关于哈利的那些事（2020）

是的 不过没关系 我不介意
Yeah, but it's fine. I don't mind.
-我很介意 -闭嘴 加里
- I mind. - Shut up, Gary.
没人管你怎么想
No one cares what you think.
代我和他打个招呼
Tell him I said hi.
-加里和你打招呼 -你好加里
- Gary says hi. - Hi, Gary.
不好意思我把你们吵醒了 你们接着睡吧
Okay, sorry I woke you guys. Go back to bed.
不不不 我不睡了
No, no, no, I'll stay on.
记住
Now remember,
如果他挑事的话
if he starts anything,
不管是骂人还是什么的
any, any name-calling or anything at all,
你就停车
you just pull over
然后和他说 "滚出去"
and tell him, "Get the hell out."
-懂了 -骂骂看
- Got it. - Say it.
-什么 -先试试 我想听听看
- What? - Practice. I wanna hear you.
我才不...
I'm not gonna...
好吧 请滚出去
Fine. Get the hell out.
你在和我开玩笑吧
You're kidding, right?
你这哪算是命令啊
What the hell kinda command is that?
我叫加里给我拿冰淇淋的时候都比这个有气势
I tell Gary to pick up my ice cream more forcefully than that.
再来
Again.
滚出去
Get the hell out!
再来 把你吃奶的劲都使上
Again! From those underused balls of yours!
滚出我的车
Get the hell out!
再来 把你内心的雄狮召唤出来
Again! Like the lion that you are!
快滚出去
Get the hell out!
-不好意思 -不错 很棒
- Sorry. - Okay, good.
亲爱的你可以的
You're gonna be fine, babe, okay.
有需要就打电♥话♥给我
Call me if you need me.
好的 拜拜
I will. Bye.
我说早上七点见
I said 7 a.m.
七点整 他到现在还没来就不怪我了
Sharp. He's not here, that's not my fault.
但好消息是
And the good news is
我就不用花九个小时
I don't have to spend nine hours
和哈利·图尔平...
in a car with...
等等等等等等等等等等...
Wait, hey, hey, hey, no, no, no, wait, wait...
待在车里了
Harry Turpin.
谢了 兄弟
Thanks, man.
我知道我迟了几分钟 但是...
All right, I know I'm a few minutes late, but...
-整整二十分钟 -不是我的错
- Try 20. - Not my fault.
我室友昨天晚上做了些天杀的炸玉米饼
See, my roommate made these killer tacos last night.
所以今天早上我不得不清一下库存
And this morning I had to evacuate the building,
懂我的意思吧
if you know what I mean.
所以我就迟了一点
And it put me a little behind sched.
但我还是及时赶到了
But I made it.
我们都在这了 准备好开车回家
We're here, road-trippin' home.
不互相伤害 不过界
No harm, no foul balls.
但是我的蛋蛋可能闻起来
Although my balls may be
有些酸爽 因为...
a little foul, 'cause...
我没时间洗澡 你懂么
I didn't have time to shower, you get me?
我...懂了
I... get you.
能不能在咖啡店停一下
Oh, would you mind making a quick stop at The Drip?
我需要大量咖♥啡♥因♥
I'm gonna need some serious caffeine
才能做个好的副驾
if I'm gonna be good company for you.
然后她就抓狂了
And then she lost her mind
因为我忘了三个月纪念日
because I forgot our three-month anniversary!
这都不算个事吧
I mean, is that even a thing?
谁会记得这种鬼事
Like, who remembers shit like that?
我不知道
I don't know,
贴心的人吧
thoughtful people?
你当然会这么说了 你什么都忘不了
Of course you say that, you never forget anything.
你还记得有一次你提醒布朗老师
Yo, remember that time you reminded Mrs. Brown
我们有一个生物小测验吗
we were supposed to have a bio quiz?
然后所有人都很生你的气
And everyone got so pissed at you?
我记得
Yeah, I remember.
因为只有我一个人像个学生样
Because I had studied like we were supposed to,
而且我可不想比别人落后好吧
and I didn't want to get behind, you know.
英语课和社会课都有大作业要交
We had those big projects in English and Social Studies.
还有 那是你第一次叫我"舔狗萨米"
Plus, it was the first time that you called me "Suck-up Sammy,"
所以说... 这种事我怎么会忘呢
so... not something I'm likely to forget.
谁叫你"舔狗萨米"的
Hey, who called you "Suck-up Sammy"?
你
You.
-我 -是的
- Me? - Yeah.
-不可能 -就是你
-No. -Yeah.
不可能
No way, man.
你是说这个外号♥是我叫出来的
You're saying I made that up?
我给你取的那个外号♥
I gave you that nickname?
不可能 兄弟
I don't think so, dude.
相信我 我记得很清楚
Trust me, I remember.
因为在你叫我"舔狗萨米"之后
Because after you called me Suck-up Sammy,
戴维·格里克觉得叫我"舔狗萨仙女"更有趣
Davey Glick thought it would be funnier to call me Suck-up Samantha,
然后在高中接下来的日子里
and that's what people
人们就都都这么叫我了...
called me for the rest of high school so...
我觉得我记得很清楚是谁先叫的
I think I remember who started it.
好吧好吧 如果你一定这样说的话
All right, I guess. If you say so.
很好笑
That's a good one.
你知道么 我现在很累
You know what? I'm pretty wiped.
我为了准备期中考
I haven't slept in, like, three days
差不多有三天没有睡觉了 所以...
because of studying for mid-term, so...
你可以安静一会儿吗
maybe we have a little quiet time.
好的 当然了
Yeah. Sure thing.
收到
Gotcha.
但是 三个月纪念日
But, I mean, three-month anniversaries.
认真的么 谁会去想这种事情
Like, who even thinks about things like that.
然后还有这个女的 我们一起去了裸体海滩
And then this other girl, we go to this nude beach, right.
有很多巨根 也有一些很小的
Lotta schlongs, also a few schlorts.
然后她就说我一直在看别人
Anyway, so she says I'm looking around too much
还说她就在我身边 我还一直在打量别的女生
and that I keep checking other girls out while she's around
这样让她超级没有安全感
and she just gets super insecure about that...
接着我就抓到她偷看我的手♥机♥
So I catch her going through my phone,
我就实在是受不了了 分手了
and I finally have to say enough, I'm out.
你能相信吗 兄弟
Can you believe that, bro?
我相不相信你能把很多女人
Can I believe that you drove multiple women insane
逼疯到精神崩溃的地步
to the point of a total psychotic break?
我当然相信了
Yes. Yes, I can.
好吧
Oh-kay.
-太伤人了 -所以说 你只管分手
- Ouch - So you just move on.
只要关系一有点紧张或奇怪 你就分手
As soon as it gets hard or weird,
在你真的确定你对一个人有感觉前 你就遛了
before you start to catch feelings, you just bolt.
我 我不知道我的话会让你有这种感觉 但是
Okay, I... I don't know if I'd put it quite like that, but...
你刚刚花了三个小时和我说
You spent the last three hours recounting every detail
你过去五段恋情的每一个细节
of your past five relationships,
然而让人惊奇的是
and the most amazing thing is that
每一段恋情里
in every single one of them
你什么都没做错
you did absolutely nothing wrong.
尽管如此
And yet,
你的女朋友们都抱怨着同样的事情
they all have the same complaints.
难道你就没有意识到 也许
Did it ever occur to you that maybe, uh,
我不知道 也许
I don't know, maybe,
你的确也有错呢
you had something to do with what happened.
你知道么 也许你说得对
You know what? You're probably right.
至少是我自己选择和他们在一起的
I mean, at the very least, I picked them all.
我肯定是喜欢戏剧性的生活
I must like the drama.
不只是女孩们
And it's not just the girls,
我上一个约会的男人完全是个疯子
the last guy I dated was completely nut...
瞧 这就是我想说的 等等 什么
See, that's exactly what I... Wait, what?
男人 什么
Guy? Wha...
你说"男人"是什么意思
What do you mean, "Guy"?
意思就是不是女的
As in not a girl.
我是个泛
I'm pan.
-泛 -对
‐Pan? ‐Hmm.