为了桑尼加油（2019）

No they didn't.
别开玩笑了
Stop kidding yourself.
时尚杂♥志♥尽管明天给封面换上胖妞模特
Vogue could fill its covers with fat chicks tomorrow,
这也没法治愈一个暴食症患者
it's not gonna cure one binger.
你们想知道我是怎么变得暴食的吗
You wanna know how I became bulimic?
好吧
Okay.
抱歉
Sorry.
对不起 我想我刚刚吞了一只虫子
Sorry, I think I just swallowed a bug
但最令人不安的是
and what's really disturbing about that
这是我在这三年里第一次在别人面前
is that is the first time I've eaten in front of anyone
吃东西
in three years.
你可以吃我
You could eat me!
嗯
Um...
我可以吃的 没错
I could eat you, yes.
谢谢你 先生 我想我可以
Thank you, sir, I suppose I could.
但我完事儿后会吐的
But I'd fucking just throw up afterwards.
很好 处理得很好
It's good, it's well handled.
不坏
Not bad.
她很好
She's very good.
她自己写的材料吗
Does she write her own material?
不 我一直在帮她
No, I've been helping her.
我花了很多年
I've spent years
想让自己看起来像个芭比娃娃
trying to make myself look like a Barbie doll
直到我突然醒悟
until it hit me.
芭比娃娃这么瘦
The reason Barbie is so thin
是因为她都不能弯曲她的胳膊肘
is because she can't bend her elbows.
你有没有试过这样把食物塞进嘴里
Have you ever tried to get food in your mouth like this?
就是这样
Here we go.
噢
Oh.
然后
And...
她很棒
She's great.
世界需要各种各样的梦想
It takes all kinds of dreams
才能正常转动
to make the world go round.
白日梦 英雄梦
Pipe dreams, heroic dreams,
梦遗
wet dreams.
特拉维斯都有 他找到了一个办法
Travis had them all and he found a way
通过别人来实现自己的梦想
to live them through someone else
无需他亲自上阵
without ever showing his face.
...想成为你的朋友
Want to be your friend.
米奇告诉我们 你一直梦想要去电台工作
Mikey tells us radio's always been your dream.
那算一个梦[想] 还有一个梦则是
That and the reoccurring one
我被困在一辆正在下沉的车里
where I'm trapped in a sinking car.
这很有趣
That's funny.
-看 告诉过你吧 -你
- See, told you. - You--
-告诉过你 -不用跟我们开玩笑
- Told you. - Don't need to joke with us.
她的意思是让你别有压力
What's she saying is, no pressure.
因为我们见过各种厉害的喜剧演员 所以
All right, 'cause we've met all the great comedians, so--
没什么能让我们笑
So nothing really makes us laughing.
-哦 -好吧
- Right. - Okay.
看看我
Look at me.
再看看他
Loot at him.
实话实说
Here's the 411.
-我们爱你 -我们喜欢你
- We love you. - We like you.
你很有天赋
You've got the talent, right?
你也长得好看
You've obviously got the looks.
你有诚意
You've got the sincerity.
这在广播中很重要
So important in radio.
有很棒的材料
Got terrific material.
材料很好
The material was good.
所以我们想让你马上就去直播节目
So we're gonna have a talk about putting you on air now.
你可以成为这个节目所需要的当代人
You could be the contemporary edge this show needs.
悄悄告诉你
Between us, no one else,
我们的收视率下降了
ratings are down.
它们下降了一点
They've dipped a bit.
下降是暂时的
A dip means its temporary.
-暂时的 -好吗
- Temporary. - Okay?
我 我们 可以靠你好好赚回收视率
And I, we, can sell the shit out of you.
当然
Absolutely.
嗯
Yeah?
好啊
Yeah.
因为我看到的
Because what I'm seeing
是一张大众脸
is that face on a bus.
哇哦
Wow.
那是我的名片
That's my card.
你有名片吗
Do you have a card?
我没有
No, I don't.
我不 我不 我要名片干嘛
I don't, I don't, what would I put on it?
-你搞一张 -非常重要
- You get on it-- - It's very important.
给她一张名片
And get her a card!
电台里的每个人都有名片
Everyone in radio has a card.
你在我们的决选名单上
You're on our shortlist.
我们会考虑你的
You're on our list.
没什么好考虑的 亲爱的 你是个明星
Well you won't be, dear, you're a star.
我们拭目以待
We'll see, we'll see.
你喜欢那家伙哪一点
What do you see in that guy?
真没礼貌
Okay, rude.
你肯定能找到更出色的
I mean, you could just do so much better.
好吧
Right.
他很有趣 很有名 很帅
He is funny, famous,good looking.
不觉得我是疯子
Doesn't think I'm certifiable.
我可真是屈尊了呢
I am totally lowering my standards.
他真的很肤浅
And he's really shallow.
只是表面上
Only on the surface.
你知道电台的人到底喜欢什么吗
You know what the radio guys really liked?
不是我 是你的笑话
It wasn't me, it was your jokes.
是你的生活
Your life.
是你让它变有趣的
That you made funny.
你应该去的
You should be up there.
为什么不呢
Oh, why not?
你肯定会大火的
You'd be fucking incendiary.
有些人在幕后做得更好
Some people are better behind-the-scenes.
你真的不知道 不是吗
You really have no idea, do you?
不知道什么
About what?
你自己的才华
About you.
把丝瓜递给我
Pass me loofah?
什么鬼
What the hell?
丝瓜
The loofah.
那个大海绵似的东西
The big scrubby sponge thingy.
你有丝瓜的
You do have a loofah.
你在我的浴室里干什么
What are you doing in my bath?
没干什么坏事
Nothing nasty.
我只是在泡澡
I'm just having a spa.
和我朋友一起
With my friends.
我需要把粘糊糊的残渣洗掉
I needed to wash off the sticky residue.
什么来的
Of what?
某个梦遗留下来的东西
Of unrequited dreams.
在我的浴缸里
In my tub?
如果非要说我从昨晚学到了什么的话
Well, if there's one thing I learned from last night
那就是当你想要你没有的东西时
it's when you want something you don't have,
你就用别人的
you use someone else's.
嗨
Hi,
我是桑尼
I'm Sunny.
我既可爱又活泼
I'm cute and perky
我来帮你讲你那些有意思的笑话
and I'll say all your funny shit for you
方便你躲在幕后
so you don't have to show
不必在公众面前丑态百出
your hideously disfigured self in public.
但这对我有什么好处
But what's in it for me?
除了帮你出风头
Other than your hand up my ass.
你觉得我在利用她
You think I'm using her?
你有没有问过我想要什么
Did you ever stop to ask what I want?
呃