爸爸的好儿子（2012）

All right, look. I came here to tell you I'm sorry
关于你妈和我的事情
about what happened with me and your mother.
那只是个意外 不会再发生了
It was an accident, and it will never happen again.
这话我都等三年了 兄弟
That's all I've been waiting for all these years, man,
就为一句简单的道歉
a simple apology.
事情都过去了
It's water under the bridge.
没什么大不了的
Don't sweat it. Holla.
等下 你是香草冰吗?
Wait, are you Vanilla Ice?
香草叔叔一直都是香草冰吗?
Was Uncle Vanny Vanilla Ice this whole time?
不然你以为我是谁?
'Who did you think I was?
谁知道啊?
I don't know,
我爸那个老穿低档裤的朋友?
a friend of my dad's that wore a lot of parachute pants?
我也想对你说实话
I want to be honest with you, too.
我和你妈没有上过床
I never did knock boots with your mother.
- 没上过? - 没上过
- No? - No.
我想她是用手隔着裤子帮我解决的
I think she whacked me off outside the pants.
- 哦 - 但我没做完
- No. - But I didn't finish.
香草 我做不下去 我不能
Vanny, I didn't finish. I couldn't.
妈呀
Mom.
你也知道我妈的确喜欢做♥爱♥
You know, she did like to fuck.
卧♥槽♥...你看他终于正常了
That's fucking... Look at him. Back to it.
去他的
Fuck, yeah.
嘿 汉·索罗 你看上去很好啊 兄弟
Hey, Han Solo, you're looking great, man.
谢谢
Thank you.
你瘦了很多嘛
You lost some weight.
不错吧
Is this kid all right?
你不再是那个胖小子了
You're not a little fat kid no more.
不再是了
No, no, no.
还记得这个吗?
Remember this one?
不要啦 不要
No,no.
我们以前经常这么做的
Yeah, we used to do this to you all the time.
还记得吗 以前的日子?
Remember, back in the day?
嘿 鸡块口袋
Hey, nugget pocket.
鸡块口袋
Nugget pockets.
不 我不是鸡块口袋
No, I'm not a nugget pocket.
怎么了 鸡块口袋
What's up, nugget pocket?
不要啦
No.
但 说真的 小冰山
No, but seriously, Iceberg,
我和这小子想跟你去玩
me and my boy got a little head start on you,
但不知道你愿不愿意陪我们啊?
but you got any desire to get wasted with us?
奉陪到死啊
More than life itself.
事实上 我也有东西让你们玩玩
In fact, I might have a little head start on you guys.
什么啊?
What?
耶
Yeah.
超级违法的
It's so illegal.
我可不想当着我孩子面做这个
I don't want to do that in front of my kid.
转过去一会儿 转过去
Turn around for a minute. Just turn around.
把这玩意儿给我
Give me that fucking shit.
搞什么?
What?
嘿 我们走吧
Hey, let's get out of here.
我什么都没干啊
I did not do that.
- 我们去找点乐子
- Let's go have some fun.
喂 你要去哪里 香草小冰冰?
Hey, where you think you're going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
我要去找夜生活了 兄弟
I'm going out for the night, man.
别啊 天 你知道我不会炸鸡块的啊!
Hell no, man! You know I don't know how to fry no damn chicken nuggets!
这可是托德·布里奇
It's Todd Bridges.
托德·布里奇: 童星出身 《小淘气》中饰演威利斯・德拉蒙德
好 好 看我的
Yeah, yeah, watch this.
你在说神马啊 威利斯?
What you talking 'bout, Willis?
你敢回来再说一次?
You come back and say that to my face,
你这假白人饶舌混♥蛋♥
you fake white rapping motherfucker!
托德 说真的 你看上去不错啊
Todd, seriously, though, you look great.
德拉蒙德先生怎么样了?
How's Mr. Drummond doing, huh?
先生...混♥蛋♥!
Mister... Fuck you!
"德拉蒙德先生 先生..."
"Mr. Drummond. Mister... "
天 我...来点什么?
Man, I... What you want?
一碗辣鸡块
Bowl of chili nuggets.
什么?
A what?
尼玛菜单上没有那玩意
You know, that shit ain't on the menu, man!
靠 居然有 尼玛的
Shit, it is. Damn it.
我溜 我溜了个溜!
Fucking skate! Just fucking skate!
伯杰帮在此!
The Berger boys are here!
来啊 小心 小心
Come on, look out! Look out, now!
搞个毛啊?
What the fuck?
喂 把帽子还我!
Hey! Give me my hat back!
- 来啊 来啊 - 还回来!
- Do it, do it! - Give it back!
今晚真特么太棒了 是吧?
Hey, it's a fucking lovely night, ain't it?
天哪!
Oh. my God!
你们群混♥蛋♥!
You fucking assholes!
喝 喝!
Go, go!
搞个...跑啊!
What the... Go!
快 快 快!
Go, go, go!
搞个毛啊?给我滚!
What the fuck? Get out of here!
天啊!
Holy shit!
他们好像挺有趣的
You know, they seem like fun guys.
我们来跳水吧!走起!
We're all gonna dive! Let's go!
你们要干嘛?
What are you doing?
天哪.
Oh. my God!
我没..我没有弄洒啤酒!
I didn't... I didn't spill my beer!
我特么最爱这个了.
I fucking love it.
- 靠! - 你个傻老二!
- Fuck! - You fucking hard-ons!
卧♥槽♥...
Fucking...
- 你要干什么? - 别 别 别 别!
- What are you doing? - No, no, no, no!
你特么不能这么做 你个白♥痴♥!
You don't fucking do that, you fucking idiot!
看看这个 你这个老二脸
Look at this, fuck face. Look at this.
看毛啊?
What the fuck?
来吧
Come on.
你个小子 我说了 脚放上去
You fucking guy. I say, take it.
我做不到
I can't.
就这么骑 继续 继续
Just go, go, go, go, go.
不 你先等等 等等
No, wait, wait.
等等 等等 停下 快停
Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop.
我改变主意了 我害怕 这个我做不来
I changed my mind. I'm scared. I don't want to do it.
噢 天啊
Oh, man.
我真不能够
I can't do it.
你在擦内♥裤♥
You're rubbing your underwear.
怎么 干嘛这么做?
What is that? Why are you doing that?
我猜又是因为我?
I suppose I'm the reason.
就是 就是 还记得一年级
Yeah. Yeah. Remember in first grade
你该接我放学回家的
when you were supposed to pick me up after school,
却让我等了5个小时吗?
you left me waiting for five hours?
我那天留堂了 小子
I had detention myself, guy.
我还能怎么做?
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
好吧 可我拉裤子了
Yeah, well, I shit in my pants.
好啦
All right.
然后我一个人走回家了
- Then I had to walk all the way home alone.
我错了
All right.
裤子上还粘着屎
With shit in my pants.
老兄 我保证 我再也不会把你忘了
Dude, I promise you, I'll never forget you again.
向上帝发誓
I swear to God.
把这破玩意扔了吧
Throw the fucking things away.
别指使我
Don't fuck with me
扔掉他们
Throw them away.
扔掉 扔掉
Throw them away. Throw them away.
扔掉这该死的内♥裤♥ 你不需要的
Get rid of the fucking underwear, you don't need that.
你可以做得更好的 老兄
You're better than that, guy.
好吧 去他的 去他的
Okay, fuck it. Okay, fuck it.
抓成一团 然后...对 没错.
Squeeze it out and fucking... Yeah.
好孩子
You're a good kid.
好啦 这事就算过去了 接着嗨
Come on, fucking hit this thing and let's get it rocking.
好了吗?好的
All right. All right?