为了桑尼加油（2019）

Ugh.
好了 为圆♥满♥完成第一阶段的任务
All right, here's to the successful completion
干杯吧
of stage one.
还分阶段了
There are stages now?
这是什么 登月吗
What am I, the moon landing?
认真点 我们激起了他们的兴趣
Hey, mock not, we've piqued their interest.
现在我们要让他们无法拒绝
Now we just have to make it impossible for them to say no.
拒绝什么
Say no to what?
我又没有跟他们要什么
It's not like I'm asking them for anything.
这正是我想要的态度
That's exactly the attitude I'm looking for.
这是她真正想要的吗
Is it what she's looking for?
吃你的菜吧 跛脚男孩
Put a falafel in it, wobbly boy.
你想说什么 米奇
What're we talking about here, Mikey?
搞笑点
"Bring the Funny."
世界上最大的喜剧节
The biggest comedy festival on the planet.
我们会让你参加公开麦克风比赛
We're gonna enter you into the unsigned open mic contest.
你赢了 你就拿下了早间广播
You win this and you are breakfast radio.
哇 你说得好像很容易
Oh wow, you say it like it's such an easy thing.
很多真正会搞笑的人都会去参加的
There's actually gonna be funny people doing this.
你只需要安排好每场比赛就行了
All you need is one good routine.
三回合
It's three heats.
获胜者将在最后一晚的表演中获得一个席位
The winner gets a slot in the closing night showcase.
电视直播
Televised live.
我们不应该问她自己想不想要吗
Shouldn't we ask if it's what she wants?
名人评委
Celebrity judges.
谣言
Rumour?
巴里·汉弗莱斯
Barry Humphries.
不是吧
No way.
谁
Who?
艾德娜夫人
Only Dame Edna Everage.
澳大利亚文化偶像
An Australian cultural icon.
喜剧界的人都知道他是谁
Anyone in comedy knows who he is.
是的
Yeah.
你在哪里听到的消息
Where did you hear this?
我人脉可广了[转圈圈]
I move in circles.
那你会头晕吗
Do you get dizzy?
所以我希望你们一起
So I want you guys together
准备一个7分钟的黄金喜剧
working on seven minutes of comedy gold.
从现在起 你们两个就形影不离了
From now on, you two are inseparable.
好吗
Okay?
你怎么说
You were saying?
没什么重要的
Nothing important.
谢谢你
Thank you!
非常感谢
Thank you very much!
谁需要20个轮子
Who needs 20 wheels?
我他妈的是伊芙·克尼芙
I'm Evel fucking Knievel.
治疗
Therapy.
在生活中能阻止你
One thing in life that can stop you
不一天24小时想着食物的事情
spending 24 hours a day thinking about food.
节食 对一个有形体障碍的女孩来说
Dieting, for a girl with body image issues,
她们最终的目的是想要看起来像这样
the ultimate aim is to end up looking like this.
但要有胸部
But with boobs.
喔 我以为我们说好了
Whoa, I thought we agreed
不谈个人相关的主题的
to stay away from the personal stuff.
只有你同意了 米奇 但如果你想让我这么做
You agreed, Mikey, but if you want me to do this
你至少得让我按我的方式去做
you have to at least let me do it as me.
亲爱的 暴食症不好笑
Sweetie, bulimia is not funny.
我只是想告诉你什么管用
I'm just trying to tell you what works.
只对你管用
What works for you.
你可以靠那些肤浅的闲聊过活
You can get away the superficial chit chat
-...还有那些流行语 -嘿 我不肤浅
-and the cute catchphrases. - Hey, I'm not superficial.
我做的都是慈善电视节目
I do all the telethons.
那些东西整晚整晚得播
Those things go all night.
听着 我想做的只是...
Look, all I'm trying to do--
是塑造我来符合你的形象
Is mould me to fit your image.
好吧
Fine.
我应该在录音室待着的
Yeah, yeah, I should be at the studio.
我有事情要做
I've got stuff to do.
你知道 我不一定得选择你的
You know, I didn't have to choose you.
你明白我的意思的
I mean, you know what I mean.
是的 你是说你完全可以去选择别人
Yeah, you mean that you had better options
我应该感到幸运
and that I should feel lucky.
不
No.
我知道 米奇
And I do, Mikey.
你让我觉得很幸运能和你在一起
You make me feel lucky to be with you
就像我是个破碎的东西
like I'm this broken thing
而你是这个星球上唯一能治好我的人
and you're the only one on the planet that can fix me.
前提是我幸运的话
Maybe if I'm lucky.
我不需要这个
I don't need this.
夏洛蒂和达沃永远在一起
"Charlotte and Davo forever."
对不起 孩子们 这段关系不会成的
Sorry, kids, it was never gonna last.
达沃太喜欢吸毒了 而夏洛特太酷了[是个瘾君子]
Davo is too fond of dope and Charlotte is a dope.
也许他们还是有机会的
Maybe they do have a chance.
有人吗
Hello?
校园关门了
Campus is closed!
我的秘密泄露了
My secret's out.
我是撒旦的后代之一
I'm one of the spawn of Satan.
你在里面多久了
How long have you been in there?
从午饭时间开始
Since lunchtime.
想要吃糖吗
Want a Tic Tac?
怎么了 我有口臭吗
Why, does my breath, does it reek?
不是
No.
我没有手帕罢了
I just don't have a handkerchief.
发生了什么
What's wrong?
生活
Life.
我决定我
I decided I,
我还不如呆在那里面 痛苦地死去
I might as well stay in there and just die of misery.
或者被臭死 确实很臭
Or the stench, whichever got me first really
然后你出现了 你让我笑了
and then you came along, you made me laugh and kinda,
你打断了我的悲伤时刻
you spoiled my whole wallowing thing.
你能相信人们在这里写的那些可悲的东西吗
Can you believe the sad shit that people write up here?
这里有一个备用滚筒
There's a spare roller here.
谢谢
Thanks.
我在社交方面已经是很绝望了
I'm about as socially desperate as it gets,
但即便如此 我也不想把自己的名字写在一颗心里
but even I don't want my name in a heart
还印在厕所门上
on the back of a toilet door.
唐娜是个毛头臭丫头
"Donna is a towel-head skank."
不再是了
Not anymore.
布兰妮舔狗
"Britney sucks dogs."
不 她没有
No she does not.
看看 一下子就消除了种族间的不和谐
Look at that, just wiping out racial disharmony
和令人厌恶的兽♥性♥行为
and unsavoury bestial practises in one stroke!
这些还都是正常人写的
And these are the normal people.
对吧
I know, right?
我们怎么就成了社会弃儿呢
How did we become the social outcasts?
这不公平 对吧
It's not fair, is it?
如果世界是公平的 吃冰淇淋就能减肥了
If the world was fair,ice cream would be slimming.
如果世界是公平的
If the world was fair,
毛茸茸的小动物会穿上超级模特的外套
small furry animals would wear coats of super models.
巧克力可以治疗粉刺
And chocolate would cure pimples.
啤酒可以改善驾驶
Beer would improve driving.
神经疾病会变得非常吸引人
Neurosis would be irresistibly attractive.
嗯
Mmmm.
我想我需要辅助轮
I think I need training wheels.
你没事的
No, you're fine.
嘿 你可以带走她
Hey, why don't you take her home?
真的吗
You think?
是的
Yeah.
活在刀刃上
Live dangerously.
呃
Um.
你♥他♥妈♥在干什么