爸爸的好儿子（2012）

Oh, my God, he's my hero.
那孩子是在烧钱啊 但很会享受啊
That kid is burning through that money, but he's having a good time doing it.
那 伙计 我们怎么办?
So, guy, how'd we do?
税务局那群笨蛋怎么说?
What them fuckers at the IRS say?
呃 他们说了很多
Well, they said a lot of stuff.
但事实上是
The thing that really jumped out
- 三年监禁 - 三年?
- was "three years in prison. " - Three years?
是的 你自从94年开始就没交过税了 东尼
Yeah, you haven't paid taxes since '94, Donny.
什么...我以为他们都是自动扣的!
What... I thought they were taking it out automatically!
我跟他们说了你的想法
I told them that's what you thought,
但他们说这是他们有史以来听到的最傻的话
and they said it's the stupidest thing they ever heard.
但好消息是
But there is some good news.
如果你能在这周末前还清
If you can pay the balance off by the end of the weekend,
他们会暂缓宣判
they'll suspend the sentence.
哦 好吧 就这样办
Oh, okay, there you go.
这个数字是多少?说吧
What are we talking about? Hit me.
四万三
Forty-three thousand.
四万三
Forty-three grand?
不!
No!
别这样 东尼!
Come on, Donny!
别搞坏我的汤姆·布拉迪海报
Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster.
这是我最爱之物
It's my favorite one.
看他的下巴曲线
Look at that jaw line.
胡茬不多不少
Just the right amount of scruff.
不好意思! 我都要疯掉了
I'm sorry! I'm just freaking out here!
我没有四万三千块!
I don't got 43 grand!
瞧 嘿 好消息
Well, look, hey, good news.
周一是阵亡将士纪念日
Monday's Memorial Day,
所以你只要周二钱弄到钱就行
so you don't need to get the money till Tuesday.
太好了 那我还有时间来卖♥♥我的兰博基尼!
All right. That'll give me time to sell my diamond Lamborghini!
嘿 嘿 嘿!你想吓死我吗 天!
Hey, hey, hey! You're killing me, man!
别乱搞我这只小天才
Don't mess with the genius.
吉米 我名下就二十八美元
Jimmy, I got $28 to my name.
二十八啊? 好吧
Twenty-eight, huh? Okay.
我刚好有风险很大的内♥幕♥消息
I got a hot tip on a long shot that just might come in.
- 什么比赛 赛马? - 不是
- What is it, a horse? - No.
这有个塔比图 是个胖子
This is Tubby Tuke, fat guy.
胖子?
Fat guy?
他要跑马拉松 他的赔率是 8000:1
Gonna run the marathon. Odds on him winning are 8,000-to-1.
但这小子脚上像踩了风火轮
But this cat's got wheels on him.
我觉得他能赢 真的
I think he's gonna win, I really do.
好吧 那我压二十块给这胖子
All right, I'll put 20 on the fat fuck,
但我不能光指望这个
but I can't count on that.
这个风险很大 你自己也说了
It's a long shot, you said it yourself.
那你孩子呢?
But what about your kid?
也许他有钱
Maybe he can come up with the dough.
我们很久没说话了
We don't talk no more.
他刚满十八岁就搬出去了
He kind of moved out when he turned 18,
那是我最后一次见他
and that's the last I seen of him.
- 发生什么事了? - 我不知道
- What happened? - I don't know.
我最爱小汉·索罗了
I loved that little Han Solo more than anything in the world, too.
汉·索罗: 星球大战中反抗军同盟的将军
- 你给你孩子取名为汉·索罗? - 对啊
- You named your kid Han Solo? - Yes, sir.
汉·索罗·伯杰?
Han Solo Berger?
世界上最炫的名字 是吧?
Coolest name in the world, right?
你要不在Facebook上找找他?
Why don't you just Facebook him?
我玩不起那玩意 你以为我是亿万富翁吗?
I can't afford that shit. What am I, a billionaire?
而且 我觉得他不想被找到 不管怎样
I don't think he wants to be found, anyways.
尤其是被我找到
Especially by me.
嘿 瞧!是我们耶!
Hey, look! It's us!
- 在封面上! - 我们看起来还行吧?
- On the cover! - Don't we look great?
嗯 还行 你看起来很不错
Yeah, well, you look good.
我就像个做腹语表演的
I kind of look like a ventriloquist.
不知道 还是有点诡异 是吧?
I don't know, it's still kind of weird, right?
我是说 有我们的长相和名字
I mean, it's got our faces and our names.
似乎任何人都能发现我们了
It just seems like anyone could find us.
"发现我们"?亲爱的
"Find us"? Honey,
你今天吃阿普唑仑了吗?
did you take your Xanax today?
阿普唑仑: 抗焦虑症药物
嗯 两粒
Yeah, two.
你父母进城时 我总是多吃一倍
I always double down when your parents are in town.
你带安全感内♥裤♥了吗?
Do you have your security undies?
- 嗯 在这儿 - 很好
- Yep, right here. - Good.
就知道这让你感觉好些
I know that makes you feel better.
比随身带着紧急备用内衣到处走
There's stranger things than walking around
更奇怪的事多了去了
with an extra pair of underwear for emergencies.
听着 就一次 别这么诡异了
Look, just this once, don't be so weird.
我们将要举♥行♥最好的婚礼
We're gonna have the best wedding ever.
好
Okay.
天啊 我的生活怎么成这鬼样子了 香佩?
Holy shit. What the hell happened to my life, Champale?
东尼 亲爱的 没法子弄钱了 啊?
Don, honey, no way to come up with that money, huh?
没 我唯一擅长的就是做东尼·伯杰
No. The only thing I'm good at is being Donny Berger,
可现在没人买♥♥账了
and no one wants to pay for that anymore.
哇 东尼
Aw, Donny.
哇!
Wow!
在我脸上来!
My face is your toilet!
放尊重点 肯尼
Show some fucking respect over there, Kenny.
嘿 哇
Hey, whoa.
嘿 妈 你跳完舞后还要吃早餐吗?
Hey, Mom, did you want some breakfast after you finish your dance?
现在就给我吧 亲爱的
Give it to me now, honey.
东尼不介意 是吧 东尼?
Donny doesn't mind, do you, Donny?
天啊 这是我儿子!
Holy cow, that's my son!
谁 汉·索罗?
Who, Han Solo?
我以为你说他是个胖子呢
I thought you said he was a fatty.
不不不 他肯定减肥了
No, no, no. He must have lost the weight or something,
我向上帝保证 这真是我儿子
'cause I swear to God, that's my boy.
报上说 托德·彼得森这周日在科德角
It says, "Todd Peterson to wed Jamie Martin this Sunday
圣公会教堂 与洁米·马丁完婚
"at All Saints Church on Cape Cod. "
托德·彼得森?
Todd Peterson?
他居然改名了!
He changed his name!
为什么?
Why?
汉·索罗·伯杰有什么不好的?
What was wrong with Han Solo Berger?
这是史上最炫的名字了
It's the coolest fucking name of all time.
彼得森是金融界最年轻的
"Peterson is one of the youngest
大盘对冲基金经理之一
"large-cap hedge fund managers in the financial industry."
他比我们有钱 是吧?
He got rich on us, huh?
更令人印象深刻的是他是个孤儿
"All the more impressive considering he was orphaned
九岁时父母在一场可怕的爆♥炸♥中去世
"at age nine, when both his parents died in a horrific explosion. "
他妈的把我和他老妈都炸死了?
He fucking blew me up and his mother?
东尼 也许你儿子能在经济上帮一下你
Donny, maybe your son could help you, financially.
我不知道 这孩子都改名了
I don't know. This kid changed his name.
他根本就不想当我儿子
He doesn't even want to be a Berger anymore.
也不想跟我说话
He's not gonna want to talk to me.
刚刚是无与伦比的香佩
That was the incomparable Champale.
接下来是长相性感 无视医嘱的
And now, looking hot and ignoring doctor's orders,
大家欢迎安贝
let's welcome Amber.
她搞毛啊?
What the fuck happened to her?
去你的 肯尼
Fuck you, Kenny!
嘿 亲爱的 你怎么了
Hey, what's up, Robe-Cop?
这是你老板的住处吗?
This is where your boss lives?
其实这只是他的避暑别♥墅♥
It's actually just his summer home.
- 避暑别♥墅♥ 太屌♥了 - 爸!
- Summer home. What a dick. - Dad!
哦 我的天哪
Oh, my goodness.
托德 这里美得令人窒息!
Todd, it's just breathtaking!
嘿! 你来了
Hey! There he is.
嘿 斯皮尤先生
Hey, Mr. Spirou.
我的骄子
There's my golden boy.
过来 我的战士
Come over here, champ.
过来 快过来
Come on, get over here.
嗯 好的
Hi. Yeah.
看看你
Look at you.
看看你 多么可爱的新娘啊