爸爸的好儿子（2012）

Yeah, you're supposed to say no.
你要知道 我十二岁的时候竟然重四百磅
You know, I weighed 400 pounds by the time I was 12.
你知道减肥是多不容易吗?
You know how hard it was to take that weight off?
好啦 好啦
All right, all right.
我不知道我当时在做什么 没人帮我
I didn't know what I was doing. I had no one helping me.
你爷爷是个疯子 这你知道的
Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.
汉·索罗 不要这样
Han Solo, don't be like this.
我是个好人
I'm a good person.
好了 不要那样叫我 行吗?
Okay, don't call me that, all right?
现在我的名字是托德
My name's Todd now.
管你自己叫汉·索罗吧 你打扮倒像他
Call yourself Han Solo. You're dressed like him.
说得好
Good one.
我只想说 兄弟 再给我一次机会吧
I'm just saying, buddy, give me a chance.
你有艾科男士喷雾吗?
Do you have any Axe body spray?
没有 东尼 我没有艾科男士喷雾
No, Donny, I don't have any Axe body spray.
因为我他妈不是个孬种
Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.
那跟孬种有关系吗?
That's a douche bag thing?
它什么时候跟孬种扯上关系了?
When did that become a douche bag thing?
托德 客人来了 我们走吧!
Todd, the guests are arriving. Let's go!
好吧 你能放松一点儿吗?
All right, can you lighten up a little bit?
我们有聚会要参加
We got a party to attend.
好人 系上领带 行吗?
Good person, how about you put on a tie, okay?
这是个鸡尾酒会 不是快餐店开幕式
It's a cocktail party, not a Quiznos opening.
什么? 自从三岁时我母亲的葬礼
'What? I haven't worn a tie since
我就再也没系过领带
my mother's funeral when I was three.
我才不要再系领带
I'm not going to start that up again.
很好 系上领带
That's great. Put on a tie.
- 不 - 系上领带!
- No. - Put on a tie!
我永远不会出♥卖♥♥♥自己
I'll never sell out.
那我给你一百块
I'll give you 100 bucks.
领带在哪儿?
Where's the tie?
看看这里
Look at this.
洁米将要拥有这一切了
Jamie is going to have it all.
顺便一说 斯皮尤先生
By the way, Mr. Spirou,
我看过石油输出国组织的报告 我在想
I read the OPEC report, and I was thinking,
如果我们在石油问题上规避风险
if we hedge our position on oil,
我们就能够...
we could really...
如果我们卖♥♥空欧元 我们就可以...
If we were to short the euro, we could...
好啦 托德 这周末是你的婚礼
Come on, Todd. This is your wedding weekend.
你要嫁给一个真正的工作狂 你要知道
You are marrying a real workaholic. You do know that.
是啊 可你不正想要这样一个合伙人吗?
Yeah, but isn't that what you want in a partner?
说得不错嘛 这个
She's good, this one.
说得不错
She's good.
好啦 好啦
All right, all right.
我还没有做决定
I haven't made that decision yet,
但我喜欢这个孩子
but I love this kid.
你在一次爆♥炸♥中失去了你的爸爸
You lost your dad in that explosion,
而我失去了我的儿子
and I lost my son.
我以为你的儿子在韦尔当滑雪教练
I thought your son was a ski instructor in Vail.
他是个没用的流浪汉
He's a pot-smoking bum!
不像你 托德 一点儿都不像
Not like you, Todd. Oh, no.
你是那种能让父亲骄傲的孩子
You're the type of boy a father can be proud of.
是啊 我们永远都不会明白 不是吗?
Yeah, we'll never know, will we?
- 那是谁? - 我是透明人
- Who's that? - I'm not here.
那是东尼
That's Donny.
东尼过来 跟大家打个招呼
Donny, come on. Say hi to everyone.
哦 上帝 等一会儿
Oh, God, hang on.
让我摆好一下
Let me swing these free.
真高兴孩子们看到啊
Glad all the children saw that.
东尼
Donny.
这位是史蒂 斯皮尤 托德的老板
This is Steve Spirou, Todd's boss.
咋咧!
'Wassup!
这句话又流行了吗?
Is that back?
因为我一直渴望它再流行起来
Because I've been dying for that to come back.
咋咧
'Wassup!
耶!
Yeah!
这才是好小子 看看他
That's my boy! Look at him!
他绝不会是蠢驴
He ain't a tight-ass.
咋咧!
'Wassup!
- 咋咧! - 咋咧!
- 'Wassup! - 'Wassup!
- 咋咧! - 咋咧!
- 'Wassup! - 'Wassup!
- 咋咧! - 咋咧!
- 'Wassup! - 'Wassup!
咋咧!
'Wassup!
怎么了?
What's up?
切!
Boo!
你真差劲 托德
That was terrible, Todd.
于是 我看到火车驶来
So, I see the train coming,
好像有什么在控制着我
and something kind of like takes over me, you know?
- 给 阿碧盖 - 谢谢
- Here you go, Abigail. - Thank you.
然后 我决定跳下站台
And so, I decide to jump off the platform, right?
夹紧我的腿
Snaps my legs in two.
我能怎么办? 那可是二十五英尺啊
What did I expect? It was a 25-foot drop, you know?
二十五英尺?
Twenty-five feet?
我一把抓住那个肉卷
So I grab Burrito Bandito over here,
抱着他飞快地滚开
and I just roll him out of the way.
火车差一点就压碎我们的头骨了
The train missed our skulls by inches.
托德 你为什么要那样做呢?
Why would you do something like that, Todd?
我还真不知道 史蒂
You know, I really don't know, Steve.
我是说 你再买♥♥过个肉卷就好啦
I mean, why wouldn't you just buy another burrito?
是的 我知道
Yeah, no, I know.
我不知道当时在想什么
I don't know what I could have been thinking.
或许刚嗑完大♥麻♥还在恍惚中
Maybe he was high on the hashish.
东尼 再来瓶啤酒怎么样?
Hey, how about I get you another beer, huh, Donny Boy?
我最多只能喝二十瓶
Twenty's my limit.
不 不
No! No, no.
可是 东尼你要回房♥休息了吧?
But, Donny Boy has got to go to bed, though, right?
胡说八道
Oh, fiddlesnatch.
这才下午啊
It's the afternoon.
还记得你说要早点上♥床♥睡觉的吗?
Remember you told me you wanted to get to bed early?
好吧 是的
Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, no.
托德说的对
Todd's right.
天哪
Oh, my God.
你是对的 就是他
You're right, it is him.
- 你是东尼·伯杰 - 就是他
- You're Donny Berger. - It's him.
你们还记得在萨摩韦尔
Do you remember that kid
有个男孩搞大了他老师的肚子吗?
who got his teacher pregnant in Somerville?
等等 那就是你
Wait a minute, that is you.
东尼·伯杰
Donny Berger.
你不是跟你的老师生了个小孩吗?
Didn't you and your teacher have a kid?
等等 那小孩叫什么来着?
Wait a minute. What was his name?
印第安纳·琼斯 是吧?
Indiana Jones, huh?
或者别的一样炫的名字
It was something fantastic like that.
恩 汉·索罗·伯杰
Yeah, Han Solo Berger.
是的 汉·索罗 汉·索罗 他后来怎么样了?
Yeah, Han Solo, Han Solo. What ever happened to him?
他怎么样了?
What happened to him?
他后来成了个侦探
He actually became a dick.
私♥家♥侦♥探♥
A private eye, I mean.
世上最厉害也是最危险的侦探之一
One of the biggest and hairiest dicks in the world.
好吧
Okay.
听着 这听起来可能有点怪异
Hey, look, this might seem weird,
但你可以...
but do you think you would ever...
搞你老婆吗?
Bone your wife?
我当然乐意
Yeah, I mean, I'd love to.
她可是个大美人啊
She's a hot little number.
其实我只是想跟你要个签名 但...
'Well, you know, I was just going to ask you for an autograph, but...
哦哦 抱歉 是签在她的胸上还是...
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. On her tits or...
- 写在纸上就可以了 - 或者照片
- Or a piece of paper would be fine. - Yeah, or a photo.
好吧 真有意思
Okay, well, this has been fun.
可是 东尼...
But, Donny...
我不是在吹
Not to toot my own horn,
但我也曾经差点上了威斯老师