爸爸的好儿子（2012）

Good buddy, he'll be fine.
我们把查得送回去了 毫发无损
Yeah, so we got Chad all tucked in, safe and sound.
我没听说过他会醉倒的
I never heard of him passing out drunk before.
是啊 太疯狂了
Yeah, it was crazy.
仿佛前一秒他还是好好的清醒着
It was like, one second, he was with us, totally awake.
下一秒 他的脸就朝地
Next thing you know, he's face down,
满天星了
birds a-chirpin'.
你觉得怎样?
What do you think?
太惊艳了
You look amazing.
等下!婚前看到你的婚纱
Oh, wait! Isn't it bad luck
会不会不吉利啊?
for me to see the dress before the wedding, though?
这是价值一万两千美元的王薇薇婚纱
This is a $12,000 Vera Wang dress.
我想什么时候穿就什么时候穿
I'm gonna wear it whenever I want.
你就是穿十二美元的王翠花婚纱也很性感
You'd look hot in a $12 Wang Chung dress.
听起来像东尼的口气
That sounds like a line Donny would say.
是啊 他还会说
Yeah, except he'd say,
你穿着这个王什么什么的婚纱太他妈火♥辣♥了
"You'd look friggin' hot in a Wang Dang Sweet Poontang dress. "
我就觉得他像住拖车公园的那种人 你懂吗?
Just think he's, like, trailer park-y or something, you know?
是啊
Yeah.
也难怪他儿子会跑掉了
That's probably why his son ran off.
他的什么?什么?谁?他儿子怎么了...
His what? What? Who? His son about...
他说什么了?
What'd he say?
你听说什么了吗?
What did you hear?
他有说什么没?
Did he say something?
你就看一下这书的第一页嘛
Just look at the first page of that book
他每个人都给送了
he's been handing out to everyone.
他这么做了?不要啊
He has? What? No.
班里的头儿?
Head in the Class?
他说就像是班里的头
He said it's like Head of the Class,
不过只是拿来口♥交♥用的
only with blowjobs.
好恶心哦
It's gross.
是啊 很恶心的 口♥交♥很恶心
Yeah, it's gross. Blowjobs are gross.
我们才不要做这个
We don't do those.
亲爱的洁米 我知道只要你一个小眼神
"Dear Jamie, I know you'll make Todd very happy
托德就会很开心
"if you bleach your little brown eye. "
哦 不 不是这里
Oh, no, not this part.
真感人
Wow, that's sad.
我居然被奇怪地感动了
That weirdly got me.
我不知道我为什么感动 但我就是感动了
I don't know why it got me, but it just got me.
我现在可以抱抱你吗 或者...
Can I get a hug right now, or...
不行 不行!不能把婚纱弄皱了
No, no, no, no! We can't wrinkle the dress.
嘿 如果你不想弄皱它
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
那我们就脱掉它吧?
may I suggest we just remove it?
你吃了两片阿普唑仓?
Did you take two Xanax?
事实上吃了三片
I actually took three Xanax.
你也知道阿普唑仓让我
And you know that the Xanax makes me
变得淫呀么荡
"H" to the "O" to the "R" To the "N" to the "Y"
淫♥荡♥地对待我的未婚妻
So horny for my fiancée
不行!放开!
No! Down.
我不喜欢有家人一起在家时做♥爱♥
I don't want to have sex with my family in the house.
我知道
No, I know.
我也不喜欢和家人一起时做♥爱♥
I don't want to have sex with your family, either.
在家里
In the house.
说出来真奇怪
Came out weird.
也许这是最后一次打飞机
Possibly my last night of spanking the hell out of it
没室友在旁边看着我 所以...
without having a roommate watching me, so...
这里有什么可利用的呢?
What do we got to work with here?
有钱人的杂♥志♥啊
Rich people magazines.
看看能有什么好料
Let's see what we got.
如果我不是经常和你丈夫参加派对的话
If I hadn't partied with her husband so many times,
我会选择你的
I would.
否则这对他太不尊重了
But it's disrespectful to him.
怎么办
I don't know.
你好啊
Hello.
老天啊 你还真是个模特啊 奶奶
Jeezum Crow, you really were a model, weren't you, Grandma?
是啊 老伍尔沃斯真会挑 不是吗
Yeah, old Mr. Woolworth really, really knew how to pick them, didn't he?
我真喜欢那件老款泳衣
I love that old-time bathing suit.
我可以带你去地下酒吧 那我们就
I could take you to the speakeasy, and we could,
我们就可以跳赤♥裸♥查尔斯登
we could do the naked Charleston.
第二天早 我就要远行去打纳粹
I have to ship out in the morning to fight the Nazis,
所以你要令我终身难忘
so you better give me something to remember.
怎么做呢?
What's that?
哦 天哪
Oh, my God.
老太太也要加入吗?
Old lady Grandma wants to get in on the action, too.
我们要让她加入吗?
Should we let her?
我想让吧!
I think we should.
哦 天哪
Oh, my God.
为什么我现在更喜欢老太太了呢?
Why do I like her better right now?
哦 你这个坏...
Oh, you bad...
你对我做了什么?
What have you done to me?
你对我做了什么?
What have you done to me?
我们再来一遍吧 给我点时间
We got to go for round two, but give me a little bit of time.
给我点时间
Give me a little bit of time.
真可爱
Oh, lovely.
太可爱了
Just lovely.
天啊
Goodness.
哦 哎哟喂
Oh, my word.
伴郎 一小时后要婚礼彩排
Best man, wedding rehearsal in an hour.
好多纸巾哟
There's so many tissues.
天哪 不要碰 好吗? 我们...
Oh, God. You know, don't touch those, okay? Let's...
好的
Okay.
我来收拾干净吧
I'm gonna just clean that up.
呃 东尼他病了
Yeah, Donny's sick.
你不要碰这些 会传染你的
You don't want to touch these 'cause you'll get sick.
他得了后鼻炎 所以...
He's got post-nasal drip, so...
纸巾都粘到我照片上了
The tissue's stuck to my picture.
给我 让我来
Here, let me.
我来帮你弄掉 弄掉了
I'll grab that from you. I got it.
哦 看 你沾上了一点纸巾做的胡子
Oh, look at that! There's a little tissue beard there.
别 别碰那个 别担心
No, don't touch it, please. Don't worry about it.
哎哟 可怜的小心肝
Oh, that poor dear.
我给他弄点新鲜的果汁
I'll just get him some nice, fresh juice.
果汁 好主意
Juice. That's a great idea.
谢谢 奶奶 谢谢
Thank you, Grandma D. Thanks.
你懂的 宝贝 如果他真的不舒服
You know, hon, if he's really under the weather,
就不该打那么多飞机啊
maybe it's best if he doesn't masturbate so much.
这是个好建议
That's good advice.
我会告诉他的 谢谢您
I'll tell him that, thank you.
好了 不要装睡了 多精男
Okay, you can stop pretending to sleep, Sir Jizz-a-lot.
这小老太早就知道我在对她打飞机 是吧?
The old broad knew I was whacking to her the whole time, didn't she?
太搞笑了
That's so funny.
但你的瞎扯太棒了
But your improves were awesome.
"后鼻阉" 还是什么的
"Post-nasal dick," or whatever you said.
我没法想象 你蛋蛋里怎么有那么多那东西
You know, I can't believe your balls produce that much stuff.
老兄 至少我还有蛋蛋
Dude, at least I got balls.
那是什么意思?
What's that supposed to mean?
让我先开一罐爽一下
Let me just crack open some happiness first, yeah.
我是在说查得那事
All I'm saying is the Chad thing,
昨晚他扑向你的时候
when that dude came at you last night,
你有点像车灯前的小鹿般无助
you kind of, like, looked like a deer in headlights.
你的气场就好像个娘炮似的
Your whole aura is actually that of a pussy.
或者说马屁精
Or a kiss-ass.
才没有
It is not.
有的
It is, too.
我他妈在干吗?
What the fuck am I doing?
不 我的意思是 有时候你得了解你自己
No, I'm just saying you got to stand up for yourself
伙计 她永远都不会跟你做的
every once in a while, buddy, or she's never gonna bang you.
我要告诉你 她老是跟我做的
I'll have you know, she bangs me all the time.
好吗?她做的
All right? She bangs.
她也是疯狂生活的人吗?还是...
Does she live the la vida loca, too, or...
真好笑