a surprise, but...
-什么 -比克明天就飞回来了
-What? -Bic is flying in tomorrow morning.
比克 那个比克吗
Bic? The Bic?
是的 我要去机场接他
Yeah. I have to go pick him up from the airport.
你是在开玩笑吧 我真的很高兴
You are kidding! I'm so excited!
我想把这个当做一个惊喜
I wanted to keep it a surprise.
这太棒了 把他带过来一次吃早午餐
This is so great. Bring him to lunch with you.
-不 不 不 我不行 -你为什么大喊大叫
-No! No. No, I can't. -Why are you yelling?
对不起 我只是
I'm sorry. I just...
我不能那么做 因为我们还有很多事情要去做
I can't do that because we have so much catching up to do.
拜托 带上比克
Come on. Bring Bic.
我想让他帮我们决定这些有趣的事情
I want him to help us decide on all these fun things.
不 我不知道这个 他不能
No, I don't know that that's... He can't...
听我说 他是你的伴郎 而且我还从未见过他好吗
Listen to me. He is your best man and I have never met him, okay?
你不能告诉我 他明天就飞过来 而且你明天
You cannot tell me he's flying in and not
不把他带来吃早午餐 你疯了吗
bring him to lunch tomorrow. Are you crazy?
好吧
Okay.
-拉着我的手 我会把你拉上来的 -不
-Take my hand. I'll pull you in. -No!
待在那里 我说真的 我会放手的
Stay where you are. I mean it. I'll let go.
靠近 又变远
Near, far...
嘿 道格在一号♥线 有些事情出问题了
Hey. Doug's on line one. Something's wrong.
发生什么了 印第安人
What's going on, Tonto?
嘿 这个 我们遇到了一些问题
Hey, there. We've got a bit of a problem.
-你到底在想些什么 -她逼我的
-What the hell were you thinking? -She cornered me.
道格 以后 如果有人问你
Doug, in the future, if somebody asks you something
一些让你为难的问题 你就跟他们打转
that boxes you in, you boomerang it.
"打转"
"Boomerang"?
你的回答要不就是称赞 或者是问题
You respond with either a compliment or a question.
称赞是为女人的 问题是为男人的
Compliments are for women. Questions are for men.
如果我问你一些我们没有讨论过的 关于比克的事情
If I were to ask you something about Bic that you and I haven't discussed,
你会怎么说 道格
what would you say, Doug?
-你非常帅 -谢谢你 道格
-You're very handsome. -Thank you, Doug.
这就是称赞
That's a compliment.
为女的才称赞 男的要问问题
Compliments are for women, questions are for men.
-你说出一些随机的词 -你现在让我非常困扰
-You throw out random words. -You're confusing me a lot right now.
你说一些随便的话来 让他们从原来的问题上分心
You use random words that will distract them from the original question.
随口的话
Random words.
我们有18个小时来和帕尔默斯 准备这次的早午餐
We have 18 hours to prepare for this brunch with the Palmers.
这就意味着我们有18个小时 来准备一个简短的介绍
Which means we have 18 hours for a Shotgun Intro.
让我们开始工作吧 你想从 如何哪里做什么开始吧
Let's get to work. You want to start off with the HW2's.
-好的 -就是如何 哪里 什么
-Right. -The how-where-whats.
这是三个基本问题
These are the three basic questions
是所有人遇到别克要问的
that everyone I encounter as Bic are going to ask.
我们是怎么遇见的 我来自哪里 我是现在做什么
How did we meet? Where am I from? What do I do?
如果我们一无所知 我们可以用足够的水．．
If we know nothing else, we can tread enough water
来假装胃痉挛 然后逃跑 我们是怎么遇见的
to fake a stomach cramp and run away. How did we meet?
大学一年级在斯坦福大学
Freshman year, Stanford.
那说明我很聪明 不错 我来自哪里
That means I'm smart. Shit. Where am I from?
-我从未说过 -北达科他州
-I never said. -North Dakota.
-为什么是北达科他州 -你如道谁在北达科他州吗
-Why North Dakota? -Do you know anybody in North Dakota?
-不 -没有人知道 我是做什么的
-No. -Nobody does. What do I do?
-你在军队里面 -好小子 你看 现在你就在思考
-You're in the military. -Atta boy. See, now you're thinking.
没有地址 没有电♥话♥ 那些小孩子会对军装感兴趣的
No address, no phone number. And chicks dig the uniform shit.
这感觉就像在桶里面射击鱼一样
It's going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.
实际上
Actually,
我不觉得你会在这特别的场合里面泡到任何妹子
I don't think you're going to be shooting any fish in this particular barrel.
一个军队上的人 最为伴郎 不对伴娘有任何意思
An Army guy that's the best man not hitting on the bridesmaids?
-他们会觉得我是同性恋的 -这个 实际上．．
-They'll think I'm a homosexual. -Well, actually...
好吧 实际上 什么
Well, actually, what?
你告诉他们我是同性恋了 道格
You told them I'm a homosexual, Doug?
不 不 不是那样 是关于自身
No. No, not that, per se.
自身什么 道格 告诉我
What, per se, Doug? Tell me.
比克·米彻姆 实际上是神父比克·米彻姆
Bic Mitchum is actually Father Bic Mitchum.
你告诉他们我是一个该死的教士 道格
You told them I'm a fucking priest, Doug?
这个 实际上 是格雷琴说的
Well, actually, it was Gretchen who said it.
你告诉格雷琴 我是个该死的教士 道格
You told Gretchen I'm a fucking priest, Doug?
不 格雷琴说过
No. Gretchen said...
就没有什么别的想法在你的脑子里吗
There was nothing else that popped into your head?
那会我觉得这真的是一个不错的点子
At the time I thought it was a really smart idea.
一个该死的教士
A fucking priest?
但是现在我可以看出来
But now I can see it's going to upset you.
-该死的教士 -这让你很不爽
-A fucking priest? -upset you.