泡泡剧组（2022）

-什么 -这不是直播
-What? -It's not live.
我们没在直播
-We're not live. -Oh.
嘿 克丽丝托的可可粉们
Hey, Krystal's Kittens. You may not know me,
你们或许不认识我 但我是克丽丝托的一个密友
but I am a really close friend of Krystal's.
我知道大家日子都不好过
I know we are all struggling during this time,
但《悬崖野兽》的演员 算是在非自愿的情况下被扣押
but the Cliff Beasts cast is being held against its will, partially,
被迫在非常不人道的条件下 完成一部电影
and forced to complete a film under very inhumane conditions.
劳伦范钱斯的手被崩掉了
Lauren Van Chance got her hand shot off,
他们让我们在患流感的情况下工作
and they are making us work through influenza!
我们需要你们在照片墙 抖音 推特 甚至领英上声援我们
So we need you to jump on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, even LinkedIn,
要求他们允许我们回家
and demand that they allow us to go home.
拿到全薪 而且不会被秋后算账
With full pay. And no repercussions.
太完美了 十分感谢 克丽丝托
Oh! That is perfect. Thank you so much, Krystal.
我很乐意帮忙 我理解一些年长演员的处境
I'm so happy to help. I know how hard it's been for some of the older actors.
对 对他们来说很艰难
Yeah, it's been hard for them.
-你不应该发布这条帖子 -什么 为什么
-You shouldn't post it. -What? Why?
因为你听起来像个抱怨连天 恃宠而骄的演员
Because you sound like whiny, spoiled actors.
我才没有恃宠而骄
I am not spoiled!
大家都反感听到名人抱怨
People don't wanna hear celebrities complain
他们在电影片场有多难
about how hard their movie sets are.
他们面对的才是现实问题
They have real problems.
你在说什么 这些就是现实问题啊
What are you talking about? These are real problems.
他们永远都不让我们回家了
They're never gonna let us go home!
等等 如果这会让我出丑 那我不能发
Hold on. If this is gonna make me look bad, I am not posting this.
我不能毁掉自己的人设
I can't ruin my own brand.
不会有任何坏处 你最好了
It's not gonna hurt. You're the hero.
这真的会让你出丑
-It would make you look really bad. -Whoa, uh…
你刚刚做了什么
What did you just do?
我删掉了
I deleted it.
什么 你为什么要…
What? Why would you…
她和他们是一伙的 和我们不是自己人
She is one of them! Not us!
不是的 她是我朋友
She is not! She's my friend.
你听起来像个上了年纪 疯疯癫癫的女演员 我们走
You sound like some crazy, rambling old actress. We're leaving.
我是第二年轻的
I am the second youngest one!
抱歉
Sorry.
我活该
I deserved that.
你会撑下去的
You'll survive.
去死吧
Fuck you.
很抱歉我打了你 我现在真的很不好过
I'm sorry I hit you. I'm just having a really hard time right now.
-嘿 肖恩 -你说想找我聊聊
-Hey, Sean. -You said you wanted to talk to me.
-谢谢你能来 进来吧 -好的
-Thank you for coming. Come in. -Sure.
我现在有点不好过
I'm just having a bit of a hard time,
不知道该何去何从
and I didn't know what to do or where to go.
-肖恩 -我在
-Um, Sean? -Yeah.
我一直觉得你们这些人都是小丑
I always thought you guys were all fucking clowns.
我以为自己是唯一头脑清醒的人
I thought I was the only one who had it all together.
但乔希说得对
But Josh was right.
我是你们这些人中最差劲的
I'm the worst one of all of you.
-不 -是的
-No! -Yes!
但你
But you?
你自始至终都非常乐观 积极向上
You're always so happy and positive all the time,
我希望你能帮帮我 因为我快崩溃了
and I was just hoping that maybe you could help me because I'm falling apart here.
卡罗尔
Carol.
困难
Problems?
它们只是教训 塞翁失马 焉知非福
They're just lessons in disguise.
记住迈出去才是第一…你知道…
Remember that one step is the first… There's… You know…
千里之行 始于足下
The first step in the thousand steps of your journey.
好的
Okay.
每天…
Every day…
每天都是一个机会…
every day is an opportunity for, uh…
让你可以…
Uh, for you to…
可以什么…
For what?
我屁都不知道
I don't have a fucking clue.
我不知道自己在做什么
I don't know what I'm doing.
我是个彻头彻尾的骗子
I'm a complete fraud.
-什么 -我很抱歉
-What? -I'm sorry.
这本书很好 你应该读读这本书
The book is great. You should read the book.
但请你理解 那本书不是我写的 是史蒂夫哈维的代笔写的
But please understand, I didn't write it. Steve Harvey's ghostwriter wrote the book.
其实 我唯一一次…
In fact, the only time…
我也只是在录影棚
The only time I ever read it
录电子有声书时读过那么一次
was when I was in the recording studio, making the audio book.
我感到很无聊 录音整个过程都很无聊
And I was bored. I was bored with the whole experience.
好吗 我很抱歉 但在疫情期间 我意识到大家都是一样的
Okay? I'm sorry, but during the pandemic, I realized that we're all the same.
我以前觉得自己很特别
And I thought that I was special.
我就这点本事
And, uh, you know, that's all I got.
但我不特别
But I'm not.
一点都不
I'm not.
天啊
Oh, my God!
克丽丝托克里斯 全世界最自私的抖音网红
Krystal Kris, the most selfish TikTok superstar in the world,
她从电影的隔离片场溜出来 把数百万人置于危险之中
snuck out of her movie's bubble, putting millions of people in danger!
英国给了我们哈里王子 我们回馈了什么呢
The UK gives us Prince Harry, and what do we give them back?
克丽丝托变种病毒吗
The Krystal variant?
我们得做点什么 真不该偷跑出去的
We need to do something. That was a really bad idea.
现在的首要任务 是抵♥制♥克丽丝托克里斯
Number one priority right now is canceling Krystal Kris.
#抵♥制♥克丽丝托克里斯
#CancelKrystalKris.
我刚刚掉了三百万粉丝
I just lost 3 million followers,
如果我们不尽快出去 我的粉丝就掉光了
and if we don't get the fuck out of here, I'm gonna lose all of them.
我只有200个粉丝
I only have 200.
没有答案
There's no answers.
但是有药嗑
But there are drugs.
太好了
Oh, that's good.
我拍这部电影时犯的最大错误 就是没有一直嗑药
The biggest mistake I made on this movie is not being on drugs the whole time.
应该有这样一个活动 “可以吸毒”
There should just be a campaign. "Say yes to drugs."
我觉得很难为情 因为我之前告诉人们不要吸毒
I feel very embarrassed that I used to tell people not to do them.
大家都应该吸毒 感觉太棒了
People should do them. They're great!
我能问你们一个问题吗 为什么我留不住男人
Can I ask you guys a question? Why can't I keep a man?
天啊
Oh, Jesus.
我前男友乔希 他甩了我 为了一个女服务生离我而去
Okay, so my ex, Josh, he dumped me and left me for a fucking waitress.
我年轻的时候 如果你们看到我
When I was young, if you saw me,
会想冲着我的脸来一拳
you'd just wanna punch me in the fucking face
因为我太帅气了 让人不由地生出毁灭之心
'cause I was that handsome. You just wanted to ruin it.
知道吗 这行对女人太不公平了 好吗
You know what? This business is so unfair to women, okay?
太不公平了 必须要保持年轻和苗条
It is not fair. You have to stay young and be skinny,
但同时胸部又要大
but have big boobs at the same time.
这是不可能的 因为除了做手术 没人能有那种体型
It's impossible because nobody has that body type without surgery.
人不可能又苗条 胸又大
You can't be skinny and have big boobs at the same time!
这在生理上是不可能的 不可能
It is physically impossible! It's impossible!
对 但值得一试
Yeah, but it's worth trying.
冈瑟 你现在为什么 看起来像本尼迪克特康伯巴奇
Gunther, why do you look like Benedict Cumberbatch right now?
是吗
I do?
你的内心本质显露出来了 这才是真正的你
Your inner spirit has come out and that's who you truly are.
大家好 我是奇异博士
Hello, I'm Doctor Strange.
天啊 我做不到
Oh, my God, I can't!
我不喜欢 你给我打住 别再假装本尼迪克特康伯巴奇
I don't like it. I want you to stop it. Stop being Benedict Cumberbatch!
各位 你们觉得我配得上 安妮卡的爱吗
Everyone, do you think that I'm worthy of Anika's love?
这问题我没有答案 兄弟
I don't have an answer for that, bro.
她27岁 对我痴情一片
She's 27, and she loves me.
我…
And I…
爱她
Love her.
爱她
Love her.
我们把克丽丝托叫醒吧 一起拍个抖音
Let's go wake up Krystal. Let's make a fucking TikTok.
-好啊 拍个抖音 -现在就拍
-Yeah, let's TikTok. -Right now.
-好 我超喜欢抖音 -抖音 抖啊抖
-Ooh! Yes! I love those things! -TikTok, TikTok. Tick, tick!
迪特尔 老天 迪特尔
Dieter? Oh, my God, Dieter!
你没事吧 迪特尔不对劲
Are you okay? Something's wrong with Dieter!
好的 等一下 怎么回事 迪特尔 醒醒
Okay, wait. What's up? Dieter, wake up, man.
-好的 我去叫人帮忙 -好的 天啊 迪特尔
-All right, I'm gonna go get help. -Okay. Oh, my God, Dieter.
天啊 怎么回事
-Oh, my God, what is happening?
他嗑药太多了 我觉得他起不良反应了
He took a lot of drugs. I think he's having a bad reaction.
好 我们需要清理他的气道
Okay, what we need to do is clear his airway.