爸爸的好儿子（2012）

Very funny.
大家好啊
Well, good day, everyone.
神父
Father.
麦纳利神父 真感谢你今天能过来
Father McNally, thank you so much for coming out to the Cape.
是我的荣幸
My honor.
太好了
Very cool.
是啊
Oh, yes.
查得
Chad.
不要意思啊
You'll excuse me, won't you?
在教堂的时候就要表现适当的尊重
While you're in this church, you'll show the proper respect.
不要发邮件 不要发短♥信♥
No e-mailing, no texting,
不要上脸书 不要用Skype
no Facebooking, no Skyping
也不要玩愤怒的小鸟
and no Angry Birds.
啊 那太伤人了
That one hurts.
不不 我能理解
No, no. I get it.
现在都二十一世纪了
It's the 2010s.
每个人都做♥爱♥ 喝拿铁咖啡
Everyone's having sex and drinking lattes.
别这样 神父
No, Father.
但是 你们看 这是我的地盘
But, you see, this is my world.
在这里就得遵守我的规矩
We'll abide by my rules while we're here.
也许我们该从新郎父亲开始
Maybe we should start with the father of the groom.
他父亲死了
His father passed away.
被炸死的
He died in an explosion.
听起来不可能 但确实是这样
Sounds fishy, but it really happened.
真心感到遗憾 孩子
I'm truly sorry to hear that, son.
谢谢 但是没关系
Thank you, but it's fine.
他活该
He deserved it.
嗯...
So...
这什么意思?
What is that supposed to mean?
哦 我没别的意思
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.
他只是 你要知道 不是一个好爸爸
He just, you know, wasn't a great dad.
你父亲 他虐待你了?
So your father, he abused you, did he?
不 没到这个程度
No, nothing like that.
他是个杀人犯? 强♥奸♥犯?
Was he a murderer? Rapist?
不 神父 我很抱歉 我...
No. Father, I'm sorry, I...
我爸爸每天都用笤帚打我
My father beat me every day with a rake.
但我从不会像小公主一样
But you don't hear me smack-talking him
委屈地说他虐待的事
like some baby little princess.
特别在这个教堂里
Not here in the house of the Lord.
你知道吗 我听不到你在说什么
You know, I can't hear a word you're saying.
我注意到的只有你的口臭
All I can focus on is your shit breath.
我带你去看看花♥园♥吧
I'd like to show you the garden for a minute.
现在
Now, then.
好了 这样吧?我们就...
Okay, you know what? Let's just...
这老家伙力气不小
Fucking old guy's got a cannon on him.
出什么事了?
What happened?
我感觉他要发飙了
What happened is I think he's having a mini-meltdown.
是啊 他在脱衬衫呢
Yeah, he's taking his shirt off now.
哦 天哪
Oh, my God.
这个老怪物撒酒疯了
And he's pretty ripped for an old fuck,
我们现在有麻烦了
so we're in trouble right now.
这是怎么啦
What is going on here?
好啦 好啦
All right, all right.
开始了 开始了
Go time, go time.
不 看看你在做什么
No, think about what you're doing!
小心
Be careful.
他咬我
He bit me!
你看见没 这太神奇啦
Did you see that? That was amazing!
这会变得很暴♥力♥的
This could get ugly.
这神父曾经在拳击场上打死过人
The Father actually killed a guy in the ring.
所以他才当神父的
That's why he became a priest.
抬起你的手 孩子
Just keep your hands up, kid!
放倒他们
Get 'em down!
坚持下去
Hang in there, guy!
他一直在打他
He keeps punching him!
孩子 加油
Come on, guy.
这才是好小子
That's my boy!
你靠自己撂倒他了 做得好 孩子
Why, you came right back with your own shit. Nice, kid.
这是什么鬼话
What the fuck is that?
好吧 他马上要变身了
Okay, he's going to a whole other place right now.
这么着吧?你赶紧跑
You know what? Maybe just run.
快他妈的从这鬼地方逃走 快跑 快跑
Get the fuck out of here. Go, go, go, go, go.
不
No.
我才不会逃呢
I'm not gonna run.
搞定他 麦纳利神父
Finish him, Father McNally!
快搞定他
Finish him!
哈 他像一麻袋土豆一样倒下啦
Geez. He went down like a sack of potatoes, huh?
你什么毛病啊?
What is the matter with you?
你要知道 我们和神父相识了三十年了
You know, we've known Father McNally for 30 years.
- 三十年了 三十年 - 整整三十年
- Thirty years! Thirty years. - Thirty years.
我真应该拧下你的脑袋
I ought to rip off your head!
杰罗
Gerald!
对不起
I'm sorry.
托德 说对不起也不能让你逃过煎熬
Sorry's not gonna keep you from burning in hell, Todd.
喂 这全是我的错
Hey, this is all my fault.
我不应该用瓶子去打那个家伙
I shouldn't have hit the guy with the bottle.
我就像个傻冒一样
I'm, like, a moron over here.
不 东尼 我不会让你承担责备的
No, now, Donny, I will not let you take the blame for this.
你必须这么做 你又救了他一命
You had to do it. You saved his life again.
而且 你救他的时候很性感哦
And you looked very sexy doing it.
为什么瓶子敲头的声音这么熟悉?
Why was the sound of that bottle so familiar?
托德 你真失败
Todd is such a loser.
你老婆来了 我们走
Here comes your girl. Here we go.
洁米 对不起 但你看
Jame, I'm sorry, but, look,
你也知道 我只是为了自保
you got to admit, I stood up for myself back there.
托德 你脑袋里装的都是石头么
Do you have fucking rocks in your head, Todd?
不
No.
好 你看看现在我们在哪里结婚
Well, where are we gonna get married now?
我们被赶出教堂了!
We got kicked out of the church!
洁米
Jame...
大家都怎么了?
What is everybody's problem?
你明明帅呆了 最帅了
You were awesome out there. You kicked ass.
你应该感到骄傲
You should be proud of yourself.
感到骄傲?
Proud of myself?
为毛啊?
For what?
我被整惨了 而且每个人都生我气
I got my ass kicked, and everyone's pissed off at me.
顺便说一句 我谢谢你慈父般的建议
And, by the way, thanks for the fatherly advice, guy.
我以后再也不听你任何话了
That's the last time I listen to you.
我要去掐死他啊
I'm gonna choke him out!
他算什么狗屁东西
He's an asshole!
我要去掐死他
I'm gonna choke him out.
我要去掐死他
I'm just gonna choke him out.
嘿 伙计们
Hey, guys, guys?
在大家都指责托德之前 我能说两句吗
Can I just say something before we all turn on Todd?
自从参加过他父亲的葬礼后
Churches freak the kid out,
教堂的一切都会让他崩溃
ever since his father's funeral.
爆♥炸♥事故以后
After the explosion,
他父亲留下的也仅仅是几块碎骨头
all that was left of his dad was, like, a kneecap
和这么点的阳♥具♥
and a little bit of nut sack.
这些本应被放到骨灰盒里
It was supposed to be a closed casket,
但当时太平间的场面有些混乱
but there was a foul-up at the mortuary,
他亲眼目睹了一只松鼠跑到棺材里
and he actually saw a squirrel
嘴里叼着他父亲那么点的阳♥具♥
run into the coffin and kind of
尖声嘶叫
squeak out of there with his dad's ball bag in his mouth.
这一场景足以震惊我们中任何人
You know, that's gonna fuck any of us up, so...
所以 其实你认识托德的父亲?
So you actually knew Todd's father?
我当然知道那家伙
Of course I knew the guy.
他帅死了 头发好得不得了
He was handsome, he had fucking great hair,
当然了 阳♥具♥也是如此
a Jedi with the chicks.
他总是跪倒在女孩们的身下
Went down on girls for a wicked long time
因为他是一个给予者