泡泡剧组（2022）

（在新千年的曙光初露之际）
（史上第23大动作系列电影诞生了）
（《悬崖野兽》）
（《悬崖野兽》：重新灭绝 复仇的新种族）
（《悬崖野兽3：海洋保育组织》）
（《悬崖野兽4：北♥京♥野兽》）
（月亮不属于我们了 《悬崖野兽5：浴血太空 》）
（疫情早期）
（世界面临着新电影 和电视内容的极度短缺）
（这是《悬崖野兽6》的制♥作♥故事）
（也是那些英勇抗争 分散人类注意力的勇士们的故事）
冈瑟 博拉
Gunther, Bola,
谢谢你们加入我们的泡泡剧组
thank you for joining us here in our bubble.
作为这部电影的制片人 以下是我对你们的期望
As the producer on this movie, here's what I expect from you.
演员是动物
-Actors are animals.
你们是管理动物的人员
You are animal handlers.
有时 他们想跟你们玩
Sometimes, they wanna play with you.
有时 他们会把你们的蛋蛋扯下来
Sometimes, they'll rip your balls off.
别信他们的任何话 他们都是骗子
Don't listen to anything they say. They're liars.
他们就是以说谎谋生的 这是他们的真实工作 好吗
They literally lie for a living. That's their literal job, yeah?
别跟他们寻欢作乐
Don't party with them.
别把他们累坏了
Don't tire them out.
别跟他们上♥床♥
Don't fuck them.
我不会的
I won't.
要不停地告诉他们 他们在电影里演得很棒
Always tell them they're fantastic in the movie.
他们都是极其没有安全感的人 需要持续的表扬
They're very insecure people. They need constant praise.
要让他们感觉良好 别把他们累坏了 别跟他们上♥床♥
Make them feel good. Don't tire them out. Don't fuck them. Don't fuck them.
-就这样 -就这样
-That's it. -That's it.
有问题吗
Any questions?
要是我们成了好朋友呢
Um… Yeah, like, what if we become proper friends?
-不可能 -不会吗
-You won't. -No?
不会
No.
如果他们对我吐露真心
What if they confide in you
跟我说了没对别人讲过的秘密呢
and tell you something they've not told anybody else?
给我打电♥话♥ 告诉我他们说了什么
Call me, tell me what they said.
-假如他们说“不能告诉加文”呢 -不会的
-What if they say, "Don't tell Gavin"? -No!
-不会的 -这里是泡泡剧组
-No. -This is the bubble.
庇护所
The sanctuary!
这是他们唯一安全的地方 所以你们才没戴口罩
It's the only place they're safe! That's why you're not wearing masks.
你不明白吗
Don't you get it?
-嗨 -嘿
-Hi! -Hey!
-你好吗 -很高兴见到你
-How are you? -So good to see you!
-想象一下… -好的 可以
-Well, imagine… -Okay, yes.
-假想拥抱 -哇 你气色真好
-Fake hug. -Oh, wow. You look fantastic!
谢谢 我一直在锻炼 这是我保持理智的唯一方法
Thanks. Been exercising a lot. It's the only thing keeping me sane.
你看起来既理智又美丽 还有…
Well, you look sane and gorgeous, and, uh…
-你想不想拍《悬崖野兽6》 -我现在不能离开男友
-What do you think about Cliff Beasts 6? -I can't leave my boyfriend right now.
他非常神经质 他这段时间就像惊弓之鸟一样
He is very neurotic, and this whole time is just very triggering for him.
好吧 那你带他进组如何
Huh. Okay. What if you brought him?
-不行 他不肯旅行 -是因为疫情吗
-He won't travel. -Because of the pandemic?
不是 他坐不了飞机 他也不想找工作
No, he just won't fly. He also refuses to get a job.
我现在有很多演员客户 在泡泡剧组工作 他们很是开心
I have a lot of clients working in bubbles right now, and they're having a blast.
和那些家伙共事不会轻松
It won't be comfortable working with them.
他们都恨我没拍《悬崖野兽5》 我没法和他们一起在泡泡待三个月
They hate me for not doing Cliff Beasts 5. I can't bubble with them for three months.
我就跟你说实话了 好吗
I'm gonna level with you.
演完上部电影《耶路撒冷崛起》后 你需要强势复出
You need a rebound after your last film, Jerusalem Rising.
你也看到那些影评了
-Mm-hmm. -You saw the reviews.
-我从来不读自己的影评 -稍等
-I never read my reviews. -Hang on a sec.
-可以别这样吗 -你听着就好 好吗
-Can you not read those? -Just listen, okay?
“《耶路撒冷崛起》成功地 同时冒犯到了巴勒斯坦人和犹太人”
"Jerusalem Rising manages to offend both Palestinians and Jews."
只是一条评论而已 是剧本的错 又不是我的错
That's one review. And it was the script. It wasn't my fault.
《猫》遭到炮轰时 他们没有责怪安德鲁洛伊德韦伯
When Cats bombed, they didn't blame Andrew Lloyd Webber.
他们只会说 “朱迪丹奇把《猫》给毁了”
They just said, "Judi Dench fucked Cats."
好吧 但当初是你告诉我
Okay, but you were the one who told me
我可以演以色列和巴勒斯坦混血
I could play half-Israeli and half-Palestinian
哪怕这两种血统我都没有
when I'm neither.
我知道你们几千年来一直都是死敌
I know you've been fighting for thousands of years,
但是今晚 我们必须联合起来 共同对抗外星人
but tonight, we must join forces to fight the aliens.
我的演艺生涯完了吗
Is my career dead?
参演这部电影就不会
Not if you make this movie.
那里安全吗
And it's safe?
现在全世界最安全的地方 就是电影片场
The safest place in the world right now is a film set.
剧本真的很好吗
The script is actually good?
我都为之落泪了
It made me cry.
你的表情像是要说同意
Oh, you're making the face like you're gonna say yes.
天啊 乔希一定会彻底精神崩溃
Oh, my God, Josh is gonna have a full nervous breakdown.
那我参演 好吗
I can do this, right?
我会低调行事 不掺和狗血
I'll keep my head down, not get pulled into the drama,
拍完就拍屁♥股♥走人
and just do my job and get out.
好的 我加入 安排我进泡泡剧组吧
All right. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, put me in the bubble.
（第一日）
（欢迎来到伦敦希思罗机场）
-嗨 -嘿 卡罗尔 你好啊 大影星
-Hi! -Carol. What's up, movie star?
这也太疯狂了 你确定会没事吗
This is so crazy. You sure you're gonna be okay?
没事 我只是很担心会感染病毒 但是…
Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm just worried about catching the virus, but…
你要经常给我打电♥话♥
Well, just call me regularly.
其实 我最近听说兽医 要开始治疗人类了
Actually, I just heard that veterinarians are gonna start treating people,
所以 这应该能帮到忙
so that'll help.
对 只是三个月而已 我们可以的
Yeah, and it's only three months. Three months! We can do this!
等等 有人想给你打招呼
Oh, wait! Somebody wants to say hi!
好的
Okay.
看看是谁
Look who it is!
我好想你 妈妈
I miss you so much, Mommy.
我还不是你妈妈 莱拉
Aw. I'm not your mommy yet, Leila,
但总有一天我会成为你继母 那就太好了
but I will be your stepmom one day. It'll be the best!
-爸爸说你丢下我们不管 -什么
-Daddy said you left us for dead. -Oh, what?
-不要忘记我们 再见 -再见
-Don't forget about us! Bye! -Bye!
-嘿 很高兴见到你 -你好 我是皮帕 制片协调员
-Hey! Nice to meet you! -Hiya! I'm Pippa, production coordinator.
来碰个肘 欢迎来到克利夫顿酒店
Oh. Shall we? Welcome to Clifton House.
-哇 好漂亮 -对吧
-This is amazing. -I know, right?
卡罗尔 我们很高兴你能过来
-Carol, we're so excited you're here!
我很高兴能开始拍摄了
-I'm so excited to get started!
哇 你气色好极了
-Wow! You look great.
-谢谢 -你要先做个新冠核酸检测
-Oh, thank you. -Now, you just have to do a COVID test.
好的
-Okay.
我很喜欢你
-I'm such a big fan.
谢谢
-Thank you.
要捅一下鼻子
And in your nose.
好的
Okay.
准备好了吗 100
Ready? One hundred.
99
Ninety-nine.
98
-Ninety-eight.
我开玩笑的
-I'm only joking.
-天啊 你真坏 -再见 朋友
-Oh, my God! You're the worst! -See you in a bit. Bye, friend.
再见
Bye. Whoo! Yeah.
隔离是怎样的
Um, so how does the quarantining work?
就是短短的14天 我们会精心照顾你
It's a quick 14 days. We pamper you.
等着看我们把你的房♥间 布置成了什么样吧
Wait till you see what we've done to your room.
-目前你的房♥间是最好的 -我好开心
-You have the best room by far. -I love that.
-你好 -博拉
-Ah! Bola! -Hello.
这位是博拉 我们的健康专家 博拉 你都有什么职责
This is Bola, our wellness specialist. Bola, how would you describe yourself?
安全起见 我们的员工不多 所以所有事都由我来做
Uh, well, due to safety, we don't have a lot of staff, so I get to do everything.
也就是说 如果你需要私人教练的话 就找博拉
Which means if you need a personal trainer, Bola.
如果你需要瑜伽老师 就找博拉
If you need a yoga teacher, Bola.
如果你需要找人打乒乓球 就找博拉 如果你需要按♥摩♥师
If you need a ping-pong opponent, Bola. If you need a masseuse?
-就找博拉 -没错 小姑娘
-Bola! -That's it, baby girl.
房♥间里能抽大♥麻♥吗 我忘带可食用的了
We allowed to smoke weed in the room? I forgot to bring my edibles.
天啊 豪伊 你好吗
Oh, my God! Howie, how are you?
-卡罗尔 快过来 我的宝贝 -停下 好了 停下
-Carol, come here, my love! -Stop! That's it. Stop it!
-快走 -搞什么
-Off you go. -What the fuck is going on?
-兄弟 帮帮我 -豪伊
-Brother, help me! -Howie?
两周以后 你想抱谁都可以
Give it two weeks, and you'll have all the hugs you need.
这里是接待区
Reception area.
好美啊
Now, this is beautiful.
当然了 顶尖人才就该得到顶尖的待遇
Of course! Top of the line for top-of-the-line talent.
到了
There you are.
太棒了