爸爸的好儿子（2012）

- Come on. - It's coming to me.
我救了他一命
I saved his life.
呃 从某种意义上来说
Well, more metaphorically.
不 不 事情是这样的
No, no, no, no, no. Here's what happened.
这就像是一场铁路情谊
It was, like, one of them train track kind of deals.
我看到他站在那儿
My man over here, I see him,
不小心把肉卷掉在了铁轨上
he drops his burrito on the tracks.
我就想 "好吧 这都常有的事"
I'm like, "All right, that happens. "
可当我反应过来 他竟然跳了下去
Next thing you know, homeboy leaps down there,
想要捡回他的肉卷
and he tries to retrieve the burrito.
好吧?我看到一列火车向他驶去
Okay? I see a train whizzing at him.
我又想"这家伙快要死了 可他还没意识到"
I'm like, "This guy's about to die, and he don't know it. "
我他妈的赶紧跳了下去
I fucking leap down there myself, right,
然后轻轻推了一下他屁♥股♥
and I give him a little shove on the heinie.
"闪开 兄弟!"
"Get out of the way, buddy!"
然后呢 我突然意识到
Next thing you know, I realize
这火车快要撞上我了
this thing's going to hit me.
不过 我他妈还记得
I fucking remember, though,
我的功夫老师
I had a kung fu instructor
教过我如何收紧横膈膜
who taught me how to tighten the diaphragm,
然后我收紧肚皮
and I bring it in there.
感受火车在我身上呼啸而过
And I feel the train go by.
我紧闭着双眼
My eyes are closed.
身上的衣服都给扯掉了好吗?
Rips my shirt off my body, okay?
然后睁开眼睛
I open my eyes.
所有的女孩们都看着我 说"他在干嘛?"
I see all these chicks just kind of looking at me, going, "What is that?
那是我见过的最帅的男人了"
"That's the fucking most chiseled guy I've ever seen. "
那时我经常健身嘛
I worked out at the time.
怎样都好 那里因为我都失控了
Anyways, the place goes bananas for me,
我还给好些女孩签名了
I sign a couple of titties,
从那之后我就开始和这家伙一起玩儿了
and I started hanging out with this guy ever since.
最好的朋友 对吧? 就是这样 老弟
Best friends, right? Here you go, my boy.
我真不相信之前居然没听说过这事
I just can't believe I've never heard that story before.
你为什么不干脆再买♥♥一个肉饼呢 托德?
Why wouldn't you just get another burrito, Todd?
捡起来的不会很脏吗?
Wouldn't it be dirty?
问得好
Great questions.
这也是故事中难以置信的一点
It's one of the many things about this story that's pretty hard to believe.
那么 你要住在哪呢 东尼?
So, where are you staying, Donny?
他不会住在这里的
He's not staying.
没错
No.
我不能留下来 对 他说得对
I can't stay. Yeah, no, he's right.
呃 啐 我是说 邀请他留下来
Oh, pshaw. I mean, invite him to stay here.
你一定要留下来
You have to stay.
他是你最好的朋友 你是他最好的朋友啊
He's your best friend. You're his best friend.
我才不要打扰他俩
Sheesh, I'm not messing with her.
我是说 你是我最好的朋友嘛
I mean, you are my best friend, guy.
洁米 你可以做我的朋乳哦
And, Jamie, you can be my breast friend.
朋乳
Breast
顺便一提 老兄 你看起来棒极了
By the way, dude, you look fantastic.
你减掉了所有的肥肉 小子
You lost all the weight, homeboy.
我真想念你以前的"胸器"
I miss the titties.
你救我一命?开什么国际玩笑
You saved my life? Seriously?
什么嘛?他们都相信了
What? They ate that up.
是你自己想不出故事来
You came up with a whole lot of nothing.
顺便一提 你的旅行包不错啊
That's a nice suitcase, by the way.
什么牌子 驴牌吗?
What is that, Louis Vuitton?
这只是个大袋子
This is a Hefty bag.
你说的什么鬼话啊?
What the fuck are you talking about?
你想要什么 东尼? 钱吗?
What do you want, Donny? Money?
你听说我混得不错 所以来找我要钱?
You heard I was doing well, so you came looking for a handout?
我不想要你的钱 这样行了吧?啊?
I don't want none of your money. How is that? Okay?
我懂了 你不喜欢我
I get it. You don't like me.
我都被炸死了
I exploded.
我倒希望你被炸死了
I wish you had exploded.
那样我就再也不用看到你的蠢脸了
That way, I wouldn't have to see your stupid face anymore!
你就没有注意到
Did you happen to notice
我捏造自己身份 就是为了摆脱你
I created a whole fake life just so I could get away from you?
顺便说一下 你妈病了
Your mother's sick, by the way.
我不相信你
I don't believe you.
他们也不知道她病多久了
They don't know how long she's got.
那是什么 双节棍?
What is that, nunchucks?
我跟她说你会去监狱探望她的
I told her you would visit her up at the prison.
我有点觉得你能让你妈恢复健康
I'm kind of thinking you're the kind of guy who would pull through for Mumsie.
明白我的话吗?
Know what I'm saying?
她也会愿意为你做同样的事
She'd do the same for you.
是吗?
Really?
是啊 这周六是她手术前的
Yeah. Saturday's the last visiting day
最后一个探望日 所以...
before the big surgery, so...
那先让我搞清楚
So let me get this straight.
你想让我在我婚礼的前一天
You want me to go visit my "sick mom"
去监狱探望我那多年没来往的
that I haven't talked to in years, in prison,
"生病的妈妈"
the day before my wedding.
正确
Correct.
想得美 混♥蛋♥
Not happening, asshole.
我他妈对你做什么了
What the fuck did I do to you
让你这么恨我?
to make you hate me so much?
我他妈现在落魄得很
I am fucking baffled right now.
好吧 也许你自己不知道
Well, maybe you don't remember,
但基本上你就是世上最糟糕的父亲
but you were basically the worst parent ever.
我?我为你掏心掏肺啊 老兄
Me? I did everything for you, buddy,
我也没给过你什么亏待啊
and I never gave you an ounce of shit about nothing.
你是根本没给过我什么
You never gave me nothing.
我给过你一条蛇
I gave you a snake.
是的 然后在吃了你的安♥眠♥药♥后挂掉了
Yeah, and then it died after it ate all your Quaaludes.
那是唯一一次有人能看到眼镜蛇笑
That was the only time anybody's ever seen a king cobra laugh.
对此我很骄傲 混♥蛋♥
And I take pride in that, so fuck you.
是啊 很棒 你知道吗?
Yeah, great. You know what?
我基本上是自己长大的 东尼
I basically had to raise myself, Donny.
我从没学过怎么游泳
I never learned how to swim.
我连自行车都不会骑
I don't even know how to ride a bike.
你知道那有多丢人吗?
You know how fucking humiliating that is?
那米帝先生呢?你记得他吗?
What about Mr. Mitty? Remember him?
什么?不 他是谁?
What? No. What's that?
米帝先生 我以前经常带防热手套扮米帝先生
Mr. Mitty. I used to put an oven mitt on my hand.
每次你难过了 他总是会让你开心起来
He would cheer you up all the time when you were sad.
不要沮丧 年轻人
"Don't be upset, young man.
我是你最好的朋友
"I'm your best friend.
尽管我只是一只防热手套
"Even though I'm an oven mitt. "
不 我不记得了 好吗?
No, I don't remember that, okay?
你知道我都记得些什么吗?
You know what I do remember?
你让我开车把你从海滩载回家
You making me drive you home from the beach
因为你喝多了
'cause you got too drunk.
这很合理啊
It makes sense to me.
当一个人醉了
When somebody's hammered,
他们就让另一个人载他回家
they have another guy drive home.
我当时只有八岁啊
I was eight!
可你看起来有14岁因为你当时是个大胖子
Well, you looked 14 'cause you were such a huge fat fuck.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
你真是个混♥蛋♥
You are such an asshole.
兄弟 你现在是百万富翁了
Dude, you're a millionaire now,
而且你要跟那个辣妹结婚了
and you're marrying that hot chick.
我肯定是个相当不错的父亲 你不觉得吗?
I must have done a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?
哦 是吗? 你想要检查你做得多不错吗?
Oh, yeah? You want to check in on your pretty decent job?
哦 天呀
Oh, my God.
你是个瘾君子?谁给你货的?
You're a junkie? 'Who's your supplier?
我要灭了那混账东西
'Cause I'll smack that motherfucker around.
这是胰岛素 混♥蛋♥
It's insulin, you dick.
我有糖尿病
I'm a diabetic
因为你每天早饭都让我吃蛋糕和棒棒糖
'cause you let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.
但那是你♥他♥妈♥吵着要的呀
But that's what you fucking asked for.
是 可你应该拒绝啊