爸爸的好儿子（2012）

but I got kind of close once.
一年级的几何课上
Mrs. Weiss, freshman geometry.
我觉得她也想做
And I think she would have done it, too.
我只是不知道怎么主动
I just didn't know how to make the move.
你知道吗?我多想
You know what? I would have killed
上我八年级的生物老师 科恩老师
to bang my eighth grade biology teacher, Mrs. Cohn.
我多想用我的老二把她给解剖了
I used to dream of dissecting her with my penis.
青春期的时候 脑袋里都是些怪东西
It's so weird what goes on upstairs when you hit puberty.
我中学的时候 还偷了图书管♥理♥员♥的眼镜
I actually stole my middle school librarian's glasses
戴着手♥淫♥
to wear while I masturbated.
那都是怎么回事?
What is that about?
在我那个年代 我最讨厌
In my day, when I got into trouble,
校长用他的老二拍打我的手
the headmaster would slap your hand with his dick.
她赢了
She wins.
托德在我的隔壁和我共事一年
You know, Todd was working at the cubicle next to mine
一年又十二周又一天之前
one year,12 weeks and one day ago
他在健身房♥遇到一个叫洁米的美女
when he met a pretty girl at the gym named Jamie.
那是多少天啊 托德?
How many days is that, Todd?
运算中 史蒂
Computing, Steve.
451天
451.
应该是450天
It's actually 450.
天才之争啊
Battle of the brainiacs!
他忘了今年是闰年 我猜
Yeah, this guy forgot about leap year, I guess.
他比托德还要聪明
He's smarter than Todd!
好了 我们说了太多数字的东西了
Okay, we're talking a lot about numbers,
不过让我们把话题回到爱情上吧
but let's get back to love.
惊讶什么 天才?
What's the matter, hot stuff?
你以为你的天赋是从哪里遗传来的?
Where do you think you get it from?
你妈是数学老师
Your mother was a math teacher,
我以前可是神童
and I was pretty much a whiz kid myself.
这么点小本事
The ability to make a bong out of a Taco Bell cup
是做不了神童的 东尼
doesn't make you a whiz kid, Donny.
闰年啊 混账东西
Leap year, motherfucker.
我觉得太神奇了
I think it's kind of a magical moment.
托德的老朋友 东尼奇迹般的出现了
You know, Todd's oldest friend, Donny, miraculously appearing like this.
什么?
What?
所以我很高兴退到一边
So I am graciously going to step aside and
让东尼来做伴郎
allow Donny to take over as the best man.
让东尼来做
Give it up for Donny!
别 别 别
Oh! no no,
菲尔 你不用这样
Phil, you don't have to do that.
不要放音乐 不要 不用
No music. No, no, no, no.
停止音乐 菲尔 菲尔 你...
Kill the music. Phil, Phil, you...
你人真好 可是你没必要那样做
That's so nice of you, but you don't have to do that.
我不介意 你们两个是老朋友了
Oh, I don't mind. You two are very close.
我们是老朋友 可你跟我也很熟啊
We are. We are very close, but you and I are close, too.
好吧 我们是一起工作 但是我不觉得那叫熟
Well, we work together, but I wouldn't call us close.
我是说 我挺惊讶你叫我当伴郎的
I mean, I was actually kind of surprised when you asked me to be your best man.
搞得我都有点对不起你了
Made me feel a little sorry for you.
那倒是真的 他当时还不知道他是谁呢
That's true. He had no idea who he was.
不
No.
我接受 我想做 这是我的荣幸
I accept. I do. I love it. It's an honor.
干得好 东尼
Way to go, Donny!
这是开玩笑吗?
Are you kidding me?
你们后院里居然有个芬威球场?
You got Fenway Park in your backyard?
芬威球场: 一座著名又古老的棒球球场
我儿子加入少年棒球联盟的时候建的
I had that built when my son started Little League.
他都没用过
He never used it.
那个小浑球就会坐在房♥间里听雷鬼乐
The little douche bag just sat in his room listening to reggae.
我们脱下领带去打几个本垒打吧
Well, let's lose these ties and hit some dingers.
怎么样?来嘛
What do you say? Come on!
不 不 不 不要这样子
No, no, no. Please, don't let this be happening.
别这样 拜托
Don't let this be happening, please.
不要玩运动
No sports.
好了 同志们 我们开玩吧
All right, guys,let's see what we got out there.
千万不要打到我 千万不要打到我 千万不要
Please don't hit it to me. Please don't hit it to me. Please don't hit it to me.
接住
Get under it, kid.
笨死了
Moron.
好了 这边来两个
Here we go! Taking down two there!
好的 杰罗 开始吧 同志们
All right, Gerald, kid! Here we go, guy!
保持
Stay on it!
天哪
Oh. my God!
奶奶 怎么样?没睡着吧?亲爱的
Grandma, what's up, honey? Are you awake, sweetheart?
来了啊
Here we go.
从下面接 别怕脏
Get under it! Get dirty!
天哪?
What the fuck?
- 接到了 - 接得好 妈
- Got it. - Nice catch, Mama!
让零蛋托德接这个吧?
Let's let Todd-0 get this one, huh?
不要 我没接到没关系
Oh, no, that's okay.
托德 来嘛
Todd, come on!
别 别 给那个两岁的小孩打一个
No, no. Hit one to that two-year-old.
他还没接过
He hasn't gotten one yet.
来了 小子
Here you go, big man.
什么?
What?
别在女孩面前耍帅
Quit showing off for the girls, buddy.
她们是我的
They're mine.
来吧
Come on, now.
你来接了
You got it.
托德 你准备好了吗?
Okay, Todd, you all set, buddy?
别打中我
Don't hit it to me.
球来啦
Coming to you, homie.
天啊
Holy shit.
天哪 你还行吧?
Oh, my God. Are you all right, guy?
得了吧 你没事的
Come on. You're fine.
把球扔过来
Throw it in there, guy.
我觉得球破了
I think the ball's broken.
扔过去 托德
Throw it in, Todd.
托德 把球扔过去
Todd, throw the ball.
赶紧的 托德
Come on, Todd!
扔啊 你个娘炮 动手
Throw it, you big vagina. Do it.
托德 我们还想玩
Todd, we want to keep playing, buddy.
我们要球
We need a ball, kid.
扔过来
Just throw it.
真是个娘娘腔
Such a pussy.
扔得好
On a rope!
尼玛帅啊!
Holy fuck!
现在回到由伊安主演的
We now return to The Donny Berger Story,
东尼·伯杰故事
starring Ian Ziering.
- 嗨 - 东尼
- Yo! - Donny.
我在泡澡 等一下
I'm in a Jacuzzi. Hang on one sec.
好
Yeah.
妈的
Fucking... Here.
谁来帮我把这雪茄拿走?
Who'll take the cigar?
别走啦 东尼
Oh, no. Donny.
别让烟灭了
Keep that lit for me.
拿开这该死的墨镜
Take my fucking shades.
你想戴就戴吧
Wear them if you want.
好啊
Yeah!
好了 别挂机
All right. So, hang on.
我也想戴
I want to wear them.
我很快回来
I'll be back.
好的
All right.
天哪
My goodness!
怎么了?
Yeah, what's going on?
你猜电视上在播什么?
Guess what's on TV?
嘿 小家伙
Hey, there, little buddy.
我是米帝先生
I'm Mr. Mitty.
我会永远爱你哟
I will always love you.
什么东西 东尼·伯杰故事吗?
What is that, The Donny Berger Story?
是的
Hell, yeah.
这玩意播出你都没拿到钱吗?
Don't you get money every time that shit is shown?