爸爸的好儿子（2012）

那钱可以让你不用蹲牢子
This could be your "get out ofjail free" card.
我最后一次收到那节目的支票
Last check I got for that
是八十五美分的
was 85 cents.
汉·索罗愿意跟你去监狱里做秀吗?
Is Han Solo gonna do the show at the women's prison with you?
我还没认真跟他谈过
You know, I haven't discussed any particulars with him yet.
我现在只想试着当个好老爸
I am actually just trying to be a dad right now.
你星期二要去监狱
You're gonna go to prison on Tuesday.
不管怎么你也得弄到钱啊
You have got to get that money somehow.
肯尼 你搞什么啊?
Kenny, what the fuck?
我以为这是厕所
I thought this was a bathroom!
操你的
Fuck you!
啊
Honk!
没人能免费摸我奶♥子♥ 别跑
Oh, nobody squeezes my titty for free, honey!
好吧 祝你好运
Okay, good luck with that.
天哪 你真是个白♥痴♥
God, you're such an idiot!
托德 你已经搞砸了我的花
Todd, you already messed up my flowers!
对不起
I'm sorry.
去拿蛋糕就可以了
Just get the cake!
不要核桃的 别特么给我找借口
No walnuts! No fucking excuses!
我爱你 你爱我吗?
I love you! Do you love me?
什么啊?
What?
你弄砸了我的蛋糕
You screwed up my cake!
你弄砸了我的蛋糕
You screwed up my cake!"
什么?
What?
是我啦 我可以进来吗?
It's me, it's me. Can I come in?
当然
Yeah, sure.
怎么了?
What's up, buddy?
她在嚷什么? 你做错什么了?
What was she yelling at? What'd you do wrong?
她只是婚前压力太大而已
She's just stressed out 'cause of the wedding.
真的?
Oh, really?
你确定不是因为做♥爱♥还是别的什么?
You sure she's not stressed out about maybe sex or something?
你有没有帮她用嘴做过啊?
Have you been going down on her?
什么?
What?
我就是说
No, I'm just saying,
这些年来 我遇到的女人
a lot of times, girls I've met over the years,
如果她们生气了 或者朝我大声嚷嚷
when they've been ragging on me and yelling at me and shit,
只要我亲她们的下面 她们就会变乖
if I kiss their pussies, they kind of go,
说"你是对的 你真是个好人"
"You're right, you're a good guy. "
得了 这么私密的事情 东尼
Yeah, that's personal, Donny.
不不不 你比我了解她
Yeah,no,no. You know her better than me, fine.
好吧
So...
你穿着泳裤洗澡?
You wear a bathing suit in the shower?
你知道那样很傻吧?
You know that's fucking nuts, right?
你开什么玩笑?
Are you serious?
就因为你 我连衬衣都不敢在人前脱
I can't even take my shirt off in front of other people because of you.
因为我 我又做了什么?
Because of me. What did I do this time?
让我提醒下你做的好事
Let me jog your memory.
新街边男孩
The New Kids on the Block!
新街边男孩: 美国八十年代风靡一时的五人团体
天啊
Holy shit!
他们的头都歪了
Their heads are all warped now!
天哪
Oh. my God!
那是因为我三年级就纹上这个了
Yeah, it's 'cause I got it when I was in third grade.
我还在长身体呢
My body grew.
我很抱歉 还好啦 让我再看看
I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine. Let me see it again.
你背上有纹身
You got a back tattoo
尼玛他们的头都歪了
Their heads are fucking warped
去你的
You suck.
不要这样嘛
Come on, dude.
干嘛这么认真?
Why you getting so serious?
我也有纹身呢 我年轻时...
I still got the tattoo I got when I was...
我还是中学时 我都不在意
'When I was a teenager. And I'm fine with it, you know.
"灰机! 灰机!"
"De plane! De plane!"
"灰机"
"De plane!"
啊 我记得
Yeah, I remember it.
我还不知道那是谁呢
I still don't know who that is.
卧♥槽♥这可是...
It's fucking...
他是梦幻岛里的"灰机"男
"De plane, de plane" guy from Fantasy Island.
纹身啊
Tattoo.
我有个纹身的纹身 我觉得很好玩
I got a tattoo of Tattoo. I thought that was funny.
一点也不
Well, it's not.
别那么严肃嘛 拜托啦
Lighten up, dude. Come on.
"灰机!"
"De plane!"
别闹 东尼 别闹了
Don't. Donny, don't.
我说真的
I'm serious.
"灰机！"
"De plane!"
不要
No.
你还是怕痒嘛
You're still ticklish.
才没有 我才不怕!
No, I'm not ticklish!
不玩了
Come on, now!
胳肢鬼来了
The tickle monster.
胳肢你胳肢你
I tickle you like that.
不要啦
No.
不要了 不 不要了
Stop! No, stop it!
看看你自己
Watch yourself.
不要了啊 不要了 不
Stop it! Stop it, no!
给我啦 小汉汉
Give me that, Hansie.
为什么你的鸡鸡在我脸上?
Why is your dick in my face?
还有为什么会硬了?
And why is it kind of hard?
你们两个基佬在搞什么?
What are you two homos doing?
就是摔跤嘛
Just rasslin'.
太好了
All right.
你们面前的就是全美摔跤冠军
'Cause you're looking at an all-state fucking wrestling champion,
谁赢了跟我打
and I got the winner.
好吧 刚才是他赢了
Okay. Well, he won.
没 我没赢
No, I didn't.
是你赢了
Yeah, you did. You won.
什么?不 我没赢
What? No, I didn't.
你一定会喜欢的 兄弟 跟他打!
You're gonna love it, buddy. Wrestle him.
去吧 查得
Yeah, Chad.
不要 别
No, no.
说起来挺搞笑的
It's actually a funny story.
其实我们刚是在打胳肢战
We were having a tickle fight.
我们根本没摔跤
We weren't wrestling at all.
而且我认输了
I was losing, admittedly.
天啊 我要带点零食围观了
Aw, God, I got to start doing some crunches or something.
瞧瞧
Look at this.
哦 你不喜欢他?
Oh, you don't like him?
哦 我们都不喜欢你
Oh, we don't like you.
老兄 他在和他鸡鸡说话
He's talking to his dick, buddy.
现在他又在打它
Now he's hitting it.
哦不 干嘛要这样?
No! Why?
你得让它硬起来
You got to puff that fucker up!
啊 什么? 不要
Oh, what? No.
你没必要让它硬起来
You don't have to puff that fucker up.
我们来吧
Let's do this.
查得 我相信你是个健将...好了!
Chad, I'm sure you're very athletic... Okay!
好了!
Okay!
我拍垫投降 你赢 你赢 我拍垫了
I tap out. You win, you win. I tap out.
你喜欢搞我姐姐吗 托德?
Do you like fucking my sister, Todd?
我说 你喜欢用你肮脏恶心的手指进入她吗?
I mean, do you like sticking your dirty booger fingers in her?
哇嗷 这是要做什么?
Whoa, what was that?
我们都保持冷静好吗?
Let's all just keep our heads, okay?
我们今晚都喝多了
We've all been drinking a lot tonight.
我要弄死你...
I'm gonna skull-fuck you...
然后这就是这的结束了
And that is the end of that.
怎么了 你生我气了?
What, you're mad at me?
我怎么又成坏人了?
How am I the fucking bad guy right now?
你要用那个纹身给我臭脸吗?
You're gonna fucking give me shit with that tattoo on your back?
看看那个蠢玩意儿
Look at that stupid fucking thing.
放心啦 他没事的