为了桑尼加油（2019）

我要告诉你一件事
I need to tell you something.
告诉我吧那就
Yeah, so tell me.
不是让你谈那首歌♥
Not why you're playing that stupid goddamn song.
好吧
Fine.
我说了住手
I said stop it, all right!
什么鬼
What the fuck?
你干嘛
What was that for?
妈的 我
Shit, man, I...
对不起
Here, I'm sorry.
说点什么
Just say something.
她回到了他身边
She went back to him.
那你期待什么呢 混♥蛋♥
Well what did you expect, you asshole?
就因为我这副模样吗
What, because I'm like this?
不
No.
因为你♥他♥妈♥跟南希·霍夫斯特一样
Because you're such a fucking Nancy Hofstetter!
什么
A what?
南希·霍夫斯特 伙计
Nancy Hofstetter, man.
她是我高中时认识的女孩
She's a girl I knew in high school.
她想让我上她 但又不想让我一下子插♥进♥去
She wanted me to fuck her but not put it in all the way.
只准轻轻触碰
Just the tip.
但那就是你
But that's you!
我不想你跟我上♥床♥
I don't want you to fuck me with any--
不是我 傻瓜
Not me, fool!
生活
Life!
你想要生活却不允许它
You want life but you won't let it in
给你那猛然而刺♥激♥的体验
in all its throbbing, meaty glory.
你想让生活操你 但只触碰一点点
You want life to fuck you but with just the tip
那是不可能的 我的朋友
and that's bullshit, my friend.
你要让生活一下子冲向你 深入地
You gotta let life stick it to you all the way, ball deep!
你要直面它会带来的痛苦
You gotta deep throat the whole fucking catastrophe,
吞下去然后微笑
swallow and smile,
因为没有最重要的那一下 生活有什么意义
because what's life without the fucking money shot?
那就只有毫无意义的前戏
It's all just meaningless foreplay
你最后还是要自己手动完成
and you end up jacking off.
孤苦伶仃
Alone.
当你遇到了某一个时刻
When you hit that point
一切都似乎变得一团糟的那个时刻
at which everything seems at its crappest...
-抱歉 -对不起
- Sorry. - Sorry.
你可能会发现
You might just find that
弄坏你的尤克里里可能是
breaking your ukulele can be the best thing
发生在你身上最好的事情
that ever happened to you.
我的错
My fault.
哦 不 我的错
Oh no, my fault.
那是什么
What was that?
我的尤克里里
My ukulele.
它本来就碎了
It was shattered already.
呀
Aw.
你的呢
Yours?
没事
I'm all good.
好吧 抱歉
Well, sorry.
这事儿经常发生
Happens to me all the time.
我也是
Yeah, same.
我叫戈多
I'm Gordo.
伊芙
Eve.
很高兴认识你 伊芙
Nice to meet you, Eve.
你正在收听米奇和桑尼为你带来的
And you are listening to all the nonstop hits
无间断最热单曲
with Mikey and Sunny
广♥告♥回来我们进入电♥话♥互动环节
and when we're back we'll be taking some calls.
今天主题是啥 米奇
What's on the agenda today, Mikey?
好吧 姑娘们 我想听听
Well, girls, I wanna hear
你们约会过的最不正常的男人
about the wrongest guy you've ever dated.
先从你开始 桑尼
Let's start with you, Sunny.
你约会过的最有毛病的人是谁
Who's your wrongest guy?
呃
Uh.
嗯
Em.
不如我们先点播首歌♥ 让我好好想想
Why don't we go to a song while I think about that?
宝贝 我们签了约就得干活
Babe, this is what we signed on for.
你的脸在上千辆公共汽车上贴着
You've got your face on a thousand buses.
哦 你只是在嫉妒我 特洛伊海伦
Oh wow, eat your heart out, Helen of Troy.
你还想要什么
What more do you want?
我不想那样
I don't want that.
我不想让你...
I don't want you to--
哦 别这样 别对我发火
Oh, come on, don't flake out on me now.
按计划走
Stick with the programme.
声音中的微笑
Smile in the voice.
他们能听到的
They can hear it, okay?
欢迎回到早间米奇桑尼秀
And we are back with Mikey and Sunny in the morning.
保持真实
Keeping it real.
首先 我们有一个来电者
First up, we have our next caller.
谢谢
Thank you.
等我们休息过后 你们一直在等待的那一刻也将到来
When we return, the moment you've all been waiting for.
有趣的饥饿游戏
The "Hunger Games" of funny.
BTF公开麦克风比赛的最终获胜者
The final winner-takes-it-all round
将带走所有的奖品
of the BTF unsigned open mic competition.
特拉维斯
Travis.
你还好吗
Aren't you doing well?
很高兴见到你 伙计
It's great to see you, man.
很高兴见到你
It's great to see you.
米奇 五分钟后开始
Mikey, on in five.
好吧 孩子们 我就不打扰你们了
All right, well I'll leave you kids to catch up.
很明显你们有很多话要说
You've got plenty to talk about, no doubt.
嘿
Hey.
我在收音机里听到你主持了
I heard you on the radio.
你觉得怎么样
What did you think?
你非得问吗
You have to ask?
收入很好
Money's good.
可不是嘛
Yeah, I bet.
好吧
Well,
祝你好运
good luck out there.
我得走了
So I've gotta go.
后台有个女孩在等我
There's a girl waiting for me backstage
带着活扳手和油枪
with a monkey wrench and a grease gun.
是的
Yeah!
女士们先生们 掌声感谢放荡的丽贝卡·塔莱
The lesbolicious Rebecca Talay, ladies and gentlemen!
没错
Yeah!
我们的下一位选手也是弯的
All right, our next contestant is also bent
但不是性方面的弯 他只是真的长弯了
but not sexually,he's just plain bent.
欢迎来到舞台上 神秘的纸袋男
Welcome to the stage,the Mysterious Bag Man.
我喜欢纸袋男 我们有很多共同点
Now I love Bag Man,we've shared a lot,
但我要警告你 他是个愤怒的年轻人
but I should warn you,he's an angry young dude
但是可以理解
and why shouldn't he be?
他得了脑瘫
He's got cerebral palsy?
而且那不仅仅是宿醉导致的
No, that's not just a bad hangover.
他刚做完一次治疗
Now, he's just come here straight from therapy.
治疗 那是什么
Therapy, what is that?
花钱请人做你的朋友吗
Is that just paying someone to be your friend?
通过治疗
With therapy,
你到底付钱是为了什么呢
what're you paying for, really?
你是花钱请人听你的问题吗
Are you paying for someone to listen to your problems
还是说你付钱是为了不必去听他们的破问题
or are you paying so you don't have to listen to theirs?
你们说呢
You tell me.
你在干什么
What do you think you're doing?
怎么 你不喜欢那些笑话吗
What, you don't like those jokes?
它们很棒
Yeah, they're great.
我知道 因为是我写的
I know because I wrote them.
是的 帮我写的 我付了你钱
Yeah, for me, I paid you actually.
尴尬了
Awkward.
那好吧
Well then,
那我想我没法做这个或这一个
I guess I can't do this one or this one
或者这一个
or this one!